I can’t fucking believe this. I slid down into a cave and get strong-armed into paying taxes by a huge-ass Griffin. All because drunk-me decided to be a piss-ass pyromaniac. I’ll have to get back at her somehow.
As I mentally recovered from the scariest conversation in my second- no, both my life-times, I followed the tax-collecting piss Griffin in front of me down one of the paths on the right side of the main chamber. The path was tall and wide, but the Griffin still seemed to have a little trouble walking through it. Maybe that was why it was giving this one to me.
It took us a good minute or two to make it to the chamber, and it was an incredibly awkward walk. The Griffin didn’t say anything and I sure as hell wasn’t going to initiate conversation with something that threatened to eat me a few minutes ago. The only noise the whole way there was just the sounds of our footsteps along the icy hallway.
The whole cave seemed to be lit by that blue glowing moss that covered the ceiling, so when we made a turn and I saw an eerie pale white glow at the end of the hallway, I was a little confused. Was there a different kind of moss there? As I entered the chamber behind the Griffin, all my attention was drawn to one object stuck in the center of the space.
There was a sword stuck midway into the ice. The white light from the sword traveled along the cracks in the ice making up the ground, illuminating the room in a pale white glow, overpowering the moss above it. The sword was simple in form, yet almost seemed divine in its design. I could feel raw power radiating from it. It took a lot of effort to turn my gaze away from it to look back at the Griffin.
“What is that?”
“That is one of Goddess Vulkria’s swords. I hate the noisy thing. You can have it. It comes with the room you could say.”
A sword of the Goddess Vulkria? Isn’t that like a really big deal? Like, you could sell this for so much money. Actually, I’ve heard Daddy mention to his poker-buddies that just having one would make you nobility in the Othium Empire. So I’m a noble now. Shit, that sounds like a lot of work. Wait, couldn’t I syphon the power from this sword into rocks to make magic crystals?
As I was gawking at the sword, I suddenly felt a sudden lack of weight on my shoulders. I look back startled to see the Griffin with my cooked large cat in its mouth. It took my fucking dinner!
“Hey! That's mine! Give it back!”
The Griffin turned to leave.
“Consider it this week’s tax.”
“Wha? That's bullshit! What the fuck am I going to eat?!”
“Your smart for your age aren’t you? Figure it out.”
“At least give me the cloth back!”
The Griffin didn’t even give my reply a glance as it exited the chamber. It just took my only source of sustenance and left. What an asshole. As much as I want to, I can’t really do anything about it. So I turned back to look at my new home. I was paying for this crap hole so I might as well get acquainted with it.
Aside from Vulkria’s sword, the chamber was pretty barren. It was a circular space with a diameter of about fifteen meters, give or take. There was that blue moss on the ceiling, but the light from the sword did all the work illuminating the room. That's pretty much it.
At least it didn’t take my backpack.
I walk over to the sword and sit down next to it.
It hurts a little to look at it from this close. Actually, should I even have this? This is Vulkria’s sword. What if Vulkira’s Second is out looking for these? That could put a target on my back? I mean that's a really sharp looking blade and I don’t wanna get stabbed by tha- wait, what's that?
As I was thinking about being stabbed by the sword, my gaze traveled up and down the blade. When my eyes reached the base of the sword, I noticed that just below the ice, there was something there. Despite being fully surrounded by ice, I could tell that it wasn’t ice. It looked like a green rock, well it looked green in the center at least. It became more and more transparent as you got to its edge.
When I saw that rock, I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that this was my rock, and that made me incredibly angry. The rock I had been searching for, for basically my entire life, was under a sword. Not a rock like I was told. A sword. A goddamn sword. High up in the middle of fucking nowhere.
I calmly put my hands on the grip of the sword. Unlike with an energy crystal where it was only a small tingle, my hands visibly shook as the sword shocked- or what I could only describe as shocked- my fingers. I smoothly pulled the sword up and out of the ice and set it down next to where it once stood. I reached into the hole and pulled out my rock.
The rock fit comfortably in my hands, it’s smooth and polished edge gave it a glossy sheen. As I pulled out the rock, a pamphlet fell out from behind the rock. I grabbed the pamphlet and looked at it. The front had the words “So you’ve died? Thats a shame. Here’s what to expect going forwards.” written in big bold letters on it. I didn’t even bother opening it as I ripped it to shreds in silent rage.
I clutched the rock in both hands. It was time to make some long overdue complaints.
