TO had never understood how people could ‘freeze’ in a dangerous situation. They had read news articles where civilians were in a dangerous place, and said afterwards that they ‘just froze.’ They had seen shows where people just froze, staring at the danger before them with stupid, wide eyes.
No, TO never understood it; not until now. As Kei stared at them —DH still had their lips so close to TO’s ears, their arm around TO’s shirtless waist— TO discovered that they couldn’t seem to think of anything to say or do. They couldn’t even think of what might happen; it was like their brain had just stopped; It was like when their ship had been turned off entirely and needed a moment to boot back up.
Kei’s the way Kei’s ears suddenly pinned back in utter disgust hurried along that rebooting process. They pushed DH off of them and grabbed their shirt in a panic.
“What are you doing here!” they snapped, their blue ears low with horror, “You were told-“
“To check the food supplies.” Kei hissed. They sneered at the two before looking away, turning their back on them both, “I finished the work in the main part of the ship and then came here to check the food held in the emergency ship.”
The emergency ship! TO hadn’t even thought about that. Now their mind was racing; this was all their fault; they had told Kei to check the food and they had known that Kei would be careful and check every crumb, every single piece of food in the ship; that would include the emergency ship! And TO had suggested the emergency ship for their date. They were so stupid! Had they been so excited about being alone with DH that they hadn’t even considered that?
“More importantly, what were the two of you doing in the emergency ship?” Kei snapped. Their ears were still pinned back in disgust, and they looked at TO and DH like something they had accidently stepped in and would need to clean off.
TO didn’t know how to respond; clearly Kei had seen them. There were no excuses they could make now.
“It doesn’t matter why we were here.” DH said as they stood up. They took a step in front of TO as though trying to protect them or hide them from Kei. Though their ears were a bright blue they were pinned back in anger, and as they spoke TO could see their teeth flash. “We can go where we like in this-“
“Does your officer know that you’re both deviants?” They turned back, glaring at the two of them.
“We’re not deviants.” TO said as they got to their feet too. They were still holding their shirt to their chest as though it might protect them, as though they could hide behind it.
“Of course you are.” Kei hissed, “You were there, acting like civilians in heat; like animals. Is that what you think you are? Do you think King Decon made animals instead of synths?”
“We’re not-“
“Does your officer know?!” TO had never heard Kei’s voice so sharp, so angry before.
“What does that matter?”
They narrowed their eyes. “They don’t.” they said, “You’ve hidden this from them.” They took a step backwards, “I knew you were strange, but I didn’t think you were so fundamentally broken and twisted.” They turned away again and headed to the door. DH moved quicker than TO had ever seen before and got past them and to the door where they stood, blocking Kei’s path.
“Where are you going?”
“I am leaving the two of you here to continue your animalistic, disgusting rutting while I contact Hur-1 and inform them of your …Your defective nature!”
“That… Why does that even matter!” TO hated the desperation in their voice; this was all going just as they had feared; with Kei finding out and deciding to go to their officers. Of course, this was the absolute worst way that anyone could have found out; far worse than them just suspecting something based on a piece of jewelry.
“It matters because this behaviour is not proper for any synth created by King Decon.” they turned back and glared at TO, “You; you had potential. You passed your examinations. You were given a special assignment which you said was more highly ranked than mine, and this is how you think you should act?” Their ears flicked once more in disgust, “You should be ashamed. “
TO wasn’t ashamed, but they could tell that what Kei said was affecting DH; their ears were low, and tilted back. They seemed to be trying to look anywhere except for at TO or Kei. In an instant, the fear, desperation, and the desire to just hide away and disappear melted from TO.
Kei had hurt DH again. DH had wanted so much to be comfortable with what was happening, to be able to enjoy their time and their intimacy with TO. They had been having a wonderful time, and now in a matter of moments Kei was here to ruin it all.
Kei ruined their date.
Kei made DH feel bad.
Kei was responsible for the awful look on DH’s face and ears; an expression of sorrow and shame that squeezed at TO’s heart and made them hurt.
“You will tell no one.” TO’s voice was so much lower than normal, and tinged with cold, suppressed rage. Sure, it was their fault for risking all this with DH when Kei was in the ship with them, and it was their fault for not being as fastidious as they should have been when assigning Kei’s task and deciding on a place to have their date; TO could accept responsibility for all that later. RIght now, Kei was the one who was upsetting DH.
It was always Kei, wasn’t it?
Kei turned around slowly, their ears twitching out slightly in disbelief, then shifting as they caught sight of TO’s pinned back ears, their curled back lip, and the way their wings puffed out around them.
TO took a step forward. “You will tell no one.” They said again, their voice quieter this time, but somehow had made them sound so much more scary.
“Are you threatening me?” Kei said. Their voice had the same impassive coolness as it always had, but their ears still showed hints of fear. TO wasn’t certain, but they could have sworn that Kei’s wings tightened around them just a little.
They hadn’t been afraid when GiDi snarled at them in the dormitory. They hadn’t been afraid when TO drew their claws at them in the showers. Maybe it was because now, there were no other synths watching them, and no higher ranked synth among them to stop anything.
