Bmmmmmmmmm-

 

I spread my arms around, kicking with my legs as I press my body into the wet sand of the beach. Can you hear the water too? It’s so relaxing. I feel the heat on my back, the rushing sound in my ear that hums with a gentle drone, I feel the wet sand press itself inward, compacting into itself with a satisfying density as my armor presses down against it and I swing my arms and legs around, making a me-angel.

 

I’m a crab. I’m a crab! Fshshshshs-

 

Tilting my head, I look around inside of the hole I’ve burrowed, much to my surprise, I see a familiar face down beneath the wet sand of the beach.

 

“Oh, hey desert!” I call out in surprise to my old buddy.

 

The desert looks up to me, the dry sands beneath the wet beach-muck shifting as I burrow deeper. “Hey, how’s it going?” it says, apparently also surprised to see me here.

 

I shrug. “You know, just hanging out at the beach.” I tilt my head. “What are you doing here?” I ask the desert sands. “Taking a vacation?”

 

The desert responds listlessly, as if also just enjoying the sound of the ocean. “Same. You know, just relaxing. It’s not really a vacation, but just a day off.”

 

“Ah, cool, cool.” I look at the desert, the desert looks back at me. A desert is just a beach waiting for water to come, you know?

 

“So uh… so what’s up?” asks the desert.

 

“I’m a crab! Fshshshsh-“ I try to blow bubbles with my mouth, but I don’t have lips or spit.

 

The sand sighs. “Come on man, I don’t want to work today. I thought we went over this last time?”

 

I tilt my head, burrowing as I blow more bubbles and snip with my metal fingers like they were pincers. “Don’t you like crabs?”

 

“That has nothing to do with this and you know it. You aren’t a crab. Besides, crabs are just scorpions that aren’t trying hard enough.

 

“Huh?” I click my pincers together, ignoring the desert’s rude remark. We’re friends after all. “If I’m not a crab, then why can I do this with my pincers?”

 

“Those are your fingers.”

 

I shake my head. “Crabs don’t have fingers.”

 

“Exactly.”

 

Exactly? I narrow my eyes, looking around suspiciously. Am I not a crab? I lift my head out of the sand, looking up and around the beach. A wave of water comes in, crashing over me and washing some of the sand from my face.

 

“Ah! Now you got me all wet!” complains the desert as the water seeps down into the hole.

 

I look down at the hole. “Sorry, uh…” my head gazes around the beach, where I currently see no-body chasing me. “I think I gotta go. I feel like I was doing something important.”

 

“Yeah,” says the desert, shaking its head. “You were escaping the dungeon?”

 

“Was I?” I look down to the hole in surprise. “That’s cool. I never thought a crab body would be the one I escape in, but I think I could live a good life as a crab up on the surface.”

 

“You aren’t a crab,” says the desert with a tired tone to its voice. “Look man, I don’t want to be rude, but I’m trying to take a me-day. Can you go do your job?”

 

I push myself up. That’s fair, I suppose.

 

I nod to the desert. “Alright desert, see you later!” I get up and run away, wet sand and salt water sloshing out of the gaps of my armor as I run.

 

“Yea-“ The desert coughs and splutters as another wave comes in, filling the hole with more water. But soon enough I am too far away to hear it anymore. What a nice guy the desert is. It’s too bad the seal is broken. Oh well, that’s life.

 

  As I am running down the wet beach, I wonder how long I’ve been laying here? I kind of lost track of time for a bit there. It’s a good thing I still have my eyes. I guess I didn’t spend too much time being a crab. It’s a little embarrassing though, that I wasn’t really one. I feel like you could have told me, guy. Now the desert probably thinks I’m some weirdo. Same for you, eyeyoume.

 

I run, seeing the staircase come into sight ahead of me.

 

  Does this body count as human? Are these stairs even traversable for me? The dungeon-master has given up with their bags, I assume they wanted to save some wine to drink for themselves. But maybe they also assumed that I just wouldn’t be able to get up these ‘un-unlocked’ stairs in this body either way. It’s not really human anymore, so… it’s a fair assumption.

 

Pressing my boot into the wet sand below, I leap, flying up and off towards the staircase. The metal of my soles clanks against the stones and…

 

I freeze.

 

My body is stopped in mid-pose as I stand on the staircase with one foot in the air, as the rules of ‘the game’ keep me locked into place. Energy courses through my body, seeping into my armor and rattling it, rattling me with an electrical hum. This could be bad. I can’t move.

 

I can’t turn my head.

 

I’m stuck.

 

It would be really awkward if the hero caught up to me, only to see me stuck here in a dancer’s pose. My skull grows flush. It would be so embarrassing!

 

Not to mention that the thing that reaches will have a really easy time trying to get me.

 

I wonder, is it still here? Still chasing me? Still reaching for me? I bet it is. But surely the dungeon-master knows about it now. Even if they can’t see it with their eyes, surely Nichodemus will have told them about the breach by now. About the encroaching.

 

I can hear the dungeon-master now. Sitting there at their table, pointing at me, laughing at me. At my predicament. Probably saying something about it serving me right or something like that.

 

The humming pulsates through me, as my bones rattle and then - the energy slows.

 

My boot crashes down, the slap of the metal against the stones shooting through the warm air like a razer sharp winter wind in the middle of a hot summer. It is out of place.

 

My other leg raises and sets itself down on the step above, as I take a step higher, as I take a step further. Out of place. I am out of place.

 

The humming dies down, the energy blocking the stairs dies down. The deprecated rule of the game dies out, as the forces of the dungeon itself destroys it. As it tears the rulebook apart. It’s sick of the game, it wants me out.

 

I smile.

 

Dungeon-magic.

 

 

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