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A joyous atmosphere uplifted everyone’s spirits in the Survivor Guard base. Tables filled with food lined the open field near the villa, along with sodas and beers scavenged from the city.

Everyone knew that the researchers had found a major breakthrough, and hope for the end of the apocalypse filled the base.

Wandering around the base, Lu Hao clinked glasses and shared in the celebration with all of the SG members he came across. This success could never have come without all of the people who’d believed in his cause and joined the SG, and he knew to cherish each of the lives of the people who followed him.

Lu Hao chatted with everyone, checking in on person after person, and cheerfully made his way over to where Hong Sheng was.

Hong Sheng had picked a corner in the villa to stand. He held a cup full of soda and stared dully at the things around him. Lu Hao couldn’t help but smile at the sight of him. Even if Hong Sheng wasn’t a fan of parties, he was still here to participate.

On his way over to Hong Sheng, a girl tripped and fell on Lu Hao. Lu Hao grabbed her on instinct, and saw that it was a woman who’d joined the SG fairly recently. Her name was Meng Wei, if he remembered right. She was heavily drunk, but even then, she still smiled and raised up her cup while howling, “Yeah! Let’s drink some more!”

“…” Was this the same cold-faced, ice beauty-looking girl that he’d seen a few months ago? Lu Hao smiled politely and looked at the group of people she’d been drinking with. Her teammates were split between putting their faces in their hands and laughing uproariously at her.

One of them heckled, “Watch out, Meng Meng! You’re getting too close to the boss! His little boyfriend’s looking at you!” Glancing at the corner where Hong Sheng stood, it was true: Hong Sheng was looking at them like a little sour lemon.

Seeing this, Lu Hao felt a little joy bubble up in his heart. He wanted Hong Sheng to be possessive of him. In fact, if Hong Sheng wanted to cling to him and say, ‘Go away! He’s mine!’, that would be all the better. Well, though something like that would never happen.

“Oh, crap!” Meng Wei tried to get up, but she was too unsteady on her feet, and ended up falling over Lu Hao again. “He’s going to get mad and—and not make those grenades I asked him for!”

Once he parsed what Meng Wei was saying through her slurred, drunken words, Lu Hao let out an amused sigh. “It’s fine, he’s not going to get mad at you for being drunk.” He watched her continue to fall over and felt a little concerned. “Come on, I think you’ve had enough. I’ll take her to her room,” he said to Meng Wei’s teammates. They all raised their glasses and cheered, and both sides waved goodbye.

Meng Wei was already passing out, so Lu Hao just hauled her upstairs. Since she didn’t have a room here, Lu Hao put her up in his own room. He dropped her on the bed and set her sideways so that she wouldn’t choke if she vomited in the night, then found a glass of water to set on the nightstand.

By now, things were getting pretty late. Lu Hao thought that Hong Sheng would be getting tired around now. An idea flashed in his mind, and he decided to act on it.

Lu Hao went to Hong Sheng’s room, and with a playful little smirk, he laid on Hong Sheng’s bed. Once Hong Sheng came back to see Lu Hao here, Lu Hao could tease him, and maybe even seduce him.

Things were good now. Hong Sheng had brought out some of the healing spring water, and Lisa Xi and her team were hard at work studying its composition and finding a way to reproduce its effects.

Only Hong Sheng was able to activate the jade pendant and bring out the water, and though the healing spring water could instantly cure the virus and its wounds, knowledge of its existence would paint a huge target on Hong Sheng’s back. It had to be kept a secret, so the discovery and reveal of a cure that could be distributed across the world all rested on the shoulders of Lisa Xi and her team.

The end was soon in sight, and now, Lu Hao felt that it was time to see if Hong Sheng was ready to take the next step with him.

As he’d expected, Hong Sheng soon made his way back to his room. Footsteps sounded outside, and the door slid open. Surprisingly, Hong Sheng didn’t bother to turn on the lights. He just walked over and flopped onto the bed—right on top of Lu Hao.

Lu Hao raised his brows, and at the same time, he grabbed Hong Sheng into a hug. Hong Sheng let out a squeak of surprise, making Lu Hao chuckle at how cute it was.

