Mom pulled smoothly into the driveway, shutting off the minivan with a turn of the keys. My parents’ blue and white house looked exactly the same as it always did. Even the bushes out front were cut in perfect rectangular shapes.

    I sighed, unbuckled, and climbed out of the car. My anxiety had been growing as we got closer and closer to home, and now that we had arrived it was at its peak. I tried to push the feeling down, telling myself that things would be ok.

I went around to the back and started pulling out some of my luggage. I took a deep breath, then started heading over towards the front door. I saw Mom ahead of me, unlocking and opening the door. She announced, “We’re back!” presumably for the benefit of my dad.

I ventured over the tacky welcome mat and into the house. I could hear him watching some sport in the other room. I hurried up the stairs (as much as I could while weighed down) and dropped my things off in my room. I stood there for a moment, just staring off into the distance.

I walked slowly back down the stairs, a tight ball forming in the pit of my stomach. I might as well get this over with now.

I headed over to the living room, clenching my fist with resolve. Mom said he was “coming around” but it was hard to tell exactly what that meant. Maybe he was just pretending so Mom would get off his case. My thoughts were racing with all kinds of horrible possibilities. I really didn’t know what was gonna happen.

As I walked into the room, I saw Dad look over, then stand up. He said, “Hey, um, cupcake. I just wanted to say sorry for how I’ve been. You’re a good kiddo and I don’t fully understand this stuff but I don’t want you to think that I hate you.”

I managed to croak out an, “Ok.”

He came over to give me a hug, and I let him. After a moment, he stepped back, and I realized that I was crying. Big fat tears were rolling down my face. I scrunched up my face and wiped at my eyes with my sleeve.

It seemed like the floodgates were open, and I started talking while I continued to cry. “I was really scared you were gonna be awful and I thought about not even coming home and I thought maybe things would be bad forever.”

Dad gave me some reassuring pats on the back, saying, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” I nodded and closed my eyes and tried to take a deep breath.

He went on, “I don’t want my only kid, my only, uh, daughter, to think I’m awful. I know sometimes I’m a clueless jerk and I’m sorry. I feel like the world has been changing so fast and I’m trying my best to keep up. There just wasn’t stuff like this when I was a kid.”

I sighed and said, “Dad, there totally was stuff like this when you were a kid. Being trans isn’t like a new invention. The fact that you didn’t know about it doesn’t mean it didn’t exist.”

He said, “Ok, fair enough. Like I said, I don’t know too much about this subject. I’m gonna make mistakes and say stupid stuff sometimes, but I’ll try my best, ok?”

I said, “Ok, Dad. Thanks.”

---

    Winter break flew by. Aside from the occasional slip-up from my dad, everything went pretty smoothly. I hung out with Kate at the mall, and I got my ears pierced. She had a boyfriend now, and she wouldn’t stop talking about him. I guess I wasn’t much better though, constantly thinking about and texting with Liv.

Christmas dinner with relatives went smoothly (I guess pretty much anything would be good compared to Thanksgiving.) I was pretty sure Mom had lectured some of the relatives beforehand, and I wasn’t complaining.

Mom even got me some good clothes for Christmas. (She said they were from Dad too, but we all knew who had actually picked them out.) I also got some fuzzy trans flag socks from my cousin. Nice.

Dad eventually broke his habit of pausing to think before he referred to me, so hey, that was something. He stopped calling me, “sport” and “champ” and “tiger” too, which was a definite improvement.

I finally got around to playing “Trails of Cold Steel,” and I got super into it. I even streamed it a bit so Liv could watch (she and Dino were the only viewers, and that was just fine with me.)

Overall, everything felt pretty normal. It was almost weird how normal things were. I had been anxious about this break for weeks, but everything was basically fine. For once, I had pretty much nothing to worry about, and I wasn’t quite used to it.

January rolled around, and soon it was time to head back to college. As I loaded up my stuff and climbed into the minivan I was excited, eagerly anticipating seeing Liv again. We hadn’t seen each other for almost a month, and it felt like an eternity.

Dad asked, “You ready for your second semester, kiddo?”

I nodded and said, “I think it’s gonna be good.”

The drive dragged on, as we passed endless fields and small towns. I idly flipped through radio stations, wishing I could just teleport straight to my girlfriend.

We stopped for lunch at the diner we had been to at the start of my first semester. 

As we settled into a red and white booth, I thought back to that day. The restaurant looked pretty much exactly the same, but I felt so different.

    So much had changed in just a few months. I had been through so many new experiences, some scary and some fun, but I had made it through. For the first time in my life, I was starting to feel like I actually liked who I was. There were still moments when I felt bad and ugly and sad and antisocial, but they were happening less and less as time marched on.

    Dad interrupted my thoughts by asking, “What are you gonna get?”

    I looked down at the menu and said, “The club sandwich sounds good.”

    A bit later, a waitress came by to take our orders. Dad said, “I’ll get the cheeseburger, side of fries. And she’s gonna get the club sandwich.”

    She jotted that down and asked, “Anything to drink?” Dad shook his head, but I said, “Can I get a strawberry lemonade?”

    She said, “Sure, sweetie,” and was on her way.

    Dad looked over at me and asked, “How you doing, kiddo?”

    I said, “I’m good. I was just thinking about last time we were here.”

    He nodded and said, “I remember the waitress then thought you were a girl. Well, uh, I guess she was right.”

    I said, “Yep,” and then we sat there in peaceful silence until our food arrived.