“You two were here the whole time!?”

 

TO and DH started awake as the sudden exclamation drew them from sleep. TO was so confused – they weren’t in their pod, they were in the observation room, curled up on the very comfortable couch with their head resting on DH’s belly and DH’s hand gently resting on their head.

 

And too close to their ears.

 

TO sat up quicker than they should have, their ears down and flushed blue. “Sorry!” they said quickly as DH was starting to get their bearings.

 

“Why?” DH murmured, still sleepy. They rubbed at their eyes, “What did you do?”

 

“The two of you slept here.” GiDi said as they leaned back against the door with their arms crossed, though there was nothing but mild amusement in their voice, “I got up, and you weren't in your pods. I went to the cafeteria, and you weren’t there.”

 

Slowly, TO realized what had happened. They had slept through the remainder of the day in the observation room, and never returned to their pods. Panic coursed through them as they remembered that C12 said that the overseers knew who slept where. Did they know that DH and TO had slept in the old observation room?

 

“We were here the whole time?” DH asked, their voice small and weak either from still being sleepy or from the sudden realization

 

“Yes!” Gidi said as they stood upright, “And if you still want to eat before we go to physical training then we have to run now!”

 

TO’s ears flicked back, “Wait… wait is it really that late?” They checked their chip and saw that it was. In frantic movements, TO and DH detangled themselves and got up, rushing out of the observation deck and towards the cafeteria.

 

======

 

“Running late today?” C12 said as the three of them approached the training room, shoving the last of their meal in their mouth as they did.

 

“Apologies, Retiree.” they said in unison. DH and GiDi rushed inside, but TO hung behind for just a moment, hesitant.

 

“... Retiree?”

 

“Yes?” C12 frowned as they regarded TO, “What. what is it?” They looked at TO’s ears, taking in the nervous way they were twitching. “Is something wrong?”

 

“No, I… Maybe. I don’t.” they shook their head, not waiting to talk about it right here. “I was wondering if I could talk to you.” they said, “After our training.”

 

“Of course, that’s-”

 

“About the stuff we were talking about the other day?” They gave C12 a careful look, “During our second meal?”

 

“Oh…” C12’s ears flicked up in comprehension, “Of course, you and 70H-”

 

“No no… just me.” TO said, their voice low as DH was starting to come back towards them after having noticed that TO hadn’t followed them into the training room. “Please? Can you take care of that?”

 

“Yes?” C12 said, clearly confused, “Yes… I can take care of that.”

 

“Thank you.” TO said as they turned to go inside, Their ears were still flicking with anxiety. They had been arguing with themself since they woke as to whether or not they should speak to C12. At least now it seemed like they were committed to it.

 

======

 

Music played in the background as C12 got the food for them in the privacy of their small, single room. The Retiree had told GiDi and DH that they needed to speak to TO privately and that they should go on and get their own lunch. There had been disappointment in DH’s face as their ears flicked down, driving a pang of guilt through TO. Still, this was important. TO needed to speak to someone, they needed someone to reassure them, to tell them that they were worried about nothing.

 

“Here.” C12 said as they set the food in front of TO. They took their own seat, but their eyes didn’t leave TO’s bound up wings, “How are they healing?”

 

“Very well, I think” TO said, “I try not to look at the damage too much.” they gave a low laugh, “I’m a little worried that they won’t heal at all. DH says that they will and MO-6 said they will, but I’m still...just not sure.”

 

“You’re worried about it. I understand that.” they frowned, “I’m sorry about the damage to your wings, for what it’s worth.”

 

“I was lucky. SR45 lost their wings altogether.”

 

C12 nearly dropped the food they had picked up. Their ears twitched back and sunk down in… guilt?

 

“... You didn’t have anything to do with it, right?”

 

“I didn’t.” they said softly. They weren’t lying, that much was clear just by watching their ears. Still, something about the situation bothered them. “Why did you want to talk to me?”

 

TO wanted to ask what was wrong, and why they seemed suddenly so guilty over the injury done to another synth. There were all kinds of reasons why – Maybe C12 was the reason SR45 was down in shipping and receiving in the first place. If they could get snout sent off to a moon of Arkane, then they were certain that they could have a synth assigned to a particular place.

Still, that wasn’t why they were here.

 

“... it’s a personal question.” TO said, “Potentially very personal, if that’s ok.”

 

“Is it a dangerous question?” C12 asked as their ears pinned back.

 

“Probably not?”

 

“... very well.” C12 said, “but I reserve the right to not answer you.”

 

“That’s fair…” TO said. “I… I’m wondering.” they felt their ears burn as they hesitated, wondering if they should really ask this, wondering if the whole situation was something they wanted to really examine or even acknowledge. “I’m wondering how you knew that you wanted to be...intimate? Romantic? With Snout.”

