Part 2

The drive home felt so much shorter than when I had left for the facility, but that didn't mean it was fast. The three of us had plenty of time in the car for me to reluctantly catch my parents up on where I was. The most annoying thing about having car conversations is that your parents can just straight-up force you into talking. There is no way to leave the conversation since you're in a moving deathtrap going upwards of sixty miles per hour. My mom tended to be the driver which left my dad with plenty of time to poke and prod. He of course also felt it was his duty, now that he was the father to a daughter to give me another version of "the talk". I struggled to make it through without rolling my eyes, laughing my ass off, or groaning in frustration. After all the time I'd spent in therapy with Olivia, I'd learned how to deflect and answer questions without answering, but my parents were relentless.

"So, did that roommate of yours ever force you into a dress?" asked my mom with a smirk.

I took a pained deep breath before replying, "No, mom."

"Good, I still get the pleasure then." That had my dad laughing, and me bug-eyed. The romper and bra that I wore during Sarah's going away party was probably the most feminine outfit I owned. Most days it was jeans, t-shirts, and hoodies just as it had always been. I didn't even have any bras other than sports bras and the one that the gang had bought me. I was never going to mention outright to my parents, but I hadn't quite yet felt comfortable in traditional female underwear, sticking to tighter "boy-shorts" that felt like a nice in-between.

At some point in the drive, the questions let up and I took a nap. When I woke up, I recognized that we were around ten minutes out from home. Then all the excitement and relief I'd had about being home suddenly turned into anxiety and doubt.

"What's school going to be like?" I thought, "What about work?"

Over the past summer I had worked at the local big chain grocery store and I had decided to stay on during the school year. Of course that all went by the wayside once I had been diagnosed.

As we pulled onto our street my dad mentioned that my friends were bursting at the seams to meet up with me and mentioned that they would be stopping by that evening.

"THIS EVENING!?" I screamed in my head, "That's kind of important news DAD!" I had of course planned on meeting up with them soon after my return home, but not this soon. I had no time to plan or prep for how this was going to go.

We pulled into our driveway and I stepped out, glad to be on solid land again. The three of us made quick work of unloading the car and shuffling my things into my room.

As I stepped into my room I was broadsided with the sights and smells that I had been missing dearly over the last three or so months. Everything was exactly as I had left it. Now that might conjure up images of a nice tidy teenage male room, but in reality, it meant a disorganized and messy teenage male room. Clothes were strewn about, papers piled on all flat surfaces, and a variety of posters and images stuck to the walls. It was good to be home.

My parents dropped off the final box from the car and left me alone for a bit as I reoriented myself. I haphazardly pushed all the junk currently in my room to one side and unloaded all my new junk onto the other. I knew that many of my old clothes didn't fit, so I began to go through, piece by piece, and determine what I was keeping. After a few hours, I had ditched most if not all my pants, and underwear, about half of my shirts, as well as a variety of other extraneous items. My shoes still fit the same as they had before, more or less, but I did realize that some of the styles would no longer work. I tossed out the dress shoes, but I held onto most of the rest (sneakers, boots, etc.) Then I went through all the things I had brought back from the facility and put them away where my old stuff had gone.

My stomach growled and I realized that between the drive home and unpacking, I had managed to forget lunch. I glanced at my watch and was shocked to realize how close it was to dinner. I did one final tidy up and put on some slightly nicer clothes. The drive had exhausted my parents as much as it had me, and they hadn't had the luxury of napping on the drive, so naturally delivery pizza was in order. There was a knock on the door, and I ran to the door to get the food that I so desperately needed. I opened the door and nearly dropped to the ground out of shock. Instead of a pizza delivery person, Kai was standing in the door frame.

While I had instantly recognized him, I could see his face go through the steps of figuring out who I was. First, it was recognition as though he were looking at my mom, or a sister I didn't have. Then it was doubt as he realized it wasn't exactly the face of anyone he knew. Next confusion spread across his face, quickly replaced by his trademark wide smile.

"I'm back," I said anxiously. Now his smile spread, and I could feel its contagious properties spreading the smile to my face as well. He grabbed me tight and hugged me, albeit for a relatively short period of time.

"It’s you!' he said excitedly.

"It’s me," I replied.

"I saw the picture but even in real life, you look... the same," he said after really taking in my new appearance. Of all the ways I'd played this situation going in my head, never once had he said that. It was exactly the right choice of words. Once a best friend, always a best friend.

"Thanks…?" I said, "Picture?" Then I ushered him inside and we sat down at the counter in our kitchen. He gestured to my parents.

"They sent me a photo of you out cold on the way in," he said innocently. I gave the two people who had brought into this world an utter death glare.

"Hey Kai," said my dad. Kai waved and the two joked about how the Ravenwood ultimate team was already heading into preseason practices. I was glad for the second of respite and went to the door to grab the pizza from the actual delivery person this time.

I walked back in, and the smell of delicious food filled the house.

"I hope you still like pepperoni Kai," I jested.

"You're the one who's supposed to be different, not me," he teased back.

I cracked a smile and we ate casually talking about nothing until the next knock on the door. This time I looked through the keyhole to make sure I knew who it was, and I was relieved to see Sadie throwing up her hands as if to say, "What's taking so long?" I grinned and opened the door. Her expression brightened and without missing a beat, we both launched right into our extended secret handshake. Sadie fluidly launched into a hug, following the high-five that ended the handshake. She let it sit for a good long time, and I could feel the air slowly squeezing out of me. After an actual minute (which can be a really long time) she let go.

