Introduction

Haru no Kaze

“What is this? What am I doing?” I muttered to myself as I forget how to tie a noose, “I’m such a fucking failure, I don’t even know how to properly kill myself. I’ll just go look for a bridge or something.” I said that as I left my last letter to my dad, who is working at the moment. The letter has my will, my credit card and all of my precious belongings in it. As I left my house and lock my door for the last time, I pick a bridge to be the last place I be in before I die. As I pull myself up on top of the railings, I felt an odd sense of euphoria and salvation. It felt like I was forgiven of all the things that I have done, all of the mistakes that I have made and the grave sin that I have committed that will never be forgiven. As I stand up on the railing, I felt a sudden breeze of spring air that made me remember all of the memories that I have buried. “Ahh yes, it was spring that time huh, how could I even forget?” With tears falling down to my cheeks and the guilt and regret slowly eating me up, I let one foot off and a moment later I let go of the other. “Now just jump off and everything will be over, this world doesn’t need me no more, farewell Dad, goodbye sister. In the end I wasn’t able to say sorry huh.”...……. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t jump. I couldn’t kill myself. I couldn’t help myself. I couldn’t help her. I pulled myself up and as soon as I could stand I saw her on the other end of the bridge. I saw the girl whom I tried to rape. “Are you okay over there?” She gently asked me. As I try to fix myself from the shock, I managed to mutter “Yes” with a cowardly small and fragile voice. What is she doing here? Why is she smiling so heartedly? Is she her? Or does she just look like her? As I begin to question myself she asked “Do you live here? I happen to be lost, would you mind if you show me where this is?” She gave me a map that pointed to the nearest hospital. “Are you visiting someone in the hospital? A family member maybe?” She shook her head and said “I’m the one going to the hospital, This is very hard for me to say but I’m actually a victim of rape a few years ago but I don’t remember what happened because I was so scarred by it that I went through psychogenic amnesia and lost my memories of the incident. I’m here to transfer hospitals with my mum but we got separated in the city so I’m wandering on my own because I don’t have a phone.” As I calm myself up and avoid crying I slowly pointed towards the way to the hospital and said “Be careful on your way, make sure to avoid dark tunnels and dark alleyways.” I didn’t say anything else. I stayed silent until she thanked me and left. As I vomited on the side of the bridge, she came back running and as the breeze of spring flew towards us and lifted her skirt up, I saw it. I saw her panties. It was the same as back then. And with that, I vomited once more.