August 30th, 2020.
I was in my last class of the day, we had been using distance learning because of the pandemic. I was telling all my friends and classes that I was moving. “But before we end today's class, Zack has an announcement.” said Mr. Sumner.
“I’m moving, I don’t know where yet, but today is my last day.” I responded. “I just wanted to say goodbye to all my friends and classmates.” A few sad faces, some hiding happiness, and even more indifferent. “Bye, Zack.” I heard a few of my friends say. I didn’t know what to respond with, so I just said “Bye... I’m gonna miss you guys.” then class ended.
I sighed. I didn’t know what to do, so I just sat. I knew I could still talk to them if I ever needed. But it would be different. I never liked change. I didn’t even realize it, but this was the least change I was going to experience in a long time. Who could blame me though? I didn’t know. I suppose we should move a bit quicker and I should probably introduce myself.
My name is Zackary David, I am a high school Sophomore, I just turned 16 this May. and the pandemic is still going in 2021. I like to read mostly, then if I'm not reading I'm playing video games, if not that, then hanging with family, if not then I’m bored, if not any of those; then I'm riding my dirtbike. I would like to ride it more. It's just that by living from paycheck to paycheck, we don’t have much gas for it.
Me and my family are content, we live with my co-worker next door, our landlords across the way, me in my parent's office, and them living 25t ft. in front of my door. We live simple lives, we have ups and downs, and we mostly get along. We are content.
My family, honestly though. We have problems; My parents drink too much, my sisters and mother smoke weed. One of those sisters loves her shrooms. My dad works like a mule, hard and until it’s done. My mom works like a sloth, slow and unenthusiastically. She also loves to plan vacations willy nilly, when we are lowest on money. And my dad does whatever she says, the sister that doesn’t do shrooms, agrees that they have problems. Most of our money is spent on food that we never eat, and alcohol that is drunk too fast. None of us can remember anything, we are always late to pretty much everything. My dad uses impeccable logic, or so I thought, I now can use his own logic against himself. My mom can’t be reasoned with. I take every blow that comes at me and take it wholeheartedly, when I should take all of it with more than a grain of salt. And more, as you maybe can imagine, I don’t know how big your imagination is.
That’s us, one big happy family. I mean we are, but we could be happier, and we have a lot of problems. So I still didn’t know where we were moving to, but I knew we were packed and were going to take the jeep over to wherever it was. I knew it was out of state, and north. That’s about all I knew. So I went to tell my parents I was ready, when my mom popped in and said “Alright, time to go.” “Ok.” then I followed her and rambled on about my day.
My mom gave the huff and sigh that meant ‘alright, shut up’, so I was quiet. Then we got ready to leave, said our goodbyes, and went and got in the car. The metallic red, Jeep, Grand Cherokee was freshly cleaned by yours truly. We got in and took off. My dad played our music, Country-Rock of course. And Eric Church started playing. Chris stapleton. More Church, Aron Lewis. More Church. More Stapleton. More Church. Nitty Gritty Dirt Band. Charlie Daniels Band. More Eric Church. And the list goes on.
During our journey, I kept guessing, and my parents finally said after guessing all the northern states I knew “You already said it, but we just said no, because we want it to be a surprise.” “Ok” I responded. I told them they suck, they just laughed. I joined in. So we let the music take over, and soon we had a choire going on. I was correcting my parents on the lyrics soon enough and we just kept “movin’ on” by Johnny Cash.
We went so north that we reached the canadian border. I suggested we use the maps app on our phone. They agreed. We turned around and listened to siri guide us, when she started gl9tching out. Sh3 s7arted t0 w5rn m3 5b0ut w07f5, 1 d1dn’t kn0w w8at t6 d4. Then she repaired, and my parents weren't bothered by it.
I started to ask if they heard it, when truck-sama decided to swerve into us. I had a ringing in my ears, my parents were looking at me with sad, teary eyes. I didn’t notice it at the time but my dad was missing a leg, and my mom was crawling over to me. I realized the car had blown up.
Then I remembered the phone, we could call 9-1-1. I tried to tell them, only to realize neither I, nor my parents could hear. My ears were ringing. I tried to communicate with my dad, but he just smiled and hugged me. He mouthed “Buddy, I’m gonna die.” I tried to say no, and shook my head. I started to cry. I started crawling over to the car, and my dad went limp on me.
My mom had made it over and held him in her arms, and said “you did want me to out live you, ya dick.” I moved to the car, and tried to find the phone. Then in the back seat I realized that the car had a 9-1-1 button on the center mirror. I tried to climb into the front seat, and blacked out. I came out of shock, and the smoke was getting to me.
Came to Scribblehub to get a feel for the UI after going on a Qidian strike. Saw this and thought, “Looks fun enough.” And certainly, it looks fun, for both reader and writer.
I’m guessing you’re 15/16 yourself and haven’t written too much creative fiction. Or, maybe, you have and just haven’t dealt with proper writing mechanics. Quick tip: New paragraphs denote a new idea and improve readability by breaking down text walls. Take some time to learn writing mechanics; the internet has a plethora of good resources.
Regarding the content, I enjoyed the brief overview of family dynamics. I don’t know if they’ll have a great presence later on, but I doubt it. That being said, a quick glance at their tendencies is easier to sift through than an interaction-laden chapter that revolves around getting to know side characters.
For a prologue, it’s definitely rushed, but that’s fine. As long as you can improve pacing in later chapters then there is no issue in a wobbly start.
Thank you for giving me a preview of the site. I appreciate it, Zack. May you continue to enjoy what you write, both its process and outcome!
There is a lot here for those avoiding Qidian like you and me. I still read some of their stuff but a lot of my favourites are here. Try the man who killed the first monster, he who fights with monsters, duality, healer and wake of the ravager. PS a lot of good Qidian novels started here like New Game +
@Paco_Lopez Thanks a bunch for the recommendations, Paco. I’m a sucker for fantasy and litrpgs, so I do appreciate it. I’ll be sure to check ‘em out soon!
@Solace no problems
You are right on the mark! I am 15 years old, and I have never written anything other than poems before, but one day I thought "Well I have all these scenarios I play in my head all the time, maybe I could write about one?" So I did and this is the result. Thank you for the advise, and I will try to improve as much as I can, just be patient. Also this was very constructive! I am very giddie right now, because I got be the introduction to this great site, or rather: collection of original stories. I love this site, and hope you will too. Also, I hated when I would spend so much time learning about a character that was about to be dumped/killed/just disappear, when I didn't know that much about the character I am interested in. I just thought that I should give this character a bit of a background, and I ended up ranting about my family. I apologize for that, but I started writing and wrote whatever was on my mind. I let my thoughts take the quil while I held the parchment. This too is quite the block of text now that I look at it. Sorry .
Have a great day,
-Zack
I separated it a lot more. Does it help? I hope its better.
Once more I give thanks,
-Zack