Chapter 25
“Relax, love,” Andromeda said. “You have actual time off. Try to use it.” The response from the little bundle of blankets of the bed was a muffled grumble, underscored by the tapping on a screen. Andy sighed and sat on the bed next to what she had accepted was her girlfriend now. Not that that had been hard, really. Andy’s sexuality had always been fluid, and she didn’t love her partner any less. Just because Blake’s understanding of herself had changed, didn’t mean Andy saw her as a fundamentally different person. All the reasons they’d fallen in love with each other were still there.
But that didn’t mean things were, well, easy. Blake — no first name given — was in a bad spot, emotionally. Realizing who she was had been a lifesaver, obviously, but it had also come with a whole slew of things to work through, from discovering new avenues of dysphoria to the anxiety of picking The Right Name. And she was doing her best, too, but whenever things got too much, she had a tendency to throw herself in her work, which would be fine if her work didn’t also cause her anxiety.
Andromeda gave the pile of Blake a little pat on where she hoped the head was. Going by the little sound of approval, she’d gotten it right on the second try. “Okay, then,” Andy said, “let me make you a deal.” She lifted the covers and scooted underneath them, next to her girlfriend. Lit by the gentle blues and whites of the tablet, Blake’s eyes were noticeably red. There had been a lot of crying. Some painful, some with laughter, all full of relief. They sat next to each other and Andy kissed her on the cheek. “How about this,” she said. “If I help you with what you’re currently working with, you’ll take a break after?”
Blake gave her a fragile little smile. “Okay,” she said. She’d taken to the pronoun switch easily enough, and Andromeda had made sure to ask the ship’s computer a few questions about Blake — with her in the room, of course — just to hear it come from a third party. More crying, hugging, and enthusiastic nodding. Those had fit just right. Blake was a woman, that much was certain. It was everything else, from her appearance to her name, that was going to take some time. But first, work.
“So, what’s up?” Andy asked, scooting just a little closer, the comforter on top of them pushing them closer together. She looked at the screen, and saw a series of messages arranged, both in depth and in height. Some of them were private messages, addressed to Blake. Others were reports from Doctor Drake and the ship’s computer.
“People are upset,” Blake said softly, clearly not wanting to speak too loudly. Her voice had become something of a problem to her. Andromeda had tried to reassure her that she sounded beautiful, but the impact of an entire adolescence of testosterone couldn’t be denied, and while it could be counteracted, such things took time. Andy had taken her time to read up on transitioning, and once again cursed the war and the resurgence of the paleo-conservative party for how little things had advanced until about a decade ago. Not that there was nothing there, but a lot of pre-war documentation had been scattered, and what hadn’t been wasn’t always the most reliable.
“It makes sense, honestly,” Andromeda said, “we’ve been essentially marooned for a full day by now. I can imagine that’s hampered enthusiasm somewhat.” Blake shook her head and showed her the tablet so she could read the now-enlarged report.
“No, it’s been going on for longer than that,” she said. “According to the ship’s computer, complaints have been on a sharp incline since we visited the Core world, and Doctor Drake mentions having to decrease the length of his therapy sessions to see more people. Mostly nothing serious, but a lot of people are stressed out.”
“Shoot,” Andy said, “that is a problem. Do we know why?” She hadn’t noticed all that much herself, but that didn’t necessarily mean much. She’d spent the past week taking care of her recently discovered girlfriend, and the days she had spent in the lab had been exciting more than anything. The science crew aboard the Sollipsis had been ecstatic to be working with so many new samples of biomatter, although they’d only been given access to samples of vegetation that would be considered dull by most standards. Proteus had been adamant that the first ever human vessel to come within alien space must not be killed by a rampant biophage or a rapidly mutating predator species. Apparently, horror media existed among the Merillim as well, and they weren’t having it.
“Not as of yet, no,” Blake mumbled, and swiped through other messages. “I’ve been talking to some people, and the ship’s report confirms that the complaints seem to be more prevalent in some departments than others, but I’m having a lot of trouble really pinpointing where. It’s been a mess and a half to sort through, and I’m not making any headway.”
“Hrm,” Andromeda said and looked at the tablet again. “Maybe it’s not a matter of departments?” Blake chewed her tongue for a moment, nodding. “I thought of that. I had the computer sift through different socioeconomic backgrounds, different psychological profiles. Nothing seems to indicate a common connection there.” She chuckled. “Well, people with anxiety and depression seem to have hit a spike, though, but what else is new?”
Andy smiled and kissed her on the cheek again. “Well, you’re a girl now, for one.”
“Yeahhhh,” Blake said, suddenly giggling to herself, and then shook her head and looked back at the screen. Even in the sharp light of the tablet, the blush on her cheeks was unmistakable. Andy was delighted to see it there. “I think I’m going to go see the medical team soon. Ask if they’ve seen anything. I can’t do much from in here.” She looked at Andy. “I know you want me to take a break, but I’m still the First Officer. If people are upset…”
“I understand,” Andy said, resting her head on Blake’s shoulder. “If you didn’t care, you wouldn’t be you. It’s why I love you so much.” She interlaced her fingers with Blake’s. Her girlfriend had always been sensitive, and reading the report, Andromeda wouldn’t really have figured anything was wrong if Blake hadn’t pointed it out. But it was there, between the lines, a pattern of people being in a bad mood, slight altercations between crewmembers.
