Chapter 4

"I don't like riding in a boat." Jin Ukizake complained as they watched the shore lazily pass by them. Nironjin feared the open sea and with good reason, their flimsy keels and sails were no match for even a smidgen of bad weather, and they had no way to navigate back to shore once they had lost sight of it, which generally meant a nameless death in a vast sea of nothing or a crash landing on hostile Qin territory. Jin didn't have to worry about storms or navigation, the boat they had hired to ride on had its own crew that was carrying all sorts of pickled goods south from Hoaido and regularly took passengers as well as cargo so long as they were paying more than the merchants in the south were for a similar amount of weight transferred South. The problem was he felt defenseless on a boat. The people around him knew more about the sea than he did, and could use that knowledge to kill him at any moment. He was always the strongest in every situation. Feeling weak and vulnerable made him want to randomly draw his sword and slash everyone in sight until he was back in control again.

"Yes husband, I'm sorry." Harukaze bowed her head contritely. "It's just that Niron is made up of islands and we needed to go south again, so it couldn't be helped."

"I'm not talking about a little ferry between the two nearest points from Hoaido to Onshu to Koku. That takes at most an hour and you can see both sides of land before you even step onto the boat. This is totally different. We're going to be riding a boat even when there's good land right next to us we could perfectly well be walking on." Jin said.

"We need to hurry if we're going to outspeed the rumors of my vengeance and our quarry flees to places unknown, and boats are faster. Besides, I'm tired of walking when a perfectly good boat can get us there in one third of the time effortlessly." Harukaze explained.

"I thought you said you were fit to walk anywhere?" Jin needled.

"But husband, I thought you said you were going to become a fisherman. Isn't learning to like riding on boats the most basic of the basics to fulfilling that desire?" Harukaze smiled innocently back.

"This boat and that boat are different. Phwah! Nevermind." Jin sighed and hit his head against the side of the boat in frustration at being pinned in. What if all five of the boat crew jumped him with daggers right now? He could barely keep his balance on this wretched deck, and there was nowhere to run so that he could fight them one by one again.

"If there were at least some sake on this boat, but all we get is some wretched juice, and we're supposed to ride this thing for ten days?" Jin asked again.

"But just think, ten days to reach all the way from northern Niron to southern Niron. Plus, it will be so much warmer. Isn't that wonderful?" Harukaze asked.

"Plus there are no women on this boat." Jin complained.

"Not even one?" Harukaze asked, raising her eyebrows in surprise.

Jin sighed. Vipers who spit on repentant beheaded monks really shouldn't classify themselves as women, but that wasn't the real problem anyway. The problem was they were in a contest and he still hadn't won. But even telling her the nature of the contest would mean her victory in the contest, so the sooner he changed the topic the better.

"You ought to be careful though. I can't protect you on this damned boat from five men, and I'm sure these nin haven't seen anyone as refined and youthful as you in their whole lives. No doubt they'll attack us tonight in our sleep." Jin warned.

"Then, husband, would it be too much to ask that we share the cabin we rented for the night, for my own protection?" Harukaze asked.

"Of course I'll protect you." Jin said. "But I already told you I'll lose."

"We'll fight together if these good natured merchants of Niron suddenly feel an uncontrollable desire to face off against one of the most renowned swordsman in Niron for one lowly woman in the middle of the night." Harukaze smiled.

"So long as you understand." Jin sighed, looking at the perfectly stable land just a span or so away. Maybe he could swim the distance. But he'd have to knock Harukaze out and carry her on his back to continue on his mission, and she might be upset after that, so it really wasn't a viable option.

"If we have ten days together, let's find something fun to do with it. Can you fish off the side of a moving boat? Maybe they could teach us how." Harukaze suggested.

"I suppose with nets we could scoop up something." Jin thought about it.

"Throwing a net over the side and hoping fish swim into it? Is that the entire job?" Harukaze's brows knit together with a look of disappointment.

