At midday, Erika silently apologized to Marian before knocking on her door.

The door opened after a long time, and a sleepy Marian stared down at her. Even though Erika had interrupted her sleep, Marian didn’t look angry at all. Instead, the woman let Erika in before she closed the door behind them.

“Is there anything you need?” Marian asked, rubbing her face. There were dark patches beneath her eyes. She clearly hadn’t slept enough and Erika felt a pang of guilt. “Is it to call me up since it’s time for me to leave? Well, I didn’t think that you wanted me out of the village so quickly.” She laughed.

Erika blushed and looked down at her lap. “I just wanted to see you.”

“…” Marian sighed. “Did something happen? You’re not usually like this, I think. What happened to that determined Erika who kept me awake at night teaching her letters?”

“She realized that she was wrong and that you were right.” Erika felt her eye itching, and she rubbed it. Her hand touched something wet. For some reason, she was crying. “I was born here, and I will die here. I’ll never be able to leave.”

 

Marian stared at the girl sitting in front of her, huddling up like a small animal. She knew that she should be happy that Erika finally saw the light and decided to give up that suicidal dream. But when those words that suggested Erika was giving up reached her, Marian suddenly felt dizzy, and for an instant, she saw the image of another girl sitting in front of her.

At that time, that girl was the same age as Marian. They had joined the army. Back then, they were both ordinary girls, born in the city. That girl had a dream…

Marian covered her eyes, trying to still her spinning head. Her sleep deprivation wasn’t helping matters, and she wanted to throw up, but right now, the issue of Erika came first.

She should be happy that Erika was giving up, but…

 

“Why did you suddenly change your mind?”

Erika looked up. She had half expected Marian to ignore her and go back to sleep. She didn’t know what she was expecting for the other half, but asking Marian for her reason certainly wasn’t what she had in mind. There was a different look in Marian’s eyes.

“Why, you asked… Because I realized that you’re right. I can never fight like you, so I’ll never be able to awaken an ability. This was what you meant, wasn’t it, by ‘fundamental difference.’” Erika turned her hand over. Although her fingers weren’t exactly beautiful thanks to all the work she did, they were nothing compared to the calloused hands of Marian. “Our difference is in our upbringing.”

Crack! Erika jumped as Marian slammed her fist into the bed. The woman’s eyes burned with anger. “Upbringing? Who told you that?!”

Erika shrank back, unnerved by the sudden anger that Marian showed. She didn’t know what she did wrong to cause Marian to act like that. “I’m sorry! I-it was that strange group of travelers! I wanted to know how to awaken an ability, so I asked them, and they told me that the normal way was to be a master at combat…! Miss Marian, did I do something wrong?”

“Do something wrong…? I—” Marian wiped her face with her hand, taking a deep breath. “No, no, you did. Sorry about that. But tell me, what other bogus did they feed you?”

Erika blinked. “Bogus? Well… they also said that the other way involved using a special weapon….”

Marian sighed and squeezed the bridge of her nose.

“Well, I suppose the second part is right. There exist weapons that will react to a person’s soul and help them awaken. But it only works once for one person, and afterward, it just becomes a normal weapon.”

Now that Marian didn’t look like she was going to murder her, Erika felt calm enough to think about something other than self-preservation. She remembered the weapons that those three travelers had. Each of them looked old and ornate compared to the simple longsword that Marian wore.

Marian continued on. “The first method, however, is wrong. Awakening has nothing to do with how well you fight, rather… It’s rooted in ambition and aspiration.” She reached for the sheathed sword that leaned against the bed and drew it.

She angled it so that Erika could see her reflection in the mirror-like steel.

“Ambition, motive, aspiration— whatever you want to call it— is the essence of awakening. I awakened when my friend was killed. At that time, I was just a little girl who underestimated the battlefield.” Marian closed her eyes. “What do you think my desire was?”

Erika swallowed. “Umm… was it to avenge your friend?”

“Pfft. Hahaha!” Suddenly, Marian laughed, with her eyes still closed. The laughter was empty, without a hint of mirth. “Well, I can see why you would think that, but that’s wrong. Ambition might not be the right word for it, but at that time, I wanted nothing more than to survive. My selfish desire to survive granted me my awakening, instead of my wish to avenge my friend. What would she think?”

Silence followed. Erika didn’t know how to answer because she didn’t know the circumstances well enough. Anything she says will be as empty as Marian’s laughter.

“Do you want to awaken an ability, Erika?” Marian asked, suddenly opening her eyes and looking down at her. Her eyes had returned to normal in the feeling that it gave off.

“…how…?”

Marian shrugged, grinning. “Who knows? Perhaps you can sacrifice a friend. Throw yourself into the jaws of death and see what happens? What is your ambition?”

“What I want most is to escape the village,” Erika muttered. “It’s always been.”

Marian shrugged. “Perhaps. But your ambition isn’t just what’s on the surface. You like money, right? Do you want to be rich?”

Erika nodded. Who didn’t?

