Consultation 130.

“Hey…”

I glared intensely at the woman seated across from me.

“Don’t ‘hey’ me,” I scoffed back at her.

“It seems like we’re... married now.” She averted her eyes to the side.

“Like hell we are! I never agreed to this.”

“But Author has already spoken.”

“Screw Author.”

“But since this is my punishment… I have to accept it.”

“Please explain to me why I ‘m being forced to partake in a ‘punishment’ intended for you.”

“Who knows? Author is whimsical, maybe she drew names from a hat and coincidentally picked yours.”

“Drew names from a hat? Was my name the only one in that godforsaken hat? This is clearly rigged.”

“Is it really such a big deal?”

“You have the nerve to ask if it’s a big deal? You’re not the one getting stabbed here.”

“She stabbed you?”

“Not yet. I didn’t go home and I slept in my office.” It’s too scary to go home and show your wife a marriage certificate with your name and another woman’s name on it.

Should I try fleeing heaven and taking refuge in a mortal world to escape these two? I mean, one was bad enough, but two? I can only tremble in fear from the thought.

There really wasn’t any point trying to escape though, I’d be tracked down soon enough and dragged back here no matter where I ran. Nothing can escape heaven's watchful eye.

Well… that may be the case for escaping to a lower dimensional world, but what about a higher dimensional one, one additional dimension above heaven? It’s the same concept as stacking papers on top of each other. In those two dimensional planes, a three dimensional observer can see everything in every two dimensional plane at any given time. But when the two dimensional being moves to a parallel plane, observers in the original two dimensional plane won’t be able to find them unless they too shift planes.

Now, if that two dimensional being evolves into a three dimensional being and steps out of its two dimensional world into a truly three dimensional world, it can easily escape their two dimensional observers and never be discovered if they do not wish to be discovered. 

Heaven is composed of nine spatial dimensions, one dimension for energy, and one dimension for time. But time itself exists because there is an observer. The collective consciousness of us gods who watch over the infinite lower dimensional worlds is what the dimension of time truly is. If there was no observer in existence to perceive it, there would be no time dimension. The instant an observer comes into existence, as too does time.

Now, what would happen if I created a second nine dimensional version of myself that exists in the same spacetime as myself but with a separate collective consciousness? He would be me, but not me. He would be an artificially created clone of myself programmed to think how I do rather than a true biological clone. He would be removed and disconnected from our time and create his own dimension of time.

If these two separate dimensions of time later combine together into a singular existence, a spacetime with two dimensions of time could potentially exist. It’d be similar in a sense to complex numbers. One would be the real time, the other the imaginary time that I artificially create. Theoretically, it there were two dimensions of time to work with, I could freely escape and remain undetected by gods in heaven that operate on a singular dimension of time in the spacetime we exist in.

… Yeah… you know what? Screw that! It sounds like too much damn work just to escape two women. It probably wouldn’t even work. Haaaaaah. I just want to relax and take it easy.

Who knows how long it’d take to do all of this nonsense anyway? Rather than jumping through all these stupid hoops and trying to escape, I’d rather just suck it up and deal with it.

So, the question now is… how do I deal with it? 

How about I use my second wife as a meat shield? Actually… now that I really think about it… isn’t this actually a great deal?

If I take her and stick her between me and Goddess Husbandos, she can take all the stabs in my place. In that sense, this forced arranged marriage really would become more of a punishment for her.

My eyes lit up a bit as I looked at Goddess Grandparents. She started to look more and more like my savior. Maybe I’d been looking at things the wrong way. Maybe two heads are better than one. You can use that second head to block the first head that’s constantly trying to stab you to death.

“Hehehe.” An inadvertent sinister chuckle escaped as I scanned her from the bottom up.

“W-what are you looking at me like that for?” She hugged her body defensively with her arms, embarrassed when she noticed my gaze.

“I mean… I know we’re… married now… but don’t you think it’s a bit soon for that sort of thing? Shouldn’t we… get to know each other a bit better first?”

What the hell is this woman talking about? It’s never too soon to take a stab in the back for your husband. There’s no need to get to know each other better when you’re just getting stabbed a few times in my place by Goddess Husbandos.

“Get your head out of the gutter.”

“You’re the one who’s looking at me like you’re ready to eat me.”

“That’s all in your head. Now, why don’t we head back home together?”

“You’re definitely plotting something nefarious.”

“I’m not, I swear.”

“That’s exactly what someone with bad intentions would say.”

“Stop overthinking things.”

“But wait, we can’t go yet, we never even got to my reason for booking this consultation.”

“There was actually a reason?”

“Yes.”

“Then what is it?”

“Well… suddenly being told I’m your wife is troubling and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”

“You don’t know what you’re supposed to do? You’re free to do whatever you want. It really doesn’t matter, does it?”

“But… Goddess Husbandos does… that with you, right?”

“That?” Does she mean stab me? If so, then yes, she certainly does, quite a bit at that. Wait, does she also want to stab me as well?

“You know… se-sex.”

Hah? What the hell? She’s unexpectedly innocent. Well, I guess she does mainly deal with grandparents. Compared to the degenerates I have who want to fuck any to every thing in existence, I guess it makes sense.

“You really don’t have to do that sort of thing.” Goddess Husbandos is enough of a handful to deal with after work.

“What are you talking about, if you’re married, isn’t that the natural process? Consummating the marriage… that is.”

Now that I think about it… that sort of thing did happen right after I married Goddess Husbandos. She appeared at my place without warning and… a lot of things happened.

“You mean to say, you actually want to have-”

Her hand shot out and covered my mouth. Rather than admitting to it out loud, she meekly nodded her head.

“Since things have already turned out this way, I don’t want to lose. I’m already starting with a handicap.”

Well… this is quite the predicament.

She stood up and walked around the side of the desk. Embarrassed with her eyes swimming, she took a seat on my lap facing me, one leg on each side of my body.

Wait, right here, right now? What the hell is she thinking?

She raised her arms up and nervously gripped on my shoulders with her fingers. Her face was close, too close for comfort. She was struggling to keep the expression on her face neutral.

Her eyes slowly closed as she gradually shifted her weight forward.

When her eyes closed all the way, I raised my hand, positioned it in front of her forehead and flicked it.

“Owwww!”

Her head flung back and pulled her body in tow.

“What was that for, your jerk!”

“Are you an idiot or something? Do you really think I’m just going to go along with this?” I shot her an unamused look.

“Why not! Is it because I’m not good enough?”

“This has nothing to do with whether you’re good enough or not. I’m on the clock. At work, in my office. There’s a time and place for everything and this isn’t it.”

“But I was trying so hard… if I don’t push things along I’ll never catch up.” The mood around her turned sullen as her head sunk down dejectedly.

“If you’re that hellbent on it, then save it for after work, you idiot.”

“Huh? After work… you mean-”

“Scram.”

She blinked once.

I’ve got to keep up my professional look. You’re making it very difficult to do so right now. As they say, keep romance out of the office space.

“What are you looking dumb for? Did you not hear me? Shoo. Shoo.” I flicked my hand waving her away.

After Goddess Grandparents, I could already imagine who my next client would be tomorrow. I wasn’t looking forward to it in the slightest.

‘God, can you give me five good reasons why I shouldn’t castrate my cheating husband who recently acquired a second wife behind my back?’ I could only imagine that would be the question I’d be asked.