Chapter 82: World’s Calmest Jerk
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Matthias Pross Ehcutohr? Who the hell is that?” was my response to hearing the prosecutor’s name as we stood in the defendant lobby.

“This is going to be really bad for us.” said Iris, “He strongly believes in this court’s spirit communication system.”

“Heh.” I responded, “From what I know, it’s far from perfect.”

“I don’t know.” responded Iris, “It’s just-”

“How much do you know about this guy?” I asked.

“I don’t know.” replied Iris.

“Well, shoot.” I responded.

“Seems like trouble always follows you around, Ron.” a familiar voice said.

“How long have you been here, Erica?” I asked.

“The prosecutor’s office over here was short on prosecutors, so I will be here temporarily.” answered Erica.

“Okay… do you know anything about Jon’s case?” I asked.

“Seems the victim was hit on the head with something,” answered Erica, “and it’s not looking good for Jon.”

“Figures.” I said.

“I’d also be careful if I were you two.” continued Erica.

“Why is that?” asked Iris.

“The prosecution already knows about both of you- trust me, he’s a dangerous opponent.” answered Erica.

“Okay, then.” I said, “I think we’ll manage.”

“One more thing.” said Erica.

“What?” I asked.

“If Jon is found guilty, he will be sentenced to death.” answered Erica.

“Anything else happen if he’s found guilty?” asked Iris.

“Other than you two getting punished, I can’t really think of anything.” answered Erica, “Anyways, I think it’s about time for the trial to start.”

After that long conversation, I felt a little nervous. What was my opponent going to be like? It sounded like he might already dislike me… and Iris. After calming myself down, I went into the courtroom with Iris. We stood behind the defense bench staring at the prosecutor, who seemed to have a feminine appearance. His baby face with green eyes and long white shoulder-length hair made him look far from manly.

“Um… he looks like a woman.” I said.

“Court is now in session for the trial of Jon Hicks.” said the judge, “And you, defense… am I going to have any trouble from you this time?”

“That depends on if I have any more problems with this place.” I answered.

“I see… uh, prosecutor, your thoughts…?” responded the judge?”

“So this is the earth turd I’ve been hearing about…” said the prosecutor.

“H-hey!” I exclaimed, “Don't be a dick!”

“Oh, this is going to be annoying.” commented Iris.

“Perhaps you should refrain from such outbursts in the future?” suggested the male prosecutor with a feminine appearance, “such a hell exists for people like you.”

“What the hell makes you think I’m going to hell!?” I exclaimed.

“For insulting outbursts like yours,” he said, looking at a scroll, you will have to spend seven hundred seventy years in the hell of snakes.”

“I can’t tell if that’s punishment or not.” I muttered.

“As for the young lady with you,” he continued, “the hell of fire for six hundred sixty six years.”

“To be honest, that sounds like hell hell.” commented Iris.

“So, Matthias, is it? …Are we gonna get started?” I asked.

“Yes.” answered the prosecutor, “Now if the princess would come forward…?”

It wasn’t long before we saw here face again.

“Y-you!” she said, “I hope you die!”

Then, we all heard the sound of the judge’s gavel.

“Princess, the divination séance.” he said.

“Oh, right.” the girl responded.

Somehow, the dance seemed much quicker this time. What we saw in the vision was Jon, raising his hands above his head and bringing them down. We saw words such as “song” and “pain” floating around. Seeing “song” alone seemed interesting. I figured that it meant that the victim wasn’t paying much attention to a song that was playing at the time of his death.

“Looks like our defendant here swung whatever he was holding and hit the victim on the head. There was a song playing in the background, likely coming from the speakers.”

“So, what exactly was the state of the crime scene?” I asked, “I kind of don’t know where it is.”

“Heh. I knew you were a turd.” responded Matthias.

“Didn’t we have a discussion about hells earlier, you hypocrite?” I asked.

“You’re a foreign lawyer and lack the rights… infidel.” answered Matthias.