“But a desire for wealth isn’t enough for most people. Lesser desires can hide deeper desires, and if you can’t find that deeper desire, you will never succeed. Of course, it could just be that your desire isn’t enough. Perhaps your wish is not sufficient to help you awaken.”

She sheathed the sword, cutting off Erika’s reflection of herself.

“So it’s possible that my wish to leave is clouding my vision?” Erika asked.

“It could be. Or you do not have enough drive to achieve your ambition. Because ambition is taken hand in hand with drive, I like that word a lot better than desire or wish.” Marian paused and put down her sword. “If I did not have the drive to survive— if I had given up— I would not be here right now.”

Erika fell silent. The awakening process was more complicated than she had imagined, but at the same time it was a lot fairer. 

Anyone could have an ambition, while not everyone could afford to train and master a fighting style. Anyone could strive to fulfill that ambition. On the other hand, there wasn’t a definite finish line, and many people with not enough drive would simply give up.

Awakening required her to know what she truly wanted. She had to dig deeper into her being, and recognize what drove her at her core. Without an event to bring it to a surface or force a sudden change like Marian’s situation, this sort of introspection was difficult. She was just a simple village girl, and the philosophy thing the elders often ranted about was beyond her ability.

“Then… if you had to guess, then what do you think is my problem?” Erika asked, hoping that Marian might be able to tell her. Marian was so experienced that perhaps she’ll know.

Marian shrugged. “Who knows? I don’t know you well enough. To me, nothing is wrong with your desire. That leaves just the drive.” She took out the pipe and put it, unlit, into her mouth. “It’s time for me to go. I take back my words, Erika; maybe you really are brave and not just stupid. Don’t disappoint me.”

Marian put her hand on Erika’s head and gave her a little rub, catching her off guard.

Before Erika could react, Marian picked up her sword and disappeared out the door. Erika ran to the window and saw Marian walk out of the inn, heading toward the stables. The traveler looked up, and their eyes met for an instant.

 

Erika’s brain was a mess right now. All this information was too much and came too fast. Her first thought was to go to the fields, but when she thought about introspecting while alone and surrounded by sheep, the idea seemed too daunting.

Perhaps it would be best to revisit Tabitha. Talking to Tabitha helped her sort out her thoughts, and Tabitha seemed to always have some advice handy.

Erika decided to clean Marian’s room on her way out so Ronja didn’t have to later. To her disappointment, Marian didn’t leave anything like a secret letter for her under the pillow.

She rebuked herself a moment later. To Marian, she was just a stupid girl with big dreams; she’d probably seen plenty of people like her during her travels, and Marian had said as much before. It was arrogant of her to entertain the idea that she was special.

As she walked out the front door, footsteps followed close behind her, and she whirled around, coming face to face with Ymir.

“Oh hello, miss Erika,” the traveler said, stepping back. “Did I scare you? I’m sorry we parted on such bad terms last time.”

“No, we didn’t part on bad terms. Why would you think that?” she asked.

“Because we couldn’t help you. It’s natural to feel a bit guilty if you’re unable to be of assistance,” Ymir answered.

Erika blinked. Ymir seemed like a different person now. While he was definitely the most mature of the clueless group of travelers, he never struck her as anyone that stood out.

But based on her observations, she came up with a theory. People in a group act like the group’s average. In a group of three, Ymir’s behavior changed until he was just mature enough to keep the others in check. Individually, the village boys were decently smart, but when gathered, they made absolute fools of themselves.

Alone, Ymir could show his true face.

“Where are the rest of your group?” she asked.

“Oh, they are just resting. I’m staying out a bit longer since I’m not tired yet,” Ymir answered. “By the way, just now, Almar was thinking hard about your question, and he found that he was wrong. Awakening isn’t triggered by becoming a master at fighting but rather from the resolve to fight for what you believe and want. In other words, awakening is more mental than physical.”

Erika nodded. “I see. I consulted another traveler earlier, and she told me the same thing.”

“Another traveler? Oh, the one that just left? She is strong. Do you know her?”

“No. However, she did teach me many things, so I’m very thankful.”

Ymir nodded. “I’m glad you learned what you needed to, Miss Erika. Before I sleep, I’m planning to go hunting in the forest. Would you like to come with me for an outing if I keep you safe?”

Erika shook her head. “No, I have something to do. I have two questions, though.”

“Please.”

“Are you aware that constantly selling monster meat to us is draining all the coins from this village?” she asked.

“No… I’ve never thought about it,” Ymir replied, thinking. He seemed to be reconsidering his activities. “Thank you for telling me. I’ll be more mindful in the future.” He bowed, to Erika’s surprise.

The man’s movements threw Erika off a little, and she struggled to keep her composure. “I-I see. Then, here’s the second question. It’s actually a request.”

—because Marian said she lacked drive, and that she needed to work toward her goal. 

Ymir raised an eyebrow. Erika gathered her courage.

“Will you take me with you to wherever you’re going? I wish to leave this village.” Erika lowered her voice. “I don’t have much to pay you, but I have some skills that can be helpful while traveling. I overheard that your cook can’t cook.”