"Well, eventually you haul the net back up, now full of fish, and then you have to gut the fish, and then you have to skin the fish, and then you have to bring the fish to market, and then you have to sell the fish by talking about how great your fish are, much better than the fish to your left and right, and you have to deal with the smell of fish being so strong you can never wash it out again for the rest of your life." Jin predicted.

"On second thought let's farm rice." Harukaze suggested.

"If you want to spread your own manure along the soil and walk around in a sea of manured water barefoot half the year with your back permanently bent over, becoming an aged crippled grandmother by age twenty or so, all for the cheapest commodity on Earth that, once the taxes are done, are barely enough to buy a few fish with as a special treat, go ahead." Jin advised.

"Are you telling me nin all live like this? Surely there's some better deal." Harukaze pleaded.

"Well, I'm politely not mentioning the best way a nin woman can get ahead in life, but if you insist. . ." Jin started.

"Don't say it! Ugh! What kind of choices are these? Why doesn't everyone just live in the city and have decent jobs like innkeeper or tailor or candle-maker? Aren't there shrines? I'll become a shrine maiden." Harukaze decided.

"That might put our marriage a smidgen in jeopardy." Jin remarked.

"I'll found a school then. We can teach children how to read and write." Harukaze suggested.

"I'm not sure illiterate peasants could follow your advice on career plans, in that case." Jin said.

"Is life really just a series of miserable, degrading, back-breaking days of pain and humiliation, poverty and want, until the day you die?" Harukaze asked in outrage.

"Oh, I hear they sing and dance sometimes. Around fires." Jin shrugged.

"Well that really makes up for all of the rest, doesn't it!" Harukaze sniffed.

"That's why I want to know." Jin lay back on the deck, staring up at the blue sky, thankfully free of any clouds. They would stop at night, so as not to accidentally collide with any rocks or reefs, and they would stop if it became too cloudy, and disembark until the storm ended. They could only really travel when the sky was like this, but it was certainly a way to pass the next ten days, looking at such a pretty clear sky.

"What are we here for?" Jin asked. "Why bother? Is this some sort of joke? What is the meaning of life? Why live? What's a reason for being? You can't tell me so that I can gut fish in order to stop my stomach from hurting every day. If I hadn't been born, my stomach wouldn't have started hurting in the first place."

"You know the answer already, if you went to a bushi school like you say: it's to glorify the gods. We humans were made so that we could worship them and praise them, not only with rituals and offerings, but also by making our whole life a living sacrifice to their glory, by being as bright and beautiful and honest and upright as we can be, just like the gods told us to be. The better their creation acts, the better our Creators look, and so therefore the one thing gods want from us most is to shine." Harukaze said.

"Spoken like a perfect shrine maiden in training." Jin smiled fondly. "But do you really think you shine in front of the gods by killing people?"

"Definitely. It shows I have a passion for justice that surpasses my own material self interest. It means I'm living on the same heavenly plane of spiritual existence they are. Why, you could say this entire journey is a pilgrim's progress." Harukaze said, lying down to look at the sky beside him.

Jin felt uncomfortable. She was too near him, and for some reason she was extremely embraceable right now. Plus, her words were too reasonable. It was as though the reason for being really was to be found in God, like she'd suggested in the first place. She was so brimming over with confidence and happiness the moment she brought her faith up. But his reason for being couldn't be God, because God didn't exist. If that were the only answer, then he'd be left with nothing at all to hope for.

"Tell me another answer." Jin snapped.

Harukaze took his hand in hers, and intertwined her five fingers between his, as the two lay side by side staring up at the blue sky.

