Tejoka

This got a little philosophical towards the middle. Oh, well. We're pretty much at the end of this mini-arc now.

I stayed standing where I’d met that spirit for a few minutes, trying to see if I could still sense him and waiting for something else to happen. Finally, I determined everything was quiet, and started walking again.

I’d been turned around by the more friendly spirit’s intervention, so I didn’t know if I was walking in the right direction. Not that I had a clear goal to be walking towards, anyway. Only a feeling of which bearing I might have come from, so I headed in the opposite direction. The other spirits had retreated from the powerful one, only a few of them lingering in the distance as far as I could see. Now, they started to return, as more of them appeared out of the mist, still watching me.

I shook my head. I should have asked my enemy for his name, at least. He probably had one, although he might not have shared it with me.

A prickle in my qi senses alerted me, and I turned around just in time to see the other spirit quickly approaching, the one who’d sent me to those memories. They looked the same, although their power shone more strongly now, as if to ward against trespassers.

‘Who are you, anyway?’ I asked. ‘A servant of the Moon?’

The spirit came to a stop in front of me, cocking their head to the side. ‘Yes. I am what mortals sometimes refer to as an astral spirit. Some humans have called me Mior, in the past. You may use that name, if you wish.’

‘Then, Mior,’ I said, crossing my arms. ‘Will you tell me what the hell was up with that? Another one of your games? Letting someone who wants me dead just walk right up without so much as a warning?’

The spirit bowed their head. ‘That was not my intention. Our enemy slipped through, and I became aware of his presence too late.’

I snorted. ‘Then you stayed away out of fear, because he’s stronger than you?’

‘I do not fear,’ the spirit said, no emotion in their tone. ‘There was no point in a losing confrontation. He would not have dared to harm you here for fear of incurring the Moon’s wrath. Now, let us continue.’

Mior started walking, at a pace just quick enough that I’d have to make an effort to keep up. I sighed but started after them. I still had to awaken my bloodline or whatever and defeat the poison, and they were my best lead. At least I was fairly confident they wanted to help me.

After a few minutes of silence, I started talking again. ‘So, are you working on my father’s orders? Or just doing what you think he’d like?’

The spirit turned their head to me again, with what I imagined was an amused glint in their eyes this time. ‘So you acknowledge him as your father now? Did it help you to see the ghosts of your old family?’

I shrugged, but stayed quiet. I didn’t quite know what I thought about it. Although it might have helped me find some closure. I hope.

‘An interesting choice. I thought you’d revisit some pivotal moment of your life. Instead, domestic tranquility, not even any one real memory. One has to wonder just what sort of great leader you’re supposed to be.’

I gritted my teeth. So it had been me who’d subconsciously determined that scene? But I didn’t like their implication, especially since I had the feeling they were only trying to provoke me. ‘Are you saying I don’t have what it takes to be a great ruler?’

The spirit chuckled, raising an eyebrow. ‘The question is, do you think you will be a great ruler?’

I grunted. ‘No, the question is, what did my parents think they were doing, making a child purpose-built to be an Empress? How do you even determine how to do that? … Okay, I guess Mother probably gave criteria like ‘the most benefit and least harm for the greatest number of people’.’  I trailed off a little, shaking my head. ‘Still, that’s just …’

The spirit’s eyebrow shadows scrunched up. ‘Is that what worries you?’

‘Of course it is!’ I shouted, which felt strange since I was talking in my mind. I took a deep breath and shook my head. ‘The lives of billions of people are affected by decisions like this! It’s like … it’s a huge moral question, isn’t it?’

The spirit nodded. ‘It is.’

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. I’d been trying to avoid thinking about it too closely, but now that they’d brought it up, I couldn’t help but dwell on it.

This revelation didn’t just affect my self-image, it shook my worldview. After all, I’d been a staunch supporter of democracy. Even after my transmigration, I’d kept my fundamental philosophical views. Okay, maybe there’s a difference between abstract humanistic ideals and political philosophy, and practical concerns in this new life. But still. Now, if there’s a way to magically determine who’s most suited for leadership, should that be preferable to democracy?

After a moment, I shook my head. ‘I guess it all rests on the practical details. Presumably, there’s a limit to what they could do, since I was still Mother’s daughter. I got her DNA, and any from my father’s side had to work with that. Right?’

The spirit nodded. ‘I’m not familiar with any details, but that should be correct.’ Their tone had changed, and I got the feeling they didn’t quite know what to make of this line of conversation.

‘Then the question really boils down to whether the Moon knows what makes a good ruler and can ensure they actually are,’ I mused.

