A novel written by: Vinmar and Radicaller

 

-Carlton, wake up - A female voice called

 

Carlton yawned, as he awakened from his slumber. He looked around to see his hentai doujinshis splattered around the floor, rolls of toilet paper tossed across the room, and posters of his most beloved isekai anime.

 

“Damn, I should really get a girlfriend”, he thought to himself

 

-Carlton, it’s already 01:00 PM, get out of bed - said his mother after entering the room.

 

She gazed upon his sacred chamber of depravity, and sighed as she collected his defiled clothes. While leaving the room, she said:

 

-I’m not cleaning up your bodily fluid remains!

 

After his mother was gone, banging the door behind her, he got up and shoved all that mess under his bed.

 

-That dirty old hag...

 

He turns on his computer and opens his favorite novel website. He keeps scrolling endlessly through the pages, but nothing seems to catch his eye. He thinks to himself:

 

“It appears that the Isekai genre has gotten even more stale. There seems to be no more room for originality these days.”

 

-Curse these new authors, they just keep reusing the same old formulas - Cried Carlton to his own monitor, much to his mother’s distress.

 

Carlton proceeds to leave his room and enter the bathroom. He performs his “daily ritual”, and immediately regrets all of the decisions that led him to that moment. After washing his face, he looks at the mirror. His long, black hair falling to his knees, and his unshaven beard grown (albeit slightly) are the proof of his long and well spent years reading and criticizing novels, manga, and hentai.

 

A task only for the most strong-willed of human beings.

He leaves the bathroom and walks downstairs to have lunch alone, as his mother does the chores.

 

-Carlton - his mother called to him - When are you gonna get a job?

 

- I told you already, I’m trying, alright?!

 

-You’ve been saying that for the past 6 months, but nothing has changed. You can’t live under my roof for your whole life.

 

-YOU’VE TOLD ME THAT ALREADY. I’M BUSY DOING IMPORTANT THINGS AT THE MOMENT!

 

He runs up to the second floor, throwing himself on his bed, and starts crying. It’s at this moment that Carlton Yeeves starts to reflect on all of his life. He had put so much effort in trying to make the novels’ world a better place, that he had no time to think on his own.

 

Carlton is a determined man, he just doesn’t know where to focus that determination upon.

 

Thirty minutes later, he stops crying, and goes to open the novel website again.

 

-Shit, this protagonist is so damn worthless, How could he fall for such a petty trick? If I were in his place, that would have never happened!

 

That’s when he has an epiphany.

 

“Maybe I should live my own isekai!”

 

 

“That’s it, why hadn’t I thought of this before, I should just commit seppuku, and die like all those MC’s. Then I’ll be summoned to another world and will live my own adventure, completing quests and saving girls”

 

Yay, how original.

 

-It’s settled then. I’m gonna kill myself - said Carlton with confidence.

 

As our not so young hero decided, he pondered:

 

“Hmm, but what’s the quickest and least painful way to do it?”

 

As he noticed he hadn’t closed his bedroom door, he went to close it, and as he did, he noticed something of peculiar interest: the stairs. Then another great idea came to Carlton’s mind.

He swiftly climbed to the attic, and tried to jump down to the first floor.

 

Unbeknownst to him, fate had different plans.

 

He ended up hitting his head on the ceiling, and rolling down the stairs instead, managing to miss all his vital points in the process. His mother, who was watching television in the living room, didn’t notice it (or pretended not to).

 

Slowly rising to his feet, with no intent of giving up, he left his home to think of fresh ideas to accomplish his goal. As he walked on the street, he reached the old town bridge and noticed a couple passing by.

 

-Hey, I have this wedding to attend this weekend, could you go with me? - the young lady asked

 

-Of course I can. - the man replied

 

-Thanks sweetie. -

 

As he listened to their conversation, Carlton thought to himself:

 

“These ignorant fools, just living their lives with not a single worry in the world, as if they were truly happy. They don’t see the bigger picture like I do.”

 

And with his unwavering resolve, Carlton proceeded to think of different ways to kill himself, so that he could make the most original isekai ever.

 

Then, as a truck came closer and closer, he saw an opportunity, and threw himself in front of it.

 

“Truck-san, end my life!”, Carlton thought to himself

 

Unbeknowst to him, fate had different plans.

 

The driver was very watchful on that day, and he quickly turned the vehicle before hitting Carlton. Unfortunately, he ended up running over the couple instead, and the truck flew over the bridge into the water, dragging the young lady’s body alongside it.

 

Even after having such a tragedy unfold before his eyes, Carlton didn’t intend to give up. He looked at the man’s body, and noticed a gun hanging from his coat. He slowly pushed himself towards the corpse, getting a grip of the 9mm, and shakingly pointed it to his own head. After a moment’s hesitation, he pulled the trigger.

 

*click*

 

Unbeknownst to him, fate had different plans.

 

The weapon had the safety on, and he wasn’t able to kill himself yet again.

 

After being so close to death, he was in complete shock, unconsciously letting the gun go off of his hand, and then falling to the floor in distraught shortly after. He was so earnestly ready to take his life moments before, but now all that confidence went away.

 

He left the scene, walking back home. He starts to think about the whole idea of dying and reincarnating into another world, and how it seems pretty silly to him now. He shouldn’t think of going to another place, or have another life, but instead improve his own life in the world he was born into.

 

After getting home, he made an anonymous call to the police, and told them about how he found the corpse of a young man on a bridge, but without mentioning that he was the cause for his death.

 

His mother was still watching television, so as he went up to his bedroom, he started to think of ways to correct his life.

 

Unbeknownst to him, fate had different plans.

 

As he was climbing up the stairs, he tripped and died.

 

The end.