“How was school?” Mom asked as Paul, Hadraniel and I walked into the house. Paul gave a semi-not-so-enthusiastic thumbs up, Hadraniel just groaned and I simply shrugged. “Is that it? Jesus, you’re all teenagers.” She glanced at Hadraniel. “Jesus is real, isn’t he?”
He dropped onto the couch. “Yes, he’s bloody real. He runs a coffee shop uptown.”
Before I had a chance to ask why Jesus Christ ran a coffee shop, Mom asked me, “How was presenting yourself as Danielle for the first time?”
I shrugged again. “Brandy’s a bitch to me, but other than that, nobody seemed to think anything of me. I was just the new girl in school.”
“Kids were mean to new girls when I was in school.”
Hadraniel piped in, “Neither of you have been to school in Heaven. It would kill the lot of you.”
Paul - who had apparently gone into the kitchen and fixed himself a sandwich - laughed with a mouthful of food. “How is Heaven that bad? How does Heaven even have schools?”
“Well, Hell is a giant mall,” I said.
“A mall?” Mom asked.
“Legitimate mall. Stores and everything. Hilariously, even the Borders in Hell are closed.”
Paul gulped down a bite of his sandwich. “That is the weirdest thing you’ve said since this happened.”
Hadraniel grabbed the sandwich and chomped down on it. “Hell is a weird place now that Satan’s locked up. Demons have the run of it and they’re all bloody ridiculous. My cousin, Ziminair, works down there.”
I would have told him that I’d met Zimmy and knew exactly how ridiculous Hell was, but I was busy having my own private laugh about knowing those two were related. It briefly made me wonder how angels and demons reproduced, but I figured that wasn’t too important. At least for the time being. If what Hadraniel had said before was true, I technically was an angel, so angel reproduction may be in my future regardless.
But I put that thought out of my mind and instead walked over to the kitchen and made myself a sandwich, then made another for Paul who quickly left the room in the direction Hadraniel wasn’t standing in. “So, yeah, it was an interesting day,” I said.
Mom took my sandwich from me and took a bite out of it. “Good. The first day is always the hardest.”
I coughed out a laugh. “Yep. Now, I just need to deal with Brandy for a while, and stop feeling awkward around everybody.”
She patted me on the shoulder. “You'll get there.”
I smiled, faintly. “Yeah. Yeah, I will.”
I pulled my shirt off and dropped it in my laundry hamper. When it turned into my cloak, I smacked myself for forgetting that in the first place. I worked my jeans off and changed into a not-exactly-loose pair of shorts. I left my tank top on, though.
I crashed on my bed and breathed a sigh of exhaustion. I hadn't actually felt anything until I had time to rest. Not uncommon, but not something I liked. Regardless, one school day and one assignment down and I hadn't screwed up yet.
I reached for my phone. I hadn't taken even one second to check it since I came back, and after a second, I realized there'd be no reason to. It looked exactly like my old phone, but my old phone had been crushed along with my old body. It had all the same games, apps, contacts, even my old texts. It wasn’t my old phone, but it was at the same time. It was the weirdest feeling.
I scrolled through my contacts. So many people who knew Danny was dead, but not that he'd become Dani. I wondered if I'd even be able to tell them all. Family, probably. My real cousins, not just the one I was pretending to be. I hadn't even considered anybody other than Kevin, Mom and Paul knowing about me until now.
I sighed. I wondered how many of these contacts deleted my number after I died.
Why was I thinking about this now? Why had these thoughts crossed my mind at all? I'd been home for a day, been the new me for two days, and somehow this hadn't been a concern until now, when I was lying on my bed, looking at my phone.
Great, I was losing my mind, or something.
I got up and set my phone down on my desk. I needed to do something. I didn't know what, but something. Maybe… I should go out and do something? It'd just be me, since Kevin was out of commission, Paul hung out with his friends every Wednesday and I just did not want to take Hadraniel anywhere with me.
I grabbed my cloak and it once again changed into a hooded shirt, though this one was sleeveless. It was solid pink, though the sides were white. I slipped it on over my tank top and then slid my shoes back on. I slid my phone into my back pocket, then some money in a front pocket. My pockets were so tiny that retrieving either would be a bit of work, but not impossible.
