It was a very quiet night at Sanctuary that evening. With news of the attack, many of the regular patrons decided to stay away. Ciel couldn’t be sure if it was out of consideration to the tired staff or because they were frightened of being attacked. Either way, aside from a few brave ones including Yue’s older brothers, there was almost no one at the club. In lieu of the sombre atmosphere, Gin had respectfully informed the guests that the club would close earlier and thank them for their support and patronage, and that the brave guests that showed up would have their drinks for free that night. There were cheers and everyone left in a better mood. Although Yue had protested, his two brothers had dragged him home, saying that it was to appease his mother.

Ciel breathed a sigh of relief when he got home. Even though his grandfather had healed him earlier, the attacks and running around still left him drained. It was amazing that he was still on his feet. He looked forward to a hot shower and his bed. When he reached the landing of the second floor though, a voice called him. He turned to see Kou waiting for him, peering from the guest room door.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“I…” Kou was wringing his hands, his face a jumble of emotions.

“Ciel! Kou! Mama made soup. Do you want some?” Noire called from downstairs.

It was then that Ciel realized he was hungry. He remembered that he didn’t manage to eat anything the whole day, not even the dim sum he had been craving for. He sighed in regret over the lost meal but looked at Kou.

“Let’s get something to eat. Then you can ask whatever you want to ask.”

Kou nodded and gave a small, conflicted smile. The both of them went downstairs and saw that the whole family had gathered around the dining table, enjoying a hearty bowl of chicken and vegetable soup with bread.

“Now I remember. I never got to eat my dim sum!” Blanc suddenly cried.

Ciel had to smile in his heart. He and Blanc were the same whenever it came to food. He didn’t need to say anything because his younger brother would say it for him.

Scarlet looked at him and Ciel and tried her best not to laugh; she understood her children very well. “We can request from the kitchen again tomorrow if you really want.”

“Yes, please.”

“All right.”

They lapsed into a comfortable silence and Ciel was warmed not just by the soup but also the comfortable familial atmosphere. He hoped from the bottom of his heart that things would bet back to normal tomorrow. It had been ages since he was this tired. And he was not the only one. The twins were trying to stifle their yawns and Noire was close to nodding into her bowl.

“All of you need to rest. Leave the dishes here and go to bed.” Scarlet could see the tiredness in her children.

“Let me help you first, mama.” Noire got up and started to clear her bowl.

“No need, your father can help me. Go to bed.”

Gin eyed his wife but said nothing. There would be one or two loyal servants who were more than happy to do it for them but Scarlet enjoyed domestic chores to a small extent. It made her feel like a normal family.

“All right. Goodnight mama, goodnight papa.” She got up and gave both her parents a kiss before she left with Blanc, who also said his goodnights before leaving.

“Then I’m going to bed too. Goodnight father, mother.” Ciel got up and left, smothering a yawn of his own.

He was at the stairs when Kou caught up to him.

“Figured out what you want to say?” he asked with a smile.

“How do I get stronger?” Kou’s face was serious.

“In what way?”

“Everything.” Kou paused. “The incident earlier… I kept having to be protected. I didn’t like it. So I want- I need to get stronger.”

“Nobody likes being weak. Especially when you see others being hurt because of you.”

“That’s why, teach me how to be stronger.”

“Fine. Wake up earlier tomorrow. We’ll head to the training room at the club for some sparring. Then I’ll teach you some magic spells in the afternoon.”

“Thank you.”

After seeing Kou back to his room, Ciel went into his and sighed, his own words to Kou ringing in his ears. He didn’t like being weak either. The fact that he was stronger than Kou right now was true but he had also been protected earlier. George had taken an arrow to his shoulder and had continued doing everything he needed to do, as if being injured was nothing. He hadn’t even told anyone or let the angel see to his wound. It was the work of his miraculous, accursed immortality.

He needed to get strong too. Needed to be able to stand tall amongst these warriors and hold his own. Things may have calmed down for now but as long as the shadows were lurking, there would be no peace. And if he had to rely on that man and watch him get hurt because of him time and time again, Ciel felt that he would rather lock himself in the valley and waste away. George might not die but Ciel felt every wound more clearly and painfully than if he had received them himself.

