It wasn’t until Dani finished yawning that she realized she was waking up. Confusion overtook her as she tried to remember what she was last doing before falling asleep.

I was lying down to relax. Rachel told me to, Rachel was over. We were all worried about–

She groaned as the trouble from yesterday all came back to her. Based on the pale gray light coming through her window, she guessed the day was now ‘early’ instead of ‘super late’ and she had slept for more than a short nap. A quick check on her phone revealed it was a little after six in the morning.

Ryan still hasn’t responded, and I don’t feel any less exhausted than last night. Maybe I should just fall back asleep for a few more… days.

An inescapable feeling of bleakness crept all through Dani. A bottomless pit, spewing up wretched ideas that she had done her best to pack away. It told her that she might never see Ryan again, that it was all because of her, that she was destined not just to be alone in love, but in life. Instead of falling into the pit, though, she got up and intended to drown it out with caffeine.

When she walked past her bedroom mirror she stopped to examine how pitiful she looked. Plaid, fleece pajama pants and a long-sleeved gray shirt didn’t hide the changes hormones had been creating, though they didn’t flaunt them either. Normally she would be excited to see her progress, but at the moment all she could think of was how drained she looked. Frizzy hair shooting in every direction, a thin layer of stubble starting to poke through her chin and lip, dark bags under her half-open eyes. She did her best to tame her hair with her hands before giving up and continuing her course toward coffee.

In the hall, she noticed the door to Simon and Ryan’s room shut tight, and figured Simon had given up waiting and gone to sleep. By the door, Rachel’s shoes and coat were gone.

Just me this morning. That’s alright, maybe some peace and quiet can help me relax.

She filled up the kettle and flicked it on without much thought into the process. It was her routine for most mornings where she didn’t have to go to work before noon. As she scooped coffee beans into her grinder and watched them be chopped to coarse bits, she absentmindedly rubbed her finger over the prickles on her chin.

I should have shaved first. What if Simon wakes up from all the noise I’m making? Nobody should see me with this disgusting stuff on my face.

Dani debated a trip to clean herself up in the bathroom before finishing her coffee, but was interrupted by the kettle beeping. She readied the coffee grounds in the bottom of her french press and poured the water over, letting out a peaceful sigh as the aroma of fresh coffee filled the air. After putting the plunger over the top, she sat in silence, her eyes closed, focusing on her breathing while she waited for her salvation to finish brewing.

Everything is going to be fine. Ryan will come home with an explanation of what happened. In a week we’ll have forgotten all about this!

The timer she had set on her phone started chirping. She pushed the plunger down and poured the steaming coffee into a mug she had gotten from work.

Or maybe this is it. Maybe Ryan and I are done. But maybe that’s not so bad! I’m early in my transition, there’s still so much I have to work on. Ways I can improve myself. I wasn’t ready to have a relationship so soon into all of this, it was a dumb idea. This is a good thing.

She fought against the lump forming in her throat with a sip of coffee, risking any potential scalds. The onslaught of bitter and acidic did the trick, and she focused on waking up and what she should do with her day as she leaned against the countertop and took another sip.

I could clean my room up. Maybe order some clothes online based on Rachel’s advice. Maybe when she’s done working she’ll want to try that new restaurant she mentioned. Though I’m a little bored of sushi, but maybe they’re original enough to–

Her phone chirped again, though not from any timer she set. In a whirlwind, she set down her mug and looked at who was calling her.

It wasn’t Ryan. But, it still put a smile on her face.

Noah!

She answered her brother’s call with joy, though she felt bad that a part of her really wanted it to be Ryan.

“Hello!” She said cheerfully. For a moment a fear crossed her mind, that maybe her parents had taken her brother’s phone and were the ones calling, and she was falling into a trap.

Thankfully, Noah’s voice didn’t take long to come through. “Hey! Sorry for calling so early, it’s the best time we have for privacy.” The phone crackled and she heard murmuring through the speaker. “Caleb didn’t think you’d pick up.”

“That’s not true!” Another voice shouted from the phone. “I said it was possible that you wouldn’t.”