 

C12 was just lifting the dropped piece of food up to their mouth, but stopped midway and set their food down, “Ah…” they said, “I see.”

 

“You see?” TO said as panic rushed through them.

 

“Who is it?” they asked as they leaned back, their ears flicking with slight amusement, “I’m guessing DH.”

 

“What?!” TO felt their ears flick down and burn bright blue, “What do you mean?!’

 

C12’s ears twitched with amusement at TO’s reaction, “Look, most of the officers, the Overseers, even the Commander wouldn't see it unless they were actively looking. They don’t know how to recognize-” They waved their hand as they tried to come up with the right word, “Potential romantic inclinations“ There was a sad smile that flicked over their face, “Unless someone were to catch you kissing or something like that, then they’re unlikely to really think that you have romantic feelings to another synth. You’d have to be obvious otherwise they won’t notice, or at the very least they won’t acknowledge it as romantic; it’s too different for them. ” They shook their head, “I’m not quite so… well, I know what I see. I know how you two act together.”

 

“It… It’s nothing, it we’re really close, but I’m close with GiDi too!”

 

C12 gave a little smirk, “I see. So the reason you’re asking me?”

 

“... Pure curiosity?” TO offered even as they could feel their ears twitching to show their deceit.

 

C12 shook their head, but they were grinning, “Ah well. That’s probably best.” They glanced up seriously at TO, “It’s not safe here to get romantically involved with anyone.”

 

“I know… I know. You said that ‘excessive fraternization’ was frowned upon. Something to be avoided…” they glanced up sheepishly, “I’m guessing you didn’t mean just being close friends.”

 

“Well…” C12 frowned, “At the end of things, here’s the question; are you loyal to King Decon, or your friend? Are you loyal to King Decon, or your mate?” They sighed, “I suppose somewhere down the line it was decided that the latter couldn’t be trusted to stay loyal to king Decon, so romantic feelings and developing a pair bond…” they shook their head, “I was lucky. For the most part, that kind of thing is dealt with early on.”

 

Just a few periods ago, TO would have wondered how any synth could possibly feel loyalty to anyone other than King Decon. Now, their own answer to that question scared them.

 

And they didn’t want to know how ‘that kind of thing’ was ‘dealt with.’

 

“.. How did you know?” they finally asked, “How did you know you wanted to be Snout’s mate.”

 

“I didn’t, not at first.” C12 admitted, “I didn’t know anything about mates or pair bonds or anything of the like.” They gave a low chuckle, “You might have noticed that we don't leave the tank with that kind of information. Ideally, most possess an… indifference, or even disgust for romance between synths.”

 

“I know.” TO said, their ears sinking down as they thought of DH.

 

C12 frowned, and then leaned forward, “I was… enamoured with a different synth at first. I think that the proper slang for it would probably be, I ‘had a crush’ on a different synth.”

 

TO couldn’t help the grin that spread over their face, and the amusement that twitched at their ears. Thinking of C12 with a crush was almost too much! TO wondered if C12 used to be like they themself had been; So easily flustered and worried about it all. They seemed so strong and in control now, it was hard to imagine them like that.

 

“Yes, well,” C12 said, a light flush spreading over their ears as they watched TO’s reaction, “They slept in the pod next to mine. I helped them with some puzzles, and we did our physical and mental training together in our first span out of the tanks… and around the third period, I thought that I…” they trailed off, frowning, “That I wanted to be closer to them than was proper. “

 

“How did you know that was what you wanted?” TO asked. That was what they needed to know.

 

“Oh, that was almost stupid at first.” They said, “It was dumb. I just started imagining things out of nowhere. One minute I’d be working on a maze or doing research, and then I’d be thinking about them.”

 

“... touching your ears?”

 

C12’s ears dipped and burned blue, “Among other things.” They said in a tone that prevented any other question of that nature.

 

“But that wasn’t Snout?”

 

“No… no their call number…” They shook their head, “I feel silly that I can still remember it; 79h89.” They frowned, “I tried to give them a nickname, but they didn't want one. That should have been a sign. Anyway…”

 

“What did you do?”

 

“I ignored it at first!” C12 said, “I know how that stuff is supposed to seem! After the first time, I convinced myself that it was just a fluke and I only thought about it after that because I was worried about it!” they gave a little laugh, “I wasn’t that bright back then.”

“Right.” TO mumbled, not liking how this was going, not liking how close this was to how they were feeling. They had really hoped there was some sure, positive sign that they could check for. All they wanted was some way of knowing that these feelings would go away. Something to tell them that they were just worried over nothing. They wanted some test to tell them that they were normal, and not a synth that DH would be disgusted by.

 

C12 was not providing that. If anything, their story of how they learned they had romantic feelings for Snout was doing the opposite.