“It’s just me,” Lu Hao said to reassure him. Once he heard this, Hong Sheng froze. Then, he pushed away from Lu Hao and scrambled out of the bed. He was still too shy. Lu Hao regretted that he couldn’t take advantage of such a cute Hong Sheng a little more.

“Lu Hao, you… why are you in my bed?”

“I put Meng Wei in my room. All the other beds are taken,” Lu Hao explained. He looked at Hong Sheng in the partial darkness, and noticed that Hong Sheng’s body language was very stiff, and almost… alert. “I thought you wouldn’t mind if we shared… Hong Sheng?”

Lu Hao paused. He realized—maybe Hong Sheng wasn’t ready for so much physical contact, to share a bed. Coming here had been Lu Hao’s own selfishness, and he didn’t have a right to push Hong Sheng’s boundaries in a way he didn’t want.

So Lu Hao retreated a bit and said, “If this is too much, it’s fine. I’ll sleep on the floor.” He moved to get out of the bed, only to hear Hong Sheng ask a question that Lu Hao didn’t understand.

“Why… why aren’t you staying with Meng Wei?”

For a moment, it was incomprehensible to him. Why would Lu Hao be staying with her? It’s not like he couldn’t find another place to stay somewhere else. But then he realized it was a different question.

What Hong Sheng was asking was—why wasn’t Lu Hao sleeping with her.

That was something Lu Hao couldn’t do even more. “Hong Sheng, she’s drunk,” he said, with a slight admonition in his voice. “That’s not… and in the first place, I wouldn’t.”

Maybe in the past, Lu Hao might have had a one-night stand on a night like this. With someone sober enough to consent, obviously. But things were different now. The only person Lu Hao wanted to sleep with was Hong Sheng. But Hong Sheng didn’t seem to know that, and Lu Hao heard him take in a deep breath. “Okay,” Hong Sheng said. “It’s fine. Let’s just sleep.”

It didn’t sound fine. But Lu Hao wasn’t going to fight him on this. “…Alright,” he replied, and laid back down.

Hong Sheng climbed back into bed with him, but this time, he was acting in the most awkward way you could when sharing a bed with someone. Hong Sheng laid on his side at the very edge of the bed. Even a slight breeze could knock him over onto the floor. Seeing this, Lu Hao rolled over and wrapped an arm around him. He drew Hong Sheng back in against his body, the way Lu Hao had done countless times back when it had been just the two of them in the villa.

Hong Sheng smelled a bit like sweat and gunpowder, along with the sweetness of the soda he’d been drinking. Lu Hao nuzzled at the back of Hong Sheng’s head, feeling his softness, his boniness, everything about Hong Sheng that he loved so much.

He wanted to spend every night like this. Sleeping with Hong Sheng in his arms, and waking up to see Hong Sheng’s face.

“Hong Sheng…” Lu Hao whispered. He wanted it so much. He couldn’t help but try to ask Hong Sheng, “I was thinking. We’re getting a lot more people now, and rather than building more rooms, we should also think about conserving our current space…”

The more Lu Hao spoke, the stiffer Hong Sheng’s body got. The tip of Hong Sheng’s ear grew hot against Lu Hao’s lips as Lu Hao gently rubbed against it. “Yes,“ Hong Sheng’s voice was a little shaky, “that’s a—good plan.”

“That’s right.” Pleased, Lu Hao continued his sales pitch. “So, I figured, rather than taking up two rooms, I thought that maybe the two of us could just share one.”

That way, they could live together, sleep in the same bed every night, and share all kinds of sweet and intimate moments together.

But this caught Hong Sheng off guard.

And all he said was, “What.”

Lu Hao noticed something was wrong quickly. He got up and reached over, bringing Hong Sheng closer as Lu Hao rubbed a thumb over the tears that had started to fall from his eyes. “Hong Sheng? Hong Sheng, why are you crying?”

“Please. Don’t be cruel.”

These words left Lu Hao stunned.

He withdrew, a cold feeling seeping into his body. “I’m sorry.” His mind buzzed, and though Lu Hao knew Hong Sheng couldn’t see it, a weak, fake smile still pulled on his lips. “I don’t understand. Do you…”

It was difficult for him to continue this sentence. He didn’t want to think about it, but he still had to ask.