“And sorry that we didn’t call back sooner.” Noah regained control of the phone. “I know we said a week and it’s been like, two, but Mom and Dad have been really clingy lately. They want to spend every waking moment watching Christmas movies and decorating.”

Dani frowned, reminiscing of the times she had helped her mother decorate the tree and the mantle, and sat down to watch corny holiday films with everyone. But upon hearing her brothers’ voices she couldn’t help but grin again.

“It would be fine if they weren’t ignoring the elephant in the room,” Caleb said, in between sounds of the twins shoving each other.

Finally finding a pause in the two’s bickering, Dani took the chance to speak. “It’s great hearing from you both again so soon! You wanted to plan to meet up in person, right?”

“Yes!” Noah was back in charge. “On Christmas! It’ll be like a big present, to have everyone back together.”

“Are you sure?” Dani asked. “Wouldn’t Mom and Dad wonder where you are?”

The phone got quiet, until Caleb spoke. “Well, we would all be together. We want you to visit us at home! And maybe Mom and Dad will rethink kicking you out!”

Dani hesitated. What? They don’t really think it will be that simple, right? Do they know something I don’t? Is it some planned intervention so that I–

“I know that sounds dumb,” Noah said. “But, Caleb brought up some good points to me when I told him it wouldn’t work. Like how we’ll be there, backing you up. If they want to yell at you, then we’ll yell back at them.”

“And probably get in a ton of trouble…” Caleb’s meek tone could be heard whether in person or not. “But we will do it! Promise!”

Surprising that Caleb is willing to be in the line of fire for me. Maybe he’s changed a lot since I left.

“Yeah,” Noah continued. “And it’ll rip the band-aid off this whole situation. Mom and Dad have been so weird since you left. They baby us more than ever, press us on going to church more and getting involved with all that. And if we try to talk about you… I mean you’d think you died or something, the way they tiptoe around it.”

Dani took a deep breath. “Noah, Caleb, that’s a really kind offer, but–”

She was cut off by another scuffle on the other end of the call. The words her brothers were saying couldn’t be made out, but their tone shifted to that of worry and secrecy.

“Go distract them,” Noah whispered. “I’ll finish this up fast.”

“Is everything alright?” Dani could feel herself clutching her phone tighter.

“Yeah, yeah.” Noah was back to his original speaking voice. “Dad just yelled up to us and I told Caleb to go buy me some time. So, that’s our idea for seeing each other again. Do you like it?”

“Noah, it’s a sweet idea. But so much could go wrong, I mean.” She tossed her head to the side and rubbed her eyes with the base of her palm. “Surprising them like that, after how things left off. I don’t know how it could go well. You think they’ll forget what they said to me? You think I’ll forget what they said to me?”

Noah was quiet, then Dani heard him sigh. “I know, but we want to see you.” His voice was shaky and Dani began to feel terrible. “We want our family to be back together again. This whole year has been so awful, and I know they were bad to you but Caleb and I won’t turn on you.”

After a moment to think, Dani responded. “Is Caleb really okay going up against Mom and Dad? That doesn’t sound like him.”

“I know what you mean.” Noah laughed and sniffled. “But since you moved out, it’s like he sees them super differently. God, I really want to see you again and tell you everything you’ve missed. Oh! And I think I’m taller than you now, not to brag. Caleb is too, obviously.”

Dani knew it would be a bad idea, but she also knew it could help settle things. In not only her mind, but her brothers’ and parents’ as well. She would know for sure if her parents would ever treat her like their child again. She would reconnect with her brothers. She took a big gulp of coffee. “Alright, I won’t say for sure, but I’ll think about it.”

“Okay! We should be able to call you back in a few days, will you know by then?” Noah’s voice conveyed puppy dog eyes flawlessly, even as his voice was going through changes.

“Yeah, I’ll know by then.” Dani nodded though nobody could see. “Thank you for reaching out again, good luck with… everything over there.”

“Thanks! I really do have to go now, I hope you end up joining us! But if you don’t, Caleb and I will still find a way to meet up with you anyway, so no pressure. Bye!”

Dani ended the call herself and slid her phone across the countertop so she could finish her coffee without distractions.

Maybe… Maybe…