"Hoe don't do it-!"

"Oh my god."

---

I opened my eyes.

"Well, that was fucking stupid."

Stupid deaths, stupid deaths, they're funny 'cause they're true~

I'd woken on a simple stone throne in a simple stone room. It was about the size of a tennis court if a tennis court was a square and twice my height. Six sconces with balls of light lit the room. The only other thing in the room was floating blue orb the size of my head. It bobbed up and down a metre away from me. On the opposite side of the room was a wooden door.

Where was this, anyway? Heaven? Hell? Purgatory for idiots?

I'd been changed into a thick black robe. It reached my ankles and the hood, when I pulled it up, covered half my face. I pulled the collar away to find underneath I was wearing just the underwear I had on before I died—a sports bra and shorties.‍

I put my feet on the ground and drew them back up immediately with a sharp hiss. The cold stone did not agree with my bare feet.

"You'll give me a sick new coat but not shoes? Or even socks?" I muttered.

I glared at the blue orb. I pointed.

"You, come here," I ordered.

Surprisingly, it obeyed. I raised my eyebrows and placed my hand on it.

Alright. Okay. Alright okay alright okay.

Reincarnated as a Dungeon Master. Wasn't any less ridiculous than the way I died.

There were two rooms. One was labelled the [Core Room] and the other just [Room 1]. In the [Residents] list of [Core Room] was <Dungeon Master> and <Dungeon Core>. In [Room 1] was just a <Slime>.

"So, you're a resident?"

The Dungeon Core did not reply. I sighed.

"Man, I'm lonely."

There was an option to [Manage Room]. [Room 1] had nothing to manage, but [Core Room] had the [Throne] and six [Basic Magic Sconces]. Everything cost 10 DP to move.

The [Resident Shop] had only slimes (100 DP) for sale. The [Feature Shop] had <Big Rock> (50 DP).

The [Item Shop] had the most things for sale. It was divided into 5 tabs.

The <Big Rug> in the furniture section was tempting but also cost 200 DP. The <Combat Slippers> in [Armour] were 50 DP, but after much thought, I decided to not get anything I didn't immediately and absolutely need until I'd secured a method of obtaining dungeon points.

The [Skills] were exciting to browse through—

"Holy shit, I could shoot fireballs from my hands!"

—but the cheapest, {Light Ball} was 500 DP.

Misc. was full of items from what would be my old world, if what I thought was true and I had indeed been reincarnated into a fantasy world. At the top of the list was <Basic Rations (1 Meal)> for 10 DP. So I still had to eat. At least I wouldn't have to hunt for food myself or something.

I looked at my lowest stat. Then I looked at my highest.

"Are you calling me a hard headed idiot?"

No response, of course. But I could have sworn the Dungeon Core bobbed in a particularly judgmental way.

I leaned back on my throne and crossed my arms.

"Wow," I said. "We are weak."

My job as Dungeon Master was probably to protect the Dungeon Core. The only things between the core and whoever wanted it was a single slime, a wooden door, and me, a level 1 human. A reincarnated human, sure, but I didn't even get any cheat skills! Where was the justice in that!

...Well, my death was due entirely to my own idiocy, so that might be why. Other isekai'd died saving kittens or small children or whatever; I died doing something stupid to impress a cute guy. It was highly unlikely he'd been impressed by my death.

Time for me to check out the only other room. I spent a minute working myself up to subjecting my bare feet to the freezing floor.

"Here goes...!"

I tiptoe-ran my way to the door, yelping "Cold, cold, cold!" the entire way. The Dungeon Core bobbed after me.

I struggled with the door for a few seconds, pulling when I should have pushed, but I got it open eventually and fell to my knees on the dirt floor of [Room 1]. The coat was adequate insulation from the cold earth.

"Phew. Made it."

I looked up and spotted the slime immediately. It was pink. I tilted my head.

"Huh. Thought you'd be blue."

It rolled closer to me, almost inquisitively. It looked like one of those edible water bubbles, if the water was pink lemonade and had large pink tapioca balls inside them.

It was close enough to poke. I poked it.

"Squishy."

I poked it again.

"Smooth and squishy. That's your name now," I informed it. "Squishy."

"Ooh. Wait, does that mean I can change your name as well?"

I pointed at the Dungeon Core. "Your name is now Corey!"

Nothing happened.

"Guess not."

Squishy was about the size of a yoga ball. I draped myself over it like it was one. Squishy let me.

"You're a good slime, Squishy. Hey, can you carry me over there?"

I pointed to the other end of the room. The room itself was the same size as the Core Room, but unlike the Core Room, it was more of a natural cave than a room in a castle. The entrance fit the cave theme, and the bright sunlight illuminated a path to the long grass outside.

Squishy bobbed once, as if saying yes, and carefully rolled toward the entrance. As we got closer, my heart beat faster.

I wondered what I'd see outside? More slimes? Funny-looking plants? Oh, oh! Maybe I'd see a hot swordsman!

Squishy exited the dungeon. I did not.

I hit an invisible barrier face first and slid to the ground. Squishy rolled out, then paused. Its core spun and it rolled from side to side.

I tried to pat it. My hand hit that same barrier.

"Geh, looks like I can't leave."

I sighed. "Squishy, come back."

It came back. I moved it so it was behind me and leaned against it. Even if I couldn't go outside, at least I could enjoy the sunlight.