When I woke up I was in a familiar white void in front of a shitty rundown house. It looked shitty-er than last time because the screen door had just given up and succumbed to being covered in weeds, much like the walkway up to the door. The door itself was still wide open and the lights were still off, I don’t think the fucking things even work.
Before I stormed the place and turned the world asunder with my blinding rage, I took a look at myself. I was in my new body and wearing the same onesie as last time, just smaller. I would prefer my old body though, punches from a four year old can’t be called painful.
I’ll have to find a crowbar instead.
I walked past the screen door, into the house and made my way down into the basement. When I got to the bottom of the stairs I tried to kick the door open but I hurt my foot instead.
FUCK!
I was too young to go kicking doors in, so I just turned the knob, opened the door slightly, then kicked it open. It swung open and made a satisfying bang as it collided with the wall. I saw Caboose on his couch visibly jump when I kicked the door.
“CABOOSE! WHAT THE FUCK MAN?!”
“Oh Julie, I uh, wasn’t expecting you back so soon.”
I ran head first into the ocean of DVD’s and had to start swimming because of how deep the waters were. Well, they were the same depth as last time. I’m just short.
“I HAVE A BONE TO PICK WITH YOU GOD-MAN!”
“Hey Julie why don’t we calm down and discuss this like civilized people?”
As I reached the couch Caboose stood up and jumped over to the chair. I pursued, yet Caboose would always jump back to the opposite furniture piece. However I soon caught on to his tricks and grabbed onto his leg mid-jump.
“H-Hey what are you doing!?”
I crawled up Caboose until I was at eye level and leaned into his ear.
“GIVE ME A CROWBAR!”
“AAAARH!”
Caboose tried to shake me off, but my grip held true. I yelled in his ear until my little lungs couldn’t yell anymore.
“GIVE ME A GODDAMN CROWBAR ALREADY!”
“Okay okay fine!”
Caboose snapped his fingers and I felt cold metal in my palm as a crowbar appeared in my hand. It had a nice weight to it.
“Good.”
I hopped off of Caboose and onto the couch and quickly slammed Caboose’s crotch with my new favorite crowbar. I expected Caboose to double over in pain, but instead I felt a sharp and intense pain in my crotch.
“OW?! WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?!”
“Come on Julie, you think I didn’t see that coming? What else would you use a crowbar fo-”
As Caboose was lording over me who had doubled over in pain, I threw the crowbar at his face with everything I had. It made a satisfying bonk sound as Caboose was cast into the sea of DVDs by the force of the throw. After a second Caboose resurfaced.
“Okay that's it, you’re going in timeout.”
Caboose snapped his fingers and my view suddenly changed. I was chained to the chair that was next to the couch, and Caboose was holding my crowbar. Caboose sat down on the couch and rubbed his face.
“So, what did you want to talk about?”
I shifted around in the chair as the chains were a little tighter than I’d care for. I looked at Caboose, hopefully with an expression that showed how mad I was at him, and thought about what I should complain about first. Let's go in chronological order.
“Why don’t we start with my name.”
“Oh, yeah I’m sorry about that. I saw the sequel and well, I see where you were coming from when you said didn’t want that name.”
“Then change it.”
“Can’t. Against the rulez.”
“WHAT RULES?! It's just my name! Why would it be against the rules to change what people call me?!”
Caboose shrugged.
“I can’t interfere with the world, and changing your name to the degree you want would require that. Just tell people that your name isn’t Julie and people will eventually believe you.”
That's actually a good point. Only the people back in my hometown in Eshos would recognize me as Julie, and even then I didn’t converse with them that much.
But… I kind of like the name.
I’m mad as hell that Caboose named me after a character from that franchise, but the name itself isn’t bad. I guess it’s grown on me, or something.
“Anyways, ‘under a larger rock’ is what you said, right?”
Caboose flinched.
“I don’t remember saying that.”
“Your right. You don’t remember saying it. You remember saying it TWICE. And where did I find that stupid rock? Under a SWORD. Not a rock like you said. You lied to me and put the rock under a sword!”
“Julie I didn’t lie to you! I just forgot! People forget things!”
“You’re supposed to be a God right?! How could you forget something like that? Aren’t these rocks super important in whatever game we’re playing anyways?!”
“Yes they are, but I can still forget that I mentioned something in passing. I’m still capable of making mistakes!”
“Hmph.”
I turn my head away to look at the movie-screen. The screen was muted but an animated movie was playing. I’ve never seen it before but it looked pretty bad.
“Julie. Julie. Julieeeeee~. Julie, Look at me Julie.”
I wasn’t going to look at him.
