Waking the next day brought only suffering and pain for TO. There wasn’t a part of them which was free from pain despite the odd feeling of being disconnected from their body. The very thought of food made them want to vomit. Left to their own devices, they would have stayed in the back room until they felt better. 

 

DH would not allow that. They gave TO something from their first aid kit to help them manage the pain and nausea, then got them back to their ship as quickly as possible. 

 

“Why do civilians choose to poison themselves and call it ‘recreation’” TO moaned from under a pile of blankets. They still wore their fancy clothes and hadn’t even bothered to kick off their boots. The thought of fiddling with all the buckles on their boots made their head hurt more than it already did. 

 

“Because civilians are stupid.” DH said promptly. They changed back into their normal uniform in the vehicle and had removed most of the jewelry. The gems stuck to their ears were still there, and they hadn’t bothered to wash off their smudged makeup yet. As soon as they put TO on the bed, they rushed to the med kit and started pulling down various powders and pills, mixing them together for TO. “Though, Melissa said that drinking there helps her forget her problems for a little, so maybe that has something to do with it?” They glanced at TO, “Did you forget your problems?”

TO groaned and pressed their face into the pillow. They hadn’t forgotten their problems, if anything their problems had been worse! Though, at the moment, the physical pain and throbbing headache were making it hard to focus on the bigger problems. 

 

DH didn't think they’d stay together no matter what they did. 

 

DH had been pushing themself to be more intimate. 

 

They had said it; they said the words that had been flickering in their head. Loosened by the various drugs they had taken, the words slipped out. ‘Let’s run away.’ DH had responded not with disgust or shock or horror, or even gentle chiding. They had responded only with the sad, whispered words, ‘If only we could.’

 

DH sat next to them, gently scratched at the back of their neck, and pressed their water bottle into TO’s hand. “Here. Drink this.” They said, “It won’t taste good, but it’ll make you feel better.”

Even the sound of the water sloshing about made TO feel sick, “I’ll throw up.” They said. They felt that if they swallowed too much of their own saliva, they’d throw up, so they didn’t imagine they could manage whatever DH just passed them. 

 

“You won’t. I put a little something in it to settle your stomach. Come on.” They gently pulled TO up from the blanket pile, resting them against their own chest into a half sitting position. “Try to drink as much as you can.” 

 

TO took a shuddering breath before lifting the bottle up to their mouth and drinking. It did indeed taste foul; if the sweat from training had a taste, this would be it! Still, like DH said, it didn’t upset their stomach. The liquid seemed to cast a calming blanket over their aching, twisting innards and gave them a few moments of peace. 

 

They forced themself to chug half the foul drink before gasping for air. Their stomach felt better, but their head still ached and they still had that very odd, disconnected feeling. 

 

“Civilians are idiots.” TO moaned before pressing their face into DH’s chest once more, curling up against their mate as though trying to block the rest of the world from their small bubble of contact, “I hate this.” 

 

“I know.” DH said as they went back to scratching TO’s neck, “You rest, I’ll take care of the chores today-”

“No, I have to-”

“Rest. Take a nap and when you wake up, you’ll feel better.” 

 

TO moaned before pushing themself up and struggling with the buttons on their outfit. After only a moment of this, DH took over and carefully helped TO out of their clothes. They were half asleep by the time they were done and didn’t even notice DH throwing the blanket over them before getting up to start their tasks for the day. 

 

They felt the gentle kiss on their cheek, and though they couldn’t draw forth the energy to speak, they mouthed, ‘I love you’ in silence. 

 

======

 

Recovery was slower than TO would have liked, but soon they found it hurt just a little less to move, that their hands didn’t seem so foreign to them, and that their head didn’t throb every time they moved their eyes. It wasn’t until DH had finished TO’s chores and returned to the living area to start their own that TO felt like they wanted to do something other than sit in misery and suffer. Still, getting out of bed was too much.

 

 They propped themself up and took up their communicator. Lendulin would want an update on the date. She specifically said she wanted to know ‘every little thing’ 

 

It was then that their brain seemed to turn on; like an engine revving up after being off for a long time. The date, in their mind, had been a failure. TO was certain that all the joy that DH experienced earlier in the day had been destroyed by the events of the evening. If only TO had kept from reacting as they did when DH, just trying to calm them and comfort them and make them happy, kissed their ear.

 

 TO groaned and pressed their hand to their forehead. THe slowly developing clarity on the events of the day before was worse than the physical pain. 

 

“Are you alright?” DH asked, turning away from their work to check on TO.

