Meanwhile, inside the Forest of Time.
Azura woke up with a start only to look up and see a black ceiling.
‘Where am I?’ Azura looked around and wondered where she was when she suddenly heard a low growl.
She turned around quickly only to see a claw nearing her neck and approaching quickly. Her brain was still in a mess so she only had enough time to jump.
*Splat*
“Shit.. you bastard..” Azura glared at the dark figure while holding her cut off hand. She stared at the beast and saw it come closer. When it came into the light she saw a black bear with glowing crimson eyes and bloody claws.
*ROAR* The bear let out a deafening roar as it charged forward.
‘Damn beast’ Azure thought as she looked around for a way to escape. She suddenly hit her head.
‘I didn’t want to use this.. But I have no choice’ Azura looked like she was wronged. Purple light started to emanate from her body which illuminated the dark cave.
The bear suddenly started to age, its fine black fur started to become rough and white, its skin started to become loose. Suddenly, its skin started to tear and bones became exposed and blood started pouring out. However, the blood did not fall onto the ground. Instead, it started flying to Azura.
‘Although I’ve increased my lifespan from this bear I’ve lost all of my magical energy. I’ll need at least a month to get all of it back. Damn!’ Azura cursed the bear that had made her use this attack. The attack is called Life Devour and it is the strongest attack she can create. Life Devour does not need a specific amount of magical energy, it only takes however much it needs to take the lifespan of others and give it to the host.
Azura looked around properly for the first time and saw her hand near the corner of the cave. She went to it and picked it up.’That damn bear.. I’ll need to use even more energy to reattach my hand..’
She grumbled as she looked around and suddenly saw something inside of the bear head. She quickly ran to it and examined it.
‘Wha..What is this..?.. It has magical energy… Not very dense energy but energy nonetheless. It looks like an Energy Crystal but its not the same energy, this is another world, should it even have magical energy?’ Azura looked at it with interest until something popped into her head.
“Oh Divine Lord of Darkness, grant this young follower the power of purity” Azura chanted as she looked at the small ball filled with energy turn smaller and smaller until it turned into a ball the size of a pebble. That is, a pebble filled with pure magical energy.
Azura looked at the pebble sized ball and slowly put it into her mouth where is instantly dissolved into a liquid. Azura quickly sat down as the extremely pure energy went into her.
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One week later.
Azura opened her eyes and shivered, one could even see a blush appearing over her face. She moved her hand which had been severed and reattached and stood up yet stumbled a bit as she went outside of the cave. When she got to the exit, the sun temporarily blinded her. When her vision came back to her she saw a lush green trees and plants with dew still on the leaves.
Azura quickly ran to the leaves leaving deep footprints behind. She instantly tore off the leaves and started drinking the dew.
‘Damn, I’m so thirsty and hungry, just how long was I out. I need food but where can I find anything in this forest.’ Azura looked around and saw some fruit. She jumped up and took them. As she was about to eat the fruit she suddenly stopped. Green light started radiating from her hand which was holding the fruit.
‘Not poisonous. Good!’
She bit into a fruit which had a sweet and yet sour taste. She ate four more and kept the remaining two in her pocket. She suddenly looked at her clothes which resembled rags just barely covering her.
‘I need to find civilization.. But before that..’ She slowly looked up and smelled the air. Afterwards, she jumped from tree to tree until she spotted what she had smelled. She looked at the animal which resembled a unicorn with a single horn on its head.
‘What a beautiful creature. I wonder, food or mount?’ Azura stared at it with adoration and hunger filled eyes.
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Generic 2d Characters? Horrible pacing? Unrealistic occurrences (I mean come on, how can the Ultimate God of Creation screw up that badly?). So yeah, I am out. She basically has no goals, no hopes, no aspirations. She has nothing a Main Character should have, except Overpoweredness. I know people will likely say its only chapter 2 and it might get better. But the first few chapters usually show how much effort and thought an author will put into their novel. Others might like this kind of story, but I sure don't. Hope everyone has a nice read.
Jesus man. I like criticism, but this is a lot to take in.