“Kids these days- Julie if I give you back your crowbar will you forgive me?”
Caboose just called me a kid. I’ll have you know I’m thirty-seven years old in total.
But as much as I would like to, I can’t really bring that up. I’ve noticed that I’m more childish than I was in my previous life. I think I’m incredibly mature for my age, but I still act like a spoiled eight year old. Maybe Daddy’s demeanor has rubbed off on me.
Plus, I want that crowbar.
“Maybe.”
“Okay then.”
Caboose put the crowbar back in my hands. He didn’t undo the chains though.
“I’m sorry about the rock. It was an honest mistake.”
I held my crowbar tightly, lest he take it again.
“Okay. I forgive you.”
“Great. Anyways, why don’t we relax for a little bit before we continue, I’m sure your crotch still hurts from hitting me with that crowbar.”
“Hmph.”
It did still hurt. How unfair. I hit his balls fair and square, why did I get hurt?
Caboose unmuted the TV and the sounds from the animated movie fill the room. After a few minutes of watching I realize that my previous deduction about this film was correct.
But I like all the colors, so I’ll give it a pass.
..
..
..
“Hey Julie, you’ve had a rough last few days haven’t you.”
“...Yes.”
After the climax of the movie and everything started winding down, Caboose asked a question I wasn’t expecting.
The last few days have been terrible. My entire second life was uprooted and burned. My dad is dead, I’m too far away from my hometown to get back, and now I live under a potentially tyrannical Griffin. Even if I did make it back to my hometown, I’d still have to worry about food, money, and whether or not the people who sold Daddy out will come after me.
That’s right, someone sold Daddy out. I don’t know who would do something like that. I’ve met a few of Daddy’s friends from work, and they all seemed like they enjoyed working with him. So why would they sell Daddy out? Why would they do something like that?
“I can tell you cared a lot about Terry. Much more than your previous dad.”
“......Yes.”
Terry was a great dad. I only knew him for a little over four years, and I was unable to talk for or even remember most of the first 3 because I was so young, but I always enjoyed my time around him. My last dad was drafted in one of the many wars that were probably still ongoing back on Earth when I was five years old. I have little to no memory of him.
“Do you want a hug?”
“......Yes.”
Caboose snapped his fingers and I appeared next to him on the couch. He leaned over and hugged me.
“You know Julie, when my dad died, everyone in my family was heartbroken. Nobody really took it well. We all cried, a lot. Its okay to cry about losing a loved one, just be sure to move forward when you’re done crying. The last thing Terry would want is to be a burden to his precious daughter.”
It wasn’t a great hug, but it was enough for me. Tears flowed down my face as I mourned my father's death in Caboose’s arms.
I woke up next to Vulkria’s sword, lying face down on the ice floor with my hands clasped around my rock. I stretched as I stood up, sleeping on ice floors is not good for your back as I’ve just found out.
No crowbar, guess I’ll have to get a new one.
I stare at the sword as I readjust my tiger pelt. I need to think of the future. I grab my backpack, pick up the sword, and move everything to the wall. Sitting down with my back to the wall I fish out my notebook, I open it to a blank page and write a header.
[Julie’s goals for the future]
What do I need to do in order to stand a chance against the other Seconds? Simple, I need to make really big guns. I can power them with this sword, for as long as it lasts at least. My last gun blew up, but only after holding the charge for a while. I feel like I’m on to something, but I can figure that out when I get down to some research and development.
Should I stay here in this cave? How long should I stay? If I leave, where should I go? I’ll be honest, staying here isn’t an idea I adore, but if I go back to my hometown -if I can even make it there to begin with- what will that rat do if it finds out I’m alive? As long as I’m here, not even Daddy’s closest friends will know that I’m alive. After a while no one will know I exist. If I can keep providing food for this Griffin and somehow not die in the process, then I can do as much research as I want. Then after I’ve progressed to a point where I’m comfortable, I can leave to search out the other Seconds.
How do I find the other seconds without them finding me? This is a tough question. The easiest way to find them would be parading around with my rock out without a care in the world, but I can only see that ending with me getting a lot of weird looks, media coverage, and then a sudden disappearance. Actually, I’m already a pretty weird child when you think about it. Daddy would always show me off to the other parents, lording over them with how smart, pretty, and deep thinking I was. He kept my love and knowledge of magic circuits a secret however, probably because I caused a lot of property damage by mistake. In the end, I had a little bit of a fan club, I think. So if I -someone who’s only good point was that I was incredibly smart- got a pretty bit of attention, then the other Seconds -who would be almost as smart as me AND have cool magic powers- should get a lot of attention.
