TO’s lips still hurt the next day. They thought the whole lip thing would work for two reasons; first, the article said that drawing attention to the lips reminds people of kissing, and TO knew Synths kissed on another! At least, Flit and Snout did.
The second reason was how sensitive their own lips got when DH was on their mind. If DH experienced anything similar to what TO felt, they’d have the same sensitivities, wouldn’t they? The lips were likely connected to something, even for synths! Well, strange synths anyway.
Maybe it was a quirk specific to TO.
Well, no matter. There were other things to try! The next one was simpler than the lips thing anyway, and perhaps a little more direct.
Flirting tip #2; Pay compliments! This is a simple way to see if your crush is interested in you. If they seem flustered at the compliment, that’s an obvious sign of interest!
They’d compliment DH on something and then see how they reacted; that seemed easy enough! As they sat across from DH as they ate, TO tried to think of a compliment to pay their friend. After agonizing over it for a few minutes, they realized they had no idea what to say. They liked everything about DH, but they had to compliment something specific. The article suggested clothes, but that hardly made sense for them as they wore their uniforms and had the same clothes.
DH had nearly finished their breakfast when TO finally decided that they had to do something! They were getting worried that if they didn’t do something soon, then Avery would get mad and let something slip to DH.
TO’s last message had not impressed Avery. They sent a simple explanation for the delay: “I have attempted the research, but my approach didn’t work. I am currently trying alternative approaches.”
Avery’s response had been short; “Just do your damn research.”
“DH!” TO said quickly. As soon as DH looked up at them, TO could feel their ears twitching with anxiety.
“Yes?”
“I… I like your- ‘’ They were going to say ears. They were going to say that they liked their ears, which should be clear enough that they were trying to ‘flirt’
They couldn’t do it. Their mouth would not form the words that they needed to say.
“I like your uniform.” They muttered as they looked away. The heat rose to their ears as they inwardly cursed their cowardice. They knew that saying that they liked their uniform wouldn’t work! It was a dumb thing to say, and they looked dumb for saying it.
“... Thanks?” DH said, obviously confused, “I uh… I like yours too.”
“Thanks.” TO mumbled as they shoved the last of their bar into
their mouth and headed on to do their chores for the day.
======
Flirting tip 3#: Ignore your crush. While it may seem counterintuitive, ignoring your crush for a short period will make them appreciate your attention all the more when you talk to them again!
It seemed counterintuitive to TO. It seemed illogical and almost mean spirited! TO didn’t want to ignore DH, they wanted to spend time with them! They wanted to talk to DH. As much as they wanted to DH to pick up on how they were feeling; they didn’t want to hurt DH either! Still, TO knew nothing about flirting. Perhaps the short-term loss would be worth it?
‘Alright.’ TO thought, ‘I’ll do it. At the very least, I’ll ignore DH until it’s time to go to bed. If I have to respond to them, It’ll be short and direct.’ They recalled the article they read saying that it was best to remain aloof and cold; it created an air of mystery. ‘I don’t understand, but I’ll do it. Starting this moment, I’ll ignore DH until the end of the day.’
Just as TO thought that, DH turned away from their computer. “I think I’m done for the day.” they said, “Do you want to watch a show with me? I found a fantastic one that has a mix of modern political intrigue and romance.”
TO turned to DH, their ears perking up and a smile crossing their face, “Yes! I would love to!” they said.
DH beamed back, “Good! I’ll get it ready, and I’ll prop the pillows and blankets up again so we’re comfortable. I think you’ll really like this one, it’s about-“
As DH talked about the show they wanted to watch, TO realized that they had utterly failed in their resolution to ignore DH for the rest of the night. They wondered for a moment if they should now brush their friend off and try to continue with their plan, but they decided against it.
TO knew little about flirting… But even to them, that tip seemed exceedingly dumb and mean spirited.
======
TO sat on the floor of the engine room the next day as their computer ran through all the various scans it needed to go through. TO wasn’t paying attention; they didn’t need to. If anything needed to be done, then the computer would tell them. All they had to do was sit and wait for the scans to complete.
As they waited, they glanced at Avery’s latest message.
TO;
You’re an idiot.
-Avery.
TO had tried to think of ways to explain what was happening, to explain their plan without giving away to anyone who might monitor their communication what was actually happening. If Avery had been there, then TO was certain they could have been clear, and that they could have explained things easily!
Avery wasn’t here. TO had to speak in code.
Avery;
You may be right. I am thinking that this whole research idea was a mistake.
-TO.
TO sighed and leaned back, letting their head bump harder than necessary against the door to the elevator. DH hadn’t responded yet to any of TO’s flirting, and they didn’t know if it was because they were terrible at it, or if DH was purposefully trying to ignore it so as not to embarrass TO, or if DH was just not picking up on what TO was doing. They didn’t know! They wanted to tear something apart, and scream, and cry all at once.
They wished they had never felt like this. If TO never felt this strongly for DH, then they could have continued loving one another as friends and this entire issue would never have come up! Things would have been simpler!
They thought about how DH made their skin itch, how their chest swelled when DH smiled at them, or when DH seemed to be very pleased with themself.
