With satisfaction, I noticed how the gazes of the guards went even further downwards as I slowly got rid of my panties. I even kicked it in their direction in an attempt to get their full attention. If someone would be raped that day, I hoped it would be me. I mean, I would forget it anyway.

My calculations didn´t work out though. As soon as I finished, the Pope grabbed me by my shoulders and pulled me towards him. Even when I struggled against him, he managed to turn me around and force me onto the ground. He grabbed my hair and forced me to look at Laura.

She stared at me for a few seconds in horror, until the two guards walked towards her.

“She didn´t strip.” The pope mumbled into my ear while pressing me onto the ground with his full weight.

“No … no! NO!” I screamed as the two guards ripped her clothing to shreds, pushed her onto the ground and made her scream in anguish.

“She is just a child! Please, let her go!” I screamed and thrashed around, but the weight kept me pressed onto the ground and his hand forced me to look. It was horrible. It was worse than eating my own organs, it was worse than being raped myself.

And yet, he forced me to open my eyes, forced me to look and listen to it.

“Please!” I begged once more, even though I knew it was futile. They just kept going on, even though she tried to rob away, even though she tried to resist …

“Please … take me, but let her go.” I whimpered after a few minutes, giving him exactly what he wanted. My emotions were a mess and I really couldn’t do anything but cry at what they were doing … at what I myself started.

“That’s what I like to hear. But I don’t like girls with unbroken spirit.” Tears were running out of my eyes, blurring my view at least somewhat. But I could still hear Laura´s screams, and I knew exactly what was going on there.

“No … please. No.” I muttered, time and time again. But nobody listened to me.

Everything was made worse because this was all my fault. I manoeuvred myself into a position of weakness, and that came biting back at me. I would have solved a lot of my problems with this plan if it worked. But it didn´t. I didn´t care about how much I would be hurt in the process and disregarded my health like I always did.

I was drowning in guilt and pain as the Pope finally let go of me. The two guards who apparently had enough as well, picked up me and Laura, only to carry us dazed girls into another chamber. Weird apparatuses were installed there, a few balls hung from the ceiling, and a cage was embedded into the ground in the middle.

In it, there was only one chair onto which my guard directly placed me. He didn´t even bother to bind me to anything, but rather walked into the corner of the room to retrieve two handcuffs. Still a bit in my own world, the other guard sat Laura onto my lap and grunted happily. It didn´t take long for the other guard to cuff my hands around her belly, and her hands around my arms.

“Do you know what this is?” The Pope of Death slapped against the metal, producing a strange ringing sound in my ears.

“Hmm …” I muttered, resting my chin on Laura´s neck.

“Already broken? Well, doesn’t matter.” He said and closed the iron cage. Naturally, he took the keys with him, but it still stunned me a bit that there were no other guards in this room, at least until these machines activated.

Lightning spewed out of these strange balls, hitting other balls and the cage as well. We were in a faraday cage with no way of disabling the electricity trapping us inside. Wost of all, even I wouldn’t get out of there like this.

“Laura …” I muttered, feeling the trembling girl on my whole skin. She didn´t deserve this. Nothing of it. I deserved everything that happened to her, but she? She was innocent. She was a child. Even I, even the god of death wouldn’t hurt them. But these bastards did.

“Laura, it´s going to be alight.” That was the only thing I could say over and over again while embracing her tightly.

Even as the sun went down, I could do nothing else but weep together with her. I could free myself of these handcuffs, but I wouldn’t be able to escape this prison, let alone take her with me. I was left with no other choice but to soothe her into sleep and hug her tightly whenever she woke up.

Never again in my life did I want to feel this horrible, never again did I want to make such a blunder as well. I needed to think more about others, their situation and what impacts my actions had on them. I failed to emphasise with the Pope of Death. I never imagined he would really go after the children, even though I took precautions. This was mostly because I wouldn’t do so. I never imagined there to be a scumbag worse than me who wasn’t called Aska.

Sadly, said scumbag didn´t visit us during the night. I would have loved to rip him to shreds. Instead, he came to us during the late morning, when I was weak and powerless.

“How are my beloved girls doing today?” He asked with a huge smile on his face.

“Take me, but please leave her alone.” I said and tried to shield Laura with my back as they opened the cage.

“What? We have a fun little game prepared for the two of you.” He said loudly.

“Please. I do everything you want.” I said pleadingly.

“I´m sure of it.” He said as the guards opened our cuffs and dragged us out of the cage still without wearing a thing. One of them shoved Laura forwards, while the other simply grabbed my hair and pulled me behind him. I didn´t give them the satisfaction of screaming as they guided us through this stone laced underground facility towards another room, a sole metal chair in the middle of it and a magical circle on the ground below, touching just the front legs of the chair.

“Please, just take me!” I screamed as they put me on the chair again, followed shortly afterwards by Laura who was forced onto my lap once again. She was already weeping as the guards cuffed us at the chair and I pleaded for her release over and over again.

She already experienced enough, she didn´t need more.