Well, the Moon was literally a higher being, and more to the point, he had to be a few thousand years old at least. If you needed someone to decide this kind of thing, he was probably a good choice. Still, what does that mean for my question?

I sighed. I just don’t know.

One question that inevitably came up in this line of thought was about my soul journey. After all, someone’s experiences determined what they’d act like as much as any innate traits. But I shook my head and shelved that thought. I didn’t think I’d get any answers here, and I should probably focus on the situation. I wouldn’t be much of anything if I died from this poison.

We continued walking in silence. I began to feel a bit tired, and my legs were starting to burn. That shouldn’t happen already, but with my qi blockaded or under attack by the poison, I clearly couldn’t rely on it to help me. I was still feeling sick, and I knew I couldn’t do strenuous physical activity. Like fighting.

‘We won’t be walking for much longer,’ Mior said.

Suddenly, I felt a bit of apprehension. ‘Have I passed your tests?’

They slowed down and turned to face me. ‘Have you learned nothing from what you’ve seen here?’

I crossed my arms. ‘You know, I can’t tell if you genuinely dislike me or are just trying to prod and challenge me.’

The spirit frowned, mirroring my gesture. ‘What reason would I have to do that?’

I shrugged. ‘You think I’d be a bad ruler? Or want me to accept it?’

‘How do you imagine you would be a good ruler?’ The spirit’s tone was challenging. ‘Look at you, Hidden Light. Sociopathic tendencies, a brilliant mind you can’t seem to make the most of, reckless impulses, almost as if you were careless with this life now that you know about reincarnation. Would you trust an Empire to yourself?’

They turned back and continued walking, while I processed this in silence for a moment, trying to figure out their goals.

‘You got me,’ I admitted with a wry smile. ‘Sociopathic tendencies? Not much I can say. A brilliant mind? Why, thank you. Impulsiveness? I’d argue that’s not an inherently bad thing for a ruler, much like sociopathic tendencies, if you control them well. I just need to grow it into decisiveness. After all, we’re talking about potential. Of course I’m not suited to ruling now.’

I paused for a moment, and considered what they’d said more deeply, trying to search my own feelings. ‘Maybe I did treat this as a game in some way, but I was reincarnated into a world straight out of stories.’ And maybe a small part of me did hope that dying might bring me back to my old life, but I wasn’t honestly sure if that was the case.

‘Aren’t you being arrogant now?’ the spirit questioned.

I considered for a moment, then shook my head. ‘No, I don’t think so. But yeah, I guess I’ve come to accept this more. I suppose I should thank you.’

The spirit smiled, and their tone was much more relaxed as they answered. ‘You are welcome. Now, we are almost there.’

I suspected I knew what they’d tried. Attacking me and getting me defensive about it, trying to verbalize positive feelings about my purpose. After all, our opinions were malleable, and, especially for things we were unsure of, could be influenced by what we actually said. If we asked ourselves what we believed, even subconsciously, prior behavior like that served as indicators.

Finally, there was some break to the endless monotony of our surroundings. The qi mist seemed to lighten, and what might have been air currents developed, moving it around. At the same time, the ground sloped upwards. I huffed and pumped my legs harder, fighting against a slight dizziness again. To our sides, the ground rose even more sharply, breaking its smoothness with bulges and cracks. The silence surrounding us retreated as our feet striking the ground thudded alongside faint whisperings of wind.

We emerged on a mountaintop. I paused, taking a deep breath as I looked at the scenery. It wasn’t the highest peak around. In fact, higher ones rose around us in many directions, although I could also look down on other mountains. The ground under my feet was gently sloped, but mostly even rock, stretching for maybe thirty meters. On the other side, there was a small area elevated even higher.

If I squinted, I could make out what might be the place I started from, down the mountain, though I wasn’t sure. But we were definitely higher up than we should be, considering my path. I hadn’t walked uphill for nearly long enough. Probably something with the spirits’ qi place.

“What now?” I asked. My voice didn’t disappear into the surroundings as much as before, although there was still a lot of qi in the air. I knew we were still within the influence of that place, at least. Maybe all of this was still part of it.

‘Now, Little Light, you need to make a choice.’ The spirit gestured to the rocky area ahead of us.

I squinted, wondering what was up. Then I noticed the qi accumulating there. After a few moments, it started to glow in my mundane vision, as well. A circle formed there, hanging over the ground, maybe two meters in diameter. Big enough for a person to walk through. It was made of swirling shadows and vines of light, but its inside filled with smoky qi. I couldn’t tell what lay beyond that, if anything.

“Looks like a portal. I don’t suppose I can choose where to go?”

