It was odd to wake up slowly. Normally, it was the sound of an alert from their chip or a knock on their pod door that woke TO up each day. The only exception had been the time they were drugged after GiDi had been taken away. TO had slept through their alarms that day, but they had been plagued by nightmares then and the experience was decidedly unpleasant.

 

This… this was entirely different. TO woke slowly, warm and comfortable in their bed. DH was behind them, and had TO wrapped up in their arms and wings which provided a calming weight over them.

 

TO and didn't want to get up. They worried for a moment that they might be late for their training but then remembered that they wouldn’t be going to training today. They didn’t necessarily need to leave the bed until they were given notice to get ready to leave the training center. Once they realized that they closed their eyes again and settled back against DH.

 

There was something against their ear. TO felt their ear flick, thinking at first that it was just the edge of DH’s wing that maybe brushed against their ear. However, as DH let out a soft chirp TO could tell that DH’s face was resting against the back of their head, and their breath was rushing against the back of their ear. TO tried to ignore it, but doing so had been difficult Lately. The odd time that this kind of thing happened, or when TO let their imagination and their daydreams get too involved, they got chills down their spine as their ears twitched and quivered. Sometimes their lips felt oddly sensitive, and doing something as simple as running their tongue over their lips made them shiver. Sometimes, it got bad enough that they could feel an somewhat electric tingling and a building pressure between their legs; not unpleasant, but not comfortable.

 

These were things that Synths weren’t supposed to feel! Well, normal synths weren’t supposed to feel like this anyway. This was nothing that TO was necessarily unfamiliar with; civilians were obesessed with sex; like animals in heat. It was impossible to view their culture and their media without learning something about it. Synths were supposed to be better. Synths weren’t supposed to feel this way. Synths weren’t supposed to try to relieve the pressure by pressing their legs thighs together, their knees shifting and touching as their friend lay curled up at their back.

 

Synths were supposed to be better than this. Normal synths anyway. Clearly C12 and Snout had been different. Clearly TO was different.

 

DH murmured something, and sighed in their sleep. TO shivered, and slowly started to detangle themself from wings and arms and blankets as they paced their breathing. They had to get away from DH, at least for a few minutes. They had to calm themself down before DH woke up and saw TO, and saw how flustered they were.

 

They had to get away before things got worse and they ended up in a state they couldn’t ignore. They just needed a minute for their ears to stop twitching and their heart to calm down.

 

Total privacy was never something TO had particularly wished for, at least not before this started happening.

 

TO sat on the other, unused bed as they collected themself, breathing slowly and distracting their thoughts by looking though updates on their chip. when their ears had at least stopped twitching, they headed to the door. There was a communal shower on this floor for synths waiting to leave, so they’d shower at least; that would help them get back to normal.

 

The new uniform felt odd against their skin- too light, but at the same time it was too stiff. New fabrics maybe? Well, it didn’t matter. They hesitated on putting on the shoes which seemed too stiff to be comfortable, but in the end they put them off; they had to get used to wearing them anyway. They had to get used to the new uniforms, the shoes, and the new number; Ark-87.

 

Still TO to DH. Always TO to DH.

 

They glanced back at DH, who had rolled over where TO had been only moments before. They now had their wings wrapped around TO’s pillow which they held to their chest. The sight made TO smile, and made their ears quirk up. DH looked so serene, so calm, so honestly cute. They wanted to go back to bed and curl up behind them.

 

Still… the electric feelings were still lingering through their body, and TO didn’t want to make it worse. This kind of arousal was only supposed to be an affliction of the nearly animalistic civilians. Not for synths. Synths were supposed to be better. Was it because they were strange? Did DH feel the same way sometimes? There could be romantic feelings without a sexual aspect, but clearly it was something TO had to deal with.

 

Would they have to tell DH at some point? Admitting their feelings was one thing, but this? The idea of DH seeing them with their ears twitching with want? The idea of DH seeing them taking care of themself when the feelings got to be too much? The very idea left TO with mixed feelings of humiliation and horror.

