29: A fire that could swallow the Earth
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Everyone loses. When that happens, take a step back. Even if you didn't make a mistake, take the time to work on yourself and get better. There's no perfection here because poker is always evolving. If you stop evolving with it, you'll become a fossil.

 

Joey awoke to the sounds of the drizzling rain of poker chips. He found himself sitting in a chair against the wall. Taking a second to recall what happened, he couldn't stop a sigh from escaping his lips. He failed.

In the end, he had played worse than the worst players in the club. Completely uncontrolled. 'So that's what happens if I keep playing in that state?' He began to discover his true limitations. Some weaknesses can be hidden. That's what he'd done so far every time he stopped playing when tired. Now, it would seem that isn't always an option. Tournaments have no pause button.

Still groggy, he tried to focus his mind on analyzing what happened, but his attention was diverted by two players loudly arguing at the other side of the room about some hand.

"You can't do that!"

"The hell I can't! Call the floor manager over!"

Joey shook his head. 'Don't mind them. I need to consider how I'm going to deal with this issue.' He recentered his thoughts when his attention was once again attracted, and this time captured, by an unexpected, melodious voice.

"Thanks for that."

Joey's eyes widened slightly as he looked to his left. There, sitting in a nearby chair, was a bright blue waterfall.

Still muddled, he shook his head hard. 'Hair,' Joey thought. it had taken Joey a second to realize he was looking at very long blue hair, the hair of a girl who'd spoken. "Thanks for what?"

"Getting knocked out! Haha," she said.

Joey frowned.

She realized she came off rude. "No! What I meant is, if you didn't get knocked out, then I would've lost the next hand! I was about to get blinded out at the other table, but because you got knocked out, we were reshuffled to the final table. There I got the chance to wait for a better hand and doubled up. Eventually, I caught a string of lucky hands and even won the tournament! So, it's all thanks to you!" She revealed a bright smile at the end.

'So...she's the one that won,' Joey thought, with a complicated feeling in his heart. He closely looked at the girl. Her hair was the centerpiece, not just of her but of the entire area. Straight and smooth as the ocean, flowing down to her waist. She wore a black beanie on top of it, like a dam to stop its flooding.

She was clearly of Asian ethnicity, but with unusually large brown eyes, sitting gracefully under long smooth eyebrows. Her skin was pale white, the exposed parts of which resembled the clouds against the backdrop of sky. Thin red lips parted the sea, glittering as bright as the tiny nose stud that was her only piece of jewelry. Her clothes were trendy and modern like her overall vibe. She was the most beautiful girl that Joey had ever seen.

"Well, I told Andrew I'd keep an eye on you while I waited for my seat to open up, but it looks like they're calling me," she said as she pointed to a staff member shouting in her direction. "Oh, my name's Ellie. Thanks again, good luck." She got up and walked over to buy chips. As she did, Joey noticed her other features. Tall and slim, with especially long legs. What surprised Joey the most though, was that after getting chips, she walked over to the table all the way in the back. The biggest regular "VIP" game at the club, 10-20.

With her bold appearance and straightforward speech, she shined like the happiest, most outgoing star in the entire club, attracting everyone around her. To Joey, this is what he found strangest, because he could clearly feel that he's never met anyone lonelier.

"Hey bro, you alright?"

Joey's thoughts were sidetracked when he saw Andrew coming over. "Yea..."

Andrew noticed Joey was looking at her and smiled. "Ellie? Hey man, until you can beat her in poker, don't bother. She's a crusher at the biggest game here haha."

Noticing Joey didn't laugh, Andrew thought he was still down from the tournament. "Don't let it get to you. I had to play a bunch of tournaments before I even made one final table. That's how it goes. Besides, tournaments are just one thing. Lots of players aren't good at tournaments and only play cash games. It's no big deal."

'No big deal?' To Joey, he could see the sense in what Andrew said. He was also right that perhaps tournaments didn't suit him. The problem was that when he was playing the tournament, Joey found a new level of enjoyment. The pressure, the limitations, like being at war with your life on the line where every decision was vital. It truly challenged him. That's what he loved about poker, so he couldn't just give up that easily.

"You gonna play?" Andrew asked.

"...No. I'm still not feeling my best. I think I'll just head home and sleep this one off. Thanks for bringing me. Catch you later," Joey said as he got up, bid farewell, and left the club. He would walk this time. He hoped the bitter cold air would numb the blow and its aftereffects.

When he got outside, he realized it started snowing, but still chose to walk home. With his hands in his pockets, he stepped out into the world. The snow was now building on the ground, forming piles and hills, interrupted by the deep tracks left from his passing boots. Each imprint on the world of white, a witness to his journey, was slowly covered over and then completely erased by the passing of time, unapologetic in its forgetfulness.

His senses of smell and taste were numb, ears assaulted by the whistling winds, vision obscured nearly completely by heavy snow. Certain in his uncertainty, he gazed down his unclear future path, and resolutely pressed forward.

'I hadn't had a major episode in a while so I thought it was under control...' Joey contemplated the weakness of his ability. 'Things have indeed been getting better. I used to have no say whatsoever in my powers. Now, from playing, I can tell that I can at least slightly control the intensity of it, choosing to use it at full focus or not, but that's the limit... '

'It's like each new person that comes to my table has an extra startup cost when I'm reading them. In a cash game, it's manageable. In a tournament where I'm moving from table to table, constantly playing against new players...it's just not.' His body was cold but his brain was on overdrive, examining his weaknesses and searching for solutions.

In this uninhabitable environment, a boy journeyed through the snowstorm, like a stubborn fire refusing to go out. More and more snowflakes melted on him, consuming his warmth, shrinking the size of the flame. Yet, although the flame contracted, it didn't die. Instead, it only eliminated its impurities, its weaknesses. It became brighter, hotter, bolder, threatening to one day grow, to become a star, to hold the Earth in its mouth, and to swallow it whole.

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