“I’m not ready for this.”
“Yes, you are,” Tore said. She stood on the roof, overlooking the rainy depths of the inter-floor skyways. Cassandra sat on the precipice, legs dangling over what felt like -- and might well be -- an infinite chasm, the emptiness between the layers of The City. The only thing lighting up the sky were the glistening patches of neon between the downpour of rain. Cass didn’t know why there was a rainy season in a world that was just urban hellscape, why the rain wasn’t as acidic during this time, or where all that water even came from. She had other things on her mind.
“It’s too soon,” she said. Tore kneeled down next to her and put a hand on her shoulder. It was meant to be a gesture of comfort, but it only loaned a physicality to the feeling of carrying the weight of a responsibility she wasn’t ready to bear yet. How long had she even been here, now? It was getting hard to remember. Months, at least. But longer. Surely it couldn’t have been years already? Cass had gotten so lost in the work as a mercenary, losing herself in this world she had taken to in a way she’d never thought possible. This was, in a sense, her world too now. She liked it here, and she liked what she did. But she also felt like she’d lost something of herself in the time, so much time, since she’d arrived here on that strange, explosive day. Cassandra realized with a sigh that became a stifled sob that she didn’t know what day it was in the place she’d once called home. When her birthday was. She felt something against her leg and lifted an arm to let Mort nestle on her lap. “I don’t even know who I am yet.”
“Yes, you do, pup,” Tore said again, her voice as rock solid as her convictions. “You are Cassandra. You are Loki.” Cass groaned. Sure, she’d picked a name, sure she had the pronouns, and even the body. And she was a whole lot happier now, with herself at least, than she ever had been before. But she didn’t know anyone she could talk to about this. There was no GSA in the many different guilds. There were rumours, of course, but there was no number you could call, no help-lines. She would’ve liked to talk to Tee about this. They were neck-deep in genderfuck, and even just talking to them would have done her good. The old mercenary sighed slightly. “And now you are also Tore. You are ready for this.”
“But I don’t know how.” That earned her a swat against the back of her head.
“Yes, you do. You already use the name when taking bounties, Cassandra. And Tore is a good, strong name. It is dependable. You will find a lot of work.” Another small pause, and the only sound was the clattering of the rain on the synthetic rooftop. Cass felt the purring of Mordecat on her lap. He didn’t seem to care about the rain one bit. Little weirdo. “Somebody has to be, Cassandra. And I am growing old and want to enjoy being old for a while.”
For the first time, Cass looked at her. Tore had indeed grown old. Over the past few months she’d complained more and more about her joints, slept in more often, and had refused more contracts than she’d taken. The latter, Cass had understood. There hadn’t really been a need to. Using the Tore moniker, Cassandra had taken several riskier contracts in a row until she felt she’d paid off her debt to her mentor. And she had, pretending she didn’t immensely enjoy the work, dangerous as it was. Tore’s subscription had been renewed. The woman had lifetimes to look forward to, now, and a very nice nest-egg on top of it to enjoy it without risking those lives every week. Cass couldn’t fault her for wanting to take it easy. But Tore was, well, Tore. Legendary bounty hunter and mercenary. She couldn’t just… retire, right? Disappear? Although… Cass supposed that this was where she was supposed to come in. They looked the same, if not the same age. “I’m still trying to figure out how to be… this, Tore. I don’t even know what it means to be a woman, especially in a world as strange as this.”
“Does it matter?” Tore asked. “You are happier like this. What being a woman ‘means’ is whatever you want for it to be.” Cass shook her head. She’d already tried that approach.
“It matters to me,” she said. “Fighter I can do. Apparently.” She blushed softly. “Lover, too. With some instructions.” She heard Tore chuckle behind her, with a little affirmative noise to cap it off. “But I don’t know what else to be or how to be, uh, it.”
“Hmm,” Tore mused and stood up, hands on her hips. “The way I understand,” she said, “there is no one way to be. You have things to figure out, certainly. But you have the time, yes? And if there are things about you that you are unhappy with, there are many in the city who offer services that can help with this. I will help you find them if you ask me to, though, as I have said, you do not need my help anymore, pup.”
Cass sat in silence for a bit, before gently shooing Mort off her lap, who cursed softly before acquiescing, then stood up and looked at Tore. “I don’t want you to go.”
“You will be fine, pup.” Tore probably noticed Cassandra’s dejected expression, made all the more dramatic by the pouring rain. “I have enjoyed your company a lot, Cassandra. Maybe even more than that. But I am stepping out of this life, for quite some time. And I do not think you intend to do the same, hmm?” Regretfully, Cassandra shook her head. For the first time in her life, she knew what she wanted to do. Not only did she like the mercenary work, the strange relationships she’d slowly built with Tore’s network of contacts and the thrill of the immense risk-versus-reward stakes of her chosen method of employment, but she was good at it. That was also new. Before all this it had been pop-culture references and a knack for tic-tac-toe. She was good at it and she liked that, too.
“No,” she agreed, “I don’t think I will.” She paused, started saying something, and then thought better of it, letting the rain express her feelings better than she could herself.
“I will miss you too,” Tore said, not quite reading her mind with a slight smile. “But there will be others. There have been others. We were never promised to each other, pup. I am not one for romantic notions like that.” Cass sighed and felt her cheeks glow. Both of them had seen other people, sure, but at the end of the day, they’d come home to each other, even if it had been out of convenience. To see that fall away when the convenience did was still something of a blow, though it had been some time coming. “You will always be welcome in my home, Cassandra.” Cass winced at what might have been an imagined stress on the word ‘my’. It wasn’t her house. Not anymore, if it ever had been.