Before she could get any words out, I motioned her inside, "Kai's already here and we've got pizza. Come on."

She rolled her eyes and followed me in. Kai waved at Sadie, and then it started. They each immediately engaged in a conversation entirely about me, but without me being included.

"Look at this one!" Sadie burst out.

"I know right," Kai casually said back.

"Same sense of style."

"Yeah, but with a bit of that nerd girl angle."

"And those legs," she said giving the okay gesture.

"Not to mention the other two things..." Kai said under his breath, clearly meaning for us to hear. Immediately my arms crossed around my chest and I felt my cheeks heat up and redden.

Then Kai and Sadie broke into uncontrollable fits of laughter. There was another knock on the door and I eagerly took it as an excuse to leave the good-hearted mocking session that was taking place. By the time I opened the door and looked at who was there I realized that it could only be one person, and I wasn't prepared.

Lily was standing in my doorway as beautiful as ever. Her dark black hair was swaying in the light breeze and her olive skin was glowing in the golden setting sun. I just stood there, stunned and unable to speak.

"Hi," she said, managing a small smile.

"Hi..." I replied just as meekly. I was still frozen, all the possibilities of things to say running through my head, but none actually making their way to being said.

"You uh... You look good," she said after it was clear I was at a loss for words.

"Thanks... uh… you too." I replied back and in my head, I cringed. "You too? YOU TOO!? Of course she looks good, that's not a question!" I was struggling internally to keep myself from fainting. I gathered myself up and said, "Well the gangs all inside and we've got pizza."

"Sounds good." She said as we both made our way to the kitchen.

Sadie and Kai were still laughing from when I left, and our entrance didn't seem to be interrupting their fun.

"Hey Lil," said Kai. She cracked another smile and waved back.

This could in fact be labeled the most awkward moment of my life. I was at a loss for words… I didn't know how to stand, or where to stand. I kept fidgeting with my hands, unable to find anything to take my mind off of how unbearably awkward I was feeling. Of course, my friends being my friends always seemed to know me better than I did, and Kai made his way over to the shelf that housed the games and pulled out our copy of Catan.

"Alright, let’s see if you've lost any of your skill," said Kai, the two girls rolling their eyes at the blatant show of "alpha-doggery". It was exactly what was needed to break the tension. We played for a good two hours, each of the four of us battling it out to see who would come out on top. Much to Kai and my chagrin, Sadie was the one to reveal an extra victory point and win the game. Kai and I both looked stumped as we packed up the game. Not too long after Kai got a text from his parents asking him to return home, and Sadie figured it was around time for her to leave as well.

As Kai was headed out the door he looked back and said, "Hey Isaac. It’s good to have you back." I grinned and waved the two of them goodbye for the evening. Then I turned back and sat down at the table. My parents had already headed to bed for the evening, so it was just Lily and I sitting at the table.

"So..." she mumbled, "How was... um..."

"It was good, I guess. I mean as good as it could have been, I suppose." The awkwardness was palpable. When I thought of my time away my mind turned to Rachael. What had happened between was... Well I hadn't had time to think about how it would affect my relationship with Lily.

"Isaac?" As she said it, it struck me just how foreign the name sounded coming from her. Like it was referring to me, but not me. She continued, "I... we never got to talk about us before you left..."

I gulped. "This is it," I thought, "This is when she says it's over."

I cut her off, feeling the need to take on some part in lessening the blow. "Lily. I know that I'm different now. I don't expect you to... us to carry on the same way we did before. I understand if you're not..."

Then she cut me off, "Isaac," she said, "Seeing you go through this has been complicated for me, yes. But it helped me realize something that I... well I've accepted a part of myself I've been pushing away for a while."

I was puzzled and let her continue.

"Isaac, I still... I love you. No matter what you look like, no matter how you see yourself, no matter what."

I was cautious, "You mean--?"

She cut me off again, "I'm into guys and girls okay." Her eyes were squinting in anxious anticipation for my response.

And all of sudden, the awkwardness dynamic had flipped. All this time I had spent wondering about how she was going to break it to me that we were done, and she did the one thing I had never seen coming. Tears let free and I grabbed her tight.

"Isaac, I love you," she said tears streaming down her face as well as mine.

"I love you too," I whispered back to her.

We both were still, embraced in each others' arms. I hadn't realized how much I had missed the way she felt, how much I had really and truly missed her. Another few minutes went by and we both wiped the tears from our faces.

"How long... How long have you known?" I asked her carefully, still wiping up tears.

"Who knows," she replied, "I think for years, but only for sure since you've been gone."

"Why didn't you tell me in your letter?" I asked, still somewhat pained she'd left me in limbo.

"I... I was scared... I didn't know if I was making it up, or... I just knew when I saw you that, that nothing had changed about the way I felt."

Another round of tears rolled down my face. "Who else knows?" I asked.

"Just you," she said back. I nodded, knowing how hard something like this could be. I also knew that Lily's parents weren't always the most accepting people, so this was a really big leap she was taking.

Then I heard a ding come from my pocket and Lily did as well. We both looked at our phones and saw a text from Sadie. It read, "Three of us. 1:00. Girls day out."

Lily and I looked at each other and began to crack up.

"Damn, I've missed this," I said.

Lily smiled, "Me too."