TO was tired. They were physically exhausted from the extra training and mentally exhausted by the constant worry and anxiety they seemed to suffer every moment of every day. Even when they slept their worry slipped into their dreams causing them at best a restless sleep and at worse, nightmares.
They were worried about GiDi and Avery. They felt like they had forgotten something, forgotten to tell DH something and their mind was swimming backwards to try to remember what it was. They wanted their examination to be over. They wanted to stop looking at stats and numbers that laid out the entire existence of other synths. How could an existence be reduced down to numbers; How many calories each synth was given, and how much they consumed, how much sleep they got each day calculated to the second, how often they had to take unscheduled breaks, how often they stopped the fast pace of their work to take a drink of water and the amount of water consumed each day.
Everything reduced to a number and compared to productivity. TO didn't know why this bothered them really; they knew that in the end all they were was a number when viewed on a larger scale. They had known this for a while.
Still, it bothered them.
Even as they waited for GiDi and DH to show up outside the cafeteria they couldn’t help but think about how many calories they’d be in taking, how much water they had consumed, and how long they had slept. What was their output? Were they considered effective?
No. They were considered an investment. Trainees couldn’t be productive.
TO’s chip beeped, and when they checked they saw that there was a message from DH waiting for them.
=GiDi and I headed to the Medical Bay to check on Avery. We’ll be at the cafeteria soon, alright?=
=Aright.= was the message TO sent back. They leaned against the wall as they watched other synths enter and leave the cafeteria. Shouldn’t they be in the Medical Bay with their friends? They hadn’t even been invited to join them.
Maybe this was how GiDi had felt.
The thought struck TO suddenly. Had this really been how GiDi felt when DH was injured? Useless? Had they wondered why TO hadn’t called for them to join them? No, it had been worse for GiDi because at the same time that all that happened, GiDi was also unmoored over the attack on King Decon.
TO sat down on the floor against the wall, ignoring the confused looked of other synths as they passed by. Oddly, thinking about how GiDi must have felt back then made them feel a little more alright with what had just happened. If they were alone and felt useless, they probably deserved it.
======
“We’re so sorry we took so long!” DH said as they rushed down the now empty hallway towards TO, “We thought we’d only be a minute to check up on Avery but MO-6 was speaking to them for a while so we had to wait until they were done-“
“It’s fine.” TO said as they stood up, “How are they? What happened?”
“Well,” GiDi said, “First Avery said that they felt like they could go to their training, so we left the washroom with them shortly after you left and started heading to our training, but then Avery started to get sick again and started dry-heaving.”
“Yes. That’s when I insisted on them going to medical.” DH said, “We dropped them off, I told MO-6 what happened, and then we went to our training.” They glanced away from TO, their ears flicked down, “We had to pass the medical bay on the way from our training to the cafeteria, so we thought we’d just stop in and see how Avery was doing on our way. We didn’t think we’d be so long, or we would have-“
“It’s fine.” TO said, “Really. Where’s Avery now.”
“Kept for observation.” DH said, “MO-6 has them eating now, and they want to watch them and make sure they can keep their meal down before releasing them.”
TO nodded. Well, they’d not be speaking to Avery this day. It wasn’t as though TO actually expected to speak to them after what they saw in the washroom. Now, TO doubted that Avery would be able to tell them what happened at all.
“Did they say what was wrong with them?”
“Apparently it happens to a lot of synths later in their training.” DH said, “The work ends up putting a lot of strain on them and they get stomach sick a lot.”
TO felt their ears flick back, “Are they going to be ok though?” they asked. A sick synth– No, a synth that was made to be sick by the work expected of them– wouldn’t be considered effective. Would Avery be alright, or would they be corrected?
“They’ll be alright.” DH assured TO, “There’s a medicine for it. MO-6 said it could be put right in their food and Avery won’t even notice it.”
“That’s good.” TO said, “And good that Avery qualifies for that.”
“Well… not quite.” GiDi said, “They’re getting the medication, but I don’t think they have to ‘qualify’ for it. I actually put that kind of medication in food when I was working in food production. Meals that get that kind of medication have less actual food in it. In fact, there’s lots of medication that gets put into the meals for various issues, and a small amount of food is removed to compensate for the cost of the medication.” they shrugged, “I supposed there’s some issues that are so common that getting rid of every synth that’s afflicted is too much of a loss.”
“I’m just glad that they’re getting treatment.” TO said carefully. GiDi had this look on their face– one TO was getting used to. It was a look of anger and concentration. It worried TO.
“You’d think that if we were made by the flawless King Decon then we wouldn’t have such issues.”
“Hey now!” TO said quickly, “There’s a lot that goes into actually growing a synth after it’s been created. A lot can go wrong. That’s an issue with synth production, not King Decon.”
GiDi just shrugged again, but didn’t say anything else. They way that they had said that worried TO. There was a certain level of disdain in their voice that TO had never heard used in relation to King Decon.
“Anyway.” DH said, their voice cheerful even as their ears were flicking with worry, “Avery is likely going to be fine. They’ll be able to eat just fine tomorrow and since this all happened so quickly then there wasn’t much damage done to them.” They gave TO a big smile, “They were really lucky that GiDi followed them. If they had tried to hide it then they could have caused some real damage over time.”