So I need to put myself in a situation where I can get a lot of information about the world without standing out as too extraordinary, and how do I get lots of information about the world's current events? I actually know the answer to this one, start a really successful weapons business. It’s what my boss did in my previous life, and the guy knew more about the political situation than some politicians(The sleazy bastards).
If I were to start a business so successful that it’s services would be demanded far and wide, then it would have to be about magic circuits. Yes. I’ll sell magic devices and take special orders. It’ll be great.
Well, that's all my major future concerns at the moment, now onto more pressing matters. Like how fucking hungry I am.
I haven’t eaten since this morning, I think. I don’t know how long I was at Caboose’s place and I can’t see the sun right now so I don’t know what time it is. I could go hunting, but there aren’t many ideas worse than that. I have a spear(and a sword), but I honestly don’t know how to use them. Drunk me is the one who hunted the tiger.
If I’m gonna go hunting, then I need a better weapon than a knife on a stick. I need a gun.
But what can I use, and how would I make it? Well, time for that research and development I guess.
I open a new page in my notebook.
First, let's find flaws with my previous design. For one, it exploded. But why did it explode? I fully expected it to explode because I didn’t write a way to discharge the energy without causing damage to the gun. As a result the gun would fire, but the “muzzle flash” as I call it, would cause me injury.
Second, why did the gun explode without me pulling the trigger? After thinking about it, the gun most likely exploded because there was too much energy in the circuitry. Like a water balloon popping because you put too much water in it, except the amount of water wasn’t enough to pop the balloon, and the water ate away at the balloon.
That's right, magic circuits wear from use. It makes sense when you think about it, everything wears with use. Some people just don’t expect it.
So in summary, the gun would have exploded if I fired it, and did explode, because I pumped more energy into it than it could handle. To solve this problem, either I use a more resilient writing material or I use less energy per shot. I can’t get my hands on anything better than pencil right now, so the only option left is to use less energy. But I need to use that much energy to form the bolt of plasma. So to solve that problem I would have to make a more energy efficient circuit.
In summary, I need to write a better circuit to prevent the overloading of the circuits so that my gun won’t explode on discharge. But after I design the circuit, what do I write it on?
I look around through my backpack only to find nothing that I can use. After a while, my sight shifts to the knife on the end of my spear.
Powering that, is going to be a problem.
I still have to write a circuit to syphon energy from the sword into other objects, ugh I have so much to do. I’d better get to it.
Two days have passed since I allowed the human cub to take refuge in my abode. The first day, the cub spent all of her time in the chamber I gifted her. I have no clue what she was doing, but I sensed the ever-brazen presence of the sword slightly, ever so slightly dwindle. That made me incredibly happy, so I threw her a bone with some meat left on it from my evening hunt. One should reward good behavior after all.
On the second day, the human cub departed from my domain before sunrise. Not that I saw her, I was resting at the time and I didn’t sense her departure. I wasn’t aware of her absence until she returned later that day, incredibly winded and a little battered. It would seem that she enchanted her dagger with circuitry in order to hunt. Although I could see that the dagger was ruined after her hunt, she did return with game, albeit much smaller than the pelt on her back.
However, she made it remarkably clear that the small animal she hunted was not for me, to an entirely unneeded extent. “I killed this myself, SO IT'S FOR ME! NO TAKING IT THIS TIME!” Her shrieks were more overbearing than the sword’s presence.
In anycase, it seems that she discovered my hoard while she was exploring my domain, without my approval might I add. Upon seeing my hoard of stuff I didn’t feel like disposing of properly, she demanded that she obtain the privilege to use whatever she wanted from it, sighting the fact that I can’t use swords, shields, spears, and other human devices because I wasn’t human shaped, and that I “didn’t have thumbs”.
After a stray ice ball fell from the ceiling onto the brat’s head, I allowed her the privilege of using whatever she felt like from my hoard as long as she provided me game every time she took something. In truth, I had little use for the trash, but if I could get this human to do more hunting for me, then she’ll likely use more of that sword’s power. If she does that, then the sword becomes quieter. Lovely.
And with days like this, five years passed. I swear I’ve lost some of my hearing living with this thing.
[Julie’s Goals for the FUTURE!]
[Make cool guns!]
[Leave the country!]
[Open a cool shop!]
[Don’t die!]
[Don’t get eaten by my landlord!]
[Make a cool pocket watch!]
[Find a nice crowbar!]
