“What…” Do we do now? I didn’t finish the thought. Instead, I pushed Ash’s hand off my shoulder. “Give me a minute to think.”

The large demon just snorted. “If ya reckon we have that much time. You think—I’m going to get us some money.” She walked over to the desk and unceremoniously started ripping the drawers out.

I stared at Rosa’s corpse. It had all happened so fast. Surely, every interaction with another demon wouldn’t go like this? Living proof of that was tossing coins and jewelry into her pack.

Part of me wanted to get angry—theft of ill-gotten goods was still theft. But would there be owners to return them to? Would the act of attempting it bring the scrutiny that would expose and end me? Never mind that we didn’t have the time.

Wind from broken windows blew the scent of incense away, rustling the loose pages strewn about. A similar breeze blew through my Garden, ushering away the fog that had descended. If anything, I had more vitae now than when I started, pond pooling over its edges as the Garden grew beyond my sculpting.

Footsteps sounded up the stairs. Not anything I couldn’t handle, but definitely something I didn’t want to. Later, I’d need to cultivate properly.

Now though, I needed to will leaden feet to move and a scattered mind to gather. Both came easily enough, and I walked to the window. Outside, some people were stumbling in a daze, and shouting could be heard. The town’s organized reverie was gone.

“Let’s go.” I pulled a human guise over myself, cramping still-healing legs and closing my vision down to a narrow, human tunnel. Silent as I could, I jumped and landed in the garden with a roll.

From above, a rush of heat washed over the garden as shards of glass rained down. Ash dropped next to me, dusting off her sleeves.

“Don’t expect me to clean up your mess next time,” she said curtly. “Just because those two by the door were told not to come in doesn’t mean half this damn place didn’t try to rush up there.”

“I didn’t hear any of that,” I said as I jogged to the fence.

Ash kept pace easily. “You were in a fight with an illusionist. Probably had somethin’ for the sound, too. In a place like that, I wouldn’t be surprised—even if it wasn’t a demon’s den. Point is that there’s no confused mob, and you got to have your fight.”

“Did you kill anyone?” I asked as we hopped the tall back fence and dashed through the trees between two farms.

“Probably not,” she replied simply. “But I couldn’t exactly stop and check.”

“Shouldn’t that bother you more?” I couldn’t help but ask. “You’re Penitent! Trying to make up for all the ill you did in the world, right? Apparently, I’m Glamour and I’m still torn up over eating a rapist and a demon. An evil demon.,”

“No need to clarify that last part.” Ash held a hand for us to stop after we’d slipped into the treeline. “Lay low here. I’ll see if we were followed. Just because I took out the folks inside doesn’t mean she didn’t have some other muscle under her thrall, and I’d rather not draw any more attention.”

“Ash, answer the question.”

“No. I don’t gotta justify myself. Demon’s dead, we tried to save the mundane humans, and we’re not bringing a Sect down on our head.”

“And if the town burns down?”

“It won’t. Don’t think I don’t know my own techniques.”

“But what if it did? What if everyone in the Blue Rose died?” Truthfully, I didn’t know why I wanted to stick so hard on this point. Just to be contrarian? Because I was mad at myself? Father had long ago instilled the exact same line of logic Ash was using into me—but it’s different when you’re just giving the orders.

Ash just shrugged. “Depends on the demon. Look, kid, do you really think the cloudheads would care more?”

“Honestly… no. But that’s not the point!”

The big demon just shook her head. “You’ve got a lot of growing to do. That idealism, right there? Ditch it or die. I’m not gonna be your counselor. If you want to act like that, you’ve gotta be strong enough to back it up, and you aren’t gonna get there whining over every kill and bit of collateral damage.”

“So then what?” I hissed back, anger flaring in my chest. Idealism, sure, but her flippant attitude ticked me off. “Do I just give in and start eating everyone I can get away with? You’re not really Penitent, are you?”

My vision spun, and I hit the ground before I realized Ash had slapped me. Hard enough to crack my neck and blister the skin down one side of my face, silk covering hanging down like a bad mask.

“You can talk like that when you’re strong enough to earn the privilege.” Her voice was a low hiss. “You wanna dictate how the world works, kid? Bring it to its knees.”

I stood up shakily, eyes unfocused. Above me, Ash loomed with a snarl on her face. I could swear I saw a single tear roll down Ash’s cheek before it evaporated.

“But if you wanna live? If you want that chance… take it. Take it damnit, and burn down every fucker standing in the way. People aren’t gonna start caring unless someone makes them start caring.”

“Oh, so if”—I spat out a tooth—“I get there, do I just put everyone under my boot heel and pretend that tyranny is better than noblesse oblige?”

Ash just snorted. “You think I haven’t heard ‘noblesse oblige’ twisted before? You were some noble brat, right? How’d your family get things done? How’d they keep their status? With nice words and a ‘we’re doing our best?’ I’m not gonna stand here and keep arguing with you. If you want my teaching, you gotta accept you need to get strong.”

“I know that!” I hissed. “I know I need to get strong, I want to get strong. Just…”

“Not like this?” She chuckled darkly, and I knew well what she was about to say. “Well I got bad news, Silk: there’s no other way. Kill ‘em with violence or kill ‘em with apathy, you’re gonna climb a mountain of bodies if you want a better future. And then when that’s done, and you’re the monster who saved the world, you can let ‘em pierce your heart and stick you in that same damn mountain right next to our bastard sire. Now find somewhere else to hide and keep quiet. I’ll be back before you’re done brooding.”

