GiDi brought them to a much larger room than the previous locked room. It was a simple, large rectangular room with bunk beds lining the worn concrete walls. It reminded TO a little of the dorms back in the training center.
Of course, they had been much bigger, cleaner, and filled with more people than this desolate room was.
“This is where people waiting to get off the planet stay when we have many people around.” They said, “There’s a washroom in the back, a small shower. It’s not much; Most of us don’t sleep here, we have homes outside of the hideout. There are a few exceptions; Vik and Tham, obviously, since they’re wanted, but they’ve found old storage rooms. We have a few locked rooms for people we can’t trust right away-”
“Like us?” TO asked, though now with Flit and Snout gone, and since they were away from the other insurgents, their voice lacked the venom it had possessed earlier.
“Well, I trust you.” GiDi said. “The others don’t know you. They just know that you’re synths who passed their examination.” Their ears dipped down. “I told them what happened during mine, and how I failed it. They kind of took that as a sign that I wasn’t a real synth.” GiDi shook their head, “Synth, Chilacian. They made the joke that I wasn’t a synth since I didn’t pass; I was a Chilacian. Only synths pass their examination.”
“GiDi… I wouldn’t have passed if I didn’t know-”
“That doesn’t bother me.” They said, “Not anymore…” They closed their eyes and took a deep breath. When they opened their eyes again, they had this invigorated look to them.
“I knew there had to be a reason, didn’t I!” they said, their ears twitching happily, “I knew. I knew that there had to be a reason the insurgency existed. It had to be more than what the anchor told us, that it was just selfishness and short-sightedness-”
“You don’t think it’s short-sighted?” TO asked, “I mean, the galaxy thrives under King Decon, right?” Even as they said that, they recalled their own concerns about how some people clearly didn’t thrive on Arkane, and how Ark-1 said that some sacrifices had to be made. Apparently, some people had to be exploited for the greater good and even then it made TO distinctly uncomfortable. They didn’t know if it was the same on other planets, but according to what they had heard so far from Flit about Jason, they were fairly certain that it was.
GiDi’s larger ears dipped back as they chewed on their lip, their fangs glinting in the light as they considered their next words. “It depends.” They said, “If you want to view just pure progress as being good, then yes… Under Decon, with the way he’s been pushing things, his empire will probably expand beyond the galaxy one day. He’s pushed advancement in all levels, and streamlined every aspect of the galaxy to optimize production and technological advancement. If that’s all a person looks at when judging how ‘good’ things are, then King Decon is doing the right thing.” They looked at TO, “And we were told that such progress was everything. We were never told about civilians struggling. We were told they were lazy, self-centered, and selfish. If a civilian was suffering, it was because of some fault in their mind or character.”
“And that’s not true.” TO said. They had meant it as a question, but somehow it came out as a statement. Perhaps that was because they thought of Pearla, who had worked to help people in the outer ring. Because Lendulin had shown them how stacked against them everything was. Even Petra suffered because she tried to stand up against the Arkanian policies that even TO felt were wrong.
“Right; they lied to us.” GiDi said, “And if you want to consider the wellbeing of people when contemplating the overall good of the galaxy, and its advancement, then I think that Decon’s reign has worked backwards; that’s its regression in a lot of ways.” They gave TO a long, steady look, “I know you probably think little of me-”
“I never said that-”
“You don't have to.” GiDi said as their wings tightened around them, “I know what you probably think of me. I’m working with insurgents now, and I’ve gone against everything they taught us.” they shook their head, “But in the end, I still feel like I should work to make things better for the galaxy. I just don’t think the way King Decon is doing things is the right way.”
“And you think there’s a better one?” DH asked.
“I hope so.” GiDi said, “One that at least balances the needs and wellbeing of people.” They stopped, smiled at TO, then lunged at them, pulling them into a hug.
“... I missed you two so much.” They whispered. “I don’t want to talk about all this. I really don’t. All I want to do is watch shows with you. I want to see you two be idiots and fumble over one another.” They let go of TO and hugged DH again. “It’s a lot. I know it’s a lot. It was a lot for me, and I had a lot more time to get used to everything. For a while, it felt like I was learning something every day that just turned my entire world upside down, and now you’ve had all that happen in a single day!” They let go of DH and turned to Avery. They stepped forward, but then stopped, their ears dipping back as they hesitated. Clearly, they had only just remembered that Avery had been less physically affectionate than the rest of them.
Well, that clearly wasn’t the case at this moment. The moment GiDi stopped, Avery stepped forward and held them. It wasn't the same as with TO and DH, though. Avery held onto GiDi as though letting go meant being pulled into the nothingness of space; as though if they let go, they’d be pulled into a black hole.
“... And I could smack Tham for this.” GiDi whispered, “Avery… I’m so sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I didn’t know you’d be here and if I did, I’d never had let them leave you alone for so long.” They squeezed Avery tight. “I’m so glad you’re here. I’m glad we could get you out from under Decon’s reign… I’m just so sorry that it happened this way.”
“... I don’t want to think about it.” Avery said quickly. “I…” They pulled back just a little, just enough to see GiDi, “... Could we just-” their ears flushed, which was odd to see on Avery, “Could we just sit and watch a show, maybe? I’ll read one of my books-” They tapped on the back of their hand, “Vik fixed my chip for me before we left. It can be like it was before our exam? We can pretend we’re on the observation deck, and just…”
“It’s a lot, I know.” GiDi said. They turned to TO and DH, “... I won’t be staying here tonight. I’ll be… well.” Their ears dipped back and flushed. “I live with Pearla at her place. But she said I should spend some time with you if I want to. And I do, if you’re all alright with it?”
