It started out as a walk. From the moment we left our townhouse, taking casual steps up Church Street, staying slow with the rise of the hill. Then we reached the intersection between Church and Watt, and Rosie broke out into a jog. I stayed as close behind her as I could, feeling my heart rise with the thump, thump, thumps within my chest the faster we gained traction.
As soon as we passed Fletcher Park, down the steady decline Rosie began to jog faster, and faster. Soon enough, before she could reach the crossover between Church Street and the Shortland Esplanade, she was in a full-on run, with myself lagging a metre behind her. My thighs continued to scrape in on each other, and my arms kept bumping into my breasts rocking across my chest. It wasn't until my heart was panicking with the excessive exercise, and my breathing had become desperate gasps, that I called to Rosie "Hey!"
And clearly hearing me, she slowed down, right on the hill over the famously local Newcastle Beach tunnel. She reached the bench at the top, glancing out over at the ocean with her hands on her hips, barely breaking a sweat. And I cursed her silently for being so athletically fit, as my ass collapsed on the bench, heaving out breaths from my lungs that stung. This was not what I had in mind when I said the word 'walk'.
But I took one look at Rosie and I knew. From the scowl that sat on her face, even when staring at the calming waves and the skin-tight bodysuits of the surfers heading out into the ocean, she wasn't in the mood for just a calm, brisk walk. She was running for her frustrations, and her anger, and I knew the reason why.
"Is everything...alright?" I manage to huff out in between breaths, my hands holding up my torso as they balanced on wobbly knees.
She turns. Her eyes don't look at me, but I can see the heat burning behind them, and the way her lips tighten in together to she's just taken a bite from a lemon.
"Yeah. Yeah, everything's fine. Everything's just great." She spits out sarcastically, breaking whatever calm air was still hanging between us. "I'm totally not pissed off at my boyfriend, who just lost his job and refuses to tell me what happened."
"Wait...what?" I breath, feeling my heart rate slow back down as I take in two quick breaths. "Dan got fired?"
Rosie nods, her lips pursing tighter, as she takes a small strides towards me. "Apparently it just happened. He was waiting for the bus to go home when he called."
She takes a seat on the bench, the ocean wind flicking her hair all over her face, which she brushes aside like it's nothing serious.
"And then I tried to ask him what was wrong - like a normal girlfriend would do - and he starts getting shitty!"
Rosie's voice gets higher the angrier she gets, the frequencies in pitch moving up several octaves.
"Like, far out! How hard is it to just tell me what's going on? I know it's a shitty thing to go through, but I can't help him when he wants to treat me like I'm the problem, and then pushes me away just because I asked a simple question!"
She finishes with a growling huff, crossing her arms over her chest, staring towards the road, scowling. The wind continues to whip the strands of hair around her face, but she doesn't push them away this time. Her expression starts to fade into a sad and angry frown and a sigh escapes through her nose. She doesn't move as I slowly sit up straight. My breathing has returned to normal and my heart has slowed to light thuds. The bench creaks as I move, barely audible under the roar of the crashing waves. My hands fall limp in my lap.
"I'm sorry," I speak. Though, in truth, I want to say so much more. I want to tell her that everything will be okay. That the sun will come out shining tomorrow, and that everything happens for a reason, and that Dan will call back and apologise, but I am the worst person to be giving wishes of good faith. I know there's a chance that everything won't work out like she hopes it does, and I know that the sun will hide behind clouds for a few days, before coating the ground with rain.
Rosie sighs deeply. "It's okay. Don't apologise, I'm just having a whinge."
I wish I knew what to say. I wish I knew how to make my friend feel better, but in truth, I didn't know all that much to give my opinion, and I wasn't exactly the best patron for loving and stable relationships, especially given my track record. All I had were suspicions, but even then, I didn't know all that much about Dan to speak up about what I thought could be happening.
And with nothing but the waves colliding against the rocks to coat our silence, we sit side by side, mindlessly staring towards the road, watching a car pass by every now and again. The air is thick with tension, circling Rosie like a bug around a fluorescent light, and again I wish there was something I could say to make the situation better. But I come up with nothing. At least, nothing that could make the situation better.
After a couple of minutes in silence, she finally releases a breath, letting it slowly escape through her nose, her hair tickling the bridge., and she turns her head to glance at me. "Are you going to be home tonight?"
As my eyes connect with her's, I can see the hurt behind them. It hides behind the warm, chocolate glow that usually shines, dulled by the obvious stress lines and bags that sit underneath. And even though I want to say 'yes' and help my friend cheer up, my head slowly shakes against her question.
"I'm sorry, I can't," I apologise. "It's Auden's 21st tonight..."
Rosie nods, her eyes trailing away from mine, looking distant.
"Right, right," she speaks softly, her voice growing sad. "Yeah, I forgot about that, sorry."
I can feel my heart break, looking at the disappointment shadowing over her face.
"I mean, I don't have to go," I say quickly. The last thing I wanted to do was cancel my appearance last minute, to upset Auden. But now Rosie was upset, and I didn't want to disappoint her either. I didn't want to be a bad roommate. But I didn't want to be a bad friend at the same time. My head started to cloud with worry. I didn't want to disappoint either of them, but now I've thrown myself into the circle of upsetting one or the other, and secretly I prayed that Rosie would deny my request so I wouldn't have to feel so much growing guilt in leaving the house tonight.
And she waves her hand at me, shaking her head in disagreement. "No, no, you should go. Seriously, don't worry about me, I'll be fine."
"Are you sure? I can stay home if you want me to." I suggest. The guilt doesn't subside.
She looks at me, with those same chocolate, golden specked eyes, and she forces a smile I don't believe she should have to.
"Kara, seriously, I'll be okay." She assures me, keeping the smile upon her weak face. "You should go have some fun. You've been cooped up in our house for way too long."
