1.0
Oof, this one's not gonna be a happy one, that’s for sure. It’ll be a long one too. The day started relatively normally, but alas, such things don’t tend to last long. Nice things especially didn’t last long that day. Because the day was the day of awakenings, and I’m in the mood for a more dramatic fare than usual.
The whole clan was coming, which I thought was a horrible idea in both hindsight and foresight. Hadn’t they ever heard that you shouldn't put all your eggs in one basket? Regardless of my safety concerns, everyone except Shira loaded up into their respective vehicles. Shira wasn’t coming, there was no way I’d let anyone risk my daughter’s life just for some shitty sentimental value.
Then we all sped off to one of The Spacing Guild’s local buildings. Again, ‘The’ is part of the name so it needs to be capitalized. Fucking shitty name if you ask me.
We arrived, more than a few hours later, with all the fanfare that could be expected of a backwater clan with less than a hundred people. That is to say, we contributed our part in clogging up the air traffic and stole half the parking lot for ourselves. There were many curses thrown at us from the disgruntled passerby.
Then us children were led by numerous overexcited parents to a cramped lobby to wait for our deaths. Because that’s exactly what would happen to at least a few of us. Sure, the awakening can give us the superpowers of our dreams. But it also could turn us into living meat paste, incapable of dying no matter how much you wish for it.
Finally, after another 15 minutes of unnecessary waiting, we were led to the experiment room. This is where we would undergo the awakening, in all its horrifying glory. It was a big room, with strange devices scattered about randomly. The far half of the room was separated with a glass divider, much to our confusion.
The people that led us here instructed us to sit in the chairs and wait for something, then they forced all our parents out of the room. Five minutes of agonizing proximity to all these less than intelligent children was about all I could take, but thankfully that’s all I needed to endure. A conga line of smartly dressed scientists and doctors - presumably anyway - entered the room and took positions at seemingly random stations around the room.
They pushed some buttons, turned some knobs, looked at screens, flicked a couple of switches, typed stuff into keyboards, and just all-around did mysterious shit I couldn’t understand. A mouthful, but it describes my confusion well. Some strange sounds began to fill the room, mostly humming and beeps, but also a radio in the corner.
A kindly woman ostensibly assigned to manage us stepped forward and called a name, “Yallun, please follow me. You’ll be first.”
To this, a squirrely little cousin of mine stood and bubbled along behind her as she led him into the sealed-off area. Apparently, a small section of glass near the side was somehow a door. I couldn’t hear what was being said, but it seemed like he was being given some kind of encouragement as he sat on the table. After he got comfortable and he was suitably restrained, the table tilted toward us. The woman clicked some buttons off the side and retreated to our side of the glass barrier.
Then she went around and clicked in the harnesses attached to the chairs we were in, restraining us also. Once a few had to be clicked in the rest of us saved ourselves the embarrassment and did it without the help.
One of the guys working on a random console spoke up into the room, “Engaging test zero-one on subject one. Category: pain induction.” Then everything went to shit. That’s also when the screaming started. Everything was fine for three-fourths of a minute, just heart-wrenching screaming and a few sympathetic sobs.
Then the same consol guy spoke up again, “Awakening failure, engaging test zero-two on subject one. Category: vacuum.” And that’s when I realized how fucked we were.
Defying my expectations, however, poor Yallan didn’t explode like a balloon. All that happened was his screaming got quieter and quieter until we couldn’t hear him anymore. He was still moving though, squirming and shivering like crazy. He definitely didn’t look all that healthy, but he was still alive somehow.
Then the guy I was starting to hate said, “Awakening confirmed. Data gathering successful, ending test.” And just like that, it was over. For poor Yallan at least. There was a rush of air and the woman from earlier swapped him for someone else. He was just left in a seat near the sides to shiver all by himself, no comfort or care provided whatsoever.
The awakenings continued in this manner for a while. Our tormentors would try out various ways to get someone to awaken while we tried not to pass out from emotional trauma. That first trial turned out to be more of an exception than a rule, most of the children didn’t awaken, sometimes to their deaths. I would argue the ones that survived were worse off. Even among the awakened, not all of them managed to survive their torture.
Almost everyone’s appearance changed at least slightly. The mutagen couldn’t just force you to stay alive, it needed to change your body until the threat was incapable of killing you. In most cases, this meant you’d just become resistant to whatever torture we were being put through. Sometimes though, like when they released a pack of starving wolves on a girl named Hina, well she doesn't even look human anymore.
Our bodies aren’t the only things changed. People often forget, but our minds are also a part of our bodies. Our memories, our personality, everything that makes us who we are, the mutagen can change it just as well as it can change our physical form. Many turned feral and attacked everyone that came near. Those were put down with all the mercy of a blender with the safety features removed.
A couple lost their bodies entirely, becoming strange ethereal beings incapable of being physically harmed. One, a little boy named Tuka, became some kinda sentient computer virus. Another, a freakishly tall young man that somehow still qualified as a kid - his name was Galu - became what I can only call a spirit. Mostly for lack of a better word.
