Blood everywhere.
The dreams were vague and almost shapeless, but there was blood. There was the sound of bones cracking. In their dream, TO was repurposing DH but they were in space. Instead of using surgical tools they were using a multi gun. Bits and pieces of their friend floated around them, screaming.
It was at that moment that TO realized that it was a dream. It was also at that moment that they realized that they couldn’t wake up. While they continued their work in the dream – they had to continue in the dream because if they didn’t they’d be corrected – they tried to wake themself. Their limbs were heavy as lead even while they worked in their dream in zero gravity.
They had never felt like this. They had always woken up when they realized they were in a dream, especially if that dream was a nightmare. Why were they trapped in it this time?
An alarm went off somewhere. They had to finish their work on DH before they could go and find GiDi. If they didn’t find GiDi before the alarm stopped then they’d never see them again.
They didn’t wake from their dream with a start as they normally would have. The dream slowly faded as they rose from sleep, temporarily merging with reality. It took a while for TO to realize that the alarm was real and not just a part of their dream. They forced themself to sit up, pulling their stiff body from where they had been laying.
The alarm was coming from their chip; it was the alarm that normally woke them up. They gestured to silence it without really paying attention or worrying about how long it had been going off. Their brain was still fuzzy and they felt so confused. A piece of the plate from their meal yesterday was stuck to their face.
Why did they feel so sick? Why did their throat hurt? Why was there this fine crust around their eyes?
GiDi was gone.
DH didn’t want them around anymore.
They still felt dazed and numb, so the information was allowed to sink in easily for the moment. They lay back and closed their eyes; not wanting to sleep but just because their body still felt so heavy and they didn’t want to face reality; not yet. They thought at first that maybe they were sick, but then remembered the food that MO-6 had given them, and how they had eaten so much of it so quickly so late in the day.
Maybe that was why they felt so heavy. The medication had put them to sleep the day before, maybe it kept them asleep this time?
Their chip gave another beep. TO wanted to ignore it, but then they thought that maybe it was DH trying to get in touch with them! Maybe it was GiDi! If they had their chip then they’d still be able to send messages right? TO gestured with their hand, and a message popped up before them.
It wasn't a message from either DH or GiDi. It was a notice;
09T07
Report to your Overseer.
Failure to attend training has been noted.
There was panic, but it was deep inside them; a dull wave rather than a jolt as they’d normally expect. Failure to attend training? Had they missed something? They checked the time on their implant.
Their combat training was already half over.
======
TO’s limbs still felt heavy and their mind was foggy as they made their way to their Overseer’s office. They felt that they should have been more worried than they were, but they just couldn’t manage to worry for themself. Maybe they were too drained and numb from yesterday. Maybe the medicine in their food was still affecting their brain.
Maybe they just couldn’t care about anything with GiDi gone and DH not wanting anything to do with them.
They got to their Overseers office and held their chip to the door. A moment later the door slid open and TO was once more allowed into the small office. Their Overseer had TO’s file in the air before them once more. TO didn't bother to look too closely at it; they just didn’t care.
“You missed your training today.” their Overseer said simply, “I would expect better of you; especially since you’ve passed your examination.” they gave TO a sharp look, “You still need to perform well, despite the fact that you passed. Your more specialized training starts next period and I would hate to see you squander it.”
TO nodded, “I understand, Overseer.” TO said, their voice dull and monotone. “My apologies. I was given medication after my examination yesterday. I ate it far later than I would have normally and I believe that might have caused me to sleep longer and deeper than normal.”
Their Overseer scrolled through the files, likely looking for the report from MO-6.
TO didn’t care. They looked at the desk before them. They had that feeling again of being lost deep back inside their head. It was comfortable like that, and pulled them away from the harsher feelings that were starting to wake up.
“I see.” Their Overseer said after a moment, “Severe emotional response to your examination.” They glanced up, observing TO and watching their eyes, “You say that you missed your testing because of the medication given?”
“Yes, Overseer.”
“I see. Are you able to complete your vocational training today?”
Could they? They had a choice? TO glanced up, catching the slight curiosity in their Overseers expression.
“I believe so.” they said after a moment. “I would have gone to my combat training if I had woken up.”
Combat training.
C12.
C12 was the last synth to have seen GiDi! They didn’t know what had actually happened but maybe if they spoke to C12 they’d be able to confirm that GiDi was safe at least.