“Do you not… want us to be together?”

There was an empty pause. Hong Sheng seemed to be taking the time to think.

All Lu Hao could hear was his ragged breaths.

When Hong Sheng finally answered, “Of course I want to,” Lu Hao could finally breathe. But then he continued. “But I don’t want to see your… relationships.”

Lu Hao went blank.

He didn’t understand. Relationships? Like friendships? It was extreme, but if Hong Sheng wanted… But that wasn’t what Hong Sheng was talking about. No. It was like when Hong Sheng had mentioned Meng Wei earlier.

“My relationships.”

As he repeated those words, Lu Hao’s eyes changed with a dark, possessive emotion brewing inside them. He looked at Hong Sheng’s trembling shoulders in front of him, and that weak smile on Lu Hao’s lips transformed and rose into something dangerous.

Unaware of the changes in Lu Hao behind him, Hong Sheng said, “Y-Yes. Your… we can stay in the same room, but if you… with a woman, then please, do it somewhere else.”

He couldn’t believe this. “If I what with a woman,” Lu Hao snapped. He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. “Hong Sheng. You can’t be serious.”

For over a year, all Lu Hao had been doing was flirting furiously with Hong Sheng. He’d done all but throw Hong Sheng into his bed to ravage him at this point. He’d even confessed his love to him. But Hong Sheng was still thinking that Lu Hao was sleeping around with other people? “What?” Hong Sheng replied, with a bit of prickly indignation in his tone.

Lu Hao grabbed him by the shoulder and flipped Hong Sheng around so they could look at each other. He had to make things clear right now. Lu Hao stared into Hong Sheng’s eyes, making sure that Hong Sheng saw him clearly. “Hong Sheng,” he said, low and urgent. “I’m not in a relationship with any woman. And I won’t be in the future.”

At this, Hong Sheng finally seemed to understand that he’d gotten something mixed up. “Oh,” he said, with his eyes all wide.

“Do you want to know why?” Lu Hao pressed. “Why I won’t be pursuing any women?”

His eyes narrowed, the raging beast in his chest demanding to be let out.

He couldn’t believe this.

If he’d just done what he wanted earlier—if he’d just kissed Hong Sheng, bit his lips until he cried out, marked his body everywhere until Hong Sheng couldn’t look at himself without seeing how much Lu Hao wanted him—they wouldn’t have been in this position.

Caught under Lu Hao’s intense gaze, Hong Sheng nodded obediently, almost entranced.

The corner of Lu Hao’s lips pulled in amusement, and he leaned forward to murmur to Hong Sheng.

“Because,” he said. “I’m in love with you.”

Hong Sheng froze.

He was stunned silly, eyes wide like saucers, and even his mouth had dropped open in shock.

He was such a little fool, and Lu Hao loved him so much.

“You didn’t notice at all, did you? Of course not. You’re so smart, but when it comes to emotions you can’t even figure out the smallest things.”

After being teased, Hong Sheng finally regained his senses. “What—“ His eyes shifted wildly, like he was thinking, processing, caught on a blue screen. Then Hong Sheng looked back at Lu Hao, with a worried expression on his face. “Are you drunk?”

A mean smile cemented on Lu Hao’s face. His eyes narrowed to slits. “Do I have to be drunk to love you?”

Hong Sheng didn’t answer. He just shrunk himself up, in a silent admission. He didn’t believe Lu Hao was telling the truth. And this made Lu Hao’s heart soften.

He sighed, the frustration falling back. Lu Hao took in the hunch of Hong Sheng’s shoulders, the way he made himself so small in the face of someone who dared to love him. He reached for Hong Sheng’s hand and took it in his own, and he swept his thumb comfortingly over Hong Sheng’s skin. “Why do you think I can’t love you?” he asked.

Hong Sheng replied in a muffled voice. “I don’t have an ability.”

“No one did until a year and five months ago, and people still fell in love then.” Lu Hao wished he could kiss Hong Sheng’s forehead, let him know how valuable he was regardless of whether or not he had an ability.

“I’m… I’m not a woman,” was the next thing Hong Sheng came up with. This, too, Lu Hao answered easily.

All he had to do was think about Hong Sheng beneath him, or on top of him, the slender strength of his muscles, the flat planes and smooth lines of his body. Lu Hao thought about the glimpses of Hong Sheng that he’d caught while they had been living together, and his mouth went dry. “That’s not a problem for me,” was all he said, his voice going a little hoarse.

Hong Sheng started to stutter. “Uh—“ He was panicking, Lu Hao saw clearly. Before, he would have been kind, and given Hong Sheng space. Let him think without pressure. Not this time. Now Lu Hao moved in, continuing to gently sweep his thumb over Hong Sheng’s hand. “I’m—not beautiful.”

And that was the biggest piece of bullshit Lu Hao had ever heard.

Everything about Hong Sheng was beautiful in his eyes.

Lu Hao didn’t need to answer that one. All he had to do was look at Hong Sheng, his gaze sweeping up and down Hong Sheng’s body. Every inch of him, Lu Hao had fantasized about. For nearly two years, it was thoughts of Hong Sheng that had gotten Lu Hao through some very, very long nights. “Try again,” was all he said, and the implication in his eyes must have gotten through, for Hong Sheng swallowed with a bit of a shy, nervous look.

He was running out of excuses.

With all of these pretenses torn down, all that was left for Hong Sheng to say was the real reason. The vulnerability in Hong Sheng’s eyes pierced right through Lu Hao’s soul, but then Hong Sheng was looking down, hiding away again. Hong Sheng swallowed thickly, and let out a few words of, “I’m… I’m just…”

But he cut off, unable to voice what he was really feeling, the whirlwind of emotions and thoughts inside him too violent for Lu Hao to grasp.

Lu Hao could only watch as Hong Sheng started to break down.

The truth was something Lu Hao already knew.

Hong Sheng didn’t believe he could be loved.

It was his childhood, growing up, falling in love with Lu Hao. None of it had been easy for him. No one had treated him well except for Lu Hao and his family. But Hong Sheng knew that while Lu Hao’s family was everything to him, to Lu Hao, Hong Sheng was just one out of many.

The last thing Hong Sheng had realized before he died was that he hadn’t been special to Lu Hao.

But he didn’t know. The one thing Lu Hao had realized after Hong Sheng had died, was that Hong Sheng had been the only one that was special.

Hong Sheng withdrew into himself, caught in the world of memories, the awful things that he had internalized, all the lessons he’d taught himself to keep himself from hurting. ‘No one would ever love him’ had been the bedrock of his world, and for Lu Hao to destroy it now broke apart everything that Hong Sheng had built to protect his own heart.

Tears fell from Hong Sheng’s eyes, and as Lu Hao saw the misery and agony on his face, he felt helpless.

All he could do was love Hong Sheng.

Lu Hao gathered Hong Sheng in his arms, and he kissed his cheeks, whispering soft words of comfort. “It’s alright. It’s alright,” he coaxed. “I’m with you. I love you so much.”

He kept pressing kisses over Hong Sheng’s face, and he rubbed his hand up and down Hong Sheng’s back. But Hong Sheng kept crying and shaking in his arms, and Lu Hao knew—so much of this was because of him. Just how many hurts had he inflicted on Hong Sheng, how many wounds had Hong Sheng suffered just to love him?

God, Lu Hao was so horrible and selfish. But he still couldn’t give Hong Sheng up. Bitter guilt and sorrow rose up in him, and Lu Hao said, “I’m so sorry,” with all the weight of two lifetimes in his words. His voice cracked as tears started to fall down his face. “It was my fault. I shouldn’t have let you—“

But then Hong Sheng leaned forward, and he pressed his lips softly to Lu Hao’s mouth.

He was trembling. Hong Sheng’s face was miserable from crying, and he looked like he might cry himself to death if Lu Hao dared to pull away from him. “You’ll really stay with me?” he asked.

He was desperate, and disbelieving.

But for Hong Sheng to even ask this, Lu Hao knew, took all of his courage.

Nothing Lu Hao could say would be worthy of him. He held back so many words, so many apologies, and only replied with a promise. “I will,” he whispered, his mouth still pressed against Hong Sheng’s. “I promise. This time, I won’t ever let you go.”

And when Lu Hao held him, Hong Sheng reached out and held him back.

 

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