Ymir grimaced. “I’m afraid I can’t. We have certain circumstances that prevent us from taking anyone with us,” he said. “I’m sorry.”

Erika nodded. She’d expected the refusal, but she still felt disappointed. “In that case, I won’t bother you anymore.

She and Ymir went their separate ways. When she arrived at Tabitha’s house down the road, Ymir was already nowhere in sight. Hopefully, he’ll take her words to heart and stop selling monster meat they could easily obtain to this village that had to work hard for every coin. Monster meat was a luxury and one this village couldn’t afford too much of. Ronja didn’t seem to want to stop buying it until she ran out of money, either.

 

Tabitha answered the door almost immediately when Erika knocked. “Oh my. You’ve been coming at strange hours, Erika. Did you find out something new?”

Erika nodded. “I did. Do you know what’s the difference between travelers and us?”

“Beyond the obvious?” Tabitha asking, thinking. “No, I don’t. Maybe they’re better at fighting.”

“Yes. The reason they’re so good at fighting is because of something called awakening that makes them Rovers. It grants them special abilities, like being able to make their weapons bigger.”

“My, that’s certainly a big advantage. So, what’s the catch?” Tabitha asked. She smiled devilishly. “What do you have to do to awaken? See me in danger?”

“No, of course not. If that was required, I’d rather stay in this village forever,” Erika said, glaring at Tabitha. She remembered Marian’s story about her friend and she felt sorry for Marian all over again. “No, it has something to do with having an ambition and my drive to realize it. Apparently, I either got my ambitions wrong or I don’t have enough drive, which is why I haven’t awakened.”

“Hm… the wrong ambition, is it? Could it be… going out to see the world?” Tabitha guessed.

“That’s what I thought. Marian— that’s the traveler’s name— suggested that it was drive that I lack,” Erika said, “but in this whole village, you know me best of all, so I came to ask your opinion.”

Tabitha fell silent, then reached forward to pat Erika’s head as if she was awarding a small child. Erika pushed down her protest and accepted the affection obediently. Tabitha’s smile grew. “I’m happy you think so highly of me, Erika. As a reward, I’ll let you in on a little secret.”

“Secret?” Erika tilted her head in curiosity. “What secret?” 

“A secret about you! I did watch you grow up, so I more or less have an idea about you and your ambitions. You were so young back then!”

Erika was getting really confused now, and it showed on her face, inviting a burst of laughter from Tabitha.

“Okay, okay, I’ll stop teasing you. I actually think that the traveler is not entirely correct; it’s not just drive that you lack. I think that you are mistaking what your true desire is.” Tabitha continued to rub her hair. “I think it’ll be better if you figure it out yourself, so here’s a hint: ask ‘why.’”

“Why I want to see the world?”

Tabitha nodded her head. “Yes. Now go a little narrower.”

“Why I want to leave this village?”

“Closer! A little narrower,” Tabitha encouraged.

“Why… Why I don’t like this current life of mine….”

Tabitha clapped. “And why is that? Why don’t you want to marry anyone? Why won’t you settle down?” Tabitha asked. “Why don’t you want to be like me? I believe the answer to these questions will help you figure something out.”

“I…” Erika began, hoping to miraculously blurt the answer hidden within her, but it didn’t work. Obviously, it wasn’t that easy.

Why didn’t she want to live this life? It wasn’t hard. She had friends. She had half a family in Tabitha. If she truly settled down in this village for the rest of her life, continuing as she always had, she’d have an easy and stable life ahead of her.

Tabitha tapped her forehead and Erika looked up from her thoughts. However, Tabitha’s finger was pointed at something behind Erika. When Erika turned, she saw that puppet stage set she had made for Tabitha. She saw those strings latched onto the joints of those puppets, how the strings controlled those puppets’ every movement.

Now that Erika thought about it, the answer was simple.

The village itself was like a cage or rather a stage. Everyone performed for everyone else manipulated through puppet strings composed of the expectations of the village. Even if Erika continued to reject the advances of every boy that approached her, Erika didn’t know how long she’d last before she gave in to the village’s pressure and married someone.

Getting married would be like adding yet more strings to her. Each child she gave birth to would be another string and another until she was trapped here forever.

Once, when she was young, she had told Tabitha about how everyone was tied up by puppet strings, and that she wanted to break free and escape the village. As a young girl, she thought that she had discovered something so profound, but as she grew up, she sealed those childhood memories away in a dark corner of her mind in embarrassment. It left behind only her desire to leave.

Now that she looked back, her analogy wasn’t profound, but it was still the core of her desires and her ambitions. And the person who helped her realize all this was her best friend. 

Erika jumped up and hugged her friend. “Tabitha, I think I get it now! The answer had been so close, but I had just forgotten. My ambition is to break free from those imaginary puppet strings that control me and take control of my own fate!”

As those words left her mouth, her body began to tingle. Even though the sensation faded as quickly as it came, it left her mind refreshed. It was like the seal on something within her had loosened just a little bit.