They thought about how often they just wanted to grab DH, to hold them tight and rub their ears. They reached up and gently touched their healed lips. They thought about how DH had at least given them the cream for their lips. They thought about how it might feel to kiss DH. They imagined kissing DH, their ear between TO’s fingers...
TO shivered and dragged their mind away from that train of thought; now was not the time to get distracted.
Another message came in on TO’s chip. Normally there was a little time between messages from Avery and the quick response surprised them. Perhaps it was because their messages were so short.
TO;
Don’t you dare. You promised. Just do it.
-Avery.
Why did Avery care? Why did anyone care!
You have to talk to each other.
Avery didn’t understand. GiDi didn’t understand. The only one who might have understood was C12, and TO had no way to speak to them! Nobody understood how scary this was, and how much could go wrong! Nobody understood how horrible it would be if this all went wrong!
Frustration and anger overcame TO; they slammed their closed fisted against the floor with an almost feral scream. Their hand caught on something and ripped through the skin. They gasped in pain and clutched at their hand, a high-pitched whimper coming from their mouth.
Then it was quiet. The silence in the engine room was overwhelming. They felt like they could still hear their voice echoing around them. It was only a moment later, but another sound interrupted the silence; a sob that TO hadn’t known they were withholding. They put their hands to their mouth as they stifled their cries, letting the tears drip down their cheeks.
It wasn’t fair. Nobody understood. They did their best to calm down; this was a dumb thing to be upset about, and they felt like an utter idiot for being so upset. If only Avery hadn’t figured it out, hadn’t pushed for an answer.
If only they hadn’t felt like this in the first place!
They wondered if they should give up. They wanted to give up, but they had made a promise and it didn’t seem like Avery would let it go.
Besides, they really wanted to tell DH. It was just complicated, confusing, and outright terrifying.
They took a long, shuddering breath as they calmed themself. No, they had to try again. They still had things to try!
TO looked at the next items on their list. They had figured that they could try two in one with the next two tips.
Tip #4: send a flirty message. This will be a pleasant surprise in their day, and it’ll keep you in their mind!
That was fine, but TO didn’t know what to send at first. They were looking up these tips to figure out how to flirt, so why was there a tip that basically said ‘be flirty?’
Civilians were such idiots. It didn’t matter though, the next tip had something they could combine with the message tip.
Tip #5: try out a pickup line! They’re obvious, but even so they’re fun, and make it very clear what you’re trying to do. If it falls flat, you can just act like you thought it was funny and wanted to share the humor!
This might work. Face to face, TO wouldn’t be able to pass off a rejected pick up line as an attempt at humor, but they could over a message!
The only problem was that TO didn’t know any pickup lines. The few that they could recall from the various shows that they and DH had watched wouldn’t have worked for them regardless, as they either involved body parts that they didn’t have, or cultural norms that they didn’t follow. They didn’t go out on ‘dates’ so TO couldn’t ask if DH was hungry, and if so, would they like a date. They also couldn’t just tell DH that their uniform looked good, but it’d look better on the floor; nudity among synths just wasn’t the same as it was for so many civilian cultures and didn’t have the same connotations.
TO had to do some research. They looked up pickup lines from Arkane, diving into translations from common, and from the various dialects on the planet.
Eventually, they found something.
“I want to put my bread loaf in your soup.”
It didn’t make that much sense, but TO recalled that sharing food was a common thing among couples, so maybe it had something to do with that. Yes, that made sense! TO was certain that that had to be what it meant, and that if they could figure that out, then DH could too!
They took a moment to translate it from the Arkanian dialect, then modified it so that it would make more sense for them. Finally, TO sent their message to DH.
“I want to combine my food bar with yours.”
They typed it out on their communicator with shaking hands and dropped the communicator to the floor once they sent the message. They sat on the floor, shaking. What if DH didn’t get it? What if they did get it? What if they got it, but the message offended their friend? What if they laughed? What if they didn’t?
What if DH came right up to where TO was, pinned TO to the elevator door and kissed them hard, their lips working to their ears and then to their neck-
TO wrapped their arms around themself as they gently bit at their lower lip; they wouldn’t have noticed that were biting their lip were it not for the pain it caused. Well, at least the pain pulled them from their daydream before they got too carried away. They already took one shower today; another one would raise questions.
Their communicator buzzed next to them. They reached out, their hand shaking. The message notification was showing on their communicator, but TO didn’t want to read it. There was no point in ignoring the message though; even if they didn’t read it, DH was just down in the living area and TO couldn’t hide up in the engine room forever.
They opened the message and read what DH had sent back.
“I don’t think that would make them taste any better.”
TO gave a sigh as they slumped against the elevator door. Had they messed it up? Maybe DH misunderstood what they said? Or did they understand perfectly, but pretended they didn’t?
They hated the idiotic flirting list, and they had made no progress at all! They hadn’t even learned anything. Well, they had learned two things, actually. First, they had learned that they hated trying to flirt. Second, they had learned that Civilians were idiots with this stuff. How was TO, a synth that wasn’t even supposed to feel these things, figure all this out if civilians could hardly manage it?
They read the message again. “I don’t think that would make them taste any better.” If TO’s heart didn’t hurt quiet so much, it would have been funny. “No, probably not.” TO sent to DH before they got up to finish their tasks in the engine room.