* * *

Harukaze couldn't believe it. They had been alone together for ten days, a man who would mate with a chicken given the chance, and he hadn't touched her. He hadn't even groped her, kissed her, anything. Even when they both jumped overboard to take a dip in the ocean and get as clean as humanly possible given that the water was salty, he would swim to the other side of the boat and never even look at her. They slept together in the same room every night, and he sat in a corner holding his sword in front of him like some sort of deadly barrier in case she thought of raping him in the night. Everything was reversed! He had killed two of the five people she hated most in life, and made her deliriously happy each time. He hadn't hesitated for a moment at fulfilling his duty, but he had no interest at all in letting her fulfill hers. It was like she was some sort of charity case. She was as loving as she could possibly imagine a girl to be with him. He had said quite nonchalantly that all the other boys in the boat were no doubt attracted to her. So what was it? If she wasn't ugly and she wasn't bitchy, what could be driving him away?

Was Jin just toying with her? Did he think this was funny? It was completely within his personality to enjoy watching her frustrated face as night after night passed together, but did that really trump his sexual desires? She was sure that once she'd removed all the competition, he'd finally settle for her. He had made do with boys after all! But apparently this plan had also failed. Even without having anyone else around, he never once took out his desire on her. He just quietly chose a corner and didn't even watch her undress, pretending to fall asleep instantly, even though she took a long time changing between her two kimonos in case he wanted to change his mind and take her in the act.

Ten days had passed and she hadn't made any progress at all. If only she could have asked her mother what a proper love was like. If mother were around, or even her older sister, she could have asked for tips and advice. Maybe there was a special smile or way of making your eyes twinkle that made boys feel truly loved. Maybe she wasn't blushing the right way, or there was a secret string of words that meant "I love you" better than "I love you," which she'd tried many times already. But she was sixteen and completely unpracticed in love, she'd never even felt the nearest glimmer of the feeling, and there was no one left to turn to in this world to learn it from. All she knew was that thoughts of him plagued her night and day, waking and dreaming, and even after thinking about him so much she was still confused and her emotions still ranged all over the place without ever settling anywhere whenever he was nearby. He was an insufferable lout. He was kind and understanding. He was a carefree heretic. He was noble and faithful. He either neglected her or insulted her, depending on his mood, but never showed a hint of affection or desire for her even after all this time. He'd die for her.

What was she supposed to think? What was she supposed to feel? It was all tangled up. Everyone at the tavern had been simple. Some boys were respectful and just liked to see her, regular customers she could chat with. Others would try to feel her up and she'd draw knives on them, and then they would stop. All boys fit into one or the other category. Boys were either harmless puppies or mad dogs. Why wouldn't Jin just choose a role and go with it?

"Finally. We're finally off that wretched boat." Jin stretched, grabbing his pack and putting his arms through the straps to settle the weight on his back. "Back on solid ground, where feet work, and no one can drown you, or throw you overboard, or corner you with a fire, or poison your food. . ."

"More importantly, we're in Koku, where it's warm, and our next target lives." Harukaze interrupted. The merchants had been perfectly nice puppies, just like the boys at the tavern, afraid of Jin's swords and their obvious higher status and happy to take their olan. Did he enjoy worrying?

"More importantly, we're at a port, which means there's sake somewhere nearby. I say we split up from here. Go see a hairdresser or whatever you do for fun." Jin suggested.

"Yes, husband." Harukaze bowed her head, handing over five olan tablets, which should be enough for the most extravagant party. All she did for fun was plot revenge, or imagine the people she hated dying. Well, the two had had some fun on the boat writing poems back and forth by continuing each other's verses, but she couldn't do that without him, so that was out. He was a fine poet, like any proper samurai should be. Someone so smart who took pleasure in the dumbest activities mankind had to offer. So tangled. So very tangled.

