tyriuth

I would just like to mention that this chapter has some mentions of suicide that may make some people uncomfortable. Please keep this in mind if it's something you struggle with, and my inbox is open if people need to talk.

My mood crashed pretty hard, and soon after I found myself in bed as well. Perhaps it was the taxing run, or the pain of the bonding process, but I just didn’t have the energy left. I told my parents when they arrived home that I’d gotten sick. They saw the beads of sweat and my hollow eyes and left me to rest. Occasionally I would wake, the pain spiking. Once, a bowl of soup left on my desk, which I gladly ate before falling back to sleep. Rar’ir was quiet through the weekend. I found that I missed his voice.

Waking was a strange feeling. I could hear noise outside, maybe birds? It seemed far away. My body was moving on its own. Not much, just wiggling of toes and flexing of fingers, like someone testing the limbs.

Are you there? I thought, hoping to get a response.

Ah, yes. You have awoken. I felt the world snap back into focus. I was getting used to this new body.

That’s going to take some getting used to. Shrugging off the blankets, I got out of bed and pulled on some clothes. Nothing fancy, same old jeans and a shirt that I usually wore. Gingerly, I reached around to the back of my neck to see what it felt like. Gone was the damp, sluglike texture, in its place was something akin to the rest of my skin. They definitely still stood out, a raised off-colour mass. It might look something like a bruise to a casual viewer.

My stomach reminded me that I hadn’t had a proper meal in a long time. Checking my phone, it turned out to be a full day. Sunday mid-morning.

What was the duty thing you mentioned the other day?

My people were attacked, I need to ensure that they are safe. We do not have families as you do, but there are some that I care about deeply and need to make sure are safe. 

Then let’s go. No point waiting around on this pointless rock. So eager to leave, to get away from it all. But this was easier right? Easier than the other ways… I managed to catch myself before finishing the thought, but know that Rar’ir was able to pick up on what I meant. Is there anything here you want me to bring?

There is still a bit of time before Ssaena will be ready to fly again. It will be enough if you could find some sustenance to bring with us. It might be a while before we meet up with the fleet. Clothing is also likely a good idea, even if our bond will allow you to adjust to other climates it will still take some time.

How much time? More wanting to know how long I needed to keep up with being human, than excited to go.

There had been no sign of the things hunting Rar’ir, she suspected that they thought the crash would’ve been enough. The ship, Ssaena, had curled up. With the panic of trying to help the other day, I had really missed how beautiful the ship was, and how clearly it was a living thing instead of a machine.

I dropped the pair duffel bags I’d carried out here, rubbing my shoulders. The food was heavy, but I’d also brought a few things that I didn’t feel like leaving behind. My phone was filled with downloaded music, though I don’t know if there’d be a place I could get it charged. Through everything, music had been what got me by. Besides that and a couple of good books, there wasn’t anything else I could think of to bring with me. Nothing that held any sentimental value.

Now it’s your turn Rar. She was still unsure about herself when it came to taking control of our body. Something about how unusual it felt to share her mind with mine, and not wanting to step on my toes.

Ah. Yes. I felt the world become distant as Rar’ir assumed control. We approached the ship, and Rar’ir laid a hand on her side. I heard a purr, soft and low, almost inaudible. Ssaena stretched out from her ball, causing Rar’ir to smile. I looked on in wonder and shared her smile internally. Animals had always been some of the few who I’d felt comfortable around. No judgment, just quiet, caring love. Or not so quiet with some of the dogs I’d met…

Rar’ir and Ssaena seemed to be communicating. The purrs continuing in a quiet rumble. She is well, I'm glad. A little lonely, but that can’t be helped. Are you ready to go Logan?

I thought back to the note I’d left my parents. “There’s nothing in this world for me, please don’t blame yourselves.” The hope had been that they’d take it as a suicide note, and not spend years looking for me as if I’d just vanished or ran away. They’d done their best as parents, and though I didn't love them as others might love their parents; I certainly didn’t wish them ill. This was one of the reasons I’d not committed to anything before. People always said that it was just passing the pain onto someone else.

Unfortunately I don’t think saying that I’d gone to space to help Rar’ir get back to her people would be something that they’d be able to understand. They also weren't the sort of people that I could talk to about the things I felt. Yeah, I’m ready.

We climbed inside Ssaena. My preconceptions of an organic spaceship were thrown out the window instantly. It was warm and dry, nothing of the wetness of a living creature I’d imagined. It might as well have been a mechanical ship. The controls were almost all telepathic in nature; flying the ship more talking to her rather than pushing buttons.

Let's go home Ssaena, hummed Rar’ir, and with that we were off, our craft floating gracefully through the air. Unconcerned with concepts such as gravity.