Consultation 37.

“Greetings, God Waifus. I’ve heard many good things about you.” I was confronted by a Japanese goddess wearing formal business attire.

“Uh, what’s your problem? Also, don’t call me that, it’s unpleasant. We’re not close enough for you to shorten it into that form.”

“Haha, sorry about that. As for why I’m here… well, you see… I’ve been tasked with a rather troubling assignment as part of my job.”

“Oh, and what exactly does this troubling assignment entail?”

“We’re doing a game show segment on the Japanese God Game Show Network and I’ve been asked to gather gods to participate in this program to win a prize.”

“Hah? And what does that have to do with me?”

“Please help me!” She got down on her knees and prostrated in front of my desk.

“No way. Absolutely not. I refuse. Find someone else.”

“I’m begging you, please! I’ll owe you big time if you help me out just this one time!”

“Please leave, do I really look like the type who wants to go on one of those shows to look like an idiot?”

“Come on! I’ll sleep with you if you agree.”

“Get lost.”

“So cruel~”

“Unless you want to find a foot in your face, I suggest you leave now.”

“If that’s what it takes to get you to agree I’m willing to even be stepped on. I’ll even lick your shoes if you’re into that sort of thing.”

“Just die.” I looked at her like she was some sort of cockroach.

“Those eyes… stop, if you look at me like that. I won’t be able to be a bride~”

Is it fine if I kill this thing?

“Why the hell are you being so damn persistent?”

“Do you think I’m here because I want to be here? You’re literally my last hope. Every god I asked flat out rejected the offer as well.”

“Of course they would, by now we’ve all seen the sort of weird shit that goes on on those Japanese Game Shows of yours.”

“Please help me! Isn’t that what I’m paying you for as part of this consultation? You have to fulfill your client’s requests as long as it is within your ability and it does not cross the rules of the god realm.”

“Are you fucking kidding me? Just apply for a refund, I’m not doing jack shit.”

“I didn’t want to do this, but I guess I’ll have to use my trump card.”

My eyes narrowed as I steeled my heart for whatever trump card she was about to reveal. There’s no way I’d let my guard down and let her have her way. I’d be turned into a laughingstock if I went onto one of those stupid game shows.

“I’ll scream rape.” She said with her eyes swimming as she placed her hands on her top and started to unbutton it.

“Haaaaah! Are you insane? That’s your trump card? You’re actually just an idiot, right?”

“Shut up! I’ll really do it! If you try to do anything I’ll immediately scream!”

“Now, now. Bitch, just calm the fuck down. I know your job probably has you stressed out and all, but don’t you think there are certain things you shouldn’t do?”

“Just agree and I won’t scream.”

“Let’s just talk about this calmly like civilized gods and goddesses.”

“Raaaaaa-”

“Okay! I get it! Shut up already! I’ll do it.”

“You will?”

“Yes, so please fix your clothes.”

“Really? You really mean it? You’re not trying to pull a fast one, right?”

“Haaaaaaah. I’m not.”

“Great! Please sign here.” She pulled out a contract from under her skirt.

“Of all places, why the hell did you keep the contract there?”

“My initial plan was to drug and seduce you then as you undress me, right before we got to the good stuff the contract would land right in your face. I’d wave it around the contract right in your face and tell you you could only have the whole package if you signed it. With your lust at its peak and dick doing the thinking instead of your brain I figured it would work. I didn’t think you’d immediately foil my attempt to seduce you right at the start.”

“You were trying to seduce me? When exactly was there anything seductive about you?”

“How rude, I did my best. I even said I’d sleep with you if you agreed.”

“When Author was handing out seduction, did you enter the wrong line by any chance?”

“Shut up. I’m super sexy.” She struck a pose as I watched with a completely disinterested expression.

“At least react a bit!”

I let out a pitying sigh as I averted my eyes after losing interest, “Look, can you just hand over the contract so I can read through it?”

“Ugh. Not even a little reaction...”  She resignedly handed over the contract with a pout on her face.

After I read through it I said, “Yeah, as I thought I really don’t want to do this after all.”

“What? But you said-”

“I’ll only do this if I can do it here. It’s a pain in the ass to go anywhere, plus I have to do my life counseling every day.”

“If that’s the case… I can discuss it with management to see if we can get that done. The stuff we have planned doesn’t require too large a space and we should be able to set up everything in this room and just green screen in the audience post-production.”

She took the contact back and wrote in a new clause that recording would take place here.

When I confirmed the change was made I signed it.

“Great, now that that’s settled I can finally rest easy. Thank you very much for your assistance God Waifus.”

“Stop calling me that.”

“Hahaha. Sorry about that. I’ll be taking my leave now. I wouldn’t want to take up any more of your time since you seem like a busy God.”

When she left I squeezed my forehead already regretting the fact that I caved so easily. Why do I only get troublesome clients?