"Then, I'll be seeing you. I trust you can fight off anything short of a mountain boar on your own." Jin waved his hand, sauntering away with a look of glee at getting to be with a woman, or perhaps a boy, or perhaps a chicken again. Harukaze sighed. Ten days, and she'd even stripped in front of him every night, not that he bothered looking. She cupped her breasts to check if they were just too small for a boy to notice or care, but they felt just fine to her. She should sleep with someone else just to make him jealous. But that wouldn't be loving, and then he'd feel betrayed and leave her. Something like that, the disgrace and the disgust on his face, would be worse than death. Nevermind. She could have fun without him. And she didn't have to descend to material pleasures. She could try on some new kimonos. Maybe if she bought something new, he'd like how she looked better. She supposed anyone would grow tired of a girl wearing the same outfit, however colorful, for a month. She could sell to the store what she was wearing, which clearly wasn't working for her, and try whole new color schemes. The shop owner could give some tips on how to smile, too. Maybe she could buy some makeup? The dust of the trail would ruin anything she put on, but, if it helped get through to him. . .

* * *

"Remember, he uses lots of projectiles. Your phantom blade is meaningless if you can't reach him." Harukaze warned.

"I remember. We'll just have to see who's faster. Then again, you said this guy was stronger than Vaj, so really I'm just walking to my death, huh?" Jin smiled wistfully.

"If you think that, come up with a better plan first!" Harukaze begged. He couldn't die on her now, when they weren't even halfway through.

"Oh, I thought of a plan. I could stuff my kimono with tatami mats and just walk forward taking all his shuriken like a scarecrow. But it was just too dishonorable. You couldn't call something like that a duel." Jin shrugged.

"It isn't a duel, it's a hit!" Harukaze corrected.

"My hits are all duels. There's a difference." Jin corrected sternly.

"Yes, husband. Sorry. I didn't mean. . . I'm sorry." Harukaze bowed her head. Jin took a moment to relax and then put his hand on her head and patted it.

"I know you didn't mean anything, Haru. You're just worried about me." Jin said cheerfully. "But winning isn't everything. Like you said, if your enemies all died of heart attacks, what would be the point? And if I killed someone through a cowardly trick like that, what would be the point? The significance behind every event isn't what happens but why. We're trying to enforce our code of honor on the world, right?"

"Yes, husband." Harukaze agreed meekly, her head still being squished downward by his hand.

"Then what are we going to do if we lose our honor first?" Jin asked.

"That would be a problem." Harukaze admitted.

"So there you have it. I can't have any plans for these fights. My enemies don't get to know ahead of time and form plans on their side, so it just wouldn't be honorable to make one-sided preparations." Jin explained.

"By the way, you never said what sin this guy committed against your family. Did he pass by and laugh at your parents' graves or something?" Jin asked, letting her head go.

"Just please win this fight, Jin. At least this fight." Harukaze begged, her eyes locking onto his with an earnest passion.

"When you look at me like that. . ." Jin sighed, looking away. "I'll definitely win, so stand back and make sure he doesn't accidentally hit you with one of those devices of his."

"He won't miss." Harukaze stressed.

"Right, well, I already promised I'd win. Okay? So just stand back and stop looking into my eyes." Jin implored.

"But I have to talk to him, so I have to stand. . ." Harukaze started.

"Okay, well, at least don't look at me anymore!" Jin snapped. "You're distracting me! At a crucial moment!"

"Sorry." Harukaze bowed.

"And what's with that blue kimono? I'm trying to start a duel here and you're filling me with distractions."

"You told me to have fun, so I just. . ." Harukaze bowed again.

"Phwah." Jin spat his coveted sappy stem from his mouth, something he hadn't had access to for ten days, and tossed her out of his head. "GERO! Get out here, GERO! You've pissed off the wrong person, and I've come to collect your head for it!"

A lot of people on the street turned to look at him, noticed the two swords at his belt that denoted his bushi rank, and decided to quickly vacate the premises. One disheveled man who looked like he hadn't slept anytime recently emerged from the gambling den, with an angry glare.

"I think you've pissed off the wrong person, sir. Do you have any idea who -- sister?" Gero stopped midstride, his eyes widening like saucers.

Harukaze gave him an intense stare, her arms crossed in front of her. Even though she'd imagined this confrontation so many times, she still couldn't control her nervousness.

"Hello, Fuyukaze." Harukaze gave a cold nod. "I see you're still gambling."