The spirit gave me a stern look, impressive considering its face was so insubstantial. They released a whistling sigh. ‘You can choose to go through it and emerge in the place of your old life, your Earth.’

My thoughts came to a crashing halt. I stared at Mior for a moment, before shaking my head to try and clear it. Could I really go back?

‘How do I know you’re telling the truth?’

‘Do you really need to be sure? Wouldn’t it be a chance worth taking? What do you have to lose?’

I didn’t point out that it was obviously a test. Even just the possibility of going back should lure me in. All the practical details, like if I could get my old body back, didn’t really matter, either.

For a moment, I allowed myself to consider it. I thought about my family, my friends, everything I’d missed about Earth. But my thoughts also turned to the people I cared about in this life. Al, Tenira. Plus everything else about this world, and what we’d just discussed about myself.

“I can’t,” I said, feeling a cold shiver trace down my spine. “Even if I wanted to. That would be abandoning everything. There’s so much I could do here, so much good I could bring to these people. I have a moral duty to at least try.”

It wasn’t like I’d have problems letting other people suffer if it didn’t affect me or people I cared about, inherently. But I had morals, largely self-imposed or not. I’d never felt their weight as keenly.

The spirit nodded. ‘You are sure?’

“Yes.” I gathered some darkness qi, coaxing it out through my meridians and wrestling it into shape, before I threw it onto the portal. It started to flicker and bend, and the spirit gestured, pulling its qi apart. With a flashing light, the portal disappeared, melting back into the surroundings.

I sighed. It felt good to at least have come to a decision. I needed to accept who I am? I’m Leri Inaris, Imperial Princess. And this world better watch out.

Before I could say anything else, I felt another accumulation of qi. This one had a slightly different flavor, one that made the back of my neck prickle. I watched as qi started swirling behind where the portal had been, a few meters away from me. A presence emerged from it. The pressure of a vast power, too big to grasp and too alien to truly understand, bore down on me. But it didn’t force me to my knees or steal my breathing. Even as I felt a tingle in my qi senses sweeping over me.

The world seemed to darken, lit only by sparkles of light from the qi. Then the dark mass pulled apart a little, revealing a figure coalescing in its middle. I sucked in a breath. It was a man wearing a featureless white robe, with qi burning out from him.

He had blond hair, fair skin, and blue eyes, giving him a faint resemblance to Carston. I knew that was intentional, that this was the form my father must have taken nineteen years ago. But that was a distant thought, as I stood staring at him, transfixed.

Our eyes met for a moment that stretched into an eternity. Something in them pulled at me with the intensity of the tide. I seemed to glimpse a vastness contained in them, shadows stretching over a haze of light. At the same time, I grew aware of my qi crying out, as something started to touch it.

The Greater Spirit of the Moon, my father, inclined his head, giving me a nod. Then the shadows around us seemed to lighten, as his form faded into the surrounding qi.

But I couldn’t spare my surroundings any attention, as more qi started pressing into me. My own almost seemed to vibrate as it connected with something beyond. I gasped as I felt power flowing into me.

It took an effort of will to close my eyes and focus on my breathing, then on the qi coming in. I cycled it, guiding it through my meridians, trying not to let the powerful tide rage out of control.

It felt like I had to ride a horse grown wild, trying to hang on and guide it to stay on the road. I wasn’t the one driving this process, I could only keep up and make use of it. So I did my best. I pushed the qi into my meridians, sensing it go further and spread out through my body. I swirled it around in my core, spinning light and darkness in parallel, and cramming more qi into it. At some point, the qi rose too far to be contained, so I pushed down on it, compacted it, and let my dantian expand. I sensed a small barrier shattered by the qi flowing through me.

The flow in my channels picked up debris and pushed it out, but alongside it, I felt something else swept away by my qi. Something vile and slimy, clinging to my channels, now forced out. I coughed and hacked to expel any trace of the contamination. With it gone, more of the new qi spread through my body, sinking into every part of me, until I couldn’t distinguish it anymore. At the same time, the fire in my dantian quieted, as it settled into a stability once again, light and darkness qi spinning around each other in one smooth motion.

Finally, I opened my eyes again, blinking in disorientation. The mountaintop had changed, seeming paler and more ephemeral than before.

Mior laid a hand on my arm. ‘Come.’

Still trying to adjust to the breakthrough, I let them pull me to my feet. I closed my eyes against another surge of dizziness, stumbling a few steps forward as they pulled me.

Then, the mist of qi around us receded, showing that we stood at the foot of the peak, in a small rocky plain below the spirits’ place. The sun shone down on us brilliantly, and the air tasted fresh and clear.

I couldn’t help but grin. I was still riding the wave of qi, and I felt amazing.