“Aaaannddd chop!” I screamed, swinging the axe into the already felled palm tree one last time. The two ends of the log were cleanly sliced apart, enabling me to put them on the growing pile I made on the beach. 

A few minutes later, I had a flintstone in my hand and successfully managed to set the pile on fire after minutes of cussing loudly. Still, I was quite happy as I finally managed to do so and looked at it for several minutes. It was growing nicely and was responsible for a lot of sparks and smoke, but whatever. It would do the trick perfectly fine.

Slowly, I closed my eyes while making sure that I remembered where everything was. Carefully, I concentrated on whatever I was feeling and calmed down my raging heart for the time being. The wind caressed my skin lightly as I remembered the words I came up with as my chant. Hopeful to not disturb anything, I walked around the fire in a circle and loudly recited everything in a singing voice.

“Oh hath lost souls, wand'ring down in purgat'ry, hark to mine own voice.  Thee has't wand'r'd longeth enow, alloweth me guideth thee to thy destination.  Useth this flame as the beacon of lighteth at the endeth of this near endless tunnel, alloweth bringeth thee desire, warmth and a new senseth of being.  Cometh to me, alloweth me open the gates of this w'rld f'r thee, alloweth me beest thy guideth on thy journey.  Alloweth me beest the f'rryman, carrying thee ov'r to a new liveth smoothly. He'd mine own calleth and riseth up from thy et'rnal slumb'r. Rise!” 

Slowly, I opened my eyes again and noticed a single blue orb, glowing gently in the darkness. It rose up from the ground, twirled around the fire a little bit until it flew towards me. Once again, I closed my eyes and felt this soul. It was already stripped of all its memories, just like every not so special soul leaving purgatory. Genderless, and without any race to belong to, it orbited around me a little while until I extended my hand and it landed on my palm. 

There was not much to touch to be honest. At most, I felt a little tingling and that was it as it was it. There was no life in this soul it was completely dead, just like the ones in the magical artefacts on Solaris. But that wouldn’t stay for too long. 

Placing my other hand right next to mine, I created a little mould in which it rolled into happily. Smiling as well about my first success at my magic after hundreds of failures, I lifted my hands into the air again, giving it the momentum it wanted to search for a new life itself.

“Go on, you are free.” I said and watched how the ball rose into the air, twirled around happily and then shot eastwards, faster than I could even look at first. I could still see it in the distance for a little bit as it was on its way for its new vessel, whatever it may be. It would return into the world of the living, without me having any way to manipulate it afterwards. 

The most I could do with living souls was to observe their emotions through the eyes of its vessel, and that was it. But dead souls? They were an entirely different matter altogether, just like Aska claimed. 

Strangely excited about my achievement, I jumped around the fire happily, then dug my toes into the sand and sprinted along the coast. The wind blasted into my face, water washed onto the beach a bit away from me, but even that didn´t matter to me. 

“I did it!” It took me a year to come to this point, but I did it. Time and time again, I felled tree after tree Aska meticulously regrew to test out this spell. And this hard work paid off.

I wouldn’t say I understood everything what I did, but what I did was vastly different from what Aska claimed to do. He was apparently manipulating reality itself just by wishing it, but I had to impose my will on it. Death itself resisted my grasp until I took control of it, which was sadly to be expected. Aska was in full control of the circle of reincarnation. It obeyed him alone and resisted my control. But even then, I started to feel death more and more during this year of training. 

Even if I couldn’t manipulate death like the god of death itself could, I could feel it everywhere. In the plants, the ground, and even in the air. Death was all around me, sometimes concentrated on a very specific spot, sometimes spread out evenly. It was a fantastic feeling to touch it wherever I felt it. It interacted with my soul in wondrous ways, healed it slowly and made me feel as if I belonged to it. 

And yet I didn´t belong to it. Aska was death itself, so whenever I interacted with the death around me, I was ultimately interacting with a part of Aska. It was a weird concept I still had to wrap my head around and I really didn´t want to in all honesty. It would mean that Aska was inside me, encompassed my whole soul and really? I didn´t want that. 

Smiling happily, I went back towards the spot where death was all over the place. The house in the middle has been rebuild using his magical powers which I graciously allowed him to use. Stepping inside, I saw him reading a book in front of the fireplace and immediately jumped onto the sofa.

“I did it!” I said happily and danced around in joy, at least until I noticed a soul from purgatory, sitting at the table Aska and I usually ate our food. She still had her human form, meaning her memories weren’t wiped yet and looked at me with a smile on her lips. I stopped moving, gazed at the old woman and tilted my head. Her hair was completely white, she had wrinkles all over her face, but her blue eyes didn´t change much. 

“Mum?” I asked, quite shocked about the development. For a split second, I looked towards Aska who was still engrossed in his book about the common duck, seemingly unwilling to take part in this conversation.

“How long has it been … forty years?” She muttered, still smiling brightly.

“Mum!” I shouted, jumped off the sofa incredibly happy and ran up to her. Only shortly before I wanted to throw myself into her arms did I notice that this wasn’t possible there. She was just a soul, and while my body rested somewhere else as well, I still had a mass and a physical form. Purgatory was the only place where I could interact with souls normally, meaning my hand did go right through her as I reached out to her.