“Grr…” I muttered.

“Um… could you explain the state of the crime scene for us… please?” asked Iris.

“Fine.” said Matthias, looking at a scroll, “Our victim, Pete Bonk was hit on the head by the defendant in the courthouse storage room. There are speakers in there, so music could have been heard. Here, take a report on the room- it comes with a diagram.”

He threw it at me and I caught it. Then, I looked through it.

“Hold on.” I said.

“What is it?” asked Matthias.

“This better be serious.” commented the judge.

“It is.” I said, “It would have been impossible for the victim to have heard music from the speakers.”

“And why is that?” asked the judge.

“According to this report, the speakers haven’t worked in over a year!” I answered.

“…Ah!” responded the princess.

“That... can't be!” exclaimed Matthias.

“You're getting a little worked up, aren't you?” I said.

“You really think it was impossible to hear music?” asked Matthias, “How do you know they weren’t fixed?”

“You should know,” I said, “this report wouldn’t mention the fact that they haven’t been functioning if they still worked.”

“Objection!” responded Matthias, “But that report could have-”

“Sorry, but you received the report just before the trial, did you not?” interrupted the judge.

“Gnnrk.” responded Matthias.

“And anyone that investigated the scene today should be able to attest that!” I added, “This is proof that the song the victim heard came from somewhere else!”

“And where exactly did this ‘song’ the victim heard even come from?” asked Matthias.

“There’s only one way…” I said, “And that’s with… a person. The victim heard someone singing.”

“Defense, who was singing?” asked the judge.

“There’s only one person…” I answered, “It’s… the real killer!”

“Objection!” exclaimed Matthias, “Who exactly is this ‘real killer’ of yours?”

“I don’t know… yet.” I responded.

“You infidel!” he exclaimed, banging his first on his desk, “You’re supposed to PROVE their existence!”

“I can prove it wasn’t Jon or the victim singing.” I said, “I’ve known Jon and he sure as heck can’t sing. I also have this info on the victim from the report you gave me earlier. It says he couldn’t sing either!”

“Being terrible at it isn’t the same thing as can’t!” exclaimed Matthias.

“Heh, but someone terrible at it likely wouldn’t do it!” I said.

“That’s enough!” exclaimed the princess.

“What is it, Leah?” asked Matthias.

“It doesn’t matter how the victim heard it!” she exclaimed, “Anyways, I’d like to update my insight.”

“Fine.” I said.

“So, the victim could not hear anything from the speakers. It is possible he heard the song from somebody who was singing. It doesn’t matter though. The defendant struck the victim with the item he was holding, and the victim passed out from the pain.”

“OBJECTION!” I shouted.

“What’s wrong this time?” she asked, seeming disappointed.

“What you claim is impossible,” I said, “You’d know if you paid any attention to the séance.”

“Get to the point.” demanded Matthias.

“Okay,” I said, “So, Jon had his hands above his head and then swung them down? If you have eyes you can see afterwards the victim disappears. Only then does the victim feel pain.”

“OBJECTION!” responded Matthias, “It still could have been-”

“Nope.” I interrupted.

“Huh…?” responded Matthias.

“Jon went off in the opposite direction!” I exclaimed.

“…Ack!” exclaimed Matthias.

“Well?” I said.

“So that’s how you want to do this,” he said, “well, I have a witness to clear things up.”

I was afraid of where the trial might go, and wasn’t expecting that witness to be someone I knew, but things happen.

“Witness… your name and occupation.” requested Matthias.

“Mikaela Monague.” she answered, “and my job is… Satan’s helper.”

“Huh…?” responded Iris.

“It’s nice to know you haven’t changed,” I said while scratching the back of my head, “but what are you doing here?”

“I wanted to be here.” she answered.

“Seriously, why are you even in this country?” I asked.

“I’m here because I’ve been watching all of you, because I felt like it.” answered Mikaela.

