Villin, Rein. and Amelia were quick to get up and run toward the man. All they knew right now was that this man was a proper Magus and surely he had a bunch more spells compared to them.
When they stood next to the casually dressed man he raised his wand toward the doorway that had three pairs of legs laying next to it and a solid stone wall grew out of the ground blocking it entirely.
“Take ‘em to the truck will ya.” The man’s voice was quite deep and just after he said this Kayley pushed them further away from the warehouse.
“The truck is nearby, we’ll be safe in a bit but we still have to hurry now!” Kayley looked quite nervous as she started running toward the city that was still a decent distance away.
When Villin turned his head he saw a peculiar sight. Kayley’s dad was floating in mid-air just above the warehouse with his wand in its holster. He was simply holding his hand out in the direction of the warehouse and three seconds later Villin was flabbergasted.
A massive purple fireball was forming in front of the man. First, it was the size of a regular fireball but after these three seconds, the purple fireball was already four times as large as a person.
Then the fireball headed toward the warehouse at a relatively slow pace, it looked like it would take about ten seconds for the fireball to hit the roof of the building.
At this point, he once more drew his wand and pointed it toward the purple fireball. A black streak came out of the wand and the fireball seemed to implode. Within a second it became tiny, but then it suddenly exploded, it exploded into a sea of purple flames, now rapidly falling toward the warehouse, encompassing all of it.
Half a second later hundreds of tiny explosions happened, every time a tiny whist of purple fire hit something it exploded causing whatever it hit to be destroyed.
Within five seconds there was no more warehouse, instead, there was a massive crater on the ground.
And then something moved. At the bottom of the crater stood two figures. Both of them were wearing a regular guard uniform and seemed absolutely unscathed, but now they took off their masks.
“Oh, hey Gerry, it’s been a while!” one of the soldiers looked at the floating mage and said in a happy voice. He had red eyes and long blonde hair, he looked rather handsome.
The other soldier looked a lot more serious, he had the same red eyes but had messy black hair instead. “He didn’t even leave any corpses,” he stated in a slightly annoyed tone.
Kayley’s dad, who he now knew was called Gerry spoke up. “Cut the shit will ya, I don’t feel like waiting till there’s more of you about.”
He had only just said this when he pointed his wand down toward them and four black orbs headed toward the guard duo, the same kind he used to save Villin and his group earlier.
The two people standing at the bottom of the crater didn’t change their expressions, they did, however, use a tiny blade attached to their thumb to cut into their fingers, causing them to bleed.
The black orbs were already halfway there but the duo wasn’t nervous at all. The blond guard still seemed happy and the dark-haired guard still looked somewhat annoyed.
At the exact same time, they moved their right arms and blood came out of the wound on their fingers, this blood then formed a shield in front of them. The black orbs hit these shields of blood but before they could expand the blood engulfed the black orbs, disconnecting it from Gerry’s control.
“Mages?” Villin felt stunned as he stopped running to look at the fight, he had no idea what was going on.
“No.” Kayley heard his exclamation and pulled him by the hand causing him to follow again “They’re not mages, they’re vampires.”
Villin’s eyes widened when he heard this. He knew from the books he read magical beasts existed, hell, without them, bloodlines wouldn’t exist. But he never heard about vampires or anything of the like, neither had he heard of magic beasts staying in the mortal world.
While he thought this the fight continued. As soon as the dark orbs were engulfed by the blood the vampires began sprinting out of the craters, still holding their previous expressions. They were fast, extremely fast.
While they sprinted out of the deep crater at over thirty miles an hour, Gerry was firing off spell after spell. From spears made out of ice to stone barriers to block the path. Meanwhile, with each spell he cast he flew higher, it was clear he wanted to try and stay out of their range and continue bombarding them with spells.
As for the vampires, they simply cut through everything that was thrown at them. They controlled the blood with insane accuracy. One time hundreds of tiny needles made of ice came out of Gerry’s wand and they all headed for the two. Villin thought this would work better since blocking all of those would be impossible but he was wrong. The blood thinned near-instantly and covered their entire front, the icy needles disappeared as soon as they made contact with the blood.
“Come on down now Gerry! Let’s have a fight again! Last time was so much fun!” The blond-haired vampire licked his lips as he looked at the magus that was now directly above them, but well, there was well over thirty meters separating them.
Gerry didn’t entertain him and kept shooting spell after spell, the two vampires just stood beneath them and kept blocking, they seemed to have no interest in trying to attack Gerry from this distance.
Villin quickly understood what they were doing. Right now it was a battle of endurance. Gerry was consuming magic power constantly from both flying and attacking, meanwhile, the vampires were using their blood to block the attacks. Whoever ran out of their respective resource first would lose.
Just when Villin understood this, the blond-haired vampire spoke up again. “Ohhh, he won’t come down! Why don’t you go get the kids, deal with those guys first.” The black-haired vampire simply nodded when he heard his companion’s suggestion.