“I love you too, Andy,” Blake whispered, clearly a little choked up and all the way adorable. Andromeda smiled and gave her hand a squeeze. “But yeah, I’ll talk to the doctors, see if there’s a medical or psychological reason we or the computer haven’t thought of, and see if I can go from there.” She sighed and put the tablet down on her knees. “I’ll be honest, I feel like I’m having trouble seeing things properly. I don’t have the right perspective. Maybe I’m just not cut out f--” She stopped speaking, mostly because there was a finger in the way, pressed against her lips.
“None of that, love. You were chosen by the Captain herself,” Andy interrupted.
“But what if she chose wrong?”
“I know she didn’t. And one day, you will too.”
“I hope so.” Blake kissed the top of Andromeda’s head. “But my point does stand. With everything going on, with me, with meeting intelligent alien life, it’s been so hard to focus on our normal human lives, on the crew. There’s just so much to deal with, and it’s a little overwhelming. But I know I’ll figure it out.” She raised the tablet again. “I’ll make an appointment with Doctor Riel and Drake. Ask them to compile a report.”
“That sounds good, love. Might not be the worst idea to see if you can ask them to give you more detailed blanket census information to use for computer searches too. That way, there’s no way of accidentally breaching doctor-patient confidentiality,” Andy said, blinking at the screen.
“Oh, that’s a good idea.” Blake swiped a quick message in, sent it, and lowered her tablet. She looked sheepishly at Andromeda. “That’s all I can do today, then,” she said. “About that bit, at the very least. And I can’t exactly make the ship start moving from up here. And the Captain has prohibited me from going planetside to help figure that out.”
“Well, do you want to talk about names for a bit? As your break?” Andy saw Blake’s jaw tighten for a bit and she kissed it. “Hey, we’re not making decisions right now, okay? But that way, we can see what kind of names you like the sound of, and what names you don’t.”
“Okay,” Blake said, and took a deep breath. “I just don’t want to pick wrong.”
“If you do, nothing is set in stone, okay? We can try different ones until you’re sure.”
“What if I never am?”
“Then we keep searching. Besides, there’s no reason for you not to have more than one, if you feel like a different name for different days.”
“Won’t that be too hard for people?”
“It won’t be,” Andromeda said. “I promise.”
“Okay,” Blake said. “Okay. So how do I start? Where do I start?” She blinked a few times, and Andy held out a hand for the tablet, which Blake handed over gingerly.
“Well,” Andromeda said, “since we can just call out names all day and still nothing might stick, why don’t we try to see if we can pinpoint some things you want about the name?” She tapped a few things in on the tablet.
Another breath from Blake. “No androgynous names. Not for now.” Andy nodded and typed. “I want it to mean something, but it’s also got to sound right.” She drummed her fingers on her legs for a bit. “I don’t know where to go from there. Maybe linguist—ow!”
Andromeda had bitten her lightly on the shoulder, which had resulted in a playful pout. “If you go down that route, you'll be researching phonetics for the next month.” Blake stuck out her tongue, but didn’t have a real response. “Why don’t you tell me some things that immediately came to you? It can be contradictory. We’re not solving anything right now, we’re just looking at things we like.” Blake nodded. “Okay, so, shoot.”
“Well, I was thinking, maybe something with seafaring?”
“Like what?” Andy asked, typing quickly. This was cozy, hidden under the blankets together like this.
“Well, like a reference to Anne Bonny, for example…”
“The gay pirate?” Andy’s eyebrows went up, and so did the corners of her mouth.
“...yeah.”
“You’re precious.”
“Listen.”
“I’m listening.” Andromeda grinned. Blake was easy to make blush, that was for sure. “Okay, so, compiling a list of queer pirates. What else?”
“Maybe something French? As like, a reference to the Captain, maybe?” She didn’t seem so sure about that one, but Andromeda took it down anyway. It wasn’t like French had millennia of onomastics and etymology to draw from or anything. She just put in a little link instead.
“Okay. That could be interesting, at least.” She didn’t want to dissuade Blake from anything, or push her — or not push her — in one direction or the other. Keeping an open mind was most important right now. “What about something linguistically similar to… your old name? Like, its etymological origin, find the meaning, see if we can do something with that?”
“Hmm, that could work. As long as it’s different enough, I think. I don’t want to be constantly reminded of my old name, you know?” She seemed a little anxious, but when Andy waited to type it in, she did give a nod. “And um…”
“Hmm?”
“Well… I was thinking…” Blake bit her lip. “What about a name that’s more… astronomical?”
“Like mine?” Andromeda asked, trying to contain her excitement. Sure, there was a certain… danger wasn’t quite the word, but there were potential issues with having similar names to a partner. But also she thought it was wonderful and it did fit their mission.
“Yeah,” Blake said. “You don’t mind?”
“Not at all,” Andromeda said, wrote it down, and kissed her softly. “Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to go take a shower, and how about we grab some dinner after that?”
“I’d like that,” Blake said, looking distinctly happier than she had before. Even if they were marooned, that didn’t mean they couldn’t go on a date.
Aw they're so sweet!
whenever things got too much, she had a tendency to throw herself in her work, which would be fine if her work didn’t also cause her anxiety.
hey now, don't come at me like this!
They are such a great and supportive couple