“Look at you, honey. I always imagined you haven’t changed a day, but I think that is false. Have you grown a little?” She asked and lifted her hand in attempt to measure my height.

“I … I don’t know. Mum … I´m sorry for leaving you.” I said and reached out to her once more. My fingers touched hers and this time, I was insanely careful not to destroy the illusion.

“It´s okay, honey. For a month or so, I was really depressed but you wanted me to look into the future, didn´t you?” She said and caressed my cheek with a gentle gust of wind.

“How … how was your life?” I stumbled over my words, most importantly because I was insanely happy to see her again.

“Oh, everything calmed down considerably after you fell into coma. The rebellion stopped, the war ended and I suddenly had way less work to do. I wished you were there to experience it all but … well, you would have had a brother and a sister in that case.” She said and closed her eyes, probably thinking back to the old days.

“Woah! You married again?” I exclaimed.

“Hmm, I took a rather handsome singer as my husband. It was probably the first marriage out of love my ducal house had ever seen.” She answered, and I could see that she really loved him dearly.

“That’s beautiful! How was he?” I asked, even though I had little interest in him.

“Kind, loving, charming and most importantly, not poisoned by the noble society. He helped me out with my tasks from time to time, even though paperwork wasn’t his thing at all. He wasn’t meant to be a noble and even made sure that our kids could marry whoever they wanted.” She said happily.

“Mum, I am so glad everything worked out in the end.” I stated and went on my knees in front of her.

“Hmm. We still had quite a few troubles though …” She said sadly.

“The new races?” I asked troubled.

“Not only that … Lucinda, you didn´t fell into coma. There is way more to it I cannot really explain without you experiencing it yourself.” She said and looked towards Aska for a few seconds.

“What do you mean?” I asked and turned around myself. If he forbid her from talking to me about everything, I would make sure to paint the house red with his guts.

“Honey, I fear you fell into a coma because …” She said, but trailed off, probably because she was unsure what she was allowed to say.

“Because her soul is overburdened. I´m not the only reason for the continuous damage to your soul.” Aska stated, finally looking up from his book about ducks.

“What is that supposed to mean?” I asked drily. Sure, my soul got damaged over time, I was painfully aware of that every time death swept into me to fix me up. But I assumed it was the mental burden of living with Aska, and not something else entirely. 

“Each and every day, your soul is cracking a little under the burden we put on your shoulders. The gods decided that you were the only one capable of following the path that is laid out for the saint and as such, you will need to carry it until everything is over.” He said dryly and not exactly sad about the fact even though he probably should be. 

“Your soul is keeping all humanoid races alive in their struggle against newer, stronger races.” Mary tried to wrap it a little differently, but even her calming attitude wouldn’t stop me from slaying Aska a few times afterwards.

“Okay, mum, let´s not talk about that. How was Hannah? And the rest?” I asked full of excitement. 

“Hannah did a great job as the intermediary between me and Tom. We somehow managed to stop him from going all out, and now that the king is dead and his successor isn´t bound by the promises King Alphonso made, Tom needs to work to keep the underground safe, rather than reaching out for the throne himself. Now though … I´m not so sure about Hannah. She always looked like she didn’t know what to do with her life.”

“The king didn´t talk to his successor about anything?” I asked slowly.

“As far as I am aware, he did not. The church on the other hand knows that you are a vampire. They are taking care of your body.” What she said sent shivers down my spine. Taking care of my body sounds as if I was getting bathed daily. 

“The church? Which one?” I asked.

“There is only one left. All the beliefs unified under you … under your eternal voice.” She said and looked towards Aska as I heard him standing up.

“That’s enough.” He said sternly.

“Aska! Let her speak.” I demanded.

“You will see for yourself once you wake up anyway. You need to train your magic, so don’t even bother with the unnecessary things.” And ten more murders for him. At least Mary nodded, so I could see that it wasn’t that important. 

“Fine …” I growled and looked towards Mary once more. 

“You have a few seconds left.” Aska said shortly afterwards.

“What?” I asked in surprise.

“This wasn’t supposed to happen in the first place! Be grateful for every second I am breaking the law!” He growled back.

“Honey, it is fine. I am sure we will see each other again and if you ask me to be your mother again, I am sure I won´t say no.” She said with so much love in her eyes, that I was nearly convinced. Nearly. 

“Mum … how are you so sure about that? You will lose all of your memories when you get reincarnated.” I said, nearly tearing up in the process. She would never be the same, no matter what. 

“It´s fine. I will always be the same per-“ And with that, she vanished into thin air, leaving only a gaping hole in my heart. Tears fell onto the ground as I knelt down in front of an empty chair. For a little while, nothing except my weeping filled the air, at least until I got myself together at least a little bit.

“Can you let her keep her memories?” I asked Aska, still teary.

“The other gods will notice eventually, and if that happens she will die again.” Stupid godly laws of not letting anyone reincarnate without a wiped soul, except when the council agrees to it. I already had Aska give a speech for Mary´s sake, but the proposal was rejected with a large majority.

“Fine …” I would convince her to love me again, at least I hoped that was even possible. And … I just had to hope that she was still the same Mary I knew once I woke up.