Maybe it was because Kei still viewed TO as a more highly ranked synth.
“I am not threatening you.” TO said, “I am just saying that you will not tell anyone.”
“And why is that?”
“Do you want to irritate your superior officer?” TO hissed, “And bother them over nothing.”
“This… This isn’t nothing.” Kei said, but there was just a moment when their ears twitched, displaying a second of doubt. “This is deviance. This is going directly against everything we exist for! We exist to serve King Decon, not to rut like filthy civilians. We are better than that. We have greater control than that. King Decon created us as a superior species to serve Him and you’re despoiling his work. How can you hope to serve King Decon when you’re so caught up in your irrelevant carnal desires?”
“How can I hope to serve King Decon?” TO took another step forward, “Clearly, despite being ‘defective’ and ‘deviant’ I can serve him better than you can. We were like this before we came into the port, and still we managed to stop the insurgents. We managed to save our ships, and other synths. We managed to maintain a flow of traffic between Arkane and the greater galaxy, ruining the insurgents plans while you did what again?” They gave a derisive snort of laughter, “Right. You waited. You sat and waited. What was your excuse?”
“I… I was awaiting orders-”
“Yes, I know. From the insurgents. Did you think that through? Didn’t you have the sense to think that maybe you shouldn’t be following insurgent orders, or do you need orders so badly that you can’t function, you can’t think without someone telling you exactly what to do! Maybe you’re the defective one!”
In the wake of TO’s shouting, the three of them stood in silence. DH looked surprised, even scared at TO’s sudden outburst. Kei just stood there, frowning as though they were in deep contemplation about something.
TO suddenly regretted saying all that. They remembered what Avery had said about how they were struggling, how all they needed was guidance. Still, guilt or no it was the only thing that TO could think of the say, the only thing they could do!
Besides, Kei upset DH and they didn’t seem very concerned about that.
Kei took a deep breath, and looked up again; their eyes seemed oddly detached this time. “My own… Failings aside.” They said in a cold, calm voice, “If nobody in the training center knew about your own twisted nature, then it stands to reason that our superiors might have put you in this position and given you this assignment in err. If they didn’t know the full truth about you-”
“Not that my own training is any of your business of yours.” TO said, “But the specific one who suggested us for this position not only knew about my ‘twisted nature’ as you put it, but encouraged it as well. Also, I assure you that they were much higher up in ranking than an Overseer.”
It was all true; C12, the former Retiree, did know about them. C12 had suspected that DH was the one TP had such feelings for, and they did encourage TO to pursue their feelings when it was safe. Kei didn’t know that C12 had romantic feelings for another just like they did. They didn’t need to know that C12 was gone now, that C12 had been the one who suggested them in the first place, or that despite their rank C12 had been mocked and ostracised for their feelings.
“They… someone knew? Someone more highly ranked and skilled than an Overseer?” Their eyes flicked to TO’s ears, watching for the telltale quivering that would show them in a lie.
“The very synth who recommended me for this position not only knew, but recommended that I be placed with DH.” they put their good arm on their hip as they stared at Kei, “And yes, though it’s none of your business they were far more highly ranked than our overseers. In fact, they were more highly ranked than Ark-1.” They shrugged, “But go ahead, go tell your officer. Go tell Hur-1 and see what they think about it. I’m sure they’ll love the extra, unnecessary work you give them.” They glanced at the still shocked DH, “Go on, let them go; it’s not my business if they get themself in trouble with their officer.”
DH looked at TO unmoving, their arms still up as though they were ready to stop Kei from moving. TO nodded at them, and then DH slowly lowered their arms and moved out of the way as they looked at TO in disbelief.
“Go on.” TO said, gesturing to the door, “If you don’t want to listen to me, maybe you’ll listen to Avery; I’m sure they’ll also tell you not to inform your officer.”
“... I don’t understand.” Kei said, their ears dropping down, their fists shaking at their sides. This was the first time that TO had seen Kei like this; back in the training center they had never gotten this emotional. Maybe Avery was right; maybe this was hard on them. TO sighed, and softened their voice as much as their anger would allow.
“You’re not supposed to understand.” They said, “You just need to listen to what I say.”
“But how can you be allowed all this? How can you be allowed this position, this task for King Decon when you’re so-”
“Strange?” TO asked. “Maybe there’s some benefit to being strange, despite its challenges. It’s nothing you have to worry about.” They tilted their head at Kei, their ears still pinned back in anger, “Now… Are we done here?”
“.... yes.” their voice was quiet and detached, as though someone else was speaking through them.
TO nodded, rushed past Kei, hooked DH’s arm in their own, and guided them to the elevator. “we’ll leave you to finish your tasks then.” They said. They went into the elevator, and though Kei didn’t turn to look at them they held their stance until the door closed. Once they were alone once more, draped their good arm over DH, and leaned against them, trying to steady the irregular humming of their heart and steady their breathing. They wanted to hold DH, to just hold them in silence until this awful, anxious feeling in their stomach went away and they could breathe properly once more.
Maybe they convinced Kei not to report them for the moment, but TO wasn’t sure how long that would actually last.
