"What is my lovely little stream about today?" Mum came bursting through the door, it had been years since she was home. I ran to her in glee.

           "Mum! I met Tavy from next door." I was a young adult now and my skin was the same color as the ashes in her forge from my time basking, though Tavy called it "baking" in the sunlight. 

           He had come up to me when I was asleep and poked me until I woke up. His skin was lighter than most I'd met, a light caramel that reminded me of the candies she brought back from the human realm. His hair was close to the same color, though slightly more blond. A very nice-looking boy.

           Until he opened his mouth.

           "Um, I think you might be a bit over-done." He proceeded to roll me on my back, "...for an even charring." before he ran off.

           ...I decided that it might be best if I didn’t mention that to Mum. 

           "It's good to make a friend. Let me know if anyone bullies you, I'll send a homemade gift from your father."

           "Mum, I read somewhere that biological warfare is illegal."

           "Remember,"

           "it's only illegal if there is someone left who would blame you" I recited with her as I rolled my eyes laughing. It was better with her here.

           She had new scars on her body. There were things we didn't talk about. She never told me what she found searching, or rather didn’t find. In turn I never told her how I tried to practice with the small knife she made me until I collapsed. 

           How I stopped reading the old stories of the first war and the heroes. How I wanted to go with her when she left. How cold it felt without her. That I couldn't sleep in my room anymore and was now sleeping in the forge. How the cold was settling into my bones and how scared I was. 

           And I knew I would never be able to tell her how desperately I-

           She told me once, that no matter what happened, no matter what, I would be the one to be the next Aenaziel.  No one else. But I knew I would not be able to take that dear name with pride. I could never stand before the Council of Heaven and receive the name properly. Not as a warrior, not like I'd dreamed. Not- ....never like Mother.

           "A little stream goes where it pleases." She cradled me like she always did even though I didn’t really fit anymore. "Do as you like, I shall be the rain to raise you up, the lightning to strike down trees in your way." Her grip was tight. Her trip failed again. Tears found their way to my skin from the top of my head.

           "I love you, Mum. I love you." Tears of my own formed, but they didn’t fall. "Please, don't leave me again."

           "..." Her chest shuddered as she tried so hard not to hurt me. She was so strong that she couldn't even hold me without worrying that she’d hurt me. Suppressed grief racked her body. 

           She didn't say anything. 

 

 

           The suns were beaming down in full force that day. Tavy came up to me, poking and prodding as if to check if the suns had finally cooked me through. His hand came into contact with my skin, causing him to jerk back in shock.

           "You're cold! In the sunlight!" He sat down next to me nervously. "Are you alright? Do you need to see the doctor?"

           "I'm dying.” I informed him flatly. “Uncle Elijial can't fix me." Mum left again, she’d found something in a book about Volcanic Titans. 

           "Oh." My hand was gently taken from my side and he patted it unevenly. "I'm sorry for the other day, I thought, well...I thought it might...be funny." His voice got softer and softer as he trailed off. He was about my age, but I hadn't really played with him when we were children. From my memories, he was always getting carted off  by his father.

           "...you're the next Tavliel, aren’t ya?" I asked.

           "Yeah, but..." he hesitated, but continued, "but I don’t think I’m right for it…" he trailed off again as he shrunk under my gaze.

           "What do you mean?" I frowned at him, now that I think of it, I don't think I smiled once with him that day.

           "Well, Father said Tavliel is to work under Uriel to make sure the war runs smoothly…To help the army kill as many demons as possible until the day they are removed from the worlds and Hell is conquered and reformed by the light of the Suns."

           "And that’s something you don’t think you can do?" It sounded easy enough, it didn’t involve going to war, and he looked like he belonged behind a desk.

          “well…” He hesitated, withdrawing into himself as he thought for a moment, trying to say something he knew he probably shouldn’t. “It’s just, maybe, just a little, shouldn’t the focus be on Kindness since that’s the title? Killing seems a bit, contrary to that…”

          “…so, you think the army is wrong? Do you think we should let them be? That the war my mother-” I started coughing and couldn't stop. I couldn't breathe.

           He was propping me up, patting my back with complete panic. Apologies and incoherent words that were probably supposed to be comforting poured like lava from his mouth. His head swiveled as he desperately looked for help. I held to his shirt until it subsided.

