I sat there for what felt like hours, and maybe it had been. I was not sure I had lost track of time. I sat there hugging my knees to my chest, my insides feeling numb. I had no desire to get up or do anything, but I had to.

‘Lexi??’ I heard a voice whisper my name. I looked up to see my friend Iris staring at me with big blue concerned eyes. I quickly wiped away the tears from my face and tried to look as nonchalant as possible. Her name was Iris and she and I had been friends since the joining the Survey Corps.

She continued staring down at me with her short blond hair covering her face. She could always tell my moods; she was a very perceptive person. What she did not know was how deeply in love I was with Captain Levi. But there were a couple times I had let slip how I really felt about him, and she almost caught on immediately. What she also did not know was where I was going to be last night. I had saw Captain Levi coming back from a mission and I had followed him to see if he was ok. He had seemed distressed.

“Hey Iris,” I replied quietly.

“Lexi what’s wrong? Why are you just sitting in the captain’s office?” She asked with concern in her voice.

‘Nothing is wrong. I’m perfectly fine.’ I replied not very convincingly.

“Mhmm,’ Iris mumbled sounding not convinced. ‘Come on, let me help you up. We must report in before our morning duties. And look at you! Your face is all blotchy, your eyes are red like you’ve been crying…’ Iris stopped mid-sentence as if realizing something. ‘You’re such a bad liar Lex. You have been crying and this does have something to do with the captain. Tell me what happened.’

‘There is nothing to tell Iris. So just drop it.’ I muttered solemnly.

‘Fine, I’ll drop it for now. But I will figure it out eventually. I always do.’ Iris replied with a smile in her voice. ‘But first let us get back to the barracks so we can get you changed into your uniform. You know our squad leader doesn’t like us to be late.’

We quickly hurried back to our room and I quickly washed my face, trying to erase the sleeplessness and the sadness from my eyes. I put on a clean button up white shirt and pulled on my beige pants. I hurriedly polished my boots and slipped those on just in time. I hurried to my place in the line for role call and assignment of our daily duties.

“Look alive soldiers, we have a lot to do today I will be giving out your assignments for today. Sayers, you will be on stable duty today. Off you go, get to it.” Barked our squad leader.

“Yes ma’am!” I jumped forward and did my best salute and took my leave. I was perfectly fine with stable duty today. It would give me sometime to think on the past 12 hours and not have to interact with humans today. Sometimes it was nice just to be alone with the horses, they did not speak back, and I could talk with them all I wanted without them getting annoyed. They knew all my secrets and I knew all theirs’.

 I grabbed my supplies and headed off to where the horses were. It was a beautiful day, which seemed odd to me since it did not befit my mood. The sun was shining through the trees, I breathed in the fresh air and as I exhaled, I could see my breath. The weather was getting colder, winter was upon us. I slowly trudged my way up to the horse’s stables, not in any hurry to get there. I looked up at the sky and noticed how clear of a day it was. I could hear the birds singing and I could hear the horses as I got closer to the stables. I finally arrived at the stables and immediately went to my favorite horse. She was brown and white mare named Annabelle, she was gentle and quiet. She saw me coming and stared up at me with her big black eyes. She started sniffing at my coat and I knew what she was searching for. I quickly reached into my coat pocket and pulled out a big shiny, red apple.

            ‘Hey Annabelle, hey there girl. You want this apple? Here you go.’ I gently held at my hand as Annabelle gobbled it up. I gently patted her on the neck and caressed her nose. ‘I wish I were a horse. Life would be so much easier, wouldn’t it?” I stated out loud. I sighed and continued petting Annabelle. ‘Well at least you will not reject my feelings, will you?” Annabelle looked at me and sniffed my hand as if looking for more apples. I chuckled softly, ‘sorry girl, I have no more apples.’ I gave her one last pat on the neck and decided to take a short rest in the hay. I yawned, not realizing how tired I truly was. The hay was warm and inviting on this cold day. I stretched and closed my eyes. I will just rest here for a minute. I thought to myself. As I laid there, my mind began to wander. I began to remember back when I first joined the corps.

My name is Alexandria Sayers, Lexi for short. I grew up behind the walls with the desire to explore the outside world. I was not satisfied with just accepting that there were no other humans left besides us. Thus, I enlisted into the military in hopes of joining the Survey Corps. I knew about the great many casualties that had endured in the last few years, but I did not care. It seemed like no one else was going to take a stand for humanity, so I wanted to be that person. I am not brave, I am not a fighter, I just want to help people. So, I thought if I could join the Survey Corps that maybe I could help just a little bit. I thought a little bit would be better than nothing.

            And thus, I joined the Survey Corps. I was one of the older recruits in my training corps. And three years passed by very quickly. I was not ranked in the top 10, so I was not able to join the Military Police. So, it was either the garrison or the survey corps, so I chose the survey corps. I was not the strongest or the fastest in my cadet corps, but I was smart. I always got high marks in the classroom. I wanted to contribute; we were asked the night of our joining if we would dedicate our heart. I did my best salute, and I pledged my heart for humanity that night. I have not looked back since. But ever since that day, I felt a change inside of me. I could not pinpoint it until recently. The feeling I was feeling was a desire inside me. A desire for something that was out of my reach. I remember the day that I met him. The stoic, beautiful, man named Levi Ackerman.

            It was a few days after I became a full-fledged Survey Corp member, I had come to join rest of the Survey Corps at the Survey Corps headquarters. It was there I met the senior officers of the corps. We met Commander Hange, I thought they were rather unique. They seemed obsessed with learning about titans. That is all they spoke about was titans and their experiments with the titans. And as they continued to speak, that is when I noticed him. Hange introduced him as Captain Levi. I had heard of Levi before joining the scouts, I heard of his accomplishments and being hailed as ‘humanity’s strongest soldier.’ I noted how quiet and serious he was compared to Commander Hange. He only said things when they needed to be said. He rarely spoke and seemed like he had a cold exterior. But something struck me as different, something that I could see but others could not about him. I quietly observed him, as Commander Hange continued to go on about titans. I was not paying attention in the least. But as I continued studying his face, eventually he returned my gaze. I quickly looked away and could feel the heat in my face rising. But it was too late.

            ‘Oi, brat.’ Captain Levi barked at me.

            ‘Yesss…sir?” I managed to stutter out.

            “What’s your name?” he asked.

            ‘Lllleexxii Sayyyers’ I replied. I quickly gave a salute, but as I did, I also managed to trip over my own feet. I began to fall forward. I put my hands out ready for the impact of the ground, but before I hit the ground, I felt someone grab onto the collar of my jacket. I looked up and realized it was Commander Hange that had stopped my fall.

            “Levi, are you done intimidating the new recruits?”

            “Tch, its not my fault she tripped over her own damn feet. Be more careful…” And with that Captain Levi turned and left. I just stared after him, not sure how to react. I looked at Commander Hange and they just smiled.

            “Don’t worry about Captain Levi, he means well. Now we were discussing titans…”

As the memory faded away, I felt a light nudging on my boot. I chuckled a little, thinking it must be Annabelle searching for more apples.

            ‘Annabelle, stop, there is no more apples,” I groggily said.

            ‘Oi brat, get up.’ I heard a very familiar voice say. I quickly opened my eyes, and it took me a minute to register who it was. As I rubbed the sleep from my eyes, I realized it Captain Levi, standing right above me.