WARNING: main character is depressed and dysphoric at the beginning of the story

I shoved my meds back inside their hiding place, a pair of long socks that sat in my underwear drawer. I quietly shut the drawer, then sat on my bed and sighed. I had been taking these hormones for almost 3 months, and all they had done was make my nipples hurt and clear up my acne.

People on the internet always said to be patient, that things like growing boobs and getting wider hips took time. But it was so hard for me to just sit here, feeling like nothing was happening day after day. When I looked in the mirror, I still just saw a lanky nerd dude, albeit one with nice skin. I maybe looked a little more androgynous, but honestly it was hard to tell.

The characters in the stories I read online had it so easy compared to real life. They would just put on a skirt and some mascara, and boom, everyone thought they were a girl. They didn’t have to deal with being almost six feet tall and super awkward. A few weeks ago, I tried on some cute clothes at my friend Kate’s house, and I knew they just looked bad on me (even if she tried to claim

 they looked nice). I barely even had any girl clothes in my room, just some leggings and a v-neck, in fear my nosy mom might find them. I didn’t want my parents to think I was some kind of weirdo.

Well, if I could just get through two more months, I’d finally be done with high school. During the summer, I planned to just stay inside my room the whole time, where no one could see me (or misgender me). Kate, my only friend who knew about me, was going to be gone the whole summer at some internship that would look good on her resume. I at least had some online friends, and thankfully they didn’t need to know what I looked like. I at least had a reasonably womanish voice if I tried (though not all that girly), so as far as people knew I might actually be a normal looking woman.

Having been reminded, I decided to hop on Discord voice chat and see what was up. My friend GayDinoNugget said, “Hi!” in her cute high voice.

“Hey Dino, how’s it going?”, I asked.

“I’m good, I’m drinking boba, I’m having a good time. How are you?”

“I’m … ok. I feel kinda bad about how I look. I’ll live. Glad you’re enjoying your boba.”

“Aw, I know you don’t want us to know what you look like, but I’m sure you’re a cutie.”

“”I’m not, but whatever, it’s fine, we don’t have to talk about.”

“O, but if you ever do wanna talk about it, lemme know, all right?”

“Yeah, thanks. I’m ok, it’s fine.”

The conversation kinda trailed off for a bit, but eventually some more people joined and we ended up talking about our favorite animated show for a while. It was theoretically aimed at kids, but the last few seasons had gotten … pretty dark. Also, it kept getting more and more gay, but hey, I wasn’t complaining. I loved that gay shit.

Sadly, I couldn’t imagine any girl ever wanting to date me in real life. Why would anyone pick me, a weird-looking nerd with gender issues? Fuck, I was getting depressed just thinking about it.

Hoping to distract myself from the dark thoughts looming over me, I booted up my Switch and started playing Breath of the Wild. Man, Link was so cute and androgynous. I wish I could look more like that.