The mess of emotions, the confusing remnants of his memories, they were all because of that golden haired man who had turned his life upside down fifty years ago. If he still had his powers, if he could still be sure of his longevity, perhaps he would have welcomed the passion he saw in George’s eyes. But now, he wasn’t sure. He knew that he loved him and would be loved in return; that he would happily spend the remainder of his life with this man. But what about after? After he breathed his last and had to leave him, would he be hurting George even more? Three or four hundred years seem like a long time for a human. But for those who could live forever, they would fly by in a blink of an eye.

Suddenly, Ciel felt overwhelmed. He felt that whether he did or didn’t confess, someone would end up miserable; alone in the end. He felt so weak that he didn’t even make it to the bed, just sitting on the floor facing his door. Without realizing it, tears just pooled at the corner of his eyes, before trailing down his cheeks. He sat in silence as he thought about their fate, that he had found his other half through violence and if they got together, his death would seem like George’s punishment. He didn’t want that. He wanted that the two of them walk through life hand in hand, to enjoy the bitter and the sweet together. Never leaving each other. He hugged his knees, putting his head on them and felt his tears slowly soak his pants. With his overwrought emotions and the events of the day as the catalyst, Ciel felt the darkness creeping over his mind and he gladly embraced it, letting sleep wash his problems away for a few hours.

*           *           *           *           *

Unknown to the children, Gin and Scarlet still liked to occasionally check on them while they slept. It made all the hardships that the couple went through worth it; reminding them that all the riches, power or influence in the world could not be traded for the peaceful, loved faces slumbering in their rooms. So after a rather intimate and playful dishwashing session, the two of them went to look in on their children; it was necessary especially after such a harrowing day.

Kou slept with a frown on his face, as if he could not yet accept his fate and was haunted by visions not yet understood. His sealed memories would slowly seep out and they would always attack his dreams, when his mind was the weakest. Gin sighed. There would be a day when Dawn would regain her memories; by then, he hoped that Yue was mature enough to be her pillar. Or else he’d seal her memories again and keep her home. He looked at his wife and knew she had words of consolation but he knew them by heart. Dawn was too much like him; she needed her freedom and she needed pain and strife to temper herself. When she remembers, she would be stronger and better than who she was before.

Noire’s face was peaceful, she slept guilt free, knowing that all was right in her world, unaffected by the events of the day. Blanc was the same. Perhaps he was a little uneasy by all the violence but he did have a gentler heart and heavier burden compared to his twin. But they would not bother his dreams. Gin wanted his two youngest to be his babies forever. But they were adults pretending to be children; all for his sake. He would free them of this burden someday but not now. Gin selfishly wanted to enjoy this cosy feeling of home a little bit longer. He never thought that he would see the day where he would enjoy his domestic bliss so much. Perhaps being with the right person made all the difference. His arm around Scarlet’s waist tightened. He felt her hand on his and was content.

They found Ciel on the floor in the middle of his room, curled into a ball, asleep. Gin sighed at problematic child number two. Ciel would always curl himself up like this when he was upset, preferring to shoulder his pains and burdens alone; until he couldn’t take them anymore and pass out, surrendering to sleep. Gin released his hold around his wife and bent down to pick his son up, noting the tear streaked face. Both husband and wife placed him on his bed, removed his shoes and tucked him in. Ciel normally did not cry, not even when he bore his burdens in the dark. But they knew he had shed far too many tears recently; when he realized his mortality. But it had been several years since he cried. The couple could guess the reason for these tears: George. Gin really wanted to kill George. If he hadn’t met Ciel, his son would not have been hurt; would not be dying a mortal’s death, would not understand the fear of leaving a loved one because of death.

But if Ciel had not met George, he would not understand a lover’s love, would not complete his soul, would not appreciate the value of limited time. The blessings and the banes that George brought to his son could not be placed on a scale to cross each other out; there were far too many, both significant and trivial. The bright side was that George’s devotion to Ciel meant that their son would be doted upon the rest of his days; but they weren’t sure if that was the happiness they wanted for him. For better or for worse, Ciel needed to find his own answers. To be true to his name, Ciel would have to weather some storms; but there would always be rainbows and sunshine after that. Gin watched as Scarlet stroked her son’s head before placing a kiss on his forehead. Then they left, silently shutting the bedroom door.