"Is that it? I can't believe you. What happened with Akikaze was a tragedy. I asked them to give me more time, that if they'd just loan me another thousand olan, I could win back all I owed them and more." Fuyukaze looked at Jin with disgust.

"But they had the right to collect your debt. The debt you got by gambling with our family name. You sold your own sister away for the pleasure of tossing the dice a few more times. You sold your own parents' blood for another throw. It was you, Fuyukaze. It's all your fault. Everything. You're a monster. And now you're going to die for it." Harukaze grabbed her wrist to make sure she wouldn't try and throw one of her knives at her older brother herself.

"Look, I've been winning recently. Maybe we could find Akikaze and buy her back." Fuyukaze offered reasonably. "Of course I feel bad about that too. Didn't I tell you I was sorry at the funeral? But there was nothing I could do without money. You know it's impossible to oppose Yahiko Nomura."

"Sometimes sorry isn't enough." Harukaze stared into her brother's red-rimmed eyes.

"This frog guy is your brother?" Jin asked, a little set back.

"I didn't want you to think this was just a glorified family quarrel." Harukaze bit her lip.

"Isn't it?" Jin asked.

"Well, yes. But it's different." Harukaze said.

"How is it different?" Jin asked, his voice still neutrally curious.

"Because I really do hate him. With all my heart and soul. I hate him so much I'm trembling with it." Harukaze explained.

"I thought I told you not to keep any secrets from me." Jin complained.

"I couldn't tell you. If I had told you who I wanted dead, you would've refused. You would have preached to me about filial duty or something." Harukaze explained.

"Oh, I don't know. If you had tried to explain, maybe I would've been completely understanding. Well, I guess that's neither here nor there. Do you two want to have a drink, perhaps talk about all the years you've missed, or can I start this duel already?" Jin asked patiently.

"Why don't you stay out of this?" Fuyukaze glared at the swordsman. "I suppose she scrounged up some sort of assassin because she knew she couldn't beat me herself, but she hasn't told you how strong I am. She's clearly mad, to try to kill her own brother like this. All I did was gamble a bit, just like everyone else. It's Niron's past time. Who knew I would lose so many times in a row? These things happen. They could happen to anyone."

"The problem is they happened to Akikaze." Harukaze shouted at the top of her lungs. "You could never understand that, brother! Your heart is too shriveled to understand something that simple! So I'm doing the only thing I can to teach you what you refuse to understand yourself! Pawning your family for money isn't right!"

"You've become really cheeky since I left, Harukaze. Who are you to lecture me, the head of the family? It's not like being a courtesan is such a bad job. You get the best clothes and lots of love." Fuyukaze jibed.

Jin drew his sword. "I'm counting to three, so please act to defend yourself."

Fuyukaze's face became an indignant shade of red, forcing his eyes off his kid sister to this upstart sellsword. "If you're so eager to die, then die." A knife slipped out of his sleeve and into his hand, and then in a flash was heading for Jin's forehead.

Jin knocked the blade out of the air with his own, sprinting towards his opponent with an urgent desire to close range.

Fuyukaze ran away, tossing daggers behind him as he sprinted. Jin grimaced as he blocked, his own need to be safe slowing him down. In a moment Fuyukaze had hopped up the walls of two buildings to the top of a roof, just like a frog, and started throwing shuriken down at his opponent.

Jin dodged behind a corner, his back to the building across the street's wall. Was this even a duel? What kind of sword school did this stupid family attend, the school of 'anything goes martial arts'?

"No use hiding!" Fuyukaze gloated, leaping from rooftop to rooftop. Suddenly he was overhead and a chain was smashing towards Jin's head. He only barely had time to slash his sword up to catch the chain before its iron weight at the bottom crushed his skull in. Fuyukaze laughed and jumped to the next roof over, jerking the chain with him. Jin's priceless katana was ripped out of his hands effortlessly.

