Don't leave me - 2
Feeling a little irritated, Lukrov slowly and carefully released Chizuru's wrist.
He firmly held her body, which was about to fall off the bed, and very gently laid a pillow under her head.
“Is it painful?”
Immediately after he asked, Lukrov shook his head self-deprecatingly. “If it’s painful, I’ll call Arde to help you clean your body. If necessary, I can also get a doctor for you”
“Wait… Don't call anyone yet. stay here for longer”
Chizuru boldly tried to act like a spoiled child.
It might’ve been a little cowardly of her but Chizuru knew that he would listen to her wishes at that moment. So, no matter what, she didn't want to miss the opportunity to be with him
“Here…next to me. Even if it’s only for a bit”
Lukrov did not answer and looked down at Chizuru with his sincere eye. After a while, he nodded several times as if he understood and covered Chizuru with the bedsheets in such a polite gesture that didn't suit a strong warrior like him. (TN: I spent so long trying to word this..Sorry for being ineloquent TT-TT) He then laid next to her, supporting his head with his hands, and stared down at his ex-lover.
Chizuru stared back at him.
They two of them couldn't look away from each other’s eyes, nor were they able to utter any thoughtful words.
No— Maybe they didn't need any words.
Neither apologies nor confessions of love had any meaning in their eyes. Even without having to speak, their thoughts and feelings could be transmitted through their souls— into their hearts.
After a long silence, Chizuru reached her hands out of the sheets and gently touched the scars running from Lukrov's forehead to his temples. It was an old dry mark most likely from many years ago but the wound was probably quite deep when he was injured.
Chizuru carefully traced the outline of the scar.
"This wound...can I ask what happened?"
Lukrov raised his eyebrows slightly as if he had only just remembered the existence of the wound when she had asked. He didn't feel uncomfortable with Chizuru's question.
"What do you want to know?" His voice as he asked back was gentle and calm
"When did you get injured?"
"Four and a half years ago. It was when I was washing my hands from the assassin business, just a little before I was known as the Duke"
"It must have hurt."
"That's what you're curious about? You must've heard some other old rumors about me, haven't you?"
Chizuru couldn't find the right expression. However, without rushing, she took a breath and whispered "There must've been some sort of circumstance, right?"
The black assassin...the king's minion...Even in a small part of the human population, it's hard to believe that a man whose eyes are full of sorrow as he quietly stares at her would bear such names.
The desire to know his secret of the 14 years that Chizuru didn't know and the feeling that it might be better not to know conflicted with each other. And Lukrov, too, seemed to be deciding whether to tell her.
However, after a while, Lukrov gradually began to explain.
"... I had something I wanted. The King ... promised to give it to me. I believed it ... I had to believe he would"
Chizuru remembered being called upon once by the king of this country.
With that said, Chizuru was only allowed to have an audience on very few occasions, none of which were for a long amount of time, so she only had a faint recollection. As far as she could remember, for someone of this era, the king was a thin and delicate man. Although he didn't seem like a bad person, he looked a little too unreliable to take the throne, also wasn't he only a few years older than lukrov?
"However, he didn't want to fulfill that promise...or perhaps he couldn't fulfill it. Even though I'd vaguely knew, I couldn't admit it and for ten years, I was at his mercy, tainting my hands with evil deeds....Threatening his political opponents, and sometimes even killing them..."
Right at that moment, Lukrov stopped his sentence.
He seemed to be checking Chizuru's reaction.....Did he think that she would hate him for that? If so, he's wrong. Chizuru blinked and shook her head.
"It must've been painful"
"I wonder...Before I knew it, I stopped feeling anything"
"yeah" (TN: She says "uun" which confused me a little bit because typically "un" means yes and "uun" means no in colloquial Japanese but MTL gave me "yeah" so....)
'Don't lie to me.'
Lukrov seemed to have heard Chizuru's inner voice. When he'd finally taken his eyes off her, he quietly gazed at the wave of bedsheets, continuing his confession.
"I left the country and was even assigned to fighting in the war. Anyway, I was ordered from left to right, dirtying my hands, single-mindedly following his orders like a mindless clown. For that man—the king—there wasn't an any better story than this. In addition to having a convenient minion, me— the hero who's existence threatens the king's presence could have mud smeared to my face" (TN: meaning the king was afraid that Lukrov, who was a hero (because remember he slew the dragon) was too powerful so "smearing mud on his face" means he will get a bad reputation)
Although Lukrov's voice was indifferent, Chizuru knew that it wasn't because he couldn't feel anything, but rather that it was too painful to express his suffering.
By nature, Lukrov was not a man who liked to fight.
When one has to fight, they needed the courage to stand up without running away. It'd be impossible to enjoy a single fight, not to mention(let alone) a massacre. If possible, I would love for him to live peacefully in a remote area.....I've always been saying that.
Chizuru hoped that in the future, she would be able to live happily beside him...It was something she had once wished for.
14 years ago...
Right now, the person who should be crying wasn't Chizuru. However, it was very difficult for her to stop her overflowing tears
"I got this wound from my very last mission. At that time, I made a decision. I would not pursue my dreams anymore. To forget everything, give up, and live quietly alone.
Lukrov glanced back at Chizuru again.
He too seemed to have been trying to stop the overflowing tears from his eyes. Chizuru couldn't bear it anymore, raised her body, and gently approached Lukrov. Lukrov also narrowed the distance and held Chizuru's thin back with his arms.
Naked, chest to chest.
Heart to heart.
Chizuru closed her eyes and lightly kissed Lukrov's cheek. Lukrov didn't show any resistance.
"What was it.... you wanted so badly...that it made you do all that?" Chizuru asked while staring into his eyes.
Lukrov closed his eyes and then opened them again, staring at Chizuru with sad eyes. Then he answered slowly with a soft and hazy voice.
"hmm.....I don't remember anymore...."
AND THAT'S IT FOR CH 20. Apologies for any grammar errors and please read and support Leila's TLs for this novel!