I feel my conciousness slowly sleeping...
I shut my eyes. Everything is so quiet. It is so dark. Is this my subconcious? I see something. I am dreaming right now....

You may say that I am so lucky in this world for having a beautiful club of girls... But believe me, I have gone through the worst.

....

I remember, when I was a kid. I was at a elementary school. I think I'm just a 7-year old kid that time. I have read a book of the famous poet, Ishikawa Takuboku. Since my hobby was to read, I always admire literature. And because it is my family name, Ishikawa, that I became inspired of becoming a poet. I hope that one day, my work will leave a legacy of me throughout the whole world.

My mother at that time was so against it while my father supported me. So, I tried to compose poems. Well, it was childishar first but I though it is because I am not that type of an adult yet. I still have to grow up and become more knowledgable.

Then I started to enter junior high school, and my poems are a bit better than they were use to. It still keeps simplicity.

Everything was so great until my mother found out about it and scolded me. Due to that, my classmates made fun of me. Saying that why a geek like me trying to be a poet.

"Yes, I lack talent but it will not hurt me if I try."

But it did hurt me if you will always try... to judge everything about me.... Still, I continued.

Midway through, I entered a prestigious school because Father's friend help us. I was 16 years old. I was also ending my junior high life.

Then, I met her. That person who changed my life. But, the reason why I lead myself to a path of no return.

Actually, a schoolmate of mine was drowning on the school pool when we are having swimming lessons, so I have to save her. My clothes got wet, I didn't change that time, but nevertheless, that's the first time my body acted on its own. She can't swim. So I have to saved her. That is the though on my mind. Students around me stares at me with a disgusted look. I ignored it. For I don't even know what are they so disgusted at. Maybe at their own faces.

But, she, on the other hand, was so kind. She was the same grade level as me. Well, apparantly... she is my classmate. That famous one I always admire. Not by her looks or wealth, but it is her personality. I decided not to get involved with her but she concluded that I should accept her apology. Well, she invited me into her home. Although it is because she's going to wash my clothes and dry them. I insisted then. Well, there were no classes that time, only practices about swimming.

.....

Her place is amazing. She have this long car collections at the backyard. It was stored at the garage though. An open one, that is. I guess they are rich. I kinda envy this sight. Her home looks like a mansion I always saw in the internet. Those long and large mansions that rich people used. She also have a beautiful garden. Which look like a windows computer background.

....

While waiting, a maid of hers offers me a set of clothes. It was like clothes for a noble. It was so sparkly. Crafted best. Designs are a bit flashy.

"No, no. I can't put that on. I am just her classmate."

Still, I can't refuse so I take it. It looks great on me. If I ever had shorter hair though. My hair can almost cover my eyes.

....

She then asked if I love books. I agreed. She grabbed my hand and we went to her room. It is so full of books. And it is huge! She said she loves the world of literature. She reads books and she write and creates novels. I started reading her work. She said she was about to stop writing. I said to her...

"I don't think you should give up. After all, your work is great. It captivated me at first glance. But, you should put a eye-catching title."

The story is about a noble and a commoner, falling in love with each other. But later on, fate battles them till the commoner disappeared and was never to be seen. She speaks up.

"You said at that time... You are aiming to be a poet right?

I replied back.

"Ah yes. I just love how words can be so..."

She says it with me.

"Wonderful..."

I stared at her. Wow, she looks very pretty. I bet she has a boyfriend. She smiled at me. She is like a dazzling light into my dark world.

...

"Thank you, for letting me borrow this clothes."

"Not borrowed, I gave it to you. As a present for my saviour."

I blushed a bit. Then, she gave me a ride home. I thank her so much and she replied.

"Let's chat again some other time."

.....

I later known that she was actually the granddaughter of a famous company in the whole country.

....

When I met her again, in the rooftop, which I always eat my lunch there, I said to her that why would she be with a lowly-classman like me. My family's wealth is poor that time, and because my mother left that time too. But then, she said to me...

"I am interested in you, Ishikawa Haruno."

I ask her.

"Huh? What do you mean?"

Confused, she grabbed me. And gaved me a hug.

"Because I like you."

All words escaped me in that situation. Me? She likes me? She isn't kidding right? I hesitated...

"This isn't a prank right...?"

"No, it is true. I am not lying."

Her voice. It is so sweet. I can't move. How can you like a poor boy like me? I asked her more.

"How come? I am not that good. I am always bullied. I am poor. I am not that type of guy who can be handsome."

She speaks up.

"But you are the type of guy who is kind, quiet... even though I see you everyday... getting harass by them, you never give any sign of hatred. You are kind, and gentle. When I heard you say that time, "I am aiming to be one of the greatest poet ever" and then our classmates just laugh at you, you gave a smile that captured my heart. You inspired me. And I tried not to watch and started to defend you at some times. You have rumors about your family. But still you never gave up. You are even Rank 1 in our class. While I am at 2nd. But- that doesn't mean I stalk you or anything! I justtt.... happen to know...yeah."

"Is this a confession?" *giggles a bit*

"Would you accept me though?"

"Why would I deny? For the record, I do have like you too... but it seems so impossible for me..." *sobbing*

"Reaaalllyyy? I'm so happy..."

We stay like that... for a while. Eventually she became my girlfriend. Well, in secret. Yes, it did happen. I said that to her but she didn't refuse. But she did tell a bit to her friends. Her friends are nice too. Not from our school though.

Then, it started. We hang out often, a lot of times were flirting, hugging and much more like eating together... Those times were so fun, I wish it could repeat for eternity. And because this is the first time I actually love someone....more than my father, that is.

Then eventually before we graduated, I gave her a love poem called "My Lady, My Light". She did the same too but she gave me a short read novel entitled "My First Love". That's the novel that she is writing. We are both shocked. I give her a kiss in her cheel but she made it my "first kiss".

But, not everything will go by planned. I am always unlucky at life. I am always cursed.

She came to my house, when my parents are out. She explained that her family is so strict, they beat her up, knowing that I was dating her. Also, there is already a pending marriage proposal for her. And then her family is trying to sue my father.

And as for me, I am lowest of the low. I can't even stand a chance to that person. Her parents will shut me down, like literally, and she was so scared. They know about us already. That's why... I suggested that we should not be with each other anymore.

"It is not like that I am scared. I just don't want you to be troubled. I don't want you to get hurt."

It was... tough love.

So, that became my first and last love. I did the right thing. For her, as long as she's happy and safe, it is fine.

She apologized a lot to me. She didn't accepted it my idea. But because destiny was really against us, and my Father was accused by her parents. That's why.... this is my only choice.

We met at the school rooftop, after classes ended, before I say my goodbye to her. She says if she could have time, we will meet again in secret and we will share our works with each other again. She gave me a kiss on a cheek and said....

"See you later, Haruno. Because, there's no such thing as goodbyes."

.....

Sorry, I didn't tell you. Because of my family's condition, your father's threat, we decided to get out of town. I agreed nevertheless. I will transfer to another school as well. I don't want love to enter my life anymore. For it will break me, forever.

I can't remember her name. But I do recall what I always call her... Lia.

"Forgive me as well. This is for your own good. I... love you."

We never saw each other again...

I thought everything was just a dream come true, but it became a nightmare that I never wanted to happened.

And, I decided to keep away from my interest into writing poems. I locked it in my heart. Forever.

......