"Do you have any idea who I am? I doubt you could even beat my sister!" Fuyukaze gloated from on top of the next roof over, getting out a sling and loading it with some smooth stones from a pouch.

"I don't even have a sword and you're still going to shoot at me?" Jin complained.

"This is how I fight!" Fuyukaze shouted angrily, and whirled his sling over his head into a whirring bzzz that tore through the air, and then launched another killing blow at Jin's head. Why was it always perfectly aimed at the head?

Jin dived across the alley and broke through the door of whatever house Fuyukaze was standing on. It was unoccupied except for a toddler, no doubt the people living here were going about doing their daily work, which was probably for the best. In close quarters, Fuyukaze couldn't rely on his ranged weapons. So long as he stayed indoors. . .

"Are you sure about that?" Fuyukaze taunted, having apparently already leaped to another roof. "If you stay indoors, Harukaze will be defenseless, you know."

"I'm your opponent!" Jin shouted, drawing his shorter wakizashi, his only remaining weapon, such as it was.

"Then come out and fight, coward!" Fuyukaze taunted. "I'm running out of patience!"

Jin looked around the house and grabbed a table, the plates pouring down one side and sending the toddler crying into the corner. He jumped back out of the house and heard an enormous thunk against his new wooden shield from a sling stone. He charged across the alley and tried to spy where Fuyukaze had run off to next.

He heard the rustle of a chain and instinctively raised his sword arm to protect his head. The man always aimed for the head. It was just enough. Somehow Fuyukaze had gotten behind him and tried to snap his neck with the chain, but now it was caught around his arm, and a tug-o-war had begun. The problem was Fuyukaze had so much better leverage. Jin strained his muscles, trying to stretch the chain back away from his neck again. The chain was taut though, as Fuyukaze put both his arms into pulling Jin's arm back into his body and losing the contest of strength. Jin gathered his ki from every corner of his body and pushed, both his hands with a literal deathgrip on his wakizashi, but the chain only barely gave. He could hear Fuyukaze's heavy breathing as his feet slid forward behind him. The man was leaning into it and he could stretch both his arms out to their full length. It was hopeless. He really was stronger than Vaj. And he really had never let Jin even get close. What a cheap way to fight. Well, Jin guessed he couldn't complain, in the end.

And then the chain went loose. There was a bubbled gasp of surprise, and then the sound of a falling body.

Jin turned around with surprise to see Fuyukaze's back pierced by two throwing knives. Harukaze stood panting at the far end of the alley, looking at him fearfully.

"I just couldn't. . .just this one. . .I couldn't let this one get away." Harukaze panted.

"I see." Jin said, feeling disgusted.

"He was going to kill me next. He said it himself." Harukaze pleaded again.

"I see." Jin walked in a wide radius, looking for his family heirloom.

"You did nothing wrong! It was my decision! Hate me if you want!" Harukaze bit out. "I didn't want you to die! He took my family once! I wouldn't let him take it from me again! No matter what!"

"I see." Jin said, climbing the roof of a trashed building and finding his katana still entangled in one of Fuyukaze's chains.

He had never before cheated in over a hundred duels. He felt loathsome, and all of that loathing fixed onto this lone girl, who had stolen his honor. They had come together, and instead of fighting one on one, they had fought him together. He hadn't asked for it, but the whole world had seen it. He had lost his honor, his name, forever. Why did she take that from him? What was her idea of honor? Did she have any pride at all? What were all her big words at the beginning of their journey together about? She was just a hypocritical lying nothing. She had tricked him into this fight, and now she had tricked him out of his fight. Jin angrily tore the chains away from his sword and checked it for any chips. It seemed to be fine. He slammed his sword angrily into its sheathe.

Jin jumped down from the roof. Harukaze had turned her brother's body over and slit his throat for good measure, and then hidden her knives back away up the sleeves of her dress.

"I'm leaving. Don't follow me." Jin said. And then he walked somewhere far away where he wouldn't have to see her face, ever again.