“Fine..” TO muttered. “Just...” They glanced up slowly, careful not to cause themself more pain, “I’m sorry about yesterday.”

“It’s nothing to apologize for.” DH said, turning away as their ears flicked down, “It’s more my fault than yours. If I hadn’t-”

“No.. I mean, I’m sorry that I ruined it-”

“You didn’t ruin anything!” DH said, “Look, just rest, and we can talk when you’re better but there’s really nothing to talk about!”

TO pulled the blankets tighter around them, flipping an edge over their head like a hood. “Do you really believe there’s no way we can stay together?” 

 

DH was silent for a long time, their ears low, their hands hovering over the keyboard as though unsure if they wanted to simply ignore that question or not. Their ears twitched and then they finally turned to face TO. 

 

“I do.” They said, “I… like I said, the moment GiDi was taken away, I knew we’d be separated. I tried to keep you away at first, to protect you-”

 

“A terrible idea.”

 

Despite the situation, DH grinned. “I know that now. But even after that, I knew we’d be separated, and when we were placed together, I just wanted to enjoy my time with you.” They gave a small, sad little smile, “That’s all.” 

 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” TO said, their voice so low that DH almost didn’t hear them. “You felt like that, and I didn’t even know-“ 

 

DH shrugged, “You would have worked harder.” They said, “You would have said, ‘no, I’ll make it happen.’ And you would have worked even harder and you would have worried more, and we would have had less time together.” 

 

TO looked away, and to distract themself they drank from the water bottle, forgetting for a moment that DH had filled it with the medicine. They gagged on the unexpected taste, but then forced themself to drink more. Everything that DH said was right. They would have just tried to work harder. They would have felt that DH’s worries were just because they weren’t doing enough.

 

“… I’ll do better.” TO said, “Sorry.” 

 

DH sighed, “You didn’t do anything wrong.” They said, “You were working hard, and working hard for us. I knew that, And… I should have known that yesterday before I said anything awful.” 

 

“I’ll still do better.” TO said. They still wanted to do what they could, to make it so that they could be together forever… but somehow, DH’s arguments seemed too convincing, and if they had only limited time, then TO wanted to spend as much of it with DH as they could. If this little slice of time was all that they had with their mate, they wanted to make it count. 

 

It wasn't fair; they wanted more time. Was that greedy? Was it alright to want more for themself when they owed their entire existence to King Decon? When their purpose in life was to work to maintain the order and safety of the galaxy, wasn’t it terrible to want something for themself?

 

For the moment, they didn’t care. “When you’re done with your work, do you want to watch the rest of that play?” TO asked, “it’s broadcast on the network…”

 

DH smiled, and turned back to their work. “I’d like that a lot.” they said. 

 

TO settled back down into the pillows and looked at their communicator. They didn’t feel like telling Lendulin everything now, but they could at least catch up on the news. This was the first time since they left the training center where they hadn’t checked the news right away. 

 

The alert from the day before was still on their communicator; silenced, but still there; a glowing red banner showing proof of being ignored. TO had entirely forgotten about it given everything that happened and given how awful they felt when they woke. Curious, they opened it up.

 

There wasn’t just one alert now; they were several.

EMERGENCY ALERT

 

Travel into and out of North-East district 4 is prohibited. 

Insurgent activity has been reported. 

 

EMERGENCY ALERT

Temporary Criminal Holding has been breached. More than twenty fugitives with links to the insurgency have been released. 

 

TO froze, their sluggish mind trying to put together what they were reading. “... DH?” TO said, “Did you read the news alerts from last night?”

“I forgot all about it.” DH said, not taking their eyes from the screen, “I dismissed it outright. I was so irritated that it went off when it did. Why, what happened?” 

 

TO didn’t respond right away; they spent a minute flicking through the alerts they had gotten after silencing their communicator the night before. They didn’t know how they had missed the alerts that had come in on their chip, but the drinks had to have been the cause. Not all the alerts were general news alerts; There were specialized security alerts about breaches on different systems, as well as a delayed report on a widespread security communications malfunction.

The worst parts were the security notices, not the newsflashes. Requesting backup. Help needed. Insurgent activity confirmed. 

 

The last bit of information sent to them was simply two lists; one, a list of casualties and dead on the civilian side of the attack, the other was a list of twenty-three previously incarcerated insurgents, now missing. 

 

They remembered the night before, when they thought sure that whatever the issue was, it was a civilian issue, and not something they needed to be involved with.

 

“... It was something that we should have been heavily involved with.” TO said, feeling sick to their stomach for entirely new reasons.