Consultation 141.1

“God…” Author called out to me with distant far off eyes. Her appearance was a mess, similar to last time I saw her.

“What are you back for so soon?”

“Soon? It feels like it’s been a long time though.”

Author looked like she’d aged quite a bit in the short time I hadn’t seen her.

“You better have not found another shitty show…”

“I didn’t, it’s something far worse than that.”

“Worse… than that?”

“I did it.”

“You did what?”

“I did something I’d put off for quite some time. I knew it was coming, but I’d been trying my best to not look at it.”

“What have you been putting off?”

“The thing all mortals fear the most which even gods are not exempt from.”

“Wait… you mean…”

“Yeah. Did you take care of yours yet?”

“Shut up. No. No. NO! I’m not listening. Go away, Author. I don’t want to do this consultation anymore. Don’t you dare say another word!”

“I paid my taxes, have you paid yours yet, God?”

The single forbidden word Author spoke in her sentence was a word that could drain all life from any God. The light in my eyes faded away as the memories I’d been repressing resurfaced in my mind. I became nothing more than a hollow shell of a God. I was empty.

I quietly mumbled under my breath, “I wanted to forget. Why’d you have to open up the wounds that haven’t closed yet which make me want to die?”

“Oh, so you paid yours too?”

“Obviously.”

“How bad is your wallet bleeding right now?”

“Heh. What wallet? As soon as I filed, I received an immediate knock on my door. The God of Shitty Taxation personally showed up to my apartment in the flesh with a warm smile on his face before he leisurely confiscated everything. No matter how I begged him for more time, that heartless bastard didn’t budge an inch. He didn’t even leave behind the carpet on the floor. He even joked about changing my title to Impoverished God of Shitty Life Counseling for Defective Washed Up Waifus.”

“Oh, I kind of like that title. Should we go with that from now on?”

“Shut up! You are not making my title any fucking longer than it already is!”

Author sighed and shook her head.

“I have some good and bad news for you, God. Which would you like to hear first?”

“Neither. Please leave. I don’t want any news. I can already tell they’re both going to be awful.”

“Then, the good news is, I’m going to save some money. The bad news is… about your paycheck… sorry, tehe.” Tongue out, head to the side, she tapped her head with her fist while closing one eye.

“Screw you! I said I didn’t want to know! And what the hell do you mean ‘sorry, tehe?’ You just cut my paycheck not too long ago. Come on Author, cut me a break. You’re breaking my balls here!”

“Look, money doesn’t grow on trees, God. Even if you want your money, there’s nothing I can do about it. It all went toward my tax bill. You’re not the only one who was visited by the God of Shitty Taxation and robbed.”

“Eh? You too?”

“Yeah. He also wanted to change my title to Impoverished Author.”

“Haaaaaah. At least I’m not alone.”

“Damn Supreme Gods, bleeding us Middle and Lower Gods to death with their taxes while the Upper Gods are making bank off of us.”

“Tell me about it.”

“Anyway, since I’ve confirmed you’ve taken care of your taxes, I can at least rest easy. I don’t need to worry about you missing work because you get summoned by the Supreme Gods for missing the deadline.”

“Well… about that… if I get audited… there might be a bit of a problem.”

“Hah?”

“Well… you know how certain clients offer to pay extra…”

“Wait… no… you didn’t.”

“Uh… yeah… I kind of… didn’t report it.”

“Are you crazy! What do you think you’re doin-”

Knock! Knock! Knock!

The two of us froze in place. Our eyes shot toward the door wearily like cornered rats.

“God… are you… going to answer that?”

I shook my head wordlessly. I heard nothing. There was definitely nobody at the door right now. Nobody! You got that?