 

They’d be on a ship with DH for two periods. If they weren’t very careful, if they didn’t manage to control themselves, they were certain that DH might see something that TO wasn’t ready for them to see.

 

They felt the room and headed to the showers, trying not to think about how aware they were of their ears, and of the lingering feelings between their legs.

 

======

 

After standing under the spray of hot water for a while, TO felt more normal. There were a few other synths standing around, but they all seemed somewhat confused even as they showered. For the first time, TO understood how they must feel. They had been distracted as soon as they woke up, but there was something odd about suddenly having no schedule after a whole universal cycle of strict scheduling and training.

 

Suddenly, TO heard Avery call their name. They hadn’t even noticed that Avery was there, but as they turned around to see them enter the showers, a wave of relief washed over TO; They hadn’t said a proper goodbye to Avery and once they realized they weren’t going back to their pods they had worried that they never would.

 

“I’m so sorry!” TO said quickly, “I didn’t realize that I would be taken away after-“

 

“It’s fine.” Avery said calmly as they turned on the shower next to TO, “I figured that out after I got called in for my briefing.”

 

“You finally got your assignment then?” TO asked.

 

“I did…” Avery said slowly as they reached out for the rough cloth that hung on a hook near the shower, “I’m actually going to be at a new farming facility near Arkane.” They gave TO a quick grin, “So, I won’t be too far away from you. Not that that matters; we won't get to visit.”

 

“Farming facility? That’s odd… isn’t it?”

 

“Well, not really. When a planet is converted for mining for farming or what have you, it develops its own local government. THis one has been having some issues lately; Apparently to solve the issue of overcrowding in prisons on Arkane, they sent certain criminals to a resource colony, along with government debtors and the like. They’ve been having some trouble getting organized after the influx of people, so we’ll be helping with that.”

 

“Who’s going with you?”

 

Avery hesitated, their ears flicking down slightly, “Don’t be worried about me.” they said, “It’s fine.”

 

“Who is it?”

 

“I promise, it’s fine.”

 

“Avery..”

 

“You… you recall 55H75?”

 

TO felt their wings puff up almost instantly. The last time they had seen that synth was a little after GiDi had been taken away. The interaction had not gone well.

 

“You’re going with them!?” TO snapped before realizing how loudly their voice echoed in the smaller showers. They lowered their voice to a whisper, “You’re going with 55H75?”

 

“Say what you will, but if you’ve passed your examinations and you’ve done your work, they more or less leave you alone. They won’t bother me, and probably won’t care about my reading habits. We just have to do our work together and then ignore one another after that.”

 

“I hope it’s fine..” TO muttered, “If they say anything to you though-“

 

“If they say anything to upset me, I’ll ignore it.” Avery said simply, “There's nothing I can do about it at this point, and there’s nothing you can do either. The best thing I can do is ignore it, read my literature, and complain about it to you when I see you next.” They turned around to let the water pour over the wings, “Regardless… you’re with DH, I’m assuming? That hasn’t changed?”

 

“It has not.”

 

“Have you told them?”

 

TO shook their head as they tapped at the back of their hand, “I haven’t.” they said.

 

“That’s fair.” Avery said as they glanced at TO’s hand, “But you need to.”

 

TO nodded, but didn’t say anything. They knew they needed to. They were afraid to. If they did, would DH want to kiss them? Did DH even want to kiss anyone? If they didn’t, well that idea filled TO’s stomach with disappointment. Still, if they did, then what if TO got too… excited when they were kissing them? What if DH noticed? What if they thought they were disgusting? Or what if they laughed? Or what-“

 

“I don’t know what’s though through your head.” Avery muttered, “But you need to stop. I can almost hear your thoughts running around; you’re working yourself up for nothing.”

 

“I know.” TO muttered. They turned off the water and shook off their wings before wrapping them around their body.