Pretending that they were still in training, that they were still living their uncomplicated lives and watching shows after their training for the day was done. Even thinking of that time, of such a simple time, made TO feel so unbearably sad. Everything seemed so important back then, and they had been so certain that once they had passed their training that things would be easier.
Why had things just gotten so much harder?
“That would be nice.” TO said. It would be nice to go back to how it was before, but they never could. Even if they were plucked from where they were and put back in the training center to act like trainees, all the things that TO had learned couldn’t be unlearned. The seeds of doubt that had crept into TO’s mind in their brief placement had taken root and burrowed into the foundation of their training - their conditioning- as synths.
They could never go back to how it was, but maybe for a little it was ok to pretend.
======
The only rule to their conversations, should they arise while watching their show, was that nothing serious was to come up. They were not to talk about the insurgency, Decon, Chilacians, mind-alteration and repair, or anything else that was big and heavy.
In fact, GiDi seemed to be more interested in what happened between them and DH, and how they ended up developing their new relationship. However, that line of questioning quickly opened GiDi up to questions about their own new life.
“I think it’s a little more surprising that you have a mate!” DH said, “I mean, that’s not surprising. It is surprising that your mate isn’t a synth.”
“She was the first civilian I saw.” GiDi said, “A Nagarajin. They’re relatively common around here.”
“And you developed romantic feelings for the first civilian you met?” TO asked, “Just like that?”
“Yes, well.” GiDi pretended to focus on the show even while their ears flushed blue. “It was surprising to me too… But it’s thanks to you two that it happened at all.”
“We weren’t even here!” TO said, “We had nothing to do with it.”
GiDi’s ears dipped as the flush drained from them. “You don’t like her.” They said, their voice suddenly growing quiet.
“I don’t really know her.” TO said, avoiding answering the question directly. They didn’t like Pearla because most of their interactions with her had been so carefully guarded. Still, in the short time they had been around her since being captured, since being able to be more open about who they were, she had been nothing but helpful.
And of course, there was something more important than that.
“She makes you happy.” TO said. “She’s helped you. She’s taken care of you. I’m just saying that DH and I weren't here when you met her. We couldn’t have had anything to do with it.”
“Well…” GiDi smiled, “DH told me once that they looked you in the eyes, and it was like time slowed down.” They glanced at DH, “And uh… I can say this, right?”
“It’s fine.” DH said, flushing, “I told them… Well-” They looked at TO, “That was the time I thought I wanted to kiss you. Remember?”
“Ah. right.” TO said. They had that same feeling, that odd sensation of time slowing down, but they hadn’t really considered what it meant. It wasn’t until Flit told them about their own feelings for Snout that they realized what it could have meant.
“When I landed here, I ended up in the water.” GiDi said, “It was a rough landing. We got attacked on entry, and our ship blew up in the air. I swam to shore, but I couldn’t climb up- the rocks on the shoreline were too slippery for me to climb, and I couldn’t fly out of the water. Pearla saw me crash, and pulled me out of the water…” Their ears flicked back, twitching in that slow, dreamy way as they suddenly seemed far off. “She just looked at the wreckage on the water, the firelight, and just…” They suddenly closed their eyes, their smile widening as if it was too much for them to even think about. “She looked so beautiful. Time just stopped, and I just stared at her.”
“... The way you talk about it is nice.” Avery muttered. Though they wanted to spend time with them, and wanted to be close, Avery was still content to sit and read. Though they were sitting closer than normal. They sat crossed legged next to TO, their arm just brushing against their own. “I don’t know if I’d ever feel like that about anyone. I don’t know if I’d want to.”
“Well…” GiDi shook their head, “I was terrified. I remembered what DH said, and at the time the idea that I might have developed romantic feelings - have ‘fallen in love’ with a civilian was… it was just too much at the time.”
“‘Fallen in love?’” TO asked. GiDi nodded.
“Yes, a better way to distinguish, say, how we love each other, and you love DH. It implies romantic feelings.”
“An odd term.” Avery said, “Falling doesn’t sound appealing at all.”
“Anyway.” GiDi said, “Pearla didn’t want to get involved with the authorities, and I obviously didn’t want to go to the authorities, so she took me to her home, and I stayed there with her for a while…” They grinned at DH, “And after a while, when those feelings didn’t go away… Well, I used you two for inspiration.”
“Let me guess.” Avery said, “You remembered what morons they both were, drew up a little courage, and just told her how you felt?” Avery ventured. “Despite having no desire for that kind of relationship myself, I can see well enough how it’s supposed to be done, and that those two were absolute idiots for taking so long-”
“We are right here.” DH said, their ears flattening out and flushed.
“Yes, you are.” GiDi said, “And I guess you stopped being idiots at some point if you ended up together. One of you had to have actually used your brains and talked about how you felt.”
Smirking, Avery shook their head, “You’d be surprised what it took.” They said, “You want to hear some hilarious stories?”
“It’s not that funny!” TO insisted, feeling their ears burn.
“Oh, it is.” Avery said, and surprisingly, they closed up the story they were reading. “GiDi, let me tell you the tale of TO’s adventures in flirting.”
Feeling their ears burn, TO huffed and tried to focus on the show still playing before them. They didn’t want to hear about their frankly embarrassing attempts to flirt with DH… But for the moment, Avery was animated, and no longer shaking. For a moment, Avery looked like their own self. Even the color came back to their face, and the awful, drained and scared look they had held faded away.
Letting Avery have a little longer like this was worth some embarrassment.