“Well, I am unconcerned then.” the Overseer said, “The examination can be… taxing for certain synths. If you are able to perform your duties today then I am unconcerned. I will send a message to the Medical bay regarding the medication-.”
“I do wonder… would it be possible for me to speak to C12 before tomorrow?” TO asked “I have questions regarding the examination, and I’m anxious for answers.”
Their Overseer tilted their head, “questions?”
“Please.” TO said. They couldn’t tell their Overseer really why they wanted to speak to C12, but their explanation was truthful enough on its own. It would probably have been safer to just wait until they went back to combat training to see C12, but TO didn't think they could wait.
Their Overseer stared at them for a moment, then lifted their hand to send off a message, “I see no issue with it.” they said, “I’d say you should send them a message yourself, but you can’t send superior synths messages until you’re actually done your training.” They started drafting a message, “C12, you said?”
“Yes, Overseer.”
The Overseer wrote their message, and gestured to send it. An error popped up almost immediately.
“... You did say ‘C12’ Correct?”
“Yes, Overseer.” TO said as their ears twitched with curiosity. “Retiree C12.”
Their Overseer’s ears flicked back as they attempted to send the message again. Another error popped up.
“That synth isn’t in the system.” they said.
“What? No!” that pulled TO out of their stupor, “They were at my examination! You saw them!”
“... You are correct.” their Overseer said, “But unfortunately that designation isn’t in use anymore.”
“What does that mean?”
Their Overseer frowned as they closed their system, “Well, normally it means that the synth in question has been reassigned.” they said, “But, you said it was a retiree?”
“Yes.”
“Well, normally if a Retiree’s call number has been taken out of the system, that means that the Retiree has reached the end of their lifetime.”
“...What?”
“The end of their life. They can no longer function, and they’ve been reprocessed.” They tilted their head at TO, “If you wanted more insight on your examination, I could ask the Commander. I very much doubt they’d speak to you personally but perhaps they’d send you a quick report.”
Reprocessed. The end of their life. What happened?
“Apologies, but C12 had specific insights.” TO said, their ears tilting back, “Though... is there a way to know what happened to C12? They didn’t seem ill yesterday.”
“Does it matter why?” The Overseer asked, their ears pinning back.
“It is concerning to me.” TO said, “It bothers me that a seemingly healthy retiree could suddenly need to be repurposed…”
“Understandable” Their overseer said as their ears relaxed, “But I wouldn’t have access to that information; I only have access to the personnel files for Trainees.”
TO nodded and stood up, “Understood, Overseer.”
======
At this time of the day, the showers were empty; that was what TO had counted on. As they left their Overseers office they had slowly receded once more to the back of their mind and made their way to the showers in a daze.
They hadn’t showered the day before. They felt uncomfortable. They were supposed to at least shower daily; it was expected of synths to maintain basic personal hygiene.
Reprocessed. End of life.
What had happened to C12? Where was GiDi? At the very least they had hoped that they’d be able to make sure that GiDi was ok if they could only speak to C12.
They couldn't speak to C12. They couldn’t speak to DH.
GiDi was gone.
They let the hot water pour over them as they stood under the shower. Tears burned at their eyes. Their throat hurt. They wanted to find DH. They wanted to throw themself at DH, and let their friend wrap their wings around them. They thought back to that day when they had shared the stolen food with DH, GiDi, and Avery. They thought of the hours alone they had spent in the observation deck. They recalled how they had fallen asleep, using DH’s lap as a pillow.
That wouldn’t happen again.
They remembered how C12 had said that they thought that DH was capable of romantic love, and how they thought that TO and DH were so close.
If they were, then how could DH have said that they didn’t want to be around TO anymore? Well.. .of course that was TO’s fault, they knew that. How could DH want to be around TO at all after they had attacked them so viciously in the simulation? After they had failed GiDi so terribly?
If DH had loved them, had felt anything romantic for them, then TO was certain that those feelings were gone now. If that was the case, TO couldn’t bring themself to blame DH.
TO turned off the water and headed for the lockers. They’d go and get their meal and then they’d talk to GiDi about DH and-
No. No GiDi. GiDi was gone, and TO didn’t even know if they were safe. TO didn’t know how they were able to linger on GiDi’s absence but at the same time forgot that they were gone.
It felt like losing them all over again. TO leaned against the lockers with their hands to their face as they did their best to still their ragged breathing, as they did their best to ignore the burning in their eyes and throat.
It wasn't until they heard others starting to enter the shower that they forced themself to grab their uniform and leave, letting their mind once more sink far back inside.
