But Joseph said to them, “Do not be afraid, for am I in God’s place? - Genesis 50:19

 

Alex awoke to a throbbing pain in his head.

*Slobber* He cracked his eyes open to see Barney drooling on his face.

"Ugh...what happened?" Alex slowly got up as he recalled what he just saw. "Did that dude just spontaneously combust?" That's when he heard a voice in his mind. 'Hello, Lord.'

He paused for a few seconds. "Nope." Ignorance was bliss. "Alright, let's go home. This is no place to take a nap."

'Hello, Lord.'

"Man it's hot out here."

'Lord?'

"I could really use a water or something."

'LORDDDDDDD!'

...

"Yes?"

'Let me explain, Lord.'

"Explain my ass!"

Alex's mind raced. 'What is this? Did that beggar dose me with LSD? Remote gangstalking tech? Outbreak of schizophrenia?'

Alex looked to his side, "Barney, can you hear him?"

...

'Ok, the bad news is Barney didn't hear anything. The good news is my dog still doesn't speak, so I'm not yet fully insane.'

'Lord, please, it's not what you think. This isn't schizophrenia. I'm real.'

Alex froze, looking around. '...How did you hear my thoughts?'

'You're talking in your head, Lord. I also...live in your head.'

'You're living in my head now? DID YOU PAY RENT?!? Listen, I'm not buying it. You go back and tell those magazine companies that I DID NOT order 1 year of Better Homes and Gardens and I am NOT paying for it! I don't care if they send 1 magical hobo, or 5, Bane, or the entire ROSTER of the New York Mets to spread bad luck to me. The answer IS...NO!'

...

*Inhale* *Exhale* 

Alex was taking slow, deep breaths to calm down. 'Finally, he's gone. Those damn debt collectors are stepping their game up.' Alex shook his head. 'This is why I should never help anyone and only endlessly consume the world's resources until we have to colonize Mars...'

Alex took Barney's leash and prepared himself to return to his normal, peaceful life, where homeless people did not morph into pokeballs and his head was a quiet, interruption-free place to thi--

'I am not a debt collector, Sir.'

If at this hour, one was to walk by Surf Avenue and 12th Street, they would be welcome to an interesting sight. A 20 year old man was in the street, connected to a leashed dog, as both of them were on all fours in identical poses.

At this moment, a shirtless elderly man walked out onto his apartment terrace and saw this image. He didn't know who was imitating who, but he instantly assessed it to be some sort of beauty contest between man and beast. He took it upon himself to quickly give the most unbiased judge's decision he could, before walking back in and returning to his life.

After several minutes, Alex found the determination to stand up and walk home. Barney followed, not knowing that he had just gained the honor of becoming the species-wide, 2020 Brighton Beach Beauty Boy.

...

Relaxing on his couch, Alex had a cold sugary drink to calm his nerves. With Barney freeloading at his side, he starting channel surfing the tv.

'Can we talk, Sir?'

"...It seems I'm not getting rid of you without a lobotomy. You're lucky I'm not a fan of Desperate Housewives. State your business."

'It's like this. You've become a God, Lord.'

"...I don't feel very God-like. What kind of God lives in a place like this?"

Alex looked around his small, dark one-bedroom apartment. All the furniture was old and falling apart without exception: the desk with a computer, the sofa, the coffee table blanketed by Homes and Gardens magazines with scribbles in them...

The place was a dump, full of unwashed clothes and Doritos residue. This was the home of a low-income freelance writer.

'Regardless of the state of your living space, the fact of the matter is that you are indeed a God, Sir.'

"Yes? So my godly powers are to be haunted by a dead hobo?"

'I am not dead, Lord. I have merely entered your inner world and must reside here. Have a look for yourself.'

'Does it require my bank account information?'

'Sir, simply close your eyes. Think of the space inside your mind, the one where your thoughts reside.'

Alex closed his eyes...He saw the scene of the Night King attacking the Unsullied at Winterfell.

...

'You...you must try to quiet your mind, Sir'

'Seems I still can't get over that ending...' Alex closed his eyes again.

He was in a dark space that appeared to extend infinitely in all directions.

"Hello, Lord. It is good to see you again." It was the hobo in the flesh...Alex immediately started sprinting in the opposite direction.

Five seconds later, he was teleported to emerge from the side opposite to the one he ran in. He could see the hobo up ahead, whose back was now facing him. He promptly raised his arm and prepared a clothesline.

The hobo side-stepped.

Alex stopped his sprint, turned, and deeply stared at him. "You've passed the test..." He looked around. "Now tell me about this fungeon."

"...This is the inside of your mind, Sir."

Alex saw nothing but darkness. "My teachers always told me there was not much going on in here...Seems they were right. Is this the inner world you were talking about?"

"No Sir, this is..." The hobo lifted his arm to the right. The walls of the room disintegrated like glass shards. The two were abruptly floating in the sky, high above an endless landscape of evergreen.

 

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Author's Note:

I'll occasionally write quotes at the top or additional information at the bottom to add context when a new piece of mythology/history is introduced.