“Wait.” I stuck out a hand, using the other to patch my face. “Fight me when you get back. Teach me.” I stood as Father and Mother had taught me and met her gaze.

Ash turned, golden, predator-like eyes looking me up and down. “You’ve got good posture. Sure, I’ll fight you. But when I’m done breaking you, you’ll need to find your own vitae.”

I swallowed, then nodded sharply.

“You ever been properly pushed? And that train crash doesn’t count.”

I nodded again. “Mother—”

“Was too soft.” Ash showed fangs. “We’ll find a quiet place. Now go—I’ll find you.”

She took a half dozen steps and disappeared in a puff of ash that swirled up toward the sky.

I turned and walked into the woods. When I finally sat down in the hollow of an old tree, I pulled my knees up, reached for my pack and—

Damn it. I left my pack back at the Blue Rose. Azalea would have remembered it, probably. She also wouldn’t have hit me… probably. Not like that.

But… she wouldn’t have disagreed, would she? Would she have even listened—really listened?

Loneliness battled the cold as I sat in my silken guise and watched the stars climb into the winter sky.

***

A burning smell heralded Ash’s return as she stepped into view. “You look like a frightened rabbit. It suits you.” Something thudded in front of the tree.

My pack!

I looked it over after climbing out—everything was there! Just as I reached for the real traveling clothes, I stopped myself. Don’t want to ruin them.

Ash waited while I shouldered the thing, then started walking quickly enough that I had to jog to catch up.

“We’ll need to head north and wait a couple days for that spar,” she said with a grimace.

“Was there someone following us? I’m still getting that fight out of you, and I’m going to Hearthome no matter what.”

“Goal hasn’t changed, just the plan. We got lucky—a trio of cloudheads was coming into the town just after we got out.”

“I’m surprised a place like the Blue Rose lasted that long.” Being vindicated made me feel a little better. “Any girls with lavender hair?”

“No, and I’m not surprised at all.” Ash shook her head. “Damn young egos.”

My mood sank. “I’m not sure I follow.”

“Three about your age, from a Sect. Probably Second Ring, maybe lower, maybe higher. Not a real danger, but if they went missing, it’d cause a headache.”

“...And they’re here to prove themselves,” I finished. “Which means if we want to avoid them, we need to cover our trail.”

“Which you’ve got no idea how to do and no experience doing. So we’ll merge with a hunting track and make our trail look human far enough out that they’ll get bored.”

“Some Sect students have more focus than that,” I said in a halfhearted defense of… mostly myself and Azalea.

“Are those the kind who do things like this? Do you think the Sect encouraged them?”

I heaved a sigh. “No. The Sect might not even know they’re here. But in case they do, and in case one of them is a noble or from a prestigious line of Sect cultivators… Were they inner or outer disciples?”

“Does it matter?”

“Not really, but I’d like to know. And their outfits, were they purple or…”

“They weren’t in any sort of outfits; they looked like they were trying and failing to look poor. And I can’t tell inner from outer and I’d bet you couldn’t either.”

I let the conversation die there and we walked in silence through the forest. As night fell, we made a mundane fire using the flint Fletcher had given me. Conversation was stilted and awkward as we both avoided anything we wouldn’t care to have overheard.

The night passed, and we spent the next day trudging through increasingly remote wilderness. Without Ash, I’d be lost, I’d struggle to make camp, and I’d struggle to hunt without exposing what I was to anyone with eyesight.

And I hated it. So that night, I asked to set the traps, surprising Ash. For that, I earned a smile, which looked a little at odds with her stern face.

When I came back, she was using a small knife to whittle a fat-looking stick. “Did you get all the snares set?”

“I did.”

“And you made sure to find well-used animal paths upwind of here?”

I nodded.

“Good. Now, let’s talk about tracking and foraging. Because I am not going to have another night of you sitting across from me brooding and trying to talk about metal machines.”

“I’ll have you know that machinery, trains included, is going to revolutionize—”

“And I believe you. But there’s no trains here, just trees, and if you stared at me any harder while I was working you’d burn a hole in my coat.” She set the piece of wood down; something 4-legged was taking shape. “Now I’ve already taught you the basics of hunting and trapping. Not enough to not be shit at it, but enough to let you learn on your own. Probably.

“Again, I’m no teacher. So we’re gonna start with gathering—specifically what you can find in winter.”

As Ash dove into where to dig to find what roots and how to find squirrel caches, I found myself listening intently. She sounded nothing like Mother, Father, or my tutors, but the information was there. And learning something new was a kind of warm familiarity that took the edge off the night’s chill and passed the time until the moon was high overhead and the sun’s light tinted the edges of the sky.

Every time she stopped suddenly to ask a question, I’d answer. Every time she tried to trip me up with her attempt at a trick question or to make me repeat a long list of plants, I’d answer correctly. This was my element—something I could finally be good at.

In the end, Ash just ended up staring into the fire. “It’s a damn shame.”

“What is?” I stopped scratching at the log I was sitting on, where I’d been categorizing winter berries.

“That a mind like yours is stuck in a situation like this.” She laughed and covered her face with one large hand. She looked over at me with eyes that suddenly looked far too old. “Don’t die, alright.”

“I… I’ll try not to.”

“Good enough, I suppose.” Ash stood and stretched before walking over to a bedroll she’d “acquired” back in the last town. “It’s late—early actually—so get some sleep. We’ll make more progress tomorrow and turn back east toward Hearthome.”

“Goodnight,” I replied with a deep yawn.

Names of berries, herbs, and tubers dominated my dreams, and I imagined growing them in my wilding Garden. What effect would these things have on me in the waking world?