 

“... Do you want to talk about it?” Avery asked tentatively, “I know I don’t understand it all, but-“

 

TO tapped their hand once more, “No, it’s fine.” They lied. They knew Avery would notice they were lying, but they also knew that Avery would believe that it was only because of the chip. That wasn’t the only reason though; in truth, they wished they had someone to ask about this, or that they could talk to Avery about it. Avery didn’t feel romantic feelings though, and seemed confused by TO wanting to have their ears stroked, so they didn’t think it was something Avery could understand or even wanted to hear about.

 

Even if it was, the idea of talking to them about it made TO’s ears burn. The only one they could possibly talk to about this was C12… And they were gone.

 

Though, even thinking about talking to the former retiree about any of this made TO feel embarrassed.

 

“What’s your new call number.” Avery asked, “I can’t send you a message if I don’t know it.”

 

“Right! I nearly forgot that was an issue!” TO exclaimed, “I’m Ark-87 now. DH is Ark-88.”

 

Avery gave a relieved sigh, “That's easy enough to remember anyway.” they said as they lifted up their hand and gestured with their chip. A screen popped up and a note was left with TO’s call number in it. “I’m Hru-14, and 55H75 is Hru-13.”

 

TO nodded, thinking that they’d best be careful not to accidentally send anything to the former 55H75. TO put their own note in their files.

 

“I’m glad we bumped into one another.” TO said, “I guess we might not see each other now…-“

 

“I’m just about finished here.” Avery said quickly, “Wait for me in the lockers?”

 

“Sure, I'll wait.” they said as they turned and left. They got to the lockers and dried off before putting their uniform on once more. They took their time fiddling with the ties at the edge of the shirt and with adjusting their toes in their shoes so that they didn’t look too conspicuous as they waited.

 

A little while later, Avery came up to TO. TO hadn’t even realized that Avery had come into the locker rooms, but they must have been there for a while as they were dressed in their own black uniform already.

 

“Sorry.” TO said as they stood upright, “I didn’t notice that you had already come in.”

 

“It’s fine.” Avery said. They glanced aside, looked around, and then seeing that they were mostly alone they went up to TO and gave them a very quick, very sudden hug. The action surprised TO, and it took them a moment before they could react by putting their arms around Avery. It lasted only a moment before Avery pulled away looking decidedly awkward.

 

“Sorry.” they muttered.

 

“No need to apologize!” TO said quickly, “I just wasn’t expecting that.”

 

“Well… this might be the last time we see each other. We could be sent off at any moment.”

 

“I know, but then after -“

 

“No, listen.” Avery said seriously, “I know you like to say that we’ll meet up afterwards, but we might not. You could be stuck on Arkane for a lot longer then I’ll be on my assignment. Even if we did finish at the same time there’s no certainty that we’d be sent to the same place afterwards.” They gave TO a serious look, “And don’t say you’ll make it happen; you can’t.”

 

TO felt their ears droop down, “I’m sorry I couldn’t get you assigned with us-“

 

“I’m not angry!” Avery insisted, “just...I’m just being realistic.” they shook their head, “I feel moronic for feeling sad about this though. I didn’t want to spend a lot of time with you and DH. I didn’t want to be together all the time like you two did; like you did with GiDi… and I almost feel like I shouldn’t be sad about this, or that if I am, it’s my own fault since I wasted time.”

 

“I think that’s… I think you’re fine to be sad?” TO ventured, “ I mean… things are changing. Almost everything is changing! Even if it's a good change for it still makes me feel…” TO wasn’t sure how to describe it. Sad? Anxious? “Not right.” They finally settled on.

 

Avery nodded, “Still,“ they said, “I feel like I’m to blame for not wanting to spend more time with you two.”

 

“You spent as much time as you were comfortable with; that’s plenty!” TO insisted. “And if you want, why don't you come back to our room with me? You can see DH then, and we can spend time together before we get sent off. You’ll get your notice on your chip, so it doesn't matter if you’re with us, or with 55H- I mean, Hru-13 ”

 

Avery hesitated for a moment, then nodded, “Yes.” They said, “I think I’d like that.”