I picked up my scythe, still in its book bag form. As if it knew what I was doing (I'll be honest, it probably did), it shifted into a form that frankly annoyed me, but I really couldn't outright avoid it: a purse. I sighed. Guess it would be better for carrying stuff, but that didn't mean I liked it. Naturally, it was a teddy bear themed purse. I really didn't understand this whole teddy bear theme, but I was stuck with it.
I slung the scythe purse over my shoulder and prepared for Dani's first trip around town.
“Why the bloody hell do you watch this shite?” Hadraniel asked as I passed Paul's room. He wasn't talking to me, though, so I assumed Paul was in the room with him. Either way, I was certain this conversation had comedy value, so I poked my head in.
Hadraniel was sitting on Paul's desk. Paul was sitting at the desk. Paul’s feet were propped up on the desk, on the opposite side of the computer from where Hadraniel was sitting. Paul was busy catching up on Supernatural, for whatever reason. I’d never much cared for that show before I died and came back to life as the grim reaper, now that I knew the afterlife and supernatural beings were real, it actually seemed redundant. Then again, he was watching the show, not me.
“What? Just because I find out angels are real means I should stop watching a show that entertains me?” Paul asked.
“It’s not that. These two hop ‘round the country fighting demons and vampires and what have you, but what do they actually accomplish?”
Paul shrugged. “Really isn’t important. They’re killing demons and shit.”
“And is that how these twat writers think we are? Spirits that inhabit human bodies?”
“Not spirits, just incorporeal beings that use humans as vessels.”
Hadraniel smacked him on the back of the head. “What the fuck do you think spirits are, you git?”
Paul sat up straight. “Look, these angels aren’t you guys, they’re… Hell, they’re assholes.”
Hadraniel laughed. “You honestly think that’s a bloody achievement? I’m an asshole!”
I clapped. “You are very right about that,” I said.
Both of them turned to look at me. “Where the hell are you going?” Paul asked.
“Out. I need something to do.”
Hadraniel hopped off the desk. “Hold on, girl. I’m coming with you.”
I groaned. “Ugh… Why?”
He put a hand on my shoulder. “Because, I’m your guardian, your watcher, and because this fucking place is going to drive me absolutely mental.” He said the last part glancing over his shoulder at Paul.
“And what if I don't want you to come?”
He took his hand off my shoulder and walked out the door. “I don't find much reason you shouldn't. It'll be at least more fun than this tripe show your brother's watching.”
Paul flipped him the bird. “Kiss my ass, Ronny.”
Hadraniel gave me an annoyed look. “I need this as much as you, I promise.”
I sighed. “Fine, then.”
“What do you humans see in malls, anyway?” Hadraniel asked as he munched on fries. So help me, eating seemed to be his favorite thing to do. I wondered if the food was better down here or something.
I shrugged as I sipped on my soda straw. “It's just a place we come to to hang out, that's all.” I grabbed a few fries and wolfed them down. “Sometimes, people stick around the arcade, or go shopping in stores. Your cousin is the architect of Hell, shouldn't this be something you already know?”
He glared at me over his cheeseburger. “Knowing and understanding are two very different concepts. And don't compare me to that twat. He's… To call him the black sheep of the family would be an understatement.”
I rolled my eyes. “Y'know, you guys in Heaven or Hell aren't really that different from humans, why do you treat us like… I dunno, second class citizens?”
He held up two fingers. “First, you're not human anymore. Second, you are like second class citizens to us.”
“Why?”
He set his burger down. “When the Boss made everything, it took him six long, painful, exhausting days. Angels were the first part of that Creation, we were… Handymen, for lack of a better term. We did as he asked and we did it promptly. No, we're really no different from you bloody meat sacks, but we were here first.
“When came time and the Boss laid down his plans to create humans, he gave us a special job, and that was watching over you and making sure you didn't cock every damn thing up. Lo and behold, you've done a fantastic job of cocking everything up anyway. There are those of us who are just a little resentful of that.”
I lightly chuckled. “So, you're just as imperfect as humans, but we're still somehow worse?”
“It's… If humans were tasked with watching over angels who squandered every bloody opportunity they had, you’d see it differently.”
“Yeah, I doubt it. I doubt there are even that many angels who think of humans as dirt the way you do.”
