CHAPTER 17 - A GOOD COOK THAT SHOULDN’T BE IN THE KITCHEN

The next day after that battle, I found myself a little bit bedridden because of mana dehydration. All my muscles ache and I got a bad stiff neck that affected all sides. Lizzy said that using three Command Codes yesterday was the main cause of that happening, and warned me to not do it again. In fact, she made me attend a full seminar about it this morning, complete with diagrams in a magical PowerPoint.

“Listen, normal humans like you only have a little mana pool to spend. Using the Archonlight System’s Command Codes is enough to make you faint, so make sure you don’t use it that frequently again! You got that!?” Teacher Lizzy pointed her stick at me. 

“Yes, whatever, fuhrer. I already know.” I murmured.

Wham! A swift slap of a stick made a terrifying sonic boom sound! Thankfully the teacher’s stick only hit the arm of the sofa where I'm sitting, missing my shoulder by eight centimeters!

“What was that?!” The Princess of Agartha gave me the look of a serial killer.

“Y-Yes! Roger that, my princess!” I cried like a puppy.

“Good.” Lizzy held her waist as she stood up straight. “Now just lay there and let your body rest. You should be able to move this afternoon if your body can regenerate enough mana.”

“O-Okay,” I said.

Suddenly, Lizzy pulled out a rectangular piece of paper from her sleeve. She put it on my hands in a gentle way. 

“Here’s your lovely check that I owe.”

“Wah!?” I raised the check to verify it using the sunlight from the windows. It was a real check! The one Yufa Haruna’s manager gave me yesterday! “You didn’t destroy it?”

“Of course not, stupid donkey. Why would I? I’m not so stupid to burn money.”

“But I saw you tear it to shreds!”

Lizzy waved her index finger. “Elementary, my dear. Quick Duplication Magic. I destroyed the fake one.”

“Why did you do it in the first place?” I tilted my head.

“It was all just a farce so that Yufa will invite us to a deadly ‘date’. I also knew about her secret powers and her affiliation with the Princess of Avalon. I wanted to confront them both, and I’d say all my plans went well.”

There was an evil smirk on Lizzy’s face. I think that’s what I should expect for a person with Rank S Intelligence.

I just nodded like an obedient dog. I think I’ll try not to provoke the princess from now on.

With our conversation over, the princess sighed and then exited the living room.

Today is Sunday, so I don’t need to worry about skipping a class. However, I think I’m going to bore myself to death if I just lay here so I reached the remote with my sore arms and switched the TV on. 

I started to watch anime when Lizzy entered the living room again. She’s now hugging a rice cooker, and she looks so adorable. When she noticed that I’m looking at her, she immediately explained herself with a blushing face.

“S-Since you helped me a lot, I-I will be cooking for you. Our lunch will be a pork cutlet bowl. Is that okay?”

“Mmm.” I nodded. “No complaints here.”

It’s weird. Really really weird. Last night, we swapped sleeping places. She let me sleep on my bed and she slept on this sofa. And now she’s going to cook for me like a real housewife? Is she that concerned to me? Did she get her head hit or something? 

I continued to watch anime on my flat-screen TV with comfort, while Lizzy went to the kitchen. However, I noticed that she walked back here in the living room and went to the storeroom. She carried a huge box all the way to the kitchen. She did it two times more, carrying bigger and bigger boxes, making it hard for me to focus on watching the TV. I’m curious about what she’s doing. I tried to peek a little, but my stiff neck wouldn’t allow me.

All of a sudden, I heard whirring sounds that are similar to a chainsaw. It was so loud that it made watching anime impossible.

A few minutes later, the ground shook, as if there is a low-intensity earthquake. There’s also this hard pounding sounds too as if a sledgehammer is smashing something!

A few minutes more, and there was a bright flash! It came from the kitchen, and it looked like a gas stove blowing off! Our smoke detectors immediately made their annoying siren sounds!

“Oh crap!” 

Lizzy hurriedly showed herself in the living room with standard sexy wife equipment: tank top, tiny gym shorts, and an apron. The only thing out of place on her fashion is the bandage on her forehead. 

She finger-gunned the smoke detector and fired a stardust laser. Of course, the smoke detector was fried immediately, making all the cybernetic beeps stop.

“What the hell are you doing?” I asked.

“What else? Cooking.” Lizzy tilted her head. “Duh.”

“Cooking? What were those loud noises? There’s even a fire explosion!”

“I’m using equipment to cook! What, you haven’t heard of electronic kitchenwares before?”

“Electronic kitchenwares my ass! Then what’s with that wound on your forehead?” I asked again, fully skeptical.

“I accidentally cut myself. It’s quite common to have these kinds of accidents.”

“Yeah, but people usually cut their fingers when cooking, not their forehead.”

“Whatever! Hmph!” Lizzy pouted adorably with reddish cheeks. She turned away and continued on whatever stupidity she’s doing in the kitchen. “Lunch is almost ready. Make sure not to eat too many potato chips.”

The next few minutes of her cooking were actually silent, except for that last second “Rune Enhancement: Stardust Glaze!” shout from the kitchen. I think she just used magic to cook out our meal. I’m quite terrified but excited about what our meal will taste like.

Ten minutes, and the moment of truth has come.

Lizzy presented her meal in an awesome royal-like manner. On the tray is her pork cutlet bowl seasoned with salt, pepper, onion chives, and luscious barbecue sauce on top of hot smoking rice. It smells good. The sweetness of the barbecue sauce and the saltiness of the meat compliments each other, and the spiciness is perfect. Not to mention that the pork is tender.

“Mmmm! This is a damn good pork cutlet bowl!” I said as I chomped down my meal.

“It should be! My cooking skills are far beyond any dish you mortals could do! Hmph!” Lizzy turned away with a blushing face. She really does love to be flattered.

My score on the food, ten out of ten. Perfect. She can probably fight that foul-mouthed blonde British chef on TV. However, she should not do it again. 

Why? I finally had a glance at the kitchen, and the “electric kitchenware” she used are instruments of doom. Just like what I thought earlier, she used a chainsaw to cut the meat, a sledgehammer to tenderize it, and a flamethrower to cook it to perfection.

“Oh, you also need to buy a new chopping board. I accidentally broke it when I’m chopping the onion chives.” Lizzy uncaringly said.

“Huh?”

“Hey, it’s not my fault that your chopping board is too weak to handle my chopping skills! So buy a new one, okay!?” Lizzy protested.

“Or maybe stop chopping with a chainsaw, you dolt,” I said with a sarcastic voice.

“I didn’t! I used my sword to cut the chives! I only used the chainsaw for the meat, you stupid donkey!”

Okay, I’m done. I don’t want to argue with the fuhrer any longer since I don’t think we’ll progress anyway. I just stayed silent and focused on eating while watching anime on the TV. Lizzy also continued eating silently too, making a temporary ceasefire on our quarrel.

After a few more seconds, Lizzy broke the peace treaty.

“Hey, stupid donkey. Why are you watching anime?” 

“I only watch anime whenever I have a bad day,” I said proudly.

 Lizzy adorably tilted her head with a spoon stuck on her mouth. “But you watch anime every day.”

Can somebody make an estimate of all physical, financial, and psychological damages she's done to me?