Perhaps the final secret of the Illuminati is that you don't know you're a member until it's too late to get out. - Robert Anton Wilson 

Scott stood there in the sky with his eyes closed, his right eye twitching occasionally.

'Are you sure this is the time for this, Sir?'

Alex didn't respond right away. He was busy stuffing his face with a foot-long sub. He was seated inside of a Subway sandwiches restaurant across the street from his apartment.

'Gods need to eat too Scott. Continue with your speech.' Alex conversed through his soul link while enjoying his meal.

Scott felt like an anti-drugs speaker in front of an unappreciative grade school audience.

*Cough* 'Yes, Lord. The Illuminati have been the most powerful families since time immemorial. Over the years, they have collected many resources including powerful items, cultivation techniques, and numerous Generals. Combined with their statuses as chosen ones, their power is unmatched. They are the hidden rulers of Earth's society.'

*Chomp* *Chomp*

'They've passed down these advantages through generations, developing a vast foundation,' Scott continued.

'...Hmm, you sure do know a lot about them. Did they have anything to do with your mangled state at the boardwalk? How'd you get injured again?'

'...Fell down some stairs'

...

'This old fogie's keeping secrets,' Alex thought to himself.

'...No I'm not, Lord.'

'Damn! Isn't there any way to stop you from reading my personal thoughts?'

'Indeed, Sir. Simply password protect them.'

Alex chewed on the concept simultaneously with his sub. 'I guess that makes sense...' As soon as he willed it, it made it so that he would now have to form a consciousness link to Scott in order to open communication. More importantly, Scott could no longer freely hear his thoughts.

'Most of the MCs in the novels I've read never did this. That must mean their magical grandfathers were always listening to their stupid thoughts, even when they were playing with their dinguses in private.' Alex started to develop a feeling of superiority to the MCs who had conquered the universe as he finished his fast food daily discount lunch and walked home.

Alex suddenly realized something. 'Can you see what happens in the real world?'

'I have no access to that unless you summon me through my ability, Sir.'

'Phew, scared daddy. A man needs his privacy...Wait, summon ability...what ability?'

'It is my General's soul ability, Sir. Each General has one unique ability that can be used by his Lord. This ability allows them to assume a soul form in the external world.'

'What kind of ability?'

'There are multiple types of abilities including but not limited to: soul items, magical powers and spells, and summons in physical form.'

Alex began to get excited as he opened the door to his apartment, hearing Barney barking on the other side. "So what's your ability? Can you become a demonic spear, or maybe divine armor, or maybe a meteor shower spell?"

'Shall I show you, Sir? Simply summon me through our soul link.'

Alex did as instructed. A ball of light appeared in front of him before quickly materializing into two objects in his hands. His eyes glowed in anticipation.

Barney also wagged his tail in excitement. He was very interested in these objects, hoping they were new toys or treats.

Alex intensely studied the objects for several seconds. Then he threw them over his head into the corner and went about his life.

'Sir!'

"What?"

'Please take better care of your General's soul item, Sir. They are a physical incarnation of the General. Any damage gets passed directly to the General's soAAAHH--'

"WHAT SOUL ITEM?!? WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!? CHANGE IT!"

There in the corner, near an old pizza box, laid Scott's soul item--one of a pair of old wooden slippers. The other...currently being chewed on by Barney.

...

Scott was already making plans to search Cardopolis for a professional therapist. He was very depressed now. 'I cannot choose or change my soul item, Sir...'

"What do you expect me to do with those?"

'Every soul item has power. It can significantly increase the combat ability of the chosen one.'

"Why didn't you say so?" Alex went back over and retrieved the priceless divine shoes. "How do I use these?"

'Simply put them on and you will understand their function, Sir.'

Alex put on the old wooden slippers. As Scott said, he soon understood their usage. A few seconds later, he took them off and picked them up. He looked at them closely in his hands for several seconds...before throwing them over his shoulder into the corner again.

Barney promptly jumped off the couch to fetch.

...

Scott was in a corner of the sky, curled up into a ball, drawing circles in the clouds with his finger.

...

'These slippers can be of use to you Sir.'

"What use are those supposed to have? 50% movement speed buff? What can I do with that? They can't make me money. It's not like I can even go to the Olympics and wear these at the races.  What then, do I look like I want to be the best at exercising?"

After some time, the slippers dematerialized into spots of light along with the sound of a heavy sigh.

Barney looked left and right for his divine chew toy. Alex went back to surfing TV.

'No, don't be depressed. There's no time for that. I need to explain to him just how serious our predicament is. Once he knows, I'm sure he will urgently do what needs to be done!'

'Sir, please listen to me! There's something incredibly important I have not told you yet. The apocalypse is coming!'

"Shhhhhh! The Scooby movie is starting."