He took a long drink. “More than you'd think. I'm not even the worst. My father was - ”
I cut him off. “You have a father?”
“Had. He died a few years ago.”
I raised an eyebrow. “A few years ago? How old were you?”
He almost dropped his burger, for some reason. It was like the idea of that question hadn't crossed his mind. “Well… In human terms, you'd say centuries, but immortal beings - ”
“Oh my god, are you really only a teenager?”
His face turned red. “Look, girl, I don't bloody adhere to your human standards, alright?”
“You’re just a teenager, aren't you? You're just playing it up like you're centuries old!”
He sighed. “Fine, you bloody tart, I'm just a sodding teenager.”
“Holy shit, that's hilarious.”
“And don't go telling that brother of yours.”
I laughed. “Yeah, whatever.” I took a drink of soda. “So, you were talking about your dad. Was he kinda shitty with humans, too?”
He laughed through his food, which was this weird sound that somewhat resembled a gurgling noise mixed with a cough. After swallowing, he said, “I can’t even begin to tell you how much he hated you sods.”
“Geez, what did we do to him?”
“I already told you, pissin’ away all your opportunities.” He took a drink. “Dad didn’t like it if anyone wasted opportunities. Humans, angels, demons, the whole spectrum of magic.” He wiped his hands with a napkin, which honestly surprised me. “Even once chewed out the Boss.”
“You’re kidding, right?”
He shook his head. “Nope. It was bloody epic, that. The talk of Heaven for years.” He leaned back in his seat. “Look at that, we’re bonding. This is why I chose to bring myself along.”
I just sighed.
I looked at my phone and yawned. It was eight o’clock, and we needed to be home soon, but Hadraniel wouldn’t stop looking through every damn store. I coulda sworn the stereotype was the girls liked to shop, but here I was bored as fuck and he was the one who needed to look at everything. Granted, he hadn’t bought anything, he was just looking.
I leaned against a mannequin of a woman wearing a dress that was either supposed to be tye-dye or covered in splotches of paint. I’d never understood a lot of girl fashion when I was a guy, but there was something compelling me to actually try that dress on now, despite the fact that I still didn’t understand it. Was it just because I was a girl and could probably fill that dress out quite well now?
I sighed. I wasn't even sure why I was thinking about the dress, other than because I was standing by it. I was overthinking this whole thing, clearly.
“Excuse me, miss,” someone said. I turned in the direction of the voice and saw a girl my age, with wavy blonde hair and a cheery looking face. She was wearing overalls and a white tee shirt. She seemed really tan, for some reason. It took me a second to realize that her hair was dyed from black. “I was just wondering if you were going to try that on.”
Oh, she meant the dress. “Oh, no, I was just… My friend is trying on clothes, or something.”
She smiled faintly. Despite the cheeriness of her face, there was something… Off about her. She seemed distant, despite being the one to talk to me. “That's nice,” she said. She looked beyond me, at something in the distance, then she started to back away. “It was nice meeting you, Dani.” She gave a very light wave, thrn broke into a run. It was then I noticed she was wearing some weird sandals.
I returned the wave and said, “Yeah, same to you.” I turned around to see if I could see what she was looking at.
And then it hit me that she said my name.
I finally noticed Hadraniel walking up to me. His gaze was fixed in the direction the weird girl left. “What the fuck was she here for?” he asked with a noticeable growl in his voice.
I jerked a thumb back the way she went. “That weird chick?”
He turned his death glare to me. “That wasn't just some weird chick,” he said, “That was the new Thanatos.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Thanatos?”
“I'll explain when we get home. I'll need to call the Boss, too.”
“Thanatos,” God explained as he took a bite of the sandwich Mom made for him. I hadn’t expected he'd actually show up at my house at all, I just assumed this would be a phone call. “Thanatos is your Greek counterpart.” He took another bite. “Every time a new Death is chosen in Heaven, a new Thanatos is chosen in Olympus.”
I was sitting backwards at the table, hugging the back of the chair. “Okay, you're the God, but there are other pantheons?”
He nodded. “Of course. I gave my creations the power to choose for themselves, and that includes what they believe in. To that end, other belief systems needed to be created as well. The Greek, Norse, Roman, Hindu, all of them. Every pantheon exists, and co-exists. There are, at times, overlaps, and there are also occasionally counterparts. Thanatos is but one of yours.”