Galu actually interested me quite a bit, since he was quite unlike the connotations the word spirit would imply. He was not some kind of transparent floating spectre that could pass through walls. He was more like the collective entity I call ‘the males’, the one made up of all the males of Shira’s species. He commandeered a small portion of everyone nearby's mind, using that to house his mind. The biggest difference was he was still an individual and was incapable of accessing our thoughts to any large degree without permission. I for one gave him free rein to do as he wished.
It was around then I figured out why we were restrained as well as the person on the other side of the glass. Apparently, it’s possible to awaken from watching someone else awaken. In fact, that’s how my own awakening turned out. It happened when it was sister Neo’s turn. I think I lost it. My sanity, that is.
It all started out relatively tame, but it was starting to seem like Neo was just incapable of awakening. No matter how much they made her hurt, no matter how many organs they removed, no matter what kind of environmental pressure they subjected her to, it wasn’t enough. I couldn’t take it, watching her suffer like this. I hated being helpless, to neither be able to stop it nor alleviate the pain.
I bucked and squirmed, but was ultimately unable to escape my restraints. I screamed and begged for them to stop, but they didn’t. The torture continued, unabated. The bastards knew I’m certain of it, they knew exactly what was happening to me. But they didn’t care.
The room was sealed off from everything I knew of, only what the researchers wanted to get out could get out. That only included sound and sight. It was one way too, we could hear and see Neo being tortured to death. Meanwhile, she couldn’t hear my pleas for it to stop, couldn’t hear any support I tried to give. I couldn’t take away any of her pain, couldn’t protect her, couldn’t save her.
I tried desperately to connect with her, through the quasi-telepathy of Shira’s species. It failed, of course. The torture chamber was sealed from radio waves. I’d tried everything I could think of but was helpless. I lapsed into uncontrollable sobs punctuated with brief periods of hysteria.
The others tried to comfort me, a few tried to get me to shut up, while some tried to aid my efforts. I was inconsolable, completely incapable of controlling my emotions whatsoever. I don’t know how long passed, the intense emotions and the overwhelming stress had done something foul to my memories. Eventually, one of the awakened had an idea that proved to be my salvation.
Galu figured that he could be a bridge that connected me to my sister since it seemed like his power wasn’t restricted by physical obstructions. The researchers couldn’t stop him. We had no idea what we were doing, and I wasn’t in a sound mental state. The others mostly just wanted me to stop screaming. They didn’t even realize I was undergoing an awakening.
Galu deepened our connection, taking more of my brain for himself. I freely gave him access to my memories, thoughts, skills, and emotions. He did the same. It was almost exactly like when I merged with Shira, probably because we were basing our expectations off of that experience.
When we connected to Neo, the mutagen in me flared up. I assume so at least. My body burned hot as it consumed resources to do whatever it was doing. I noticeably felt my body get smaller as my mass was converted into energy. The pain was stupendous, but nothing compared to what Neo felt.
Her eyes had been gouged out, her nose bashed in. Her ears, tongue, arms, and legs had all been sawed off. Her chest had been sliced down the middle and pried apart, to better let the machines remove her internal organs. Her body was a shell of what it used to be, it was a miracle she was even alive. She wouldn’t be for long.
We didn’t just watch her die, we felt it. It was like I was the one that was dying, not simply watching someone else. We felt it as her heart gave a final ‘thump’, then fell silent. We felt it as her lungs gave out. We felt it as her thoughts slowed from lack of blood flow. We weren't merely watching, we were dying too, even if our bodies weren’t.
The pain was unbearable and prevented any of us from thinking. No matter how much I desired it, we couldn’t come up with a solution. We gave in, we couldn’t stop it. She couldn’t be saved. We would simply have to accept that, regardless of my emotions.
My people are called the ‘Native Nomads’ by the common folk around here, as ridiculous as that sounds. We have a peculiar culture and set of beliefs, often seen as strange by the unfamiliar. One of our beliefs on death is that a person dies twice; once when the body dies and once when they are forgotten.
When someone is about to die, we often try to find out as much about that person as possible and to spread that information. People that do this professionally are called Speakers for the Dead and are considered a kind of priest in our culture.
Although my clan no longer wanders like our ancestors, we still practice the rituals and learn of our history. My point is, my sister deserved to have her last rites, and I was trained to perform them, though never in this medium.
I entered the trance of the ritual of last rites; my thoughts cleared, my resolve hardened, my emotions were suppressed, and the questions began. As it was Galu stayed off to the side, quietly reeling from everything he was experiencing.
Then mutagen joined the ritual with all the finesse of a party crasher, strengthening the link and binding the three of us together as tightly as a person was to their body. There would be no separating us now, poor Galu was to be forever tied to me if the mutagen had any say in it.
I paid it no heed, focusing the entirety of my attention on dragging out Neo’s memories. It took a few minutes at most, but we didn’t even have that much time left. I would not be able to record her entire life in my own memories, not by a limitation of my own abilities, but by time. I focused on her personality, as that was the bare minimum to recreate her in my mind.
If I could use my absurd memory to my advantage, to remember her in such detail that it was as if she were still there, it wouldn’t even be a cultural ritual anymore. She’d truly only die if I forgot her.
When at last her brain gave out due to lack of oxygen, the pain of her loss was immense. My mutagen had truly bound us tight. Neither Galu nor I could withstand it, and I slumped over in my seat, unconscious. Presumably, Galu did the metaphorical version of the same.