“How long exactly have you been watching us?” asked Iris.

“Like, your past several adventures.” replied Mikaela.

“And you suddenly come out now!? I exclaimed, “Wait. Don't tell me YOU'RE Cerise's apprentice.”

“Then I won't.” she said.

“So does that mean you are?” asked Iris.

“It could.” said Mikaela.

“I could care less about your history together.” said Matthias.

“I could care less for your face!” I exclaimed.

“Witness, testify.” suggested Matthias.

“No.” answered Mikaela.

“Grrrr.” muttered Matthias.

“So uh, you didn’t commit the murder, did you?” I asked.

“Which one?” asked Mikaela.

“Oh, god.” I responded.

“You seem to have… um… interesting friends.” commented Iris.

“The one in the storage room!” I exclaimed.

“Mike did it.” answered Mikaela.

“Who the heck is Mike!?” exclaimed Matthias.

“Could you um, testify about the murder…?” I asked.

“I don’t want to…” answered Mikaela.

“How about now?” asked Iris.

“Nope.” responded Mikaela.

After that, we heard the judge’s gavel again.

“The witness will testify or step down.” said the judge.

“Fine.” responded Mikaela, “Mike did it. There isn’t anyone else that could have done it!”

“OBJECTION!” exclaimed Matthias, “Who. Is. Mike.”

“Um, can you take this seriously for a bit?” I requested.

“Well, I had been watching everyone involved in those quests for the past few years, remaining hidden. I ended up keeping an eye on that one guy-” started Mikaela.

“HOLD IT!” I interrupted, “Can you be more specific?”

“Jason Chevalier.” she answered.

“Surely you’re not going to say he’s the murderer?” responded Matthias.

“Nope.” I said.

“Mike did it.” said Mikaela.

“Grrr!” exclaimed Matthias.

“So, I was watching him investigate stuff and saw stuff happen in the storage room.” continued Mikaela.

“Hold it!” I said, “And by stuff, you mean the murder?”

“It was Mike.” she said.

“Anyways, what did you see?” asked Iris.

“I saw a guard go in there and come out.” answered Mikaela.

“What do you think of this testimony, defense?” asked the judge.

“It’s very important,” I answered, “and it may lead us to the real killer’s identity!”

“You have an idea?” asked Iris.

“Oh yeah,” I said, “the real killer is… that guard who went into the room.”

“Wait a second!” exclaimed Matthias, “You HID this testimony from me!?”

“You didn’t ask.” responded Mikaela.

“Grrnk!” exclaimed Matthias.

“Mikaela,” I said, “tell us everyone you saw.”

“The guy who died went in, followed by Jon, who left, and then that guard went in.” answered Mikaela.

“Wait. You can’t mean-!?” exclaimed Matthias, “HIM!?

“…Who?” I muttered.

“Let’s get this cleared up at once.” said Matthias, “Get us that guard Victor Engarde.”

After a few minutes, Charles was at the stand.

“Y-you!” exclaimed Matthias.

“We have other things to worry about right now.” responded Charles.

“What was that about?” whispered Iris.

“He’s dead.” said Charles.

“W-whaaaat!?” I exclaimed.

“That’s not even the worst part of it.” he said.

“Crap, I don’t like where this is going.” I said.

“I looked into the séance earlier and it’s looking like YOU did it, defense.”

“Wait, what?” I said, eyes wide open, “I don’t remember anything like that!”

“So… your true colors have been revealed!” exclaimed Matthias, “Not satisfied with seven hundred seventy seven years, are you?”

“I never did anything!” I exclaimed.

“The séance doesn’t lie.” said Matthias.

“You’re an asshole!” I exclaimed.

“Ron, calm down!” said Iris.

“Why do things always go wrong like this!? Why does this shit keep happening to me!?” I said, ignoring Iris.

I could hear the voices of everyone in the gallery, talking about me. It sounded really bad too. I got myself into another mess and it had become harder and harder to breathe.

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