Consultation 79.

“God Waifus, I’m back.”

“Tch. You again?”

“Heh. You may have gotten me last time, but things won’t go your way this time.”

“Haaaah. Yeah, yeah. Let’s get this over with. What’s the shitty game this time?”

“The game today is one you won’t be able to turn the tables on me. I won’t allow for a repeat of last time with this game.”

“Get to the point, woman. I don’t have all day.”

“The Bachelor: Speed Marriage God Edition.”

“What the hell sort of game is this supposed to be?”

“In this game, you will need to get someone to agree to marry you. You can’t know beforehand who you are marrying, so this time there’s no way for me to get mixed up in this mess. You will be separated by a divider and won’t be able to see each other, but as soon as this green light lights up, you have to propose to the person on the other side of this divider. The game ends when you successfully get them to wear this dress, sign these documents, and have a shotgun wedding.”

“It’s just a marriage for show, not a real marriage and those are just fake non legally binding documents, right?”

“Not real?” She raised the documents up to my face with a sinister smile and said, “It’s as real as real gets.”

My face paled. “No way! I’m not doing this!”

“Too bad, you signed the contract, you have to do it.”

“You said someone, you never said it was a woman. Also what sort of women are you even going to get? It definitely can’t be anyone good.”

“Hehehe. I don’t care. You’re going to suffer for the humiliation I experienced last time. Whether you get some fat gay God or Goddess or hit the jackpot and land a hotty is up to your luck. Though I highly doubt you’ll successfully land a hotty. I’m looking forward to watching you get shot down by the hot ones. That’ll put you in your place.”

“There’s no way I can consent to a forced marriage like this.”

“You don’t have a choice. Now then, let’s begin.”

“Wait-”

I was a bit too slow, a divider materialized between us splitting the room in two halves. I couldn’t see the other side. The other side was inside a personal pocket dimension. Unless I was granted permission, I couldn’t see what was inside. They could still hear me and I could hear what the person on the other side said as long as the owner of the personal pocket dimension allowed sound to transmit through, but if they didn’t want anyone to see what was inside, I was helpless.

I wasn’t left with the wedding dress or marriage documents either, it seemed whoever was on the other side would have complete control over it.

I started sweating bricks. I was nervous. What if I proposed to a whale or something? No, even worse, what if I proposed to one of my clients? Would that stupid Goddess really be evil enough to do something like that? That is a horrifying reality I don’t even want to entertain.

Oh no, what if it’s the fetus lady, nympho zombie bitch, or woman with the warped sense of art? I trembled in fear at the thought of marriage with any of the three. Please Go- me, save me. Who the hell can save me but me?

The green light suddenly lit up signaling my death. I remained dead silent, unwilling to utter the words that would lead to a bad end.

While seated in my chair, I rested my elbows on top of my desk and cupped my hands together. With my mouth obstructed by my hands, I sternly eyed the divider that represented the fine line between life and death.

To propose, or not to propose. That is the question. She said I had to propose as soon as the green light lit up, but it seemed I could delay when I said it. It likely meant the first thing I had to say when I opened my mouth would be ‘please marry me.’. If I said anything else, the sound would likely be blocked out and I would get nowhere until I said that. Meaning, I had no choice but to propose.

How can I get out of this crisis? I could play a waiting game and just never say anything. No, that would get nowhere. Also, the more time I waste the more money I’m losing out on. As they say, time is money after all. A war of attrition probably won’t work out. It could be a God or a mortal on the other side. She said someone, earlier. She never specified whether that someone would be a God or a mortal.

This is truly a psychological game of war. One of which you must conquer your adversary or be conquered by them.

I took a deep breath, cleared my mind, and entered a state of nothingness as I weighed my options internally. I said, I weighed my options internally. Yeah, I really made sure to weigh them good…

There were none to weigh god damn it!

“Hey, whoever’s on the other side, can you hear me?”

I was hoping they could hear me and would say something. If I at least heard their voice I might be able to discern who it was. Sadly, no one answered back. It seemed I was correct in assuming if the first thing I said wasn’t a marriage proposal it would be blocked out.

Since I had no other choice, I sighed and let out a mosquito-like mumble to myself, “Please marry me.”

To be continued...