@Booper150 I still read it all. It did indeed get better, but I still feel the first 6 chapters need to be cleaned up.
all things considered, as you said, it's only chapter 2. it's a little unreasonable to expect her to already have goals and such right out of the gate. there are tons of stories out there where the protagonist doesn't actually have a goal set in the first few chapters. she will eventually find a goal to strive towards, but to expect her to already know what she wants to do, in a brand new world where she doesn't even know the power structure or anything else is unreasonable. she can't strive to be the strongest adventurer or something because she doesn't even know if this world has that. she can't strive to be a king or take over the world because she doesn't even know if monarchies are the predominant political system here. so far we know she's evil and wished for the power to basically become the best magic user in the world. after she gets her boots on the ground then she can decide what she wants to do with her new life.
@UncrownedKing No goals were only one of my points..... and she has been alive for at least a hundred years, right? Telling me she did not have any personal goals during those times?
@BreezyNovels my point is those goals really don't matter when she has literally just been kicked out of an entire universe. any old goal she might have had is irrelevant at this point. she clearly doesn't miss or care about her old universe so there's no real goal she could conceivably have at this point without first knowing about the world she's currently in. if she had people she cared about in the old world or maybe that creator god killed her or something maybe she'd want to go back and get revenge but she was clearly happy about being sent to a new world and she got 2 wishes out of it, so at this point in time upon first waking up she really couldn't possibly know what she wants to do in this world. it's very unreasonable to expect her to.
you said horrible pacing, and while it could be better, all that's happened so far is her being transmigrated and then waking up. for 2 chapters that is hardly considered horrible pacing.
unrealistic occurrence? i mean what do you actually know about the god in the first place? as far as we know the so-called god could just be a super-advanced AI or something. we don't even know why the error happened other than something on earth is the cause so it's a little presumptuous to call it unrealistic (especially considering this is a fantasy in the first place).
look i'm not saying this story is perfect, far from it, but i do think most of your points are a little unfair for chapter 2. a chapter 2 where the main character had only just woken up and had a quick fight at that.
@UncrownedKing I wonder how far you have read?
In later chapters, it is quite clear she cared about her brother that took over the empire when she disappeared. And the brother made it quite clear that he is only a temporary ruler waiting for his sister's return. Even going so far as to invade other universes to look for her. And it is horrible pacing when the MC jumps from one activity to the next immediately. It is also an unrealistic encounter that there just happens to be an error when the MC is getting her wishes. Meaning it has never happened before? So why would it happen at that specific point? This is all information inferred by what we are given, so unless you are basing your arguments on information that is already in the novel and not something that you assumed happened, I don't want to argue with you.
@BreezyNovels
I think you are still missing my point even though I've reiterated it quite a few times now, probably because you've already read quite a bit of this already. my point, yet again, is this was just chapter 2. my problem is specifically with your arguments this early on. if you said these things later on in a different chapter, that's one thing, but you put all of this in chapter 2 of a story that's barely even started. that's my problem. and again calling the plot unrealistic when it's involving gods and other such things is really redundant tbh. things pop up all of the time. you never know when a sudden error code is going to show up. you can't really call it unrealistic simply because it happened to the protagonist. otherwise, what's the point in reading any fantasy novel. is a mass murderer being pulled out of her universe and given 3 wishes any more realistic than a mass murderer being pulled out of her universe and only receiving 2 wishes because something happened suddenly and the third wish was canceled? who knows why it happened at this specific point. like i said, it's just chapter 2! perhaps it would have been explained later on when it became relevant. it all comes back to that for me, your arguments don't belong on chapter 2. the only thing that's been set up so far is the explanation for why she's going to be strong and where she woke up. literally everything else you said is rather unreasonable unless the chapters were a lot longer. and considering how short the chapters are, this could barely be considered out of the prologue.
again, i'm not saying this story is perfect. hell, i myself am not even all that interest in it. my problem was you jumped the gun a bit on your comment. that's all. whatever problems arise after this wasn't my concern. only that this is far too early on for most of your concerns in the original comment. i'm pretty sure the first two chapters combined don't even pass 3k words. if you seriously believe that judging a character's motivations, goals, pacing, and character in so few words is anything other than too hasty i don't think we have anything else to argue over in the first place.
@UncrownedKing @BreezyNovels the internet is a wonderful place where random people can argue about wonderful things
@Booper150 I like how they put more thought into their arguments than I put into the book.
@Ar_Not_Nas That shows how your story affects other people. it makes people want to argue about how good it is! ;D