Then the black-haired man started sprinting right toward them at an insane speed.
A/N:
Hey guys! Author here!
So I've gotten some mixed feedback on the second arc thus far, I decided to put up a poll to figure out what the general opinion is. If people like it thus far, I will continue the story as planned. If the feedback is overly negative I will spend a bit of work on the previous chapters to allow me to pretty much skip the second arc. This might cause a few issues in the third arc but I should be able to figure them out.
Please be honest, I don't want to put out shitty content and really care about this story!
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It is a lot worse than the first arc, I implore you to change it. Votes: 0 0.0%
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It isn't as good as the first arc but wouldn't make me drop the book either. Votes: 11 31.4%
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It's as good as the first arc. Votes: 5 14.3%
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It's better than the first arc. Votes: 2 5.7%
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I'm not sure yet. Votes: 17 48.6%
So, you made me make an account. And on top, post a comment.
Coming from someone as introverted and "paranoid" as me, indicates I really think you have potential, and is worth following.
Remember, this is an (1) opinion and should not be taken as proper critique of your writing.
Depending on how short you plan to make this story, I might agree with Aiwesh, in that your writing is a bit rushed.
If you plan to end it, at your current pace of writing, sometime before X-mas 2020, possibly before December, it probably holds up pretty well. That would put us at around the halfway point of your entire planned story. One arch per month of your writing.
To try and put it into perspective, I am going to do something distasteful. Really, my face probably look like I've licked something I really didn't like, each time I think of this. But it is the best way, my brain came up with (at 3am), to get my view across. I'm going to compare your story to... 'sigh'... Harry Potter.
What you have, so far, can be compared to Harry having cast levitate, been introduced to all his teachers, had an introductory course in 'quiditch'? Then we skip rest of book 1, and all of book 2, 3, 4 and 5, straight to book 6 of escaping to the real world.
Now consider how much would be missing, in exploring the school, the teachers and the pupils. And most of all, the interactions of all those three.
I for one, wondered what the walk from the beach, to the city, and finally into the alleyway was like for Villin.
Peoples reactions to a bunch of kids on a "sunny?" day, dressed in drenched robes, walking up the street.
How are people dressed?
How do people treat each other?
What is the traffic like?
And how does the mages experience this new world?
How does it contrast to Villins memory of his past world?
Are all buildings office buildings, or are there shops?
How do people handle the parking?
Are people on the street talking sports or politics? War, celebrities, religion. A wealth of opportunities to drop snippets of "flags" or hints to stuff affecting the future. Maybe people aren't talking at all. Just keeping their heads down.
Also, Villin might have grown accustomed to his surroundings, but unless you also give that to the reader in some way. They might not have the impression any time has passed at all. My personal impression, is that Villin used roughly the same amount of time in the private library in the prologue, as he did in the school. Before being tested, and presented next tier of the school.
Maybe that is correct. But I am still left with the feeling that Villin has a better grasp of the school than I have. Even though "I know everything he does".
Finally, only you know the full path of the hero/villain of your story. Only you have the master plan. Maybe it is supposed to feel rushed. As Villin said, walking in from the beach, to a deal like that going down is too much of a coincidence. If every major event so far, was only tiny points of a great master plan. And the initial reveal is in a few chapters, then just go on. Believe in yourself.
If not, do what makes sense to your story.
Remember, this is an opinion, and not proper critique.
And now my cat is beyond pissed at me for keeping her awake with my screen, and demands superfluous amounts of petting and cuddles as reperations.
Thank you for sharing your hard work.
Very fair concerns! And thabk you for taking the time to make an account and comment! I am actually planning to redo this whole bit since it isn't that good. As you say, it feels too rushed, wasn't handled properly.
I ahould let you know though that it wont be long before the group returns to The Academy.
Thanks a bunch for sharing your concerns!
As for ending it. This novel has well over 300 chapters planned, but tbh knowing myself I expect this to turn into 600 chapters
Hope he has a biting fetish
honestly, I didn't like the suburban setting they were brought into but it's not terrible and I still enjoy the character's development
Just waiting for MC to return to magic academy / mage society so he can put current meta in mage fights to shame.
Given that 1st years brats are just that, brats (9-10 yrs old with dubious enhancement to body/mind for them to look 13-ish), I fail to see how mortal world arc can be as entertaining as mage society one, but that just me. Keep up the good work!
Great writing over all, if a little bit hurried.
Oh, and thank gods best girl was saved rather than discarded and forgotten. She's one of those shady alchemy lunatics who if crazy enough make a living from selling cat/fox/dog-tonics and drink dubious stuff just to see whats gonna happen (Chaos mage, Get!), while casually indoctrinating mc after all. Who else would go dubbing into crazy full time if not her?