“So, knowing your weakness for life in general, but children in particular we decided to test your morals a bit.” He said as the first door opened, revealing a boy I had never seen before. “This boy is … I don’t even know, we found him in some village. You have two options now … either he dies, or we activate that magical circle for you.” The Pope said triumphantly, and so far, I couldn’t sense any lie. His soul was calm as he grinned wildly and uttered these words.

Aghast, I could only look towards the innocent boy who was under the effect of some kind of drug.

“Please …” I uttered, even though I knew it wouldn’t be of use.

“What?” He asked, holding his hand at his ear as if he didn´t understand me.

“The circle.” I said and closed my eyes.

“Gladly.” He said, kneeling nearby and letting his mana flow into it. Instantly, Laura screamed loudly as electricity ran through her whole body. My muscles spasmed as well, but I could deal with it far better than she could. Hearing her screams probably hurt me more than anything else and drove tears into my eyes.

After a few minutes, the electroshocks ended and Laura slumped down onto my wet lap again.

“Next, we have … a girl!” The Pope said after the door opened once more. The boy was guided out of the room, but now I knew what this circle was doing making this decision a lot harder.

“Will you let everyone go free?” I said, my head hanging powerlessly to the side.

“Yes.” He said, and I believed him. After all, I found no liar on this planet who could lie to me.

“Circle.” I said, even though I would hurt Laura this way. I just couldn’t let anyone die because of me. Electricity ran through our veins once more, making me black out a little. Before I knew what was going on, I was slapped hard on my cheek.

“Circle.” I muttered, despite everything. Over and over again, I chose circle and nearly killed Laura in the process. Her heart stopped beating several times, but it was restarted with the next phase of torture or a nearby mage.

“Circle.” I could feel the hours going by. Hundreds of children were presented in front of us, and I didn´t even care when they wore black robes.

“Circle.” None of them would die because of my selfishness that day. None of them.

The only thing saving me from Laura´s haunting screams was the lack of more children. After hours of torture, we slipped off the chair as they uncuffed us and pulled us out of Laura´s fluids. Once again, we were brought back into the cage where Laura instantly fell unconscious in my arms.

And I? I was tired as well. My emotions were a wreck. This was entirely avoidable if I had chosen to take the more complicated route of sweeping through my enemies who were lurking in the darkness one by one. Even though it wasn’t even that long since they started torturing us, I closed my eyes and drifted off into sleep as well, only to open my eyes in purgatory.

“We don’t have long.” Aska said, standing in front of me with a worried expression. “You know what to do, Lucinda.” Did I? Certainly, but the question was if I could end it.

“Why isn´t Irminsul helping me?” I asked instead of answering him.

“She is debating with the council. I doubt she has the concentration to see what’s going on.” He answered. I knew he could send her a message or so, but I also knew he wouldn’t do so. He wanted me to solve my own mess.

“You know … when you become emotionally attached to someone?” I said slowly and noticed how tears were running down my cheeks.

“I warned you about that. But you didn´t listen. They are your weakness, and you cannot risk having weaknesses.” I knew that. And at that point I stated to understand why he didn’t want me to interact with children in general. They were my weakness … they would be exploited to hurt me, but on the other hand also couldn’t risk having them on the streets where they would suffer anyways.

“… how long until the others come?” I asked, a bit hopeful.

“Five days at best. She …” He started, but once he looked in my depressed eyes, he stopped.

“I know …” He didn´t have to tell me what needed to be done.

“I will send her to a good world afterwards. One without any wars or conflicts.” That made it at least slightly better.

“Thank you.” I said quietly and closed my eyes. And truth to be told, I was insanely thankful. He gave me a way out of this mess which I probably wouldn’t be able to pick on my own.

I awoke back in that cage, tears running down my cheek, but I knew what had to be done. The Pope already stated what was going to happen. She would die, and keeping her here would only increase her pain. In a sense, it would be selfish to let her live.

“I´m sorry.” I said, my right hand already wandering upwards.

“Lucy …” She muttered, driving even more tears into my eyes.

“I´m … I´m so sorry.” I started to cry, my hand just a bit away from her mouth.

“Thank you … Lucy. Thank you.” This child … she was clearly in delirium but her words ... I didn’t know what to make of them. Tears fell onto her neck as I pushed my hand onto her mouth and closed her nose with my other.

She didn´t even resist. Maybe she was too weak and still wanted to live, or maybe she was confused … but she didn´t struggle at all. She let me suffocate her because that was the only way I could free her from all the pain.

I hugged her to death. Slowly. I murdered the girl I saved, who saw me as a hero … who wanted to be with me. And it hurt so much. My upper body swayed back and forth as I still tried to process what I did. It hurt so much. So much that I still screamed as her body got colder and colder until it reached my temperature.

I still wept as the two guards dragged us out of the cage and they finally noticed what I did.

“Well, well, look who fell from the high horse.” He said casually and dragged the mess that was me into his sleeping room. And I still kept on sobbing as he raped me on his bed, for six days and nights on and off.

At least I didn´t remember that part too well, which made everything before that even worse.