TO gave GiDi a smile, “You really did help!” they said.
“... You’re alright?” GiDi asked.
“Why wouldn’t I ?”
“You seem a little sad.”
Sad wasn’t quite right. If GiDi hadn’t noticed, then TO wouldn’t have noticed. They had been thinking about DH and were lost in their own worries and distractions. What could have happened to Avery if GiDi hadn’t noticed, or if DH hadn’t insisted on bringing them to the medical bay.
“Just thinking about what could have happened if you hadn’t helped.” TO said.
GiDI gave another quick smile, “Come on.” they said, “Let’s get some food before the machines shut off.”
TO nodded and followed them into the cafeteria, even though they didn’t feel hungry anymore.
======
The feeling of hot water pouring over wings from the shower was a feeling that TO promised themself that they’d never take for granted again. While their wings were healing from the damage done in Shipping and Receiving they had been forced to keep them dry. The only way they could clean their wings was to sponge them down carefully in the tub. Letting the water hit their wings now was bliss. They didn’t even mind that they were in the showers among a handful of other, unfamiliar synths instead of with DH and GiDi.
Normally, they’d have gone to the showers with GiDi and DH when they knew it would be quieter but GiDi didn’t need a shower today; didn’t want a shower. They had taken their shower earlier, after their training. TO didn’t need a shower either, but they had wanted one. DH had insisted that TO go. DH had stayed with GiDi.
Still, they were only allowed a few minutes of bliss before the worry started to creep into their head. Missing such a big problem with Avery had thrown them off, and had triggered a new wave of concern in their head. Had they missed something more among their friends? Would something small that they had missed cause them to get sick, be in pain, or even get corrected or repurposed? These questions worried them more than the eyes of the synths that lingered on the scars on TO’s wings.
They turned off the water and hurried out of the showers. They dried off and dressed quickly. They wanted to get back to GiDi and DH now; They had enjoyed their shower but the longer they were away from their friends the more they worried. They had to focus, they had to pay attention. They couldn’t let anything slip their attention.
Their feelings for DH couldn’t distract them anymore; it was too dangerous.
They slipped into their uniform and scurried out into the hall with their wings pressed tightly against them. They hadn’t taken the time to dry off properly and they felt cold in the hallway. They hardly noticed the other synths that walked past them in silence. It was only by chance that they realized that 55H70 was heading towards them.
TO felt their ears pin back as they started to walk with their back straight as they could make it while their wings puffed around them. They had managed to avoid 55H70 for a while now, and it was foolish to think that their luck would continue given that they had just gone to the showers at one of the busiest times; something they normally tried to avoid.
55H70 caught To’s eye. There was a slight flick of the other synth’s ears down, a nod of the head as their wings stayed limply over their shoulders; they were being respectful. They hurried past TO, not saying a word.
TO took three steps forward until they stopped. They were thinking of all the items that 55H75 had had something to say to them; about how they had put a wedge between DH and Q10. How they didn’t help Q10 when they needed help. How they said that DH was too strange to be around. How disdainful they had been towards TO after their deceit way back when they started their training.
About how they had said that GiDi wouldn’t survive their training.
“Nothing today?” TO snapped as the anger in their head seemed to swell. They felt like someone had placed their hands on either side of their head and had started pushing in. They could feel themselves shaking under their wings. “No snide comments? No warnings?”
55H75 stopped walking and turned around. “I had no need to say anything today” They said, “You know everything I have to say. As well, I am never snide. I have done nothing more than comment on what I saw.“ their ears flicked out in mild confusion, “Do you think that others have not said the same thing?” They tilted their head, “I’m just the only one who’s bothered to tell you.”
“Yes, people are saying a lot about me.” TO snapped as they took a step forward, their hands balled into shaking fists, hidden under their wings, “People are talking about how I helped stop a insurgent attack.” That was still an exaggeration, but it had been the rumor that was going around, “And I’m an excellent flyer with an innate ability to teach.”
“Yes. I am glad my first impression of you was accurate, and that my concerns afterwards proved needless.” 55H70 said, “You will be an excellent asset to King Decon, no matter the challenges.”
TO turned around and started down the hallway again, “You were wrong about me-“
“-For a short time yes, I was.”
“And you were wrong about DH; they got the eye transplant.” Another exaggeration; TO had helped with that and it had been based on potential, not current value. Still, TO hadn’t told anyone that; not even DH.
“I was wrong in that as well. I am aware.”
“And you’ll be wrong about GiDi.”
“I do hope I am.” 55H70 said, “I wish that all synths who start training are able to properly work to serve King Decon. I would like all of us to become effective tools for Him. However, I know that will not happen. Still, outside of that, I am less concerned than I was. You are competent, and when 45G70 is corrected I have no doubt that you will continue to work as hard as you do, and perform as well as you do.”
“They won’t be corrected, or repurposed.”
“As you wish. there’s no benefit to arguing; it will either happen or it won’t. “
They turned the corner in silence. TO didn’t have a response to that because of course they were right. Regardless of the odds, it would either happen or it wouldn’t.
TO turned and rushed down the hallway; they needed to be with their friends.