“Who are the others?”
He shook his head as he took another bite. “None of importance at this point in time. Generally, counterparts remain within their own jurisdiction, meaning Thanatos must have been here collecting the soul of someone who believed in the Greek gods.”
I rubbed at the back of my neck. “So, is Cthulhu real?”
“For fuck's sake…” Hadraniel said.
“What? I'm a new angel and I don't know the shit you were taught in Heaven school!”
God laughed. “Well, I see you two are working just swimmingly as a team. There are many things humans believe to be merely myth that actually exist.”
“Leprechauns?” I asked.
“No, those are fake.” He finished eating the sandwich. “From now on, Danielle, I’d suggest you keep cautious around Thanatos. She’s not particularly stable, as you may have noticed from your brief interaction with her today.”
I hugged the chair tighter. “You said she was chosen when I was, right?”
He nodded. “It’s how these things work. Whenever a new Death is chosen in Heaven, all their counterparts need to be replaced as well. The current Thanatos is just as new to her job as you are at yours.”
“Is she also a boy who was turned into a girl?”
He shrugged. “Possibly. I don’t speak to Zeus often enough to know how he chooses his gods.”
Wow. A whole bunch of pantheons of gods and the like. I wondered which other ones I’d end up meeting. For some reason, meeting Hercules sounded like fun. I wondered if he’d look like Kevin Sorbo.
God stood up. “Now, if you’ll excuse me.” He turned to Mom. “Ms. McCallum, thank you for the meal.”
Mom turned bright red. “You are very welcome, sir.”
He turned back to me. “I’m returning to Heaven. If you need to speak again, don’t hesitate to call, I’ll usually be right there, or send an archangel.”
As if on cue, somebody walked into the room. He was dressed in a snazzy suit, though he looked to be only a little older than I was. His hair was chin-length, his face hairless and relatively handsome (assuming I had any real concept of that) and his hands in his pockets.
“Ah, speak of the devil, Danielle, I’d like you to meet Sam.”
The young guy held out his hand. “Samael, if you’d prefer.”
I shook his hand either cautiously or simply in surprise. “Um… Hi… Where did you come from?”
He smirked. “Oh, I’ve been here the whole time the Boss was here. Poking around the place.” He nodded his head, for some reason. “Your lingerie is adorable, by the way.”
I felt my face turn beet red. “Were you in my underwear drawer?!”
He ignored that (as did God, I noticed) and walked over to God. “So, Boss, we ready to go?”
“Of course,” God answered. “Danielle,” he said as he turned to me, “don’t forget what I said. Thanatos is not the most stable person. Be very cautious around her.”
Honestly, I felt like I should have been cautious around this Sam asshole, since he apparently liked to wander into girls’ bedrooms and sneak peeks at their underwear. For whatever reason, this would be less creepy to me if he was at least staring at my underwear with me in it, but this guy was weird regardless.
Either way, I nodded, and God left the room. Sam, however, stayed.
“Hadraniel,” he said as he walked over to Hadraniel.
“Samael. And just what bollocks did you pull to be here?”
“Oh, I volunteered. Felt like I needed to give you a visit.”
Hadraniel snorted. “I’m sure.”
“Look, we’re good, right? You’re not still holding a grudge after that whole Sennoi thing, are you?”
Hadraniel folded his arms over his chest. “Water under the bridge.”
Sam smiled. “Good. She was way too good for you, anyway.”
The look on Hadraniel’s face darkened. “The bridge is losing some of its boards.”
Sam laughed, then slapped Hadraniel on the shoulder. “See ya some other time, Ronny.”
Sam then followed God into the next room, out of the kitchen, and the three of us (Hadraniel, Mom and me) were left alone. Hadraniel looked like he was about to grab the closest piece of wall and bite into it. Mom looked out into the hallway God and Sam had disappeared into, likely not seeing them anymore.
I stood up and walked over to the refrigerator. “So… What’s up with that there?” I asked Hadraniel.
“What?”
“You and Sam.”
He shook his head. “It doesn’t matter.”
“Who’s Sennoi?” Mom asked.
He balled his hands into fists, but I could tell he was really trying to calm himself down. “Not. Important.” He walked into the hallway. “I’m going to bed.”