“Where do I go from here?” she asked. Tore raised an eyebrow. “I don’t mean like, where literally. I’m practically moved in to the new place already. I just mean, like…. Where do I start?” Tore turned around to the stairs that led down to the apartment. Cass followed.
“I was planning on waiting until you took your first contract as the new you. Or the new, me, if you prefer,” Tore said once they got inside from the rain. The door closing shut out the deluge outside, reducing it to a comfortable pattering against the windows. There was a coziness to Tore’s apartment that Cassandra had yet to recreate in her new place. It would take time until that felt like home. And it would take time to say goodbye to this one. Tore walked over to a wall closet and pressed her hand against the sensor. A panel slid open, revealing Tore’s extensive collection of armaments, her weapon of choice at the center of it, folded up into its launcher-configuration. Tore picked it up easily with one hand and it unfurled into its true hammer-form. She offered it to Cassandra.
“You’re giving me your hammer?!” Cass was too shocked to even consider accepting the gift. To think that Tore would even part with it was ridiculous. Tore shook her head with an amused frown.
“Of course not,” she said. “I had a replica made. Take it.” That took the wind out of Cassandra’s sails somewhat, but she still took the weapon gingerly. She hadn’t held its predecessor very often, but it was heavy. A lot of that, she knew, would be offset by the built-in thrusters and her own accelerated physique. But she also knew she didn’t want to drop this thing on her foot. The head of the hammer itself was as long as her arm, and twice as thick.
There was a sliding switch near her hand, and she flicked it. Immediately, it folded up into the other setting, and she slung it on her shoulder to get a feel for its balance. The micro-missiles inside would come out in a volley that could easily knock her to her feet if she wasn’t careful. It was a hell of a weapon. Looking at it, she realised it had the name ‘Loki’ engraved on the handle. She looked up again, and she was struck again by the realization that Tore was really retiring. Sure, she had lifetimes to look forward to, but she could also live in comfort for the first one. It would be ages before she picked up her own hammer again. Cassandra carefully put the weapon down on the table.
“This is really real, then?”
“It is.” Before Cassandra could say anything, the other woman had once again anticipated her mood, and had pulled her into a hug. It was warm, Tore was strong, and in that moment, Cass was cold and weak. “I will see you again, pup. You will do amazing things. I know this.” The voice in Cassandra’s ear was quiet, with a gentleness she wasn’t used to. Tore tended to be… boisterous, or stoic. But not soft. When Cass finally pulled away, she was breathing more easily. Hugs, she thought. So much more powerful than people give them credit for. She looked at… what was Tore to her now? Not her partner, not anymore. Lover felt too intimate for the distance there was between them since Goodbye had gone from possibility to inevitability. Ex-girlfriend? That felt too juvenile.
“I think,” Cassandra finally said, “that maybe I should go.” Tore nodded, but still shot her a questioning look. She could always tell when Cass wanted to say more. “A part of me wants there to be a tearful goodbye, or a last meal together, or maybe going out for a drink, but I think that would mostly hurt.” Tore nodded again. Maybe it was a trick of the light, but Cass could swear her eyes were red too. Maybe Cassandra’s departure was hitting her harder than she let on. There was a scratching and muffled screaming at the door, and Cass opened it to let a soaking wet Mordecat in, who immediately shook out his fur and then went to go eat. “Do you want to take him?” Cass asked. “Could be good for the company?”
Tore shook her head with a grin. “No,” she said. “He is your problem. I will send you the rest of the food.” Tore paused for a moment, and then smiled more softly. “Most of it. I will keep a bag. For when you come visit.” In that little concession, Cassandra suddenly felt very relieved, and a lot closer to crying than she had been before. The door wasn’t closed, the bridge unburned. This wasn’t goodbye, not really. A divergence. For now.
“I’ll see you again, Tore. Soon. There are still some things I need to pick up.” She whistled and an annoyed Mort came around the corner, still munching on his food. He got the message and sat by the door. “And thank you. For everything.” Tore smiled, stepped forward and, cupping Cassandra’s face, kissed her one last time. Her lips weren’t any less soft than they had been the last time, but the kiss was far more bittersweet this time around. Cass sighed as they pulled apart. “It has been an amazing year,” she said softly.
Tore laughed. “Two,” she said.
“What?”
“It has been two years since I found you,” Tore said. “Or it will be, next week.”
“Oh,” Cassandra said, and she cried.
Nooo I was not ready for sad
So, going off the information presented in this chapter, Cassandra got sent 3-4 years into the past (or perhaps the other two got sent into the future, but i'm using Ellis as the baseline since they arrived around the time the anomaly happened) depending on how long it had been since Tore retired and Cassandra took over.
Aaaaa it's nice that tore gets to retire, and it's nice that Cassandra gets to make a life doing this thing she's grown to enjoy
Awww Cass. So she got sent 3 years before Tee, who got sent a year before Ellis. Damn.
Oof. Getting out on your own like that is scary as hell. Good thing it seems like Tore trained her up well.
I also get the feeling that Tore is going to get kind of bored. I mean, what do you even do in a cyberpunk dystopia after you retire?
What a sweet sort-of-birthday. ??