“I’m naming him Herbert.” 

“No.”

“And she’ll be Malinda, with no reference to you, of course—”

“No.”

“And this here is Wee Mary Beth!” Wee Mary Beth squealed loudly as Patricia picked the piglet up from the ground and shoved it nose-to-snout at Linda.

Linda closed her eyes. “Do not touch me.”

“Look into her eyes, Linda,” Patricia said, her voice dropping deep. “Look into her soul and tell her you are okay with her dying.”

Linda sighed and stepped back from the piglet. “She won’t die.”

“You don’t know that! And what about her mom, or her brothers and sisters? You know, pigs slip out of these shipping trucks all of the time and then BLAM! You just think it's another deer or raccoon on the side of the road, but actually, it’s a pig.”

Linda arched an eyebrow. 

“Okay, so maybe you don’t care about roadkill as much as I do,” Patricia admitted, returning Wee Mary Beth to the ground. “But I’m not leaving them here.”

“And they’re not coming in my car,” Linda stated.

“I might have a solution,” A deep male voice rang out.

Linda and Patricia turned towards the noise and Patricia instantly fell in love. Linda was far more suspicious.

Standing in front of a black and beaten 1988 Cadillac Cimarron was a skinny man dressed in a stained green hoodie, black jeans, and black open-toed sandals. The man waves shyly towards the two women, then slumped his way closer towards them, the dust of the parking lot puffing around his exposed feet as he dragged his way over.

Patrica and Linda watched, one silent and judgemental, the other quite ready to wed, save for two conditions.

“What’s your name and are you eight-teen?” Patricia asked amidst the grunting of the pig and piglets.

“Oh sure,” the man of legal age said. “Everyone around her calls me G-zee and I’m almost twenty-three I think.”

“Why does everyone call you Gee Zee?” Linda asked.

G-zee shrugged. “Pro’lly cause it’s my name and all.”

Linda blinked. “Gee Zee is your legal name?”

“There is something in that name that inspires absolute confidence,” Patricia affirmed, stepping closer to G-zee.

“No, G-zee is my legal name,” He said to Linda, digging in his back pocket, but coming up empty-handed. “But I forgot my ID, so I guess I can’t really prove it.”

He smiled again and Patricia became irrevocable in love with him. She swore then and there that nothing should ever separate her from him. Except maybe death, but she would have to be the one to die first.

“And what is your plan for these animals?” Linda continued, pretending to ignore the rosy flush of Patricia’s face.

Greg’s head bobbed as though he were agreeing to something. “It’s a good one”

Linda waited, unamused. After a time of only the pigs making noise, Linda spoke. “What is your plan?”

“I’ll take them home!” G-zee said happily. “I’ve got a rescue farm I run for these little guys, to keep them safe from the government.”

Linda’s back stiffened. 

“Awe, that’s so sweet, you run a rescue farm!” Patricia giggled, picking up one of the piglets and leading the way back to G-zee’s car. “I guess that must take up a lot of your time, but must really be worth it since it’s a good dead and all, right?”

“Well I work at the grocery store on Wednesdays and Saturdays,” G-zee trailed after Patricia, hauling the sow with him. “Cause I like to eat.”

Patricia nodded solemnly. “A level-headed man.”

“You consider that level-headed?” Linda asked, watching from a safe distance as the rest of the piglets were herded into the G-zee’s car.

“Oh yeah,” Patricia said, fanning herself as she leaned against the car. “When you’ve seen the range of what some non-for-profits can go to like I have.”

“It’s true,” G-zee said, gently closing the car door and turning back to face the ladies. “I used to be a full-time hopeless romantic drifter, roaming the streets from dusk to dawn, searching for that which I could never find but somehow know is out there. I guess it must’ve been pigs.”

Patricia fell irrevocably in love.

“Jesus.” Linda sighed, uttering one of her first curse words.

G-zee nodded his head. “He’s pretty cool. Met Him once when I did mushrooms, but I liked the Buddha better, the guy said some super dope stuff. But the best was the aliens and they said—“

“So you’re taking the pigs to your farm?” Linda interrupted, never anxious to relive her own experiences with mushrooms.

Patricia loved talking about her time on shrooms. “Last time I did those I couldn’t get over how great music was. I was brought to tears by someone doing a warm-up or something.”

“The music was so great!” G-zee agreed with Patricia, then turned back to Linda, “Yeah, I’ll get them all settled in at Orwell’s and they can live a happy full life free as pigs should be.” 

Linda’s mouth settled firmer into its usual frown. “Is that a joke?” 

“So you’re funny?” Patricia asked, sliding over closer to G-zee.

“I think I am, but the farm’s named after some old guy who wasn’t really that funny if you ask me.”

“You can not really be that ignorant.” Linda hazarded and pulled out her cell phone that wasn’t really a cell phone.

“Linda’s right,” Patricia said, her hand brushing against G-zee’s. “How do we know we can trust you? Like, I’ve built up a big bond with Wee Mary-Beth, and her siblings, and her mom. I don’t want them to be turned into bacon because I didn’t make sure they were gonna be taken care of.”

“Oh shit,” G-zee said, his blue eyes going wide. “You’re right! And I didn’t even have my id on me or nothin. You guys want to follow me out to the farm, I can show you—“

“I’ll ride with you!” Patricia said, grabbing onto G-zee’s hand. “I’m not a shy girl, and I really gotta know who these pigs are going to, you know?”

Linda’s not-cell phone pinged “Patricia, I don’t think—“ 

“Oh come on Linda,” Patricia said, tugging G-zee. “How can you explain to Wee Mary Beth that we just let her go to some total stranger?”

Before Linda could answer, Patricia had already shoved G-zee into the car, took his keys, and shot out of the parking lot, a spinning cloud of dust the only proof that the vehicle had been there.

Linda watched as they drove towards the dusky sunset, then looked back at her not-cell phone. “He’s a murderer.”