           "I'm sorry." He whispered. "I'm sorry. I just- it's- I- ...I just think…that maybe it would better to work and make sure people come home...safe and that they- that they have homes to come back to."

           A draft chilled my bones. I couldn't even listen properly to someone. Mum wouldn't have jumped to accuse him like that, but I tore this kind, awkward, oddly rude boy where it hurt him the most. He was stifling tears, but he was way worse than Mum at it.

           "...maybe." He straighten in surprise. Glossy eyes glimmered, hope lighting up in them. Tavy smiled then, even if I didn't return it. He acted for all the world like no one had listened to him before.

          Maybe. Maybe, he would listen me a bit too.

           

 

 

           I followed him into support work. Turns out, I was better at it than he was. Mum always crowed to anyone who would listen, and many who didn't want to but were caught and held against their will, that I would be the best scholar in the three worlds. My knife was left in the forge, carefully cleaned and maintained.

           "I am sorry, Gold-eye. It has not worked. However, she can hold lava for a period of time, so that should slow it a bit." Uncle watched me play with his lava pool with mild amounts of pride and more than a little impressed. The titan’s heart was a fun little treat.

          It tasted weird though.

          Tavy was a wonderful listener. As the years passed, I found the hollow feeling left by my mum’s tendency to pop-up only to run off was eased by his… interesting comments and an odd knack to show up whenever needed. It got a little annoying at times, like the time I needed a drink and didn’t want to walk 4 feet to get it only to have him come crashing through the wall after he asked for my hand in marriage from Mum.

          We never did get the bloodstains out of the carpet.

          The wedding was a simple affair. Tavy’s father almost, well actually he did, faint when he was informed. He kept going on, and on, about how our family would be the death of him, and to be fair…he was right.

          I still blame Mum for the poor man's fatal heart attack during the wedding. She didn't have to rub it in so hard, calling him "in-law" and asking if our children would be joining the military. Also not putting up warnings around Dad's "cookies".

           ...three people died that day. We don’t talk about it. Still not sure how we got out of an investigation.

           Mum let me name my new little brother that was born shortly after the...incident. Anzy. 

           It was getting colder each day. We had to move back in with them, Her giant forge kept the house warmer than Tavy was capable of. I knew the end was close. I was trying to hold Anzy, who was barely a decade and still toddling, when I dropped him. We were sitting so he wasn't hurt, but my hands had snapped under his weight.

           Mum was on me in seconds, Tavy was at work. They sent me home after I collapsed a year ago and haven't let me back since. It hurt. I was in her arms just like when I was a child. She sang that nonsensical tune again. Dad picked up Anzy and watched with dark, worried eyes.

           I was going. It was time to go. My life started 150 years or so ago on borrowed time, I was destined for a short life. I knew that from the start, and I was prepared for it.

           But I didn't want to go.

           I wanted children of my own. I wanted to see Anzy grow. I wanted to see what Tavy looked like with white hair. I wanted to know my other siblings. I wanted to meet a demon for myself. I wanted, I wanted- 

          I wanted to live my own thrice damned life.

           My hands were broken. My voice wouldn't come out. For the first time, I was cold in my mother's arms. Frost was slowly claiming my blood as my heart slowed. 

           "I'm sorry." The tune stopped as my mother spoke, her tears flowing freely in front of me for the first time. Dad had a puddle of his own tears forming from where he was kneeling already.

          I want to live. But I can’t.

          I can’t. She still has the years before her. Years to blame herself, centuries to weep.

          Aenaziel, we know suffering. We breathe it every day of our lives. The first lost everyone she held dear as a child to a demon she trusted and I was doomed from start without a chance to try.

          "mm." I smiled with what felt like the last of my strength. I smiled for my mother who loved me with all her heart. For my dear father who really needed to stay away from the kitchen. For my little brother I didn’t really know yet, but who I’m sure will be a great man someday.

          For my husband, who gave me a direction, who listened and gave me a choice, who cared enough to roll me over when I was done cooking on one side.

          "No, no. My dear, my baby, stay with me, please, don't go yet." Her tears were warm. "don't go"

 

           

          Autumn's Breeze comes quietly

          Summer’s Light had just begun

          Bringing along a gentle chill         

          As it steals time with no enmity

          Winter's Freeze brings to a still

          Spring's Warmth will never come