“Please,” I begged. “I’ve always wanted to sit in an oak tree. Pretty please?”
Another sigh left Nolan’s mouth as his gaze shifted from my face to the said tree we were standing in front of. I wanted to see its branches up close, and I knew I would feel safer if I had Nolan by my side in case anything happened.
Unfortunately, he wasn’t as enthusiastic about the idea. He seemed to have it in his head that I would flip out at the sight of any insect and possibly fall off the tree before he could have the chance to grab me. He wasn’t totally off the mark about my reaction, but I liked to believe that I had more sense than to behave like that while I was in a tree.
“Fine,” he said. “But you have to promise me that you won’t make any sudden movements, even if you see an insect crawling on your arm. I don’t want you to fall.”
“I promise! I’ll grab your arm before I start freaking out,” I said immediately.
He eyed me for a few seconds, obviously trying to assess how serious I was. I stared back at him as solemnly as I could.
Letting out another sigh, he nodded. “It’s dark, so be careful.”
“You don’t need to sigh so many times! I’ll be careful.”
“You go first,” he said. “If you fall, at least I’ll be here.”
“Thank you, Nolan!”
“Want a boost?” he asked, looking over at the tree. “The lowest branch still looks too high for you.”
I made a face when I realized he was right.
“Yes, please!”
With Nolan’s help, I got up onto one of the sturdier-looking branches and held on to the trunk for support.
Buoyed by his comforting presence below, I slowly made my way up the large tree. I’d reached around the middle of the tree when I decided to settle down on the branch I was stepping on. This was high enough.
I had to be at least thirty feet above the ground, but I didn’t dare to look down in case I lost my nerve. Firmly, I kept my gaze at eye level while trying to get into a comfortable sitting position.
“Can I come up now?” Nolan’s voice called up from below.
“Yes, please!”
It took him significantly less time to get up onto the same branch as me.
I scooted over carefully to make space for him.
“Holding two people shouldn’t be a problem for it, right?” I said, referring to the branch we were both sitting on now.
“Probably not,” he said, looking down at it. “This branch is pretty big.”
“Good,” I said.
Up here, the air tasted cool and fresh in my lungs. With a smile of contentment, I looked around at the leaves hanging down around me. In spite of the additional moonlight provided by the height we were at, I still couldn’t really see my surroundings in great detail. I tried to shove any thoughts of insects out of my mind.
“This is it,” I said to him. “I’ve finally accomplished my childhood dream.”
He snorted a little, earning a glare from me. “Of what, climbing a tree?”
“Yes,” I said. “I would never have been able to climb one in the past! I can’t believe I’m sitting in one right now. And it’s on such a lovely chestnut oak, too.”
“You’ve sat in a tree before,” he reminded me. “I think you said it was a … sweetgum tree or something.”
Ooh, he remembered what it was called. I was impressed.
“But that doesn’t count since I didn’t climb up it on my own. You were the one who pulled me up.”
“Okay, congratulations, then.”
“Thanks!” I rested my head on his shoulder.
His arm went around my waist, strong and reassuring.
“Remember what we talked about a couple weeks ago?” he asked.
I considered his rather broad question.
“About my father,” he said. “I talked to him.”
“Oh! That’s great. How did it go?” I offered him an encouraging smile.
I hadn’t expected Nolan to take the first step so soon, especially considering how estranged they seemed from each other, but I was happy for him. He didn’t seem satisfied with the current state of their relationship, and I wanted him to at least gain closure for himself, if not full reconciliation with his father.
He hesitated. “He … he apologized. He said that he regretted not spending more time with me when I was younger. He was always used to putting work as his first priority in everything, and because I came off as fine without much of his presence in my life, he thought that everything was okay.”
I frowned. That obviously wasn’t the case.
“He realized how much he messed up when I got attacked by Eri and only told him when I finally had no choice. By then I’d withdrawn so much, he didn’t know how to connect with me.” There were no inflections in his voice, but I felt him looking down as his chin brushed against my head. “Why couldn’t he at least have tried?”
Not knowing what to say, I simply put my arm around his back.
“He told me he was sorry, because maybe it could have been prevented if he had paid more attention to me.” His voice cracked on the last bit of the sentence.
A long moment passed as we sat there, taking in the quietness of the night, occasionally punctured by soft owl hoots, without speaking.
When it became clear that Nolan wasn’t going to continue, I asked, “What did you say after that?”
“Nothing. I left.” I heard him swallow. “I ... I didn’t know what to say. I think I blamed him for what happened to me. I hadn’t realized how much I’d been blaming my parents for it until that moment. I was so drawn to Eri because she was the only one who cared about what was going on in my life. She was the only one who cared to listen when I talked. My parents only cared about seeing my grades.”
A dull ache gnawed at my heart, and I pressed closer into his side.
“He said he was sorry. I couldn’t say anything. I don’t know how to forgive him, Chelsea.”
Telling him to ‘just forgive him’ wasn’t helpful, but I wasn’t sure what other advice I could give, either. I was upset with his father for hurting Nolan so much, but I didn’t want to discourage Nolan from forgiving him when his father had expressed remorse over his past actions. It would just hurt Nolan more to hold on to this grudge forever when he so obviously mourned the lack of a bond between them.
Eventually, I asked, “Do you want to forgive him, though?”
He exhaled a long, shaky breath.
“I want to have a normal relationship with him. I don’t—I don’t even know how to have a regular conversation with him. I only talk to him when I need his help getting something from outside of school.”
“Maybe this could be your chance to start over.” I tried to choose my words carefully. “He apologized, so he clearly knows he did something wrong. Did he say anything else? Like, that he’d make it up to you?”
He shook his head. “I got out of there before he could. I couldn’t stay there any longer.”
“I’m sorry.” I tightened my hold on him.
“You’ll probably think I’m pathetic,” he said, “saying this, but I feel all alone in the world. No matter where I go, or what I’m doing, I can’t shake it off.”
I could never think of him as pathetic. I wished I could do more to help him feel better.
“You’re not alone. You have me,” I said.
“I know.” He buried his face into my hair. “Thank you. If not for you, I wouldn’t have been able to talk to my father at all. Sometimes, when I’m with you, that feeling subsides. But it always comes back.”
I wanted to hold him in an embrace until I managed to squeeze every last bit of that loneliness out of him, but I knew that it didn’t work like that. My awareness of that added another layer of melancholy to the pain in my chest.
“If you ever feel ready, I think you could hear the rest of what he has to say,” I said. “Maybe he wants to make it up to you. But don’t force yourself before you’re ready.”
“Do you think I should? Would you if you were me?”
I gazed at the cluster of leaves dangling not far away from my face. In the darkness of the night, their greenness was hard to make out.
“I’m not sure I can give you an accurate answer,” I said slowly. I’m really close to my parents. “If I were in your situation, I guess I would think it wouldn’t hurt to try. But I’m not carrying with me the same experiences you have.”
“A part of me resents him.” He paused. “I’ve been stuck in the same place for a long time, thinking that I can’t move forward. I always thought that I could be fine all by myself, but I think I’m tired now—tired of going nowhere.”
“Just know that I’ll be here to support you, whether or not you’re ready to move on,” I said. “You can talk to me anytime.”
I felt him nod against my head. I hadn’t thought that it was possible, seeing as I was already pressed up against his side, but he pulled me even closer with the arm he had around my waist.
