Consultation 127.

“God, why doesn’t anyone accept my tail fetish fantasies?”

“Tail… fetish fantasies?”

“Yeah.”

“Well… that depends, what type of tails are we talking here?” 

“Fishtails.”

“Fishtails… right… haaaaaah...” How the hell do you not understand? Fish are just plain disgusting. Nobody in their right mind gets off to a fish’s tail. If it was a fluffy or smooth slippery tail, then sure; but... bloody fishtails with scales? What sort of woman is going to walk around with a fish head dangling out their snatch? Wouldn’t it really hurt?

No, wait, I shouldn’t immediately assume that’s what she’s into. I should clarify to make sure and not jump to conclusions. “What exactly does your fetish involve with these fishtails?”

“I scale them, of course. It really turns me on.”

That’s a thing that exists? You can actually get off to scaling fishtails?

I raised one brow and lowered the other while I looked at her like she was some sort of foreign alien species I’d never seen before.

“What’s wrong, God? Is there something wrong with what I said?”

“No… it’s… nothing.” I shouldn’t judge. You can’t bash it until you try it, I guess.

“What part of scaling fishtails turns you on exactly?”

“The look of agony in their beady little eyes as I rip one scale off at a time is probably the part that really does it for me.”

Ah. She’s one of those. I see. It all makes sense now.

“So, God? Why doesn’t anyone accept this fetish of mine?”

“Well… simply put, it’s very... niche? People won’t understand the appeal as it’s not something they can personally relate to. For example, how many people do you think have ever actually scaled a fish before?”

”Aren’t there a lot of people?”

“In the past, there may have been, but in your modern world where fast food is ever so prominent, the average person has never touched a raw fish with scales on it let alone scaled one. There are even machines made that can accomplish this task with very minimal effort. Either it’s already been scaled and prepared for the average person by a machine, or someone who’s specialized in scaling fish has done it for them.”

“With only a very small portion of the population actually involved in scaling fish, from a statistical standpoint, you’re not going to bump into people who will accept your fishtail scaling fetish since it’s so unrelatable.”

“I’m not!” Her eyes shot open wide lacking comprehension while in a state of utter disbelief?

Bitch, why is this such a shock to you? You’re the weird one for enjoying this shit. Don’t expect others to understand if you can’t sell them on the idea of scaling fucking fishtails.

“God, if that’s the case, how can I make more people accept this fetish of mine?”

Accept it? Fuck if I know.

“Why not disguise your fishtail fetish by dressing it up a bit to make it more appealing to more people?”

“What are you talking about? What could possibly be more appealing than those luscious succulent fishtails wafting about from left to right seductively in my arms as I pluck their scales off one scale at a time?”

“Well, why not start with a different part of the fish and work your way down to the fishtail instead of immediately jumping to the fishtail? If you start with something a bit more... normal... you may be able to ease people into the idea of scaling fishtails by getting them more accustomed to the fish.” There was absolutely nothing normal about this. 

“A different part of the fish? Like what exactly?”

“Well...  how about the... fish’s... mouth maybe?”

“The fish’s mouth?”

“Uh, yeah.” Uncomfortable tingles rolled across my body in waves as I envisioned the scene. There’s no way this would work.

“What about the fish’s mouth? What’s appealing about that?”

Nothing. Absolutely nothing is appealing about it. But weirdos do exist out there who would see a hole and think, hey that’s an interesting idea, what would it actually feel like.

“The real question you should ask is, what is the fish’s mouth really?”

“What is it? A... hole?”

“Exactly. And what do you think appeals to men the most?”

Her eyes lit up in realization.

“You mean-”

“Yeah. If you understand, don’t say anything more than that.” 

I feel dirty like my entire body had been raped just by simply suggesting the idea. Did there even really exist a place where man would not stick it?

“To start recruiting people to your fishtail scaling fetish empire, you’ll need to create a gateway fish fetish. I’d suggest starting by making a video. Perhaps you could title it, ‘2 Guys 1 Fish.’ This would work well as it parodies other… interesting titles? It will draw people in out of pure curiosity.”

“They would think, ‘No way, it couldn’t really be that, right?’ Though you’ll reach a lot of people that won’t be able to understand the appeal, a title like this will still generate buzz. What you need is this buzz. It will travel more easily from one person to the next and eventually you’ll plant seeds in certain suckers who may want to try it themselves. Slowly, there will be a bunch of fish fuckers popping up her and there. Once you have achieved that objective, you can try to slowly shift their focus towards other parts of the fish like the tail.”

“I get it. It makes sense. Yes. This could work.” She lowered her head and mumbled to herself as she likely pictured the scene in her head.

I, contrary to her excitement, felt the urge to bash my head against the wall. The stupid shit I say, why do I do this